December 19, 2006

• Apt. The comments were interesting in that it seems that netiquette was always down the tubes...
• First: consume a beer or two Creative juice to flow through you. Next, punch on the all-caps key: LISTEN, FOOLS AND JERKS, TO ME! Your next line, then, should shock and bite And give the blog-controller fright, Try some bizarre, outlandish thesis - "Combine us humans and the rhesus Monkeys, into a single race - Ape's body, with a human face!" Now that you've outlined this weird theorum Folks will complain - best not to hear 'em: Continue, with great force of words To drown within a sea absurd The tiny boat of "rational thought" They cling to (the sanctuary sought Will not resist your idiots' rain): Insult 'em. Then - do it again! What fun! And as they gash their jaws Say: "but - the error's wholly yours!" Now, your initial statement should Be shored up and supported: good Foundations, though, are best discovered With relevance and logic smothered By a thickly spray of turds! And, if your mouth can't find the words To do this - Why! Turn to that other Mouth (the one that your pants cover) And FART your argument at them! (Helps to turn all-caps on again). And then retire - your job in done! You've given them a treasure - some Will no doubt laugh it off, and yet Others will your comment vet And see the hidden truth therein! And then the love of all you'll win! Well - that's the theory. Give it a try. Works well for me! (less so, for Chy).
• Huzzah!
• Brava! Brava!
• HONK HONK!
• DERAIL!!!!!! *runs crying to bashi* I actually don't mind derails
• ))) for Quid. IN ALL CAPS.
• Typical quid derail - there's nothing left to say now that doesn't involve kissing the papal ring. I am outraged on kit's behalf, whether he likes it or not.
• Best.title.ever *puts flower in quid's gun barrel*
• BTW, kit, how's your dad?
• Just dandy, thanks.
• Bet he favours bow ties.
• Cry more, n00blarz
• To be fair, his monocle is his biggest affectation. The rest of the time it's all real ale and making kack-handed attempts to build his own PCs. When my mum learned of my desire for a tweed jacket and my intention to one day grow a big old Gauguin moustache, she simply rolled her eyes and said something about me being my father's son. He did want to christen me Zebedee, though...
• And instead, he gave you a name he thought of while shaving.
• A certain nuttiness runs in the family, eh? Kitfisto's mum, eh? Doesn't your heart just go out to that poor woman? She must have the patience of a saint, really she must.
• I dunno, "Zebedee Fisto" has a certain ring to it.
• Doodah works better.
• What is this rail you speak of?
• It's the third one. Just over there. Little further. Little further.
• Hi surlyboi!
• *prints quid's poem, keeps under pillow*
• *prints Underpants' comment, keeps in underpants*
• Best to make comments only after taking part in street brawl, or after being completed sated sexually. That's what the great ones do.
• Also, I love quid's poem, except that it's FUCKING STUPID. I'm sick of all these claims of some kind of link between homo sapiens (who are, after all, CIVILIZED) and, of all things, monkeys. PLANET OF THE APES WAS A SCI FI MOVIE, PEOPLE!!11!!
• *turns volume down on HWingo, goes back to surfing for guitar pr0n*
• I hear that on some community web logs, if you write a poem, you get banned for two weeks. GO BUSH!!! /bizarro mofi
• All boils down to #10 in the end: Be courteous. As long as that's there, much of the other stuff (comments that are only tangentially related to the main discussion, personal comments, inside jokes, etc.) is all good.
• I still don't understand why it matters whether I live in an apartment. How does that affect netiquette?
• Going down the tubes? When was it ever up? The trolls, the flamers, and the socially inept have been online since modems were invented.
• 31st!!!!!11!!1! ROFLCOPTER HEY WHAT THE HELL IS ME LOCKED ME CAPS AGIN>/???? Screw you Wingo. You are an ass. Have I shown you all my picture of my cat Petey? You can see him on my Flickr site. Plus, poo flinging. And owl semen. (There. Did I break all the rules yet, or did I miss any?)
• Where's the link to goatse? And the spambot script? And then you have to follow up with completely apologetic ignorance of the rules, and a vaguely insulting comment about the so-called "guidelines" in the guise of a compliment. Then you flame out. With class.
