September 11, 2006

• EXEUNT STAGE LEFT, WEEPING.
• First bit of advice: shoes represent the man.
• Buy low, sell high.
• Second: ignore all fairy tales.
• hmmm...after 38 years the only really solid piece of dating advice I can give is for women: don't date those homeless & unemployed artists/poets/musicians no matter how charming and/or good in bed they are....
• Third: follow every bit of advice from Medusa.
• The prettier the girl, the stankier the fart. It's a proven physiological fact. I'm not saying you should avoid the model-types, because that would be counter-productive, but just be aware what you're getting into, Dutch-ovenly speaking.
• awww Medusa, if all the women followed your advice I'd never get another date. and without a date and the heartbreak that follows, where would all the artists/poets/musicians draw their inspiration from?
• First bit of advice: shoes represent the man. *looks at shoes* Damnit!
• Vans again today, Spicoli?
• Fes, the romantic life is at risk!!! It's a cobbling emergency! What's yer take on the right footwear?
• First bit of advice: shoes represent the man. Umm, I think you can apply that to either sex. Women with shoes exhibiting sharp, elongated points are nixed instantly. Sorry.
• If you find you are getting in the same bad relationships over and over again, its you, not them. If its iffy at the beginning, don't drag it out, you will only hurt someone, end it. If the first two weeks are bliss, stop and go over any warning signs you may have missed. Don't make your new one pay for the crimes of the old ones. Be realistic about the type you are attracted to, accept their flaws, because they go hand in hand with the things that attract you. Remember, for every petty illogical/overemotional/callous aspect that may irrationally drive you nuts about them, you have an equal trait that does the same to them.
• And to add to glama's: no matter how good she looks, somewhere out there is a guy who is just tired of her crap.
• Also: people who wear fish for sandals, oh the stench of those soles! (Not to be confused with this, that's a keeper.) And please keep your dogs out of the dogs.
• What the great philosophers have said vis-a-vis love "Love is a slippery eel that bites like hell." -- Bertrand Russell "Love is a perky little elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun." -- Kierkegaard "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." -- Nietzsche (page 1 of Love is Hell, by Matt Groening)
• Remember, for every petty illogical/overemotional/callous aspect that may irrationally drive you nuts about them, you have an equal trait that does the same to them. I might say that's a good thing to consider and believe while in a relationship, I suppose, but not true in the least as a common fact. My only advice: there is no easy advice. The world don't move to the beat of just one drum, What might be right for you, may not be right for some. A man is born, he's a man of means. Then along come two, they got nothing but their jeans....
• Kick 'em while they're down!
• I would say take a look at their relationship (or lack thereof) to their parent of the opposite gender. Now think about it - what defines that relationship? Okay, remember that part. It comes up a lot.
• Don't be an asshole, asshole.
• Loving is self sacrifice. The amount you love is the amount of yourself you sacrifice. The aim of a relationship is to transcend your own concerns and create something more important to you than your self. This makes a lot of people uncomfortable - these people are uncomfortable with happiness.
• Being silly has a time and place. Time it well, but fer gawrsh sakes, give it a break sometimes!
• Love, then do as you will.
• Every chick for herself. Them's the real facts of life, cookie! If he wants to dance, he's gonna have to pay the band. If he wants to paint the house, he's gonna have to buy the enamel. And the primer. And, you still might want to consider aluminum siding. ---Pearl Forrester
• Any advice I give is the result of personal experience. I can tell you what matters to me, but plenty of people want other things from a relationship (as I have learned from dating some of those people). So to be honest, I can't think of anything non-specific that doesn't sound utterly trite and fairly meaningless.
• Watch out for men wearing crocs.
• Love yourself first.
• Snuggle more. And what mandyman said about the asshole thing.
• If you fall in love with someone who cannot love you (already attached, sexual orientation different, unable to commit etc...), stop trying. It won't work.
