November 21, 2006

Curious George: Birthday Gift for a 12 year-old What to get a horse-loving 12-year-old skater girl who's been through a trainwreck?

I normally wouldn't post such a CG, but I've had no luck and I'm running out of time. I'm hoping one of you out there might be able to give me a great idea. Thanksgiving day is my niece-in-a-way's 12-year birthday. She's a wonderful and very bright girl who has gone through quite a lot in the past year. Basically, she lost all of her family. Her paternal grandfather (my mother's husband from her second marriage) passed away from lung cancer. The girl's parents were/are severely messed up: her father recently passed away from cirrhosis of the liver while in prison, and the mother is an inter-state fugitive who basically abandoned her. When her grandfather was on his deathbed, he made both of his daughters promise to take care of her if anything happened - and what did they do? Cast her aside as if she was trash... (they are both quite well off, and having an extra child apparently didn't fit into their supposed Christian schedule, *cough* *cough*). Luckily for this lovely girl, my mother took her under her wing and sought legal custody, as none of her blood relatives seemed to want her (I say luckily, because my mother happens to be an amazing person). She will be twelve years old, horses seem to be her life, and she is also into the "skate" scene. I want to get her something meaningful and appropriate for a 12-year old girl. My sister (who also shares joint custody with my mother) said that she is obsessed with hoodies. I thought a nice hoodie with a horse design might be nice, but I found nothing "cool" upon searching (cafe press, etc...). To top things off, I don't relate to 12 year-old girls and have no idea what's teh coolness for them at this point in time, and I see her maybe twice a year. Any suggestions my fellow monkeys?? Anyone with a 12-year-old daughter/relative who might offer some ideas? Thanks in advance!

posted by sugarmilktea 18 years ago
  • SMT, your niece is really lucky to have someone like you around, especially after all she's been through. I'm not really up on the 12-year-old scene, but if she's really into ice skating is there any chance you could get her some tickets to a skating competition or show? Not only would she probably enjoy it, but if you and your mother and sister went with her, it might be a really nice way to show her that she does have loving family who care about her.
  • OK, maybe I misread that - was that ice skating or like skateboard skating? If it's the latter, then ignore my advice.
  • Sorry, skate as in skateboarding! Thanks for the suggestion though jaypro.
  • Tickets to an event, a horse show, an exhibition. Consider allowing her to invite a friend to go along with you. Friends are very important at that age, and, let's face it, adults are habitually uncool.
  • Your best bet is to take her down to the local skateshop and pick her up some kick ass new skate shoes. Skaters always need new sneakers. If you want to get a hoodie, check out Deftones, she will know who they are and one of their albums was entitled White Horse and the hoodie will just have a white horse on it. You will probably get cool creds for this as well. If you want to do something real cheap for her, check into getting her some volunteer work at stables. She won't get paid, but she gets a lot of time with horses. Take her to a skating event and she will never forget you. Skating is a social sport, bringing her to an event would help her explore that. I grew up with skaters when I was in a screwy family. The kids get a bad rap, but they are a pretty tight knit family of their own.
  • Hmmm...it kind of depends on what kind of stuff she's into. It's hard to be twelve, and it sounds like she's had a rough time on top of that. Lots of girls around that age still love girly things like dolls and horses at home, but don't want to display that like out in public (they want to look "tougher" or more "grown up" to the world). If you want some neat hoodies, I always like the ones with kitty ears like this (which I'm certain you can find cheaper!). My sister, who is 16 is in love with the look of a very thin hoodie with a short-sleeved polo shirt over it. Alternately, does she show an interest in writing? Some girls are very into keeping a journal, and the gift of a cool book to write in (perhaps something like this or this or this?), along with some pretty pens (glittery, different colors, etc.) might go over well.
  • smt, might this askme (plus another one linked within there) on where to find primo grade hoodies in NYC help you?