• Don't forget to hit the "Post new comment" button twice.
• Don't forget to hit the "Post new comment" button twice.
• And then appologise for it.
• And then correct your spelling: sorry, that should have been appologise. My bad.
• I'm a commenter at Lifehacker, though I haven't been reading the site too much lately. (I even earned my account by submitting tips!) There are a couple of problems there. One is that Gina, the editor, is great, and Adam is pretty good too, but Rick and Wendy, the newer editors, seem insufficiently clued-in on a regular basis, so people often slap them down in comments. This is particularly likely to happen when they post something that was already posted a year earlier. LH readers have no problem telling the editors that a post is lame and unhelpful, even though the comments kitfisto linked to here are all claiming that LH is so "civil." That just means "no incoherent rage." In a general sense, it seems like the readership at LH is largely middle-to-upper-middle-class men. I've seen a lot of really sexist and classist remarks there go unchallenged (except, er, by me). This has become less and less of a problem since comment accounts became more widely available, with the newer "leave a good comment and it'll turn into a comment account" system. The third issue is, of course, the "get a mac" trope. As applied to the larger internet - netiquette will be respected mostly to the degree that a site's owners and moderators insist that it's respected. Tolerate flame wars? You'll have them. Usenet was/is notoriously flamy because nobody is in charge; even communities that supposedly don't tolerate it sometimes have long, nasty arguments about whether or not they tolerate nasty arguments. The tendency of people to make rude anonymous comments is a major reason why a lot of blogs don't allow comments at all, or restrict them to a great extent. (The other reason is comment spam.)
• Psst! Yeah, you! Wanna increase the distance of your ejaculate by 167 percent?
• yes please
• You might wanna try taking it out of your pants first then.
• I just have to take this oppotunity to sing a seasonal favorite: The first O NOËS the admin did say Was to certain poor spammers and Daisy_May; But posts that they made, spewing their shit Were nothing like Chy's posts on Beethoven Day. (Refrain) O NOËS, NOËS, NOËS, NOËS, Banned is the king of internets! etc.
• Insert Chuck Norris joke here...
• the newer editors, seem insufficiently clued-in on a regular basis, so people often slap them down in comments. This is particularly likely to happen when they post something that was already posted a year earlier. This is why, when quid assumes control as Maximum Overbashi, the banninations will begin almost immediately. A few of the desert petebests will survive, but - for how long??
• Not very. Quidnunc MacKid and I are going to outlast all others on this site, and then go at it mano-a-mano. There can only be one, yada yada yada. No difficulty points for killing kit, but some satisfaction, I expect. *heats up broadsword to slay the Petebestial Hydra*
• As long as we're currying favor, I'd just like to say that quid and I go way back. We were practically inseparable, back before the Big Bang.
• *boobytraps account* *sits and waits*
• YES I SAID BOOBY.
• Booby!
• BOCK BOCK!!
• I don't curry favor, but I do flavor curry.
• I can take all of you muthers on a nice day out to Southport.
• hooray!
• Kitfisto old chumcha, have you by any chance seen that Chapman retro at Tate Liverpool?
• No - going after Chrimbo now probably. Read some reviews, and should be good. Looking forward to it. Plus I get in free. Eat my homage to Goya, losers!
• Graham? I didn't know he painted.
• linky Makes me almost wish I lived in Liverpool! Almost.
• Up here in the Fenlands, we don't put much stock in netiquette, however we do care about anal massage.
• No - going after Chrimbo now probably. Meetup?
• *weeps, curses lack of teleportation*
• Louis, why not hop on over to the Peg: I hear Rodan has taken over The WAG, and will be battling a homeless paint huffer in a Mothra suit. Should be spectacular. Let's show those Limey-Australiolios how a meetup is done!
• Well, if the goat-botherer himself is coming to town, it would be rude note to say hello and steal his wallet...
• Ah, your quaint traditional Liverpool greetings!
• Sorry, Koko. Westjet can't get me there for less than four hundred, and I just bought a house. And I have three, countem, THREE vacation days left to get me through to next July. I'll just have to find some local goats.