• What's yer take on the right footwear? First things first: you are a grownup. That means, unless you regularly engage in some sport that absolutely demands speciality athletic footwear, gym shoes are out. I own two pair: one for yarding, one for wearing to places like, say, wal-mart. Grown men who wear gym shoes exclusively are not grown men, and a grown woman will recognize a stunted adolescent as such. In, like, ludicrous speed. Grown men who wear gym shoes with SUITS are fucking heathens. Women shouldn't do that either. Because it's very very wrong and not good. In any event, once you enter the realm of shoes, you have some options. For work, assuming a business wardrobe, you need at least two pairs: a black, and a brown. Your black shoe is inherently more formal, and it should be a formal shoe - a wingtip or a captoe. Your brown is your (relatively speaking) casual shoe. Seriously consider a monk-strapped shoe for this, although an Oxford works just fine. For a lace up, I generally like something a little taller on the uppers. Alright, now you start branching out. Next thing I'd get is a pair or two of loafers - first a well-made penny (skip the actual penny, Fauntleroy) in cordovan or black, then a light brown huarache or other woven loafer (Cole Haan makes superior ones). Then: casual shoes: a pair of bowlers (for with socks), and a pair of car shoes (for without), both in brown. When in doubt, opt for brown. Brown shoes goes with everything except black; black shoes, not so much. Brown is versatile. Black is severe. Some clothes demand severe, but you'll find versatile to be more (you guessed it!) versatile. Belts to match. Socks go with your pants, not your shoes (the idea is to extend your pantleg downward visually to the shoe). A shine is mandatory, and extends to the visible portions of the sole. Use a shoehorn. Take care of scuffs with a rub from your handkerchief. Don't wear the same shoes two days in a row, because sweat from your feet builds up and will ruin the insoles faster. Employ a cobbler once every two years to tune them up, replace worn soles and heels, replace the laces, etc. And lastly, invest in quality. You can buy a pair of $29 wingtips. You can even wear them. But they will suck, and they will disintegrate. One thing they will not do is impress. Ebay has some phenomenal deals, you will not be disappointed.
• Loving is self sacrifice. The amount you love is the amount of yourself you sacrifice. The aim of a relationship is to transcend your own concerns and create something more important to you than your self. This makes a lot of people uncomfortable - these people are uncomfortable with happiness. I would like to reiterate this. Someone once wrote that friendships work best when both people involved think they're getting the better end of the deal. I'd like to stress that relationships are this magnified considerably. Selflessness begets selflessness in a relationship, or it is doomed to rocky waters. ... For work, assuming a business wardrobe, you need at least two pairs: a black, and a brown. Okay, settle an argument for me: Navy suit, black or brown shoes? Also: Socks go with your pants So...only khaki socks with khakis? This strikes me as odd. I can't imagine putting on, say, khaki socks and black shoes. In fact, I can't bring myself to put on non-black socks with black shoes, period.
• Oh, also: Learn to give good head. I know this sounds like a joke answer, but learn to give good head. Your partner, regardless of sex or orientation, will be more inclined to stick with it for the long haul.
• Okay, settle an argument for me: Navy suit, black or brown shoes? Ideally? Navy shoes! But they are rare. In general, I tend to wear black with a navy suit, but one could certainly pull off brown, with a pinstriped navy suit especially, depending on the shirt and tie you pair with the suit. only khaki socks with khakis? Pretty much yes. Like I say, the sock is a visual extension ofthe pantleg, not of the shoe. Only rarely, though, would I pair black shoes with khakis. In fact, I can't bring myself to put on non-black socks with black shoes, period. trust me on this one; I think you'll find the change accomodating.
• If you find you are getting in the same bad relationships over and over again, it's you, and probably also them. You may lack the self-esteem to pursue partners who are actually good for you. Work on that. When it's good, nobody has to chase anybody. What glammajamma said chafed at me a little, because yes, if you have a problem with everyone, it's you, not the rest of the world. But if your dating problem is that you're constantly dating addicts who cheat on you or etc, the "it's you" isn't "you're a bad person," it's "you don't know how to select good people, and some therapy or something might help." (This doesn't apply to habitual cheaters and users: yes, the problem is them.) I used to get into awful dating situations, mostly with men who just weren't that interested in me in particular or a serious relationship in general. Sometimes they would get into a more serious relationship with a woman who I didn't think was as attractive or as smart as me, and I would be terribly indignant. I never thought it was a self-esteem issue: I thought highly of these boys and, thus, having good self-esteem suggested that I should want to be with them, and the only problem with me was related to my inability to win them over. But in the decade or so since then, what I've figured out is: there are other factors besides being smart and cute (beauty/beholder/etc, and some of those girls were much friendlier and more fun than I was at the time), and that chasing after people who don't treat you particularly well is not a shining demonstration of high self-esteem. Also that people not being that interested in other people is not really anyone's fault, as long as both parties behave honestly. Don't just "look at their relationship to their parent of the opposite gender" as petebest said (because there may be various factors involved) - listen to how they talk about that parent, and consider it in tandem with how they talk about their exes, and why. Ppl who are excessively attached to an ex or a parent are probably as much to be avoided as people who can only fume about exes or parents. I also know fabulous women who have abusive biological fathers, & who deserve wonderful relationships. This bit of advice is probably too heterocentric: how does the thing about the parents apply to gay relationships? ActuallySettle said "Loving is a self sacrifice" - I agree with this, but only w/r/t an already working relationship. We are talking about when your beloved of ten years needs a kidney, not when your beloved of ten days wants to borrow a large sum of money. It's important to me to qualify that statement, because when I was younger I took all my relationships very seriously, no matter how new or tenuous they were: some relationships do not merit much sacrifice. I think good relationships require "work" in terms of spending time together and being generous and willing to compromise and not being too nitpicky, but in most cases it probably shouldn't feel like work. A lot of what I'm saying is an application of what Alnedra said: try to steer clear of people who aren't available, for whatever reason. Other than that: be affectionate. Be giving. Do what you can for the other person. Make sure they are doing things for you, too, but don't keep score! Have sex regularly, within your own relationship's parameters of Dan Savage's "good, giving, and game" mantra. Try to get along with their family and friends (in the case of family, this may involve sometimes holding your tongue about your own opinions). If you're single & looking, go on a second or third date with that nice/shy/geeky person who you aren't sure about. It may take them a while to get comfortable and open up, esp if they are really interested in you.