  • So this is probably not helpful advice with regards to a birthday present, but maybe okay advice with how to help her in the future. My seven year old daughter loves horses more than anything else. (Sniff). I am able to provide her riding lessons, which are about $30 per lesson. And I take her to horse shows (free), rodeo (not free), and get her books about horses. I am doing this in part because she is in fact very interested in them, but also because there is quite a bit of personal responsibility involved on her part -- and caring for the horse in the course of a lesson is a very real-world task, which myspace, malls, teen-aged angst etc., is not. In short, I am encouraging her horse addiction in a way to keep her away from meth (the drug of choice around here for teenagers). If I could not afford the lessons, than I would probably get her involved with the charities around here that provide horse experiences to the blind and disabled. That is, get her into a community of horse lovers that would be able to provide her the time to be with horses, and maybe even provide lessons. Horse Therapy. Gifts? Tickets to the rodeo? DVDs/books about horses? Introductory lesson?
  • Thanks for the ideas everyone. They *are* helping me. Glamma, that Deftones hoodie is by far better than any other horse-themed hoodie I was able to come across. I know that she is into Greenday, so perhaps the Deftones are not too far off. She did go to a special horse camp this summer where she was able to meet with other girls who had also lost parents. It was two weeks in the mountains, caring for horses, riding, and bonding with others. I'm inclined to find a really nice book in horses as well. Great ideas all!
  • Second the riding lessons! Good way to keep her busy, perhaps meet new friends--equine and human, may lead to job (mucking stalls--will challenge her devotion to horses ;) depending on your pocketbook, try these horse related shopping links for hoodies: http://www.backinthesaddle.com/search.asp?SKW=sweatshirt&c=a&TKW=BS47&GEN1=Sweatshirts http://shop.webomator.com/cgi-bin/cpshop.cgi?i=css/css/-/3 http://www.statelinetack.com/global/product_detail.jsp?PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524441812151&FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=282574488339026&bmUID=1149773488800&itemNo=4&N=114 http://www.horseloversgifts.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWCATS&Category=180 http://www.danasdoodles.com/hoodedsweatshirts.htm
  • You are an awesome uncle, SMT. If none of the (admittedly much better) suggestions above pan out, I (dimly, more's the pity) remember that as a teenaged girl I absolutely LOVED getting gift certificates. They were kind of two gifts in one, since you also got the fun of a guilt-free shopping trip. For clothes, oldnavy.com is a joy to deal with. If she has a Playstation, I can also recommend the Tony Hawk Pro Skater/Underground games. Some are better than others, but they're all good skating fun.
  • Second the awesome uncle sentiment. Other than that, I got nothin'.
  • Awww GramMa, thanks for all of your hard work while your're recovering. I think you've hit gold with that horseloversgifts link! I was hoping that you might chime in.
  • *blushes* Thanks TUM - we got her the Tony Hawk game earlier this year!
  • Too bad it is so close to B-Day time, my ex is good friends with Against Me. I probably could have scored a signed Hoodie. My ex and I both have a soft spot for good kids in shitty situations.
  • Hell glamma, Gainseville dropping!! I'm down with that... though, I haven't heard Against Me, as-of-yet. Thanks for the offer.
  • There is a lot of real horse riding equipment that has been adapted to serve as furniture or indoor decor. Items I have seen: Horse riding boot rack makes a great regular boot rack. Old saddle on a stand in the corner of the room. Bits and tackle on a peg on the wall. A real, authentic, beat-up leather hat. A lariat, as a wall handing. A horse blanket, as a bedspread. These all need to be well used to avoid kitsch. A final item, though perhaps not appropriate: Stirrups dangling from the bed rail. To help you climb into bed, of course!
  • I like the look of this hoodie.
  • Yer a good uncle, SMT! I wouldn't have a clue what to get for a 12 year-old girl, especially in the fashion department, but anything that encourages an interest in critters sounds like a winner. They can often be much more dependable than we humans.
  • Cocaine.
  • that comment is much less funny after reading the "more inside"...
