January 11, 2007

• Hey, while you're there, you guys wanna take over the government? Mmmmthanks.
• Yeah, I'd appreciate that. Welcome back to the States, Pallas. Wish I was on that side of the country. Also, clever title
• I could probably drag myself out for something, as long as it's relatively close to a metro station and not on a thursday night (one evening a week I have a life).
• Well I'm a DC Monkey albeit a busy one with two kids but I love would rip back the veil of anonimity and expose myself before my fellow Monkeys. Er... something like that, anyway. Here's a suggestion: If anyone is free on friday night, I perform with the Capitol Steps, a political comedy troupe. If your Politics leans leftward and you like humour and can tolerate occassional silliness, then you might enjoy it. I can get at least four free tickets ($35 dollar value!) and possibly more if I know by tomorrow afternoon how many are interested. We could go across the street afterwards to a downtown watering hole and chat. The performance is 7:30-9:20 at the Reagan Building (...cough) 14th and Pennsylvania round the corner from the White House. Or not. I warn you, that due to being one of the older Monkeys I may dominate the discussion with over-long tales of my lumbago and worries over my prostate size. I also have kids and may force you to stare at an endless series of pictures and expecting you to half-heartedly mumble "she drools so adorably" etc.
• OMFG, I love the Capital Steps. I worship all my fellow Monkeyseses, but kamus just went uo a notch.
• Damn! Back in the heydey of Napster, I dowloaded all kinds of Capitol Steps songs....such fun! And we've a monkey as a member! Yay! in 2000, when McCain was trumping Bush in early primaries, to the tune of "Who'll Stop The Rain", they recorded: "He's a hero, you're a zero, who'll stop McCain?" Brilliant.
• *swells with pride*
• I'm having dinner down in virginia at 6 that day, so I might be a little late, but I should be able to get there. The only question now is, what *do* you do with a justice like scalia?
• That's SO COOL!! /adds kamus to the MoFi Crush List, along with the Captain and petebest I'm game for a MoFiDC meetup-- we could go to the Tai Shan restaurant down in Chinatown and get plasticated on their signature Tai Shan cocktail. While wearing panda masks. And eating bamboo. Yeah...
• kamus! What a lovely idea! Friday evening's good with me. How 'bout you, Speedy? If LordCrank can make it, this sounds like the makings of a Plan. Weezel me old matey! ...But you're on the cool side of the country, no?
• Well we've tentatively got four so far pending speedlime's conformation, I'll double check on the tickets at 2PM thursday and unless they are unexpectedly sold-out, it shouldn't be a problem. I may be able to wangle one or two more though I can't guarantee it. I'll keep checking here and I'll report back.
• I am officially absolutely fucking jealous. And what does a guy have to do to get on someone's list these days??!! Buy me panda stuff please.
• confirmation- ugg
• *seethes* *reminds kit that he has a list with just kit's name on it*
• *walks on air*
• speedlime, by chance are you related to quicklime? Ok, I'm an eastcoast monkey, but will not be able to make DC this weekend (as much as I would love to). Wow kamus, that's definitely cool... Pictures!! Pictures!!
• kit, I AM gonna buy your panda stuff :) And no, I'm no relation to quicklime. In fact, I hadn't even thought of that before-- go smt with the interesting reference! My handle comes from an old friend of mine who misread a speed limit sign while we were out driving one day; she turned to me and asked, "What's a speed lime?" ...ummm, but all this is by way of saying, DANG, I can't make the performance, but I can definitely join you all later on for hobnobbin' Can I bring a non-Monkey friend, or is this simians-only?
• Well I checked and I can get five tickets but so far only Pallas and LordCrank have expressed an interest. I'm keeping the option open till 2pm as I said before. I'll leave the choice of post-performance gathering places to others more qualified. Speaking for myself, I have no objection to non-simians, in fact I wanted to bring Mrs. Kamus down but our babysitter situation precludes that. Of course any non-monkey will be subjected to the most stringent of initiation rites- I suggest that they be paddled while eating a banana and invoking the sacred Monkeybashi's name three times.