• Now, about the shoe thing. Ideally, don't wear navy period. It can look great, but there are a zillion shades, it doesn't fade well, and if you aren't careful about the details of the navy suit you buy, you risk looking like you're wearing a sad nautical costume. You can go through life without wearing navy and you will neither die nor have to deal with the perplexing questions of what the hell to wear with it (neutrals, btw). Navy shoes are, as Fes said, kind of rare (esp for men) and often don't wear well. A menswear trend has been to wear matching pants and shoes with relatively bright/colorful socks (not patterned, single shade). If you're that metrosexual, go for it. I totally disagree with the idea that brown shoes are better than black: it depends on your particular wardrobe and style. I tend to wear four different potential trouser colors: dark denim, brown, charcoal heather, or black (often with pinstripes). The black shoes that I have go with everything and are only differentiated by style. The brown shoes that I have are OK with jeans, indifferent with the brown pants, and only really necessary with light cafe-au-lait beaded silk pants that I purchased to wear to a wedding. They are helpful when I wear jeans and a shirt with brown tones in it, because they unify the outfit more than black shoes would. I own my favorite BCBG wedge sandals in both brown and black. Brown shoes also often look too casual, on women or men, so you must be careful with the shade and the style if you plan to wear them for work. I think they look best with khakis and jeans, though not necessarily better than black shoes. For women, the "brown dress shoe" is usually more like whatever shade of beige or brown is closest to their fleshtone, in a pump or sandal that is open as close to the toe as possible. It elongates the leg. And it will always elongate the leg to wear matching pants/skirt, hosiery, and shoes. It doesn't work if the shoes are a different color. You can also cheat with brown clothing and get it in an extra-dark brown that looks great with either black OR brown. As was said, the most important thing is to get the best quality you can afford (utilizing places like ebay, DSW, and TJ Maxx) and take excellent care of them. Nowadays there are quick touch-up products for shoes, like oil sponges, that make it easy to keep them supple and unscuffed.
• In Which He Dwells On An Unknown Lady Common civility will do for a start from any she who seeks my heart; a lavish hand, a gentle touch - I really don't require that much. She must like creatures, or go mad here, and not be quick to criticize or jeer. She'd better have a sense of humour. A lass who's not vulgar. Nor too pure. Oh! I will fetch her breakfast in bed - which had better be hers lest that hog of a dachshund steal all our covers.
• Googling that girl from over a decade ago doesn't actually make you feel any better.
• Yeah it does, kit. /experience
• All men want just one thing.
• A monkey.
• A Land Rover.
• A magic bottomless bag of cash.
• a private moment a word in your ear allow me to pour you a seventeenth beer my arm round your shoulder your arm round my waist oh, let's get on with it, darling carpe diem, make haste!
• Avoid people with a shoe fetish.
• Fes's stuff with shoes seems more like compatibility issues that goodness/badness or being grown up. If you're the sort of person who thinks about footwear all the time and so thinks that footwear is a sign of maturity, you'll want to be with someone who wears similarly fancy footwear. If you think that footwear is sneakers or hikers or sandals except when your professional costume requires otherwise and think that maturity is a mental and emotional state uncorrelated with footwear, then you probably don't want to be with a shoe nazi who has irrational prejudices against some kinds of footwear.