  • SMT, you and your mom are great. :) But - (re glammajamma's first reply and the Deftones shirt) never make the assumption that a kid likes a band just because they are a certain age. That band may have become desperately uncool in their particular social surroundings, and kids are very particular in their tastes. Only buy something very specific like that for a kid if they have asked for it. (Well-meaning adults have habitually bought band tees for me through my life that I would never wear, or, if I did, I was absolutely tormented over them. And when I was this girl's age, I was totally into stuff you'd never have expected based on what MTV was telling you about my age group. There's also the issue of what genre of music a kid is into, though I agree that if she likes Green Day, Deftones might be OK.) I have an Emily kitty hoodie (they've been around for five or six years). In some social circles, the wearer might be mocked about the ears, if someone decides they're "babyish." In others, not. I wore mine to Disney World on Xmas Day a few years back, and was the darling of every teenage Japanese girl there. (I am exactly the sort of person who is flattered by having 16-year-old Japanese girls squeal "Kawaii!" at them in tones of surprise and delight.) It just depends on the audience, and you never know what a particular adolescent social terrorist has decided to label "uncool" at a given time. =/ I don't mean to be a super-naysayer, but this kid has had a rough time already, and I'd hate to see her get teased at school because of a well-meant gift and because some kids are jerks. Clothes are a touchy and personal thing best chosen by the person who will be wearing them, especially when that person is a junior-high-school student who may feel subject to "rules" that would be completely alien to anyone not stuck in the same surroundings with the same people. I would follow the advice of taking her shopping somewhere. I don't know how much you can spend, but letting her pick out what she wants gives her some agency and would make her feel spoiled. (But maybe avoid Old Navy - they are easy to deal with, but they're another place that she could be mocked over.) Alternately, the riding lessons or the horseloversgifts (maybe combined with the gift certificate!) sound good to me. If you went with one of those horseloversgifts hoodies, skip the airbrushed portraits or anything where the horse is too large or realistic, and go for either the "embroidered dream horse" hoodie (only if the girl would like melon pink) or the "embroidered celtic horse" hoodie in chocolate. Those are the two that are most contemporary and cool, because of the abstracted designs. "Prancer in box ash/black" and "celtic horse ash/burgundy" might be OK too, but it seems like most teens I know prefer pullover hoodies. (Just one last story: for my birthday this year, one of the presents my fiance gave me was a silkscreened canvas patch showing a little creature gorging on cookies, with "I love cookies!" on it. He bought it at a local boutique that sells indie crafts, sort of like an IRL Etsy. It's cute, and I do love cookies. However, in the last few years, I put on a lot of weight mostly because of a medication I was on... so the last thing I'm going to do is stick a patch on my clothing or handbag that says, "I love cookies!" Because he clearly didn't think over the potential embarrassment factor, there: would his girlfriend, uncomfortable about her newfound chubbiness, actually want to wear a patch that seems to comment on it? My inability to do anything with the patch aside from frowning at it is a reaction to knowing exactly what would happen if I were 13 years old and wore it to school: cries of "I CAN TELL!" from passersby. That said, I'll probably stick the patch in a small frame and put it up in the kitchen.)
  • I am not gonna get all argumentative wit ya now verbminx, but the deftones are an institution in the skater scene. On the other hand she may be too young to have tapped into that. The are sort of on par with Helmet, because they always were going in weird directions with their music. It is just one of those bands skater dads can listen to with their skater kids. (I listen to it with my niece).
