January 12, 2007

• Okay, that first picture is, like, totally hot. Or something. And from the article: MonkeyFilter: There was a lot of farting going on
• And no dishes to wash! Where do I sign up?
• Vegetables and fruit are healthy and keep your weight and cholersterol down? Well, duh? The first reader comment says it all: Yes you can eat well on a plant only diet - it's called being vegan. And the food does not have to be dull. Rebecca, Brighton
• And, pete, you've got a dirty banana. I mean, you ought to have your full, luscious lips washed with soap... oh sheez.
• I thought beer and pizza was the diet of choice for monkeys.
• vegetarian beer, yes.
• ...with fig and strawberry pizza.
• "The diet: 5kgs or 2,300 calories of fruit, vegetables, nuts and honey On a 3-day rota, typically: Broccoli, carrots, radishes Cabbage, tomatoes, watercress Strawberries, apricots, bananas Mangoes, melons, figs, plums Satsumas, hazelnuts." The diet is yummy ('cept for radishes). But i understand why some couldn't finish it. It's 5 frickin' kilos a day. That's 11 lbs of food.
• Much of that weight is from water, though, which would dissipate rather more quickly than that of a heap of pork, say, sitting in one's gut. Click here to investigate the effect of moisture content and screw speed on the physical chemical properties of an extruded crab-based snack.
• *checks in mirror to see if she has long buck teeth--decides to stick with hay diet
• *nervously* Gee, granma, what big teeth you have.
• Judicious placement of dishes of vinegar throughout one's hive can assist in negating the olfactory consequences of unbridled vegetarianism. From beeswacky's Hive Been There, Hive Done That! or, The Sour Notes of a Maddened Beekeeper [final title yet to bee selected]
• *camps out at local Bees & Noble, awaiting release date and gala book signing.* *washes knickers in vinegar*
• Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.
• That was such a nice article that I'll précis its conclusion, for monkeys too lazy to read it: 1. Eat food, not foodlike products. 2. Avoid even those products marketed with health claims. 3. If you must eat products, eat those with the fewest, simplest ingredients. 4. Shop outside the supermarket if possible. 5. Pay more, eat less. 6. Eat mostly plants, mostly leaves. 7. Eat more like [pick a traditional food culture]. 8. Cook it yourself. Gardening even better. 9. Eat like an omnivore. And now, the obligatory GYOBFW portion of this comment: I made bouillebaisse, bread, and a green salad for dinner guests last night. Two of our guests don't drink alcohol, which should have been no trouble -- I'm on the wagon for a while, too, and was welcoming a chance to make nondrinkers more comfortable in my house -- except that my overly hospitable wife bought them their favorite soda pop, and, ugh, served it with dinner. Also, one of the guests at the last minute informed me that he didn't eat any seafood that wasn't fried, so I ended up serving him take-out Chinese barbeque. So at my dinner table I see one plate piled high with red-glazed pork and nothing else (I offered to supplement the plate with sautéed broccoli, which he cheerfully declined) instead of a bowl of Provençal fish soup, and two glasses repeatedly filled with fluorescent green Mountain Dew. And I wonder why these folks have health problems.... Now I feel like I've poisoned friends at my table in the name of hospitality. So imagine my resigned amusement at reading the article's conclusions: I pretty much violated the gamut.
• well goetter, should I ever wind up at yr house for dinner, I'll happily dine on the lovely feast you worked to create. I can't imagine preferring take-out and soda to a delectible home cooked meal!
• What's wrong with non-fried seafood? Did he mean deep-fried? Ew. It seems just a tad impolite to announce "I don't eat that" when invited to a friend's house for a meal, unless there are strong moral or health reasons.
• He doesn't like fish that tastes, you know, like fish. Or any seafood that reminds one of the sea, so the mussels in my stew weren't suitable, either. Now in his defense, I didn't mean to imply that he announced "I don't eat that" upon seeing the dish; rather, we made the mistake of asking whether he ate fish, and once having asked, certainly couldn't serve him what I'd made. After all, fish soup is pretty darned fishy. One day and three loads of dishes later, I'm still in shock from seeing the bouillebaiasse/soda-pop combo at table. Yeah, I'm a snob.
• That meal sounds divine goetter! Gyah even sparkling mineral water would have been an acceptable substitute rather than pop. Although I have to admit all my friends are food snobs, so my view is probably a bit skewed...
• *cries a bit for the poor bouillebaisse*
• didn't eat any seafood that wasn't fried That's a paddlin'.
• The chunky monkeys who have been put on a diet after being overfed by tourists
• Goetter, I will cheerfully sit down at your table only if you promise NOT to serve me Mountain Dew! Your feast sounds wonderful, and you are a magnificent host to take all that in your stride while endeavoring to make your guests happy. (And next time, save your talents for those who can appreciate them, and meet the philistines in a Chinese restaurant, or something!)