• Uh...fourthly: hats represent the man. *runs out of thread*
• If you like wearing crocs, then you probably won't be happy with the kind of girl you'd attract with fancy shiny wing-tips and a perfectly coordinated suit. (Happy croc wearer myself, with socks. The SO is more of a teva person.)
• So you're feelin' low, you're bummin' 'round 'Cuz your baby let you down You've sworn off lovin 'cuz you've learned If you mess with fire you just get burned But I'll take your money, I'll take the bet That sooner or later you're gonna forget And find out you ain't learned nothin' yet. Watch out! You're doin fine, you're on you're own Living in your happy home Moving furniture, redecorate Stay out late to celebrate Have your self a tonic and gin Give that dancing girl a spin Buddy you don't know the trouble you're in. Watch out! You're diggin her and she's diggin you It's not like last time, it feels brand new But you know damn well it'll end the same Cuz even from a distance you can feel the pain Do I really have to spell it out my friend? We both know how this song ends But we're love monkeys so we'll do it again Watch out!
• The only pain greater than loving someone who doesn't love you back is loving someone who does, and watching them die.
• It's better to be single (no matter how long) than to jump at the first potential mate who comes along and end up with someone you don't really like all that much. If you have to force it, that's usally a sign it won't work all that well. That said, making an effort to see each other is not forcing, as long as you both want to see each other.
• I NEVER FORCED HER! Opps, I just said that out loud, didn't I?
• *roots for daschund to steal covers and thus perpetuate the doggie conspiracy*
• Coming home, by yourself, to a house that you filled with roses for a romantic liason, can be a truly soul-sucking experience.
• Advice from my barber, when I was aged twelve: "Get as much holing in as you can before you're forty, lad."
• I hear ya, sexy. Not so much roses as stove elements positively gleaming with radioactive brilliance so that she doesn't think you're some kind of slob should she happen to come back to your place, but I hear ya. Also, when in doubt, never check a condom's expiry date. Just chuck it, and get new ones. If not, all your self-denial will collapse in the face of that tiny black print mocking you with its painful truth.
• I only date cute nerdy indie chicks so the shoes they wear is a varied lot, but I avoid sandals/crocs with socks, pointy shoes high heels, ughs, or any other flash in the pan trend. On the girls I date I really like the modest chunky heeled black rounded toe shoes, or a simple pair of skater shoes/low top walking shoe thingie. Of course I am a sucker for the grown out pixie haircuts. A cute pair of nerdy glasses to boot will probably make me fall instantly in love. Man I need a girlfriend....
• > What general relationship advice can you offer to your fellow monkies? someone suggested the following to me. i like it: keep a viking costume and rubber sword handy at all times. when you become completely enraged by your partner, don said costume and go into the garden or street. whack the ground with the sword and shout at the top of your lungs "i'm SO IMPORTANT! i'm SO IMPORTANT!"
• Wait a bit; obsession is NOT love? Shit. I must have missed that memo.
• you probably don't want to be with a shoe nazi who has irrational prejudices against some kinds of footwear Was that a shot?? That sounded suspiciously like a shot.
• Love is the extremely difficult realisation that something other than oneself is real. --Iris Murdoch Oh, and I find Fes' shoes extremely tired. But I shall struggle not to extrapolate.
• It was a little shot. But not really. I suppose I should have put something in about drooling morons who can't even put on a decent pair of shoes or something to that effect. OTOH, the idea that it's your shoes that make you mature and grown-up, and not dealing with others fairly and compassionately, honoring your promises, bearing your commitments, standing by your family and friends, and so on, seems a bit silly.
• FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT THE BOOT WILL CONQUER THE SANDAL
• If wearing my Chucks is wrong, I donwanna be right. I'll make some concessions on the Crocs, though.
• Vox Blender
• Women want only one thing. Shoes.
