December 19, 2006
Schizoaffective disorder sufferer speaks.
“You’re such a fool, a loser, idiot! They know your every move.” The voices I hear are abusive and critical. They can also be bizarre: “We are stoplights”, “You’re just cheap chocolate”, “Crazy lazy point-blank bicycle”... I once sewed nine buttons on to my sleeve because someone said “nine or so” in conversation. It seemed terribly important to do so. It is not uncommon for people with schizophrenia like me to make up new words. More about the diagnosis. [Via]
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Schizophrenia may not directly cause one’s death but it does take one’s life. Nice to see that the writer is provided with such an outlet. Clear and well-said, a fine read of beauty, I might say.
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Note to self: You’re such a fool, a loser, idiot! They know your every move! *flees*
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Life is hard enough without hearing voices... damn.
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Interesting. My mother was diagnosed with this. The author's experiences are more severe than my mother's, but I can certainly recognize some similarites. My mother did rain dances in the front yard. She thought she was blind for a couple of weeks and lived in the basement. She thought I had headlice and tried to remove them with a very sharp knife. The examples go on and on. There would be periods of time that were better or worse than others. My sister got her PhD in psychology. She pushed very hard for my mother to get some help. When I was 22, she finally did. I am not sure what she takes, but she has been functioning very well since then. It was like getting a new mom. She was still kooky, but charming kooky. Not scary crazy. Good link.
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There are some really great articles out there on the internet about how it is to be schizophrenic. I'm sure those of us that haven't suffered from schizophrenia still cannot fully understand how it is, but reading stories like this have changed my perceptions of schizophrenic people. In other words, nice link, HW.
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My dad is a medical technologist who was involved with clinical trials of clozapine. It was interesting that ten years later, I'd be dispensing it to a man stricken with schizoaffective disorder. He had just gotten on it when I started working with him, and I watched over time is it took effect. It was a life-changing experience for him, since he was in his thirties and had suffered decades of visual and auditory hallucinations. They all went away. He talked about it a lot, commenting how "they" were gone, and he had "clear eyes, clear ears." He was still developmentally disabled and still not quite right in the head, but it was wild watching his life change like that.
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mullingitover: Glad you decided to make some monkey sounds here. Nice story.
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Wow. What a story.
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How I tamed the voices in my head
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Almost a year has passed since my article on my life with schizoaffective disorder was printed in times2. Roughly speaking, the definition of schizoaffective disorder is schizophrenia combined with a mood disorder such as manic depression (bipolar disorder). The response to the article was staggering. I was encouraged to keep writing. The truth is that I cannot stop writing. This has led to a book (A Mind Taut with Pain) which is soon to be published by Chipmunka. The intention of the book is to help people to understand those with schizophrenia-spectrum disorders and also to give support to people who share my battle. When I am well, I continue to paint. I have a website set up now to display my work (www.loadedbrush.me.uk). Schizophrenia may be accompanied by an unusual and obsessive preoccupation with religious or spiritual matters. I read that Jesus said, with faith, one could make a hill throw itself into the sea. Later I see on the evening news that several hilltop houses have fallen into the sea as the cliffs beneath them have crumbled. “Seek and you shall find” – a person with schizophrenia often spends his whole life searching. Delusions grow like ivy.