• Ya'll are going to be exposed to kamus. Lucky you!
• /readies banana, paddle This is a princely gesture of yours, kamus! I am seriously looking forward to the performance.
• /boils with inner jealous rage /smiles /sniffles Have fun.
• Ya'll are going to be exposed to kamus. Lucky you! Well maybe not- all participants will have to swear an oath and forced to post bond in order to protect my secret identity, Also any pictures of the event will have to include those little black strips over my eyes.
• I am going to be in DC tomorrow and Saturday. I am going to see Eddie From Ohio at the Birchmere at 7:30. Then I shall spend the night in some small hotel my wife booked. I will be leaving town Saturday evening. I will be glad to join in the festivities if I can.
• Wooo! Bernockle! Welcome to DC. Yes, definitely, come join the fun! Hope Kamus can get you a ticket-- I've texted him.
• (But if he can't, definitely definitely come along afterwards.)
• (Oh, you're going to see Eddie from Ohio. My bad. Well, we can all hang out post-show!)
• OK the deadline has passed. Two tickets will available at the box office under the name "Kamus". LordCrank, since you are getting there a bit later, you might want to coordinate with Pallas. As far as afterwards, I'll let others sort that out, though there is any number of suitable establishments such as the perennial Old Ebbit Grill up the street. But I'm open to all suggestions.
• I can probably still get a ticket for Bernockle but it sounds like he(?) already has plans- let me know if you change your mind.
• Yet another thread in which Bernockle's manliness is questioned. Poor little fella. Will it ever cease?
• Sorry, I'm still guessing genders incorrectly even after having been hanging around here for a while- I was just hedging my bets. I'm not at all suggesting that any of Bernockle's comments made him seem gay or womanly anything like that. No, not really that much.
• Not that there's anything wrong with that...
• I mean, some of my best friends...
• Do tell me where this shall be tomorrow evening, and I shall make my best effort to be there. Mrs. Bernockle actually sounded interested in the whole idea. And, for the record, I am a man. I am not gay, though I would prefer to be.
• I'm not that familiar with the hangouts in that immediate vicinity, but why don't we troop along to the Old Ebbitt Grill after the show? If it turns out to be a zoo, Café Mozart a few blocks away looks like another possibility. So, Bernockle, Speedy: Old Ebbitt Grill, 9.45-10ish? What say?
• MonkeyFilter: I am not gay, though I would prefer to be.
• A speed lime is what the ops chuck at your windshield to get you to slow down. I shall expect a particularly creative shoutout, knowing that several of our most artistic Monkeys will be there.
• That sounds good to me, but I am not sure that my concert will be over by then. Is it poor etiquette to ask them to stop the concert if they are not done before it's time for the MoFi meetup?
• I'm sure the MoFi meetup will be going on for a while :) Join us when you can!
• Have an amazing time guys! *waits patiently for shoutout of epic proportions*
• *pleasantly relieved that speedlime is not in the body disposal business* This looks to be a grand meetup. Think of us all while you frolic the night away...
• Watchout the gub'ment don't get they hainds in yer britches!! *spits, distrusts*
• /gets out ubmrella Yes, shoutouts please! Preferably political cartoon shoutouts.
• If we end up in an establishment with wi-fi we can live-blog the event. Sample transcript: Kamus- so how's everybody's drink? monkeys- (awkward silence) kamus- how about that crazy Quidnunc Kid? Is he nuts or what? monkeys (vague mutterings of assent- Bernockle checks watch) kamus- Tracy's pretty cool huh? speedlime- uh yeah, you know, I just remembered I have a few things to rinse out... kamus- you know, I'm a bit worried about my prostate monkeys- (nervously eye each other and secretly text-message the location of another bar to rendevouz at later to each other) Pallas- y'know, kamus-it's getting a bit late... kamus- wait, I've got 6000 pictures of my kids in iPhoto... monkeys-(start putting on hats and coats) LordCrank-uh kamus, thanks, man (insincerely now) we'll have to do this again real soon!- (looks around and sees other monkeys have already left) (shouting out the door) Hey, wait up guys! kamus- for sure, LordCrank! (looks in wallet and realizes he doesn't have enough to cover tab-groans -speeds into the night ahead of law enforcement officials) and so on.
