December 08, 2006

• Wow. I knew kids could be bitchy at that age - but signing a contract to ensure bitchiness? Damn.
• Is the note an example of cognitive dissonance?
• Ladies, ladies -- you never write this stuff down. That way, you can change them on whim, and turn on your friends in a vicious instant. That's what high school is all about. Unwritten rules, and perceived slights. We never had written rules at our high school. But we were a bunch of inbred illitirites.
• Yup, sounds about right, except I'd peg it more middle school behavior than high school.
• Damn, that's so much better that our FAQ. Now who wants to hug me? ps - NO talking to kitfisto.
• OMG -- it's Truth or Dare day! I like totally forgot! Who's first?
• I once, like, totally got it on with Brad when Marcy was sick but I actually heard that she hadn't gone to school because she went to Summer's house and they are, like, total lesbians or something but then Rachel told Mike and Summer was like totally bitching about me to Brad and he told her that he'd never seen two girls doing it and that's why Crystal flashed her breasts at him in Math and it was like SOOOO gross.
• Get OUT!!! You are SUCH a LIAR!!! SLUT.
• I, for one, have felt keenly the dearth of Mr. kid's eloquent discourse in recent weeks.
• "Yeh but, no but, what it was right, I never done nothin’ right but Tara Watson said I nicked her stereo right but I never nicked nuthin right and anyway it was only some s***** AKAI so she’s a slag and she just hates me cos she’s a lezzer and I told everyone about that time when she got fishy f******* by Kelly smith behind the Little Chef in Brixton and anyway don't listen to her coz everyone knows her f**** goes sideways."
• Anyone want my Tater Tots? Or should we just throw them at Rachael?
• I, for one, have felt keenly the dearth of Mr. kid's eloquent discourse in recent weeks. ¡Ah! You would! *giggle!* fish tick liiikes quidnunc!
• WHORE.
• Ok. So, like, Brenda called me last night? And she was all, "Will you ask Brad if he likes me?" And I was all, "Why don't you ask him yourself?" And she's all like, "Because I'm too nervous!" And so I totally didn't want to tell her that Brad would never like her in a million, bazillion years, because that would def hurt her feelings. So I'm all, "Brad's not good enough for you, sweetie. You need someone better." Also? I'm pretty sure he's into me, so I'm going to talk to him at lunch tomorrow.
• *draws uncomplimentary petebest caricature in bathroom stall, "appends" Louis stickfigure*
• HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA GOES UP IN FLAMES DURING WINTER DANCE Racheal Richards, 14, sole survivor, found covered in pig's blood
• Eskimo.
• OMG, Brenda is such a LUZER, like seriously. And you could like totally have Brad if you wanted, but I heard that Brad's dad was like running debit card fraud out of the Fifth Wheel, the one where they don't ask for ID to sell us smokes, and his dad was like totally scamming people, and sending the money to Al-Qaeda, because you know Brad has all that dark hair -- he's like totally Iraqi. My cousin, the one with the boat, he knew this guy who was in the Army, and he like saw Brad, and he totally freaked out with like flashbacks or something, because he was on this mission where they had to kill like this whole tribe or something because they wouldn't stop blowing up bridges and cars and stuff, and there were all these like charred bodies and now the guy can't even look at an Iraqi, and now he's like totally fucked up and shit. So you like totally could date Brad, but you'd look like such a skank, and anyway, the cops have like frozen all his dad's accounts, and now Brad has to get his braces reposessed. True story. I swear to GOD.
• OMG -- you guys -- I was just in the bathroom, and some luzer just drew this picture of me and pete -- OMG,, it was like the worst thing evar. It's gone now, but now I have all this black stuff on my hands from wiping it off, and it like totally won't come off, and now I look like one of those goth luzers in the art department. OMG!
• *waves blackened fingers* Lookit me, guys! I'm a goth! I can't wait to kill myself!
• Does MonkeyFilter have a myspace page?