  • CHATFILTER ALERT! :D Just because something is an institution in a particular scene does not mean that everyone in that scene is necessarily into that particular thing. However, I think you may have touched on why it might not matter for her: she may be too young to necessarily be part of any "scene" per se. (Although, it's easier for the kids to tap into scenes now that the internet is so much more prevalent than it was back in the day.) Being into something doesn't mean you're a member of the subculture associated with it. It can be hard for adults to tell which someone is. If someone is interested in something but not a particular member of a scene - and their everyday companions are definitely not members of that scene OR interested in the thing - oh, man, the resulting drama. I think horse stuff is safer. (Though that Deftones album IS pretty good & some damn cute hoodies are available!) I went through a Big Goth Phase, and my family just assumed I was a hippie (long flowy skirts and hair!) and bought me stuff they thought hippies would like. My mom still occasionally calls me a hippie, and I have to explain to her that to someone my age who actually isn't a hippie, that's very insulting, because to us it refers to a specific subculture where people smoke a lot of pot, listen to jam bands, dress badly, go heavy on patchouli, and may not bathe or shave regularly. "It means you think I'm a spacey user of mind-altering substances who wears tie-dyed clothing and uses crystal deodorant! *tragic sob*" My look was devoted to pointy shoes and artifice. Even if my family had picked up on it, there are so many subgroups in that scene, and lots of others, that they probably wouldn't have "gotten it right." (Incidentally, in terms of this discussion, there are plenty of goths who think that vampires are dumb and The Cure and/or Sisters of Mercy suck, and lots of people who like those things who aren't "goth." & YES, a Big Goth Phase can be just as embarrassing as any other kind. I'll never live that makeup down.) Er, sorry for the implicit insult, hippie types. Most of you are lovely people, I just don't like the subcultural signifiers... though there are honestly lots of clothes in the shop I linked that I think are OK. Now. Wouldn't have when I was goth/punk. And I'm sure hippies look at punks and wonder how on earth they can stand the mohawks and big clunky boots. People just pick up on negative stereotypes of relatively opposing subcultures.
  • (PS - that "chatfilter" is me, not you, GJ. and I don't want you to think I was casting aspersion on yr sk8r cred, only saying what i tried to clarify in my last post... it's just hard for adults, esp we who don't know this girl, to grasp all the nuances or know for sure what her immediate peers will think is mockable.)
  • verbminx just said in a way better way what I was trying to say about girls that age liking some stuff at home and some stuff out in public. Thanks! ;)
  • Thanks for the insightful commentary verbminx. I tried to find out if she was familar with the Deftones, but not able to. From what I understand, she's in to skater guys and the music they tend to like. So while the Deftones hoodie may be a huge winner, at the same time it may not (such as verbminx mentioned). I was in that scene when I was a teen, and music taste was quite varied. My mother got her a dvd player for her bedroom, so I'm thinking I might have to stock her up on some DVDs. She had a collection of VHS tapes, and apparently one of her evil aunts threw them all away. And glamma, I'd gather to say that you are a great uncle as well! Thanks everyone! I'll let you know what I end up getting...
  • so...um...you're not getting her a horse? it sure sounds like what she has her heart set on. I guess if you want to ruin her life with some crappy sweatshirt or video or something its up to you. it just sounds a lot like she wants a horse.
  • Hi sexyrobot!
  • We're on the internets here, sexyrobot. I think the appropriate word is "pony". Go on sugarmilktea, get her a pony (~_^)
  • Didn't know where else to post this - - but I'm so proud of my niece, that I thought I would comment here... For all that she's gone through, she's become quite the soccer sensation at her school. Even though she's still in middle school, she's been playing for the high school level team (their star player) - - and has even been participating in a special league that plays against college players across the state. Her high school coach has said all along that she's destined to get a full scholorship ride when she heads to college - - and things just keep looking that way. Today, she got news that she's made the cut for the US Olympic nationals team. I don't know the specifics yet, but it's a huge step for her. The thought that this beautiful young lady has a shot at playing in the '12 London Olympics has filled me with such an amazing joy and pride...
  • That's fantastic, smt. Send her congratulations! And tell her we'd be honoured to take her out for lunch when she's in London in 2012!
  • someone's just angling for free 'lympics tickets...
  • and congrats to smt-niece! that's fantastic.
  • Great news, smt!
  • I surely wouldn't complain of any free 'lympic tickets! That, and I've never stepped foot on England... Thanks, mothy! Today I'm trying to find the perfect hoodie for her Christmas present. Two years later, and she's still a hoodie junkie!
  • Yaay! Congratulations to your awesome niece, sugarmilktea! Ditto on the lunch treat if I happen to be in London in 2012 (^_^)