November 14, 2006

• Well, that makes sense. Getting a battery powered Jesus for christmas would suck.
• The power of Hasbro compels you!!
• This Jesus, it vibrates?
• According to the company's Web site, the button-activated, bearded Jesus, dressed in hand-sewn cloth outfits and sandals, recites Scripture ..." Nothing about vibrating. However it is "button activated". nudge, nudge.
• Who wouldn't want their own personal Jesus? Someone to hear their prayers. Someone who cares. Your own personal Jesus. Reach out and touch faith.
• Can he hula?
• Well, I don't care if it rains or freezes, Long as I have my plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Through all trials and tribulations, We will travel every nation, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far. CHORUS Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Through my trials and tribulations, And my travels thru the nations, With my plastic Jesus I'll go far. I don't care if it rains or freezes As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus Glued to the dashboard of my car, You can buy Him phosphorescent Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant, Take Him with you when you're travelling far Riding through the thoroughfare With his nose up in the air A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind Trouble coming, he don't see He just keeps his eyes on me And any other thing that lies behind ALT CHORUS Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car Though the sun shines on his back Makes him peel, chip, and crack A little patching keeps him up to par When pedestrians try to cross I let them know who's boss I never blow my horn or give them warning I ride all over town Trying to run them down And it's seldom that they live to see the morning ALT CHORUS Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus Riding on the dashboard of my car His halo fits just right And I use it as a sight And they'll scatter or they'll splatter near and far If I weave around at night And the police think I'm tight They'll never find my bottle, though they ask Plastic Jesus shelters me For His head comes off, you see He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask
• Nothing about hula'ing either. However it retails for $20. wink, wink.
• Does it come wif wafers?
• Seriously, though, what a crap toy. Imagine it. "Okay, I've got Cobra Commander, Destro, Skeletor, and about a dozen Lego Bionicles lined up for battle. Who you got?" "I've got one of those rubber bendy rabbits, a mine-sweeper plastic soldier, a Furby...oh yeah, AND JESUS CHRIST." "*Sigh.* You win. Again." ... "This kinda sucks." "You're right. Let's take his robe off and see what Mom says."
• How many impoverished little Jewish kids get Christmas toys from Toys for Tots anyway?
• The 12 apostles? The cult thing, with the disciples and all? Jesus was way too clique-y.
• I was going to ask that too, Libertarian. Do poor Muslim families sign up for christmas toys for their kids as well? Not saying the Jesus doll is a good idea, because first there are a lot of non-religious people who celebrate christmas, and second, because it's a sneaky and wrong way to try to teach kids religion. But I still think the "It might go to a Jewish or Muslim family" thing is weird.
• " When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she will not be freed at the end of six years as the men are. If she does not please the man who bought her, he may allow her to be bought back again. But he is not allowed to sell her to foreigners, since he is the one who broke the contract with her. And if the slave girl's owner arranges for her to marry his son, he may no longer treat her as a slave girl, but he must treat her as his daughter. If he himself marries her and then takes another wife, he may not reduce her food or clothing or fail to sleep with her as his wife. If he fails in any of these three ways, she may leave as a free woman without making any payment" What kid wouldn't want a doll that quoted the bible?
• Isn't version 2.0, The Second Coming model out by now?
• A good and perceptive chap, Bill Grein, methinks. who probably has the balls to deal with the howls of righteous indignation he's about to encounter.
• Perhaps I'm myopic... perhaps not... Does anyone ELSE think that THAT Jesus looks amazingly like Billy Ray Cyrus?
• Cry me a river... it looks like it's got a mullet, too!
• "Kids want a gift for the holiday season that is fun," he said. Easily solved. Add a few jokes to the installed phrase bank. If they can get some MontyPython talent to tell those, I'd buy it.
• Flagpole that would be one hell of a hack to perform on this thing.
• So I saw this FPP and had an idea for similar action figures to exploit the fundie market. Because capitalism is such a core Christian value, and all. And then I found this. Dammit!
• When the batteries die, do they recharge themselves three days later?
• Rejected because they don't know the religion of the children who receive the toys. Minor quibble, but that's the wrong reason to reject the doll. It should be rejected on the basis of the Establishment clause. Anyway, a minor change in marketing would solve the problem - he's not a "talking Jesus doll", he's "Gene the Essene".
• Battery Powered Christ on a stick that vibrates.
• Am I the only one that thinks the doll looks like Val Kilmer?
• And then I found this. Dammit! Woah! Pestilence is totally teh hawt! Erh . .
• She really doesn't look that pestilential, does she? But I guess you can never tell where a bird's been, eh? Know what I mean? The Famine figure is my fave.
• analoghuman FTW.
• "She really doesn't look that pestilential, does she?" She's got herpes.
• Remember when herpes was the really scary sexually transmitted disease? Everything's different now. Maybe it was 9/11.
• Does it come wif wafers? No. No wafers. But you can buy two little Jesus dolls and make a kinda sandwich. hint, hint.
• Ah, the battery operated Jesus that vibrates! I know of it well... aka the Jack Hammer Jesus that Divine Interventions sells!Divine Interventions! I believe they even have a Buddha buttplug, too. As you can see, just merely seeing their product line has had a profound effect on me.