• Wow, it's just like being there.
• hehe kamus Quid's just playing coy. That shaggy-haired suavester down by the end of the bar with the shades on? It's him. Shhhh. He's on a mission. Also, please phrase all shoutouts to me in the form of a question, and using the honorific "very reverend". Also if you could have the taxpayers foot the bill, repeal the electoral college system and impeach ShrubCo. while you're at it, it'd be swellsville, man.
• And for the love of the baby Jebus, somebody bring a goddamn camera. Yes, I'm looking at you, Cap'n.
• Political cartoon shoutoutz comin' your way! We will also photograph all awkward silences, in the interest of making them more awkward.
• Again with the camera. When will you people understand -- roryk is just too handsome a sumbitch for a camera to capture... Sheesh.
• How are we going to manage political cartoon shoutouts? I know! Everybody do your best Edward Bruce Tinsley mug-shot impersonation for the camera!
• I am lying in a cheetah robe in my hotel a scant twelve blocks from the meetup. I can sense the fun from here, but I can't seem to get there.
• Well, despite the tragic shortage of bernockles, we managed to have a fine time. Kamus' pianistic stylings at the show were first-rate, and he is (for those who didn't know this already) a wonderfully fabulous guy. Later we retired to the Old Ebbitt Grill for OBSCENELY HUGE DESSERTS and shoutouts. LordCrank is a dashing enigma with an immaculate coiffure, Speedy was radiant with glowing rubber dinosaurs, and a generally splendid time was had by all. Our lives would truly have been complete if we'd had a bernockle. But we did you a shoutout, with an owl and everything! DC Monkeys are few, but we are mighty. Oh yes.
• 
• All right, kiddies, you want artistic shoutouts? We got your artistic shoutouts right here! I apologize in advance for the utterly pants quality of my photography-- I couldn't figure out how to keep the flash from washing everything out, so I took most of them without it. And of course, it all came out blurry. Meh!
• You wacky kids.
• ...and lo, the spirit of the Great Monkey settled over the assembled multitude and much contentment grew over the land except that the crowd grew restless and shouted aloud saying "wherefore art thou Bernockle?" and a pox fell and much weeping afflicted all ,
• Ah - sweet sweet shoutouts...
• nice job on the shoutouts and on organizing a meetup so fast.
• *beams at the finest shoutout ever*
• *blushes at the finest shoutout ever* Awws, looks that you all had a grand 'ol time. Tis a shame that the duke of owl semen was not present; alas, it keeps his aura of mystique alive and well moisturized... DC Monkeys are few, but we are mighty. Oh yes. I'll second that for the NYC Monkeys (and yes, it has been some time since the last meetup there... Unless,they secretly met without me.).
• Splendid job with the beetroot! And howdja know I'm a sucker for the T??
• Ooh, calligraphy. *blinks sleepily*
• Speedlime's artistic talent is prodigious. Behold her zords!
• They are aces.
• Oooooh!! Vera nice...
• Why thank you! Now I'm blushing, too. EVERYONE'S a sucker for the T! *grin*
• Nice shoutouts. I especially liked the dinosaur about to eat kitfisto. That happens to him more often than you'd think.
• Kamus, just mentioned to Mrs. TheDog that a monkey pal was the piano player for the Capitol Steps, and she (a DC native) was beset with a spell of the vapours, and fell to her fainting couch.
• But Koko, where were the love crayons?
• Oh, the superawesomonkeytudinousness!
• Oooo! I got my own theme! You guys rock! Most artistic shoutouts ever!
• RTD, if your wife's heart can stand it, tell her there are free tickets with her name on it the next time she is in the DC area. From what you've told me of her behaviour thus far, I can't be legally liable for any emergency that may result from you sharing this information with Mrs. TheDog without adequate medical precautions and an evacuation contingency plan. I'm sure you understand.