• Hah! Capt. uses the GIRLS' room! Capt. uses the GIRLS' room! Girly-boy!!! Nice bootees.
• Shut UP you whore. I was bumming smokes off Brad.
• I heard Brad totally did it with Rocheal. So now he's, like, got AIDS or something.
• I know what you all should do, don't discuss the obvious incongruity of that particular mix of Christian nastiness exemplified by the note, instead why not focus on the criminal stupidity of having lawns in Arizona! Yey! Alternatively you could all just post meaningless comments that a 1985 TuringBot could respond to. OMG, they may be nice whore but they smell of edam! Mmmm EDAM. what fun. To be honest I was not always the most fun in the class. :@(
• Or, alternatively, we could all get snarky and bitch at each other for having fun role-playing instead of saying something totally deep and insightful about water tables or how 14-year-old Christians are hypocrites. That would TOTALLY ROCK.
• Christians? Where did you come up with that, randomaction? Oh, wait, by process of anal extraction, maybe.
• dmg--the notes says one of the rules is "Love Your Neighbor," despite the ruthless ostracizing of Rachael. I think that's where it comes from
• Shenanigans. Arizona high school girls can't write.
• I once met a black girl called Shenanigans. Wait... is that racist?
• hmm... change "black" to "Irish" if offended. And if the change offends you revert to the original. And if they both offend you... I dunno... geddalife?
• dmg s/b dmn, obv.
• I heard random keeps a hamster in his locker!
• I think the reason most of us aren't discussing the incongruity of the note is that most of us have so thoroughly experienced it at that age, either through our own actions or those of our peers, that it doesn't surprise us. Teenage girls are super-sugary-sweet to their own cliques but rabidly eclusive and nasty to outsiders? Been there, done that, got the "Kick Me" sign to prove it. These girls are so far from unusual it's a boring old stereotype.
• Yeah, TUM - I remember crying in 5th grade when I was demoted from best friend #1 to best friend #2. There were only 3 of us in the group. Racheal, honey, you can eat at my table anytime.
• I keep my fucking locker in my pants, the key is in Lara's' mouth, where our mother put it. You can not even imagine the scenario when I need access to my locker. If you want to touch my hamster ask Lara or our mom. Can we not talk about how George 'I want your Sex' Bush sucks?
• demoted from best friend #1 to best friend #2 I was demoted from best friend #1 to Racheal status without warning not once but TWICE! You think I'd learn not to be such a fatass retard.
• OH. MY. GOD! Like - I can't even totally believe you said that?? You are so wrong in the world! That's like this one time we were at Racheals dad's apartment when the phone rings and Mindy totally goes "Oh I'm gonna answer it, it's the cops" right? And like Terri was being her usual bitch downer self and she was all like "Well do it then" but then like Racheal's brother was there and he picked up? And it turned out to be Terri's mom!? Totally! That was so funny we could not stop laughing? Oh my god. TTFN! {{hugzz}}
• He lies! He keeps a raccoon! in his pants! And also, his mom gets the mail in her bathrobe and bunny slippers. I saw it from the bus.
• Oh, and Bush sucks! /runs away with her #1 and #14 friends, giggling
• what TUM said. in middle school I waited at the bus stop with 4 or 5 other girls (boys too, but they aren't relevant to this story). we took turns cold-shouldering one of the girls for several days, then it would be someone elses turn. ALL OF THIS WAS COMPLETELY UNSPOKEN. I'd get to the bus stop, it would be easy to figure out who's turn it was and we'd all completely ignore her. When I got there and realized it was my turn, I'd just take it, cause it was MY TURN.
• Girls are weird. *punches Louis, runs*
• So...Amanda can't spell her own name? Or is it that Brenda can't spell "Amada" properly? I've got to know!
