February 06, 2007

• All lined up in a wedding group 'Ere we are for a photograph We're all dressed up in a morning suit All trying hard not to laugh Since the early caveman in his fur Took a trip to Gretna Green There's always been a photographer To record the 'appy scene..... 'Old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture What a picture, what a photograph Poor old soul, blimey, what a joke Hat blown off in a cloud of smoke Clap 'ands, stamp yer feet Bangin' on the big bass drum What a picture, what a picture Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum Stick it in your fam'ly album The same thing 'appened long ago When man was in his prime And what went on we only know From the snaps he took at the time When Adam and Eve in their birthday suit Decided to get wed As Adam was about to taste the fruit The man with the cam'ra said..... 'Old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture What a picture, what a photograph Poor old Eve, there with nothing on Face all red and 'er fig leaf gone Clap 'ands, stamp yer feet Bangin' on the big bass drum, W-e-e-a-ay! What a picture, what a picture Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum Stick it in your fam'ly album You've read it in a folio Or seen it in a Shakespeare play How Juliet fell for Romeo In the merry month of May And as 'e climbed the orchard wall To reach 'is lady fair As he tumbled, she began to bawl As he floated through the air..... 'Old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture What a picture, what a photograph Poor young chap, what a night 'e spent Tights all torn and 'is rapier bent Clap 'ands, stamp yer feet Bangin' on the big bass drum, W-e-e-a-ay! What a picture, what apicture Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum Stick it in your fam'ly album King 'Enry the Eighth had several wives Including Anne Boleyn And he kept an album of their lives With all their photos in As Anne Boleyn was on her knees Dressed in her very best frock King 'Enry shouted, "Smile, Dear, please" As 'er 'ead rolled off the block..... 'Old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture What a picture, what a photograph Comes the print in a little while Lost 'er 'ead, but she kept 'er smile Clap 'ands, stamp yer feet, Ye-e-a-y! Bangin' on the big bass drum What a picture, what a picture Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum Stick it in your fam'ly album When Napoleon married Josephine There was just the same to-do He galloped home from the battle scene All the way from Waterloo And as he came from orf 'is 'orse To the boudoir where she sat She said to 'im, in French of course As he took of his big cocked 'at 'Old it, flash, bang, wallop, what a picture What a picture, what a photograph There she was, with a big Hussar All caught up in 'er oh-la-la Clap 'ands, stamp yer feet, Ye-e-a-y! Bangin' on the big bass drum What a picture, what a picture Um-tiddly-um-pum-um-pum-pum Stick it in your fam'ly album Stick it in your fam'ly Stick it in your fam'ly In your fam'ly album!
• Wonderful! Never heard that before. Am off to find Flash Bang Wallop.
• Aren't they kind of worried that the prospect of having a picture taken will encourage flashers? They only have to cover their faces to remain undetected, unless the local police has a dick database or something. Little disposable tasers, now that would wipe the smile off their faces...
• Where is kit, anyway?
• Liverpool.
• Way to not get the joke, koko. Pfft!
• Thanks!
• Cameras AND tasers! Aim the flash, they cover their eyes. THEN you get the money shot.