• Yep, the shoutouts were first rate but most of the credit is due to speedlime and pallas. LordCrank and I were reduced to looking on in awe except for a few weak pathetic attempts of our own. And yes, LordCrank is an enigma wrapped in a mystery boxed in a riddle. Although a seemingly benevolent presence, it was clear that one should not goad him into being LordCranky for any reason for he possesses ancient and arcane knowledge of the computer arts and has the power, for instance, to possibly make your toilet back up were it one of those new fangled digital models. Fortunately we managed to stay in his good graces and all was happily congenial.
• I'm quite envious, you all seem* such lovely and intelligent folks! Glad to head you had a good time! Plus, the underpants and bernockle shoutouts are genius. *or "are", in the case of Pallas
• where were the love crayons? I ask myself that question all the time.
• Yes, all praise to kamus for his inspired idea of putting a, errrm, seaman's hat on the owl!
• I'd just like to thank the little people who helped me get here and for the shoulders of the giants that I stood upon. /modesty
• Wasn't that a jab from Newton to Hooke? *cue Randy Newman*
• Hey, thanks - nice shoutout! I am not worthy.
• /winks at quid /throws nunia a left Hooke /wonders where one can get a digital toilet
• If it must be any Hooke, I prefer the one on the left. Yes.
• Google installs digital toilets For around $1400, you can have your own.
• There's a special massage feature. .
• *boggles*
• Downside: break time at the Googleplex now averages one hour 45 minutes.
• There's a special massage feature. These aren't in manuctured in the Fenlands by any chance?
• or even manufactured in the Fenlands perhaps? How many times do I have to say to myself "I don't need no stinkin' preview button for this comment" only to immediately realize that I indeed do?
• kamus, there IS no preview button...
• Thanks RTD, I'm vindicated!!!
• My server was down so I couldn't say this before now but thanks for the deadly shoutout, monkeys! DC Monkeys rule OK.
• On behalf of myself, and the vast majority of petebestseses worldwide (and Canada) we would like to express our sincere thanks and gratitude for what His Fuzzness would undoubtedly appreciates as the Best Shoutout of 2007! w00t! /popsicle_bucket
• well apparently I am not worthy of a shoutout /prepares to commit suicide in a spectacular and body-count inducing manner :P
• NO, Medusa! Ours were MAGIC BULLETS OF MIND SHOUTOUTS, and therefore invisible to these mortals with their fancy doodling food and dinosaur shoutouts. And they are therefore 16.5553 million times more special. At least, that's what I tell myself as I lie awake weeping softly.
• *taps Lara on the shoulder* Sorry, is this the line for "I didn't get a shout-out?" *fills out paperwork*
• Don't be tappin' no Lara shoulder, Rock Mama, Lady L got a fine shoutout, like all of the cool kids. Your day will come. Now, repair my windshield.
• Please. I got the greatest of all shout-outs from MissusTool, and all on my very own piece of paper. So bite me, filthy dog boy. *repairs windshield*
• Get a kennel, you two.
• Shoutout to RalphTheDog
• But....I'm NAKED!
• nunia, they left your shoutout on the port-a-potty outside the Whitehouse on 15th Street. Now, send Ralph to fetch it...
• Naw. I'm cool. I'm cool. I got my own shout-out right here that I made myself out of discarded teddy bears and unloved puppies. It's small, but it's mine all mine.
• My mom gave me a shoutout today so I feel better.
• Hey, we actually had an extensive list of monkeys for shoutouts and when it looked like we didn't have time to produce beautifully rendered artisic shoutouts for everyone we put them on a list and took a photo of it- sadly the picture seems not to have developed properly along with my brilliant Kitfisto shoutout (a fist with whiskers) and I also believe that a primo Koko shoutout did not survive the photo shoot either. So if you were not in speedlime's gallery, you most assuredly made it to the auxilliary emergency backup spillover shoutout list and there you would have been deservedly and lovingly enshrined if not for the cruel misfortune of lighting/flash failure on speedlime's camera. So take heart poor, desperate, pre-suicidal monkeys, you are deeply loved and were not forgotten at all.
• What Kamus said. Engraved upon my icy heart is a shoutout to Medusa.
• Pictures!
• I'll get the rib spreaders ...