• Girls schools as described here, remind me of the time I spent with the spetsnaz in Chechnya, only without the male bonding.^*
• Becka
• I remember when I was 14 I had two friends and we would also take turns not only not speaking to each other, but coming up with the most horrible nicknames for the excluded person, and talking about them using that nickname, and making sure they knew we were referring to them. I don't remember my nickname (I think I have blocked it out) but one girl was called Wombat because somehow we decided she looked just exactly like a wombat. God, 14 year old girls are nasty.
• maybe adolescence is some sort of Darwinian filter?
• New rulez for MOneky club u must obey to sit at the tabla. 1. no wheelbarrows 2. no twirling 3. everyone sits facing outwards like the musk oxen.
• /trudges sadly away, her knee socks falling down and her flat-tired wheelbarrow dragging behind her
• whaa?? what happened? where am I, and why am I in this wheelbarrow?
• maybe adolescence is some sort of Darwinian filter? Most mammals play in childhood and adolescence, especially primates, in order to cope with their environment. So I think you're spot on with the evolution at play (zing!). I was wondering the same thing. But what would this sort of exclusivity play benefit adults with? Independence? It seems too group oriented for that. Perhaps it has something to do with strengthening the ability to cut people from one's life when relationships outlive their time?
• Maybe it's some sort of allomothering at work. Nurture your own and deflect potential predators from them?
• Isn't it clannism, pure and simple?
• Hierarchy. Dominance. Resource allocation.
• MoFi Rules: 1. Good language 2. Love your neighbor! 3. No talking to Berek
• This is bringing back the worse memories of adolescence. And making me remember why I hated teenage girls. Some of them grew up to be nice women. I wonder if they remember what they were really like. I'm going to eat lunch with Rocheal.
• I don't see the allomothering if its a group dynamic in which daily, random, temporary ostracisms occur in a non-vebal concensus. Considering the most commonly noticed allomothering behavior is carrying other youths, this seems to be the opposite. A sort of play fighting, I'd say. I also can't see the clannism: there is no way of declaring that the individuals are basing these alienations on hereditary identity especially if these alienations are unspoken. I think instead it's probably a sort of exercise of dominance. Try this, for example: when one person tries to exercise hand, they ignore one of the others and spend more exaggerated time and energy on others in the group. Whether the others decide to participate or, instead, alienate the attempted usurper depends on the successfulness of the one individual as a leader. The fact that these alienations are temporary and fluid between group members implies a certain egalitarianism. Ah, fuck, I think I've got it. It's a levelling mechanism. In egalitarian groups where group survival is important, the society uses unspoken levelling mechanisms in order to maintain group security. Basically, you take the piss out of someone in order to make sure they don't get too big a head and run off because they think they can survive on their own. In egalitarian hunter-gatherer societies temporary leaders spring up for tasks, such as hunting expeditions. These leaderships dissolve after the task is complete and the group remains more or less equal, in theory. In reality, roryk, may be having an incredibly good year hunting down links and all of a sudden he gets the notion that he should form his own blog and leave MoFi permanently. The rest of us might be living completely off roryk's links with little success in surfing this year. So without really discussing it, monkeys begin slagging his FPP's saying they're pedestrian, eekable and masturbatory. This mildly deflates his ego and he remains a member of MoFi while idly updating his blog. So in reality, there is no equality, but a governance in terms of equality and not contribution.
• It makes most sense, I think, because friends tend to think of each other as peers, whether they are or not.
• Either that, or Rachel's a total dork.
• apparently rachel likes to eat crayons...
• apparently medusa likes to eat.. chocolate. Ew.
• Like tall poppy syndrome, InsolentChimp?
• Is this why women can't do comedy?
• Will you go out with me? (please circle your answer) YES no Maybe
• I remember being in my (church run) daycare, and explaining to one girl how the other girls and I didn't *love* her, but we loved her in *God's way,* because God says you have to love everyone. So this meant that we didn't hate her, but we also didn't like her. Good lord, what a mean kid I was! (Of course, I was also on the receiving end of stuff like this, having to sit through an agonizing listing of one girl's 10 best friends -- in order of importance -- and then being told that I was not a "best friend," but just a "regular friend." Ouch.)
• Yeah, pretty much the same thing as tall poppy, tracicle. Never heard of that one before. I gotta start living in the now (or closer to now, at least).
• That particular phrase may be a kiwi thing, I'm not sure. It gets used a lot here when random moderately well-known person gets picked on in the media: tall poppy syndrome is given as the justification by the pickee ("Everyone's picking on me because I'm so awesome!").
• > It's a levelling mechanism I think there's also a self-defensive aspect. I pick on Gunther and encourage others to do the same because if there isn't any formal scapegoat, there's risk I might be it.
• girlz R so dum
• Well, we DO have cooties.
• Some of them grew up to be nice women. Sorry, JB, the only high school girls that I knew that grew up to be nice women were outcasts at that time. The slaggy bitchy cheerleaders are now the slaggy bitchy soccer moms. And the football players are now fat, sleezy car dealers or creepy salesmen. And OMG, like, that geek boy with the dorky name, they used to call him Freddie Fingers, with those hideous black-rimmed glasses, and like, I used to sit in study hall with him and look at books on architecture. Well, he like, is soooo good lookin' now and really, really kewl. He's probably rich, too. I once borrowed his brand new Perry Mason mystery book and got a coffee stain on it and he was really nice about it and everything.
• MonkeyFilter: The slaggy bitchy cheerleaders are now the slaggy bitchy soccer moms.
• BlueHorse, I was the high school football player and I married the cheerleader. I've got a wedgie coming to you if you say we are slaggy/bitchy/fat(well a little bit)/car salesman (I sell doors). PS--- I collect comics and we both soooo look forward to watching Battlestar Galactica together on Friday nights.
• I remember being in my (church run) daycare, and explaining to one girl how the other girls and I didn't *love* her, but we loved her in *God's way,* because God says you have to love everyone. So this meant that we didn't hate her, but we also didn't like her. OMG -- I knew somebody who did this, only she was a 4th year psych major. We were rooting like greased pigs dating, and she had a real hate-on for one of my exes. Seems that they had a number of exes in common, and that there was some freaky rivalry going on there. Anyway, she simply couldn't stand this woman. Only she was retreating into her Bahai faith at the time, so she felt this obligation to love everyone. So there was this conflict that she had to love this woman she couldn't stand. Her solution? Pretend that the other woman didn't exist. Since she was crossed off the list, she really was loving everyone after all. Not saying that I agreed with the logic, but I was eighteen and getting a lot of sex, and as such was overlooking a lot of crazy shit. Then, her re-embrace of Bahai meant that she once again didn't believe in sex before marriage, and we were finished. We now return you to Slagging-Off-Rochael, already in progress.
• As a teen I was also guilty of the say-horrible-things-about-someone-who's-right-there-pretending-it's-all-a-big-joke-even-though-it's-not business. I was rather good at it, which I'm still ashamed of.
• A great essay here about the essentially artificial nature of American High School culture. "Im suspicious of this theory that thirteen-year-old kids are intrinsically messed up. If it's physiological, it should be universal. Are Mongol nomads all nihilists at thirteen? I've read a lot of history, and I have not seen a single reference to this supposedly universal fact before the twentieth century."
• Stunningly good read, ultang! Too bad it will never become required reading in high school. I may print a copy for my 14-year-old cousin, though. "The key to this mystery is to rephrase the question slightly. Why don't smart kids make themselves popular? If they're so smart, why don't they figure out how popularity works and beat the system, just as they do for standardized tests?" I had a dear friend who did that very thing, in the tenth grade. I loathed her for it. Just thinking about it all these years later makes the bile rise a little.
• Why don't smart kids make themselves popular? If they're so smart, why don't they figure out how popularity works and beat the system, just as they do for standardized tests? Different kinds of "intelligence."