• Yeahhhhh, Xeny is kind of right about the shoes. If I had selected my very nice fiance by them... well, I'd be single. For most of the time we've been involved, he's owned a single pair (replaced once) of oxford-style Docs. He just recently decided that the tread was getting thin, and added a second pair of clunky black leather shoes. ("They're different because they have a monk strap!") He buys about one pair of shoes per year, and refuses to own athletic shoes (even Chucks), sandals, dress oxfords/loafers, etc. I do agree that the shoe thing can show compatibility, and not just in the ways mentioned. In the sense described, it can (but doesn't always) show that a man has a "professional" job, and therefore makes an above-average amount of money. This may or may not be important to a given woman, although it doesn't indicate whether or not he's in a world of debt. But in another sense, it can point up stuff like a slovenly nature (someone who doesn't replace their shoes until they literally fall apart frequently isn't much on doing dishes or cleaning the bathroom, for example). Women's footwear doesn't say much at all, except sometimes "what's fashionable." Almost every guy I know was really unhappy when chunky platform shoes with exaggerated soles were in style in the years around 2000, because they thought such shoes were deeply unattractive. If you don't like a certain kind of shoe on women, wait a year or two. The same guys also don't usually like it when women wear shoes that limit their mobility. Given that I wear the kind of shoes that I have to wear because of a foot deformity, I'm not sure how keen I am on judging people by the style, rather than condition, of their footwear. For example, I can't wear most heels, and dress shoes must have long toes that are like snipped-off points; most of my other shoes have thick rubber soles; anything else is agony. Though, as already indicated, I'm more than happy to hand out sartorial advice. ;)
• Folks, look, I think shoe choices would be something that came up as a turnoff if pretty much everything else had been exhausted. On the other hand, here's something that you may not have considered that's a bit more basic: who is the one who loves more, and who is the one who is loved? In 2 marriages, I ensorcelled men who loved me to distraction. They were both tall, handsome and great in bed. But, as time went by, I found that I was the only one who took responsibility for the relationship, since they thought "but I love you" should excuse every outrage An example of an outrage is that the 2nd one ran up $40K in credit card debt, largely by forging my name to cards I didn't know I had. And that ex still calls me, more than 20 years after the implosion, and tells me how much he loves me, as if that makes a difference. My best advice is to beware of anyone who loves you to distraction.
• How retarded is it that a thread asking for relationship advice turns to a debate on shoes? I stand by my conviction that can neither be given nor recieved—let alone advice on relationships. But for dookie and laughter here's some advice from random sources: a) "You gotta know when to hold them; know when to fold them," and all that, but remember most importantly the running advice. -Kenny Something-Or-Other b) "The soul of a woman was created below"... (below a dodge? sea level? seven?) - Led Q. Zepp c) "Sunscreen." - Some Writer (that everyone was convinced was Vonnegut) d) "I wanna be high, so high; I want to feel free to think the things I do are right.." but mostly, I want to be high - Lionel Josephine Richie e) "If that bitch starts fucking up, I'll just fuck her friend." - the eloquent Dr. Dre, PhD. f) "The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It's like you're unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting..." - The late Pee-Wee Herman g) "Hey, Jude, don't make it bad." ("it" represents global warming) - Some random Brit at the pub last week h) "I'm gonna rock down to electric avenue" - Eddie "Paycheque" Grant i) "Don't drink the water." - God j) "Keep your nose clean." - Your dad/sheriff/scotties salesman and most importantly: k) "You can kill them all when they sleep, and if you keep smiling and talkng to them they'll never suspect it!" - My best friend, the Unicorn Enjoy your new lease on life!
• How retarded is it that a thread asking for relationship advice turns to a debate on shoes? YEAH, WHO WAS THE RETARD WHO BROUGHT IT UP? ahem. I wouldna done it, except it was a chance to get sartorial sooth from the Master himself! I'd a done it even if it was a thread about babies or pandas! Love advice you can get anywhere. But the well-dressed, it's teh rarity. Gracias Fes, for your comments. (And also verbminx, you are no slouch either). huarache...captoe...wingtip...monk-strapped shoe It's like a whole other universe! We now return to Love etc.
• ...Also Roryk, that is some great advice.
• I do agree that the shoe thing can show compatibility Sure. Fancy wingtips or whatever can indicate similar interests just as much as a Cowboy Bebop t-shirt can. The only part that bothered me was the "you're a grown-up so you must wear shoes like this" part.
• Shoes? Who needs shoes? I love a man monkey who will stroke me gently with his prehensile toes! But if you must choose a partner with shoes, make sure he knows how to tie 'em. The only pain greater than loving someone who doesn't love you back is loving someone who does, and watching them die. God, sexyrobot, you just stopped me in my tracks. I think the only thing that can keep one sane in those circumstances is knowing that to have avoided all pain means never having had the love.
• I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who wore brown loafers with a black suit.
• Gotta lighten up here.... MonkeyFilter: Grown men who wear gym shoes with SUITS are fucking heathens. MonkeyFilter: drooling morons who can't even put on a decent pair of shoes *dips into basket, tosses handfuls of worn, dirty,frayed and knotted shoelaces in Fes' direction
• Spackitty's comment stopped me in my tracks too. Love is when you can't even bear the thought of that person not being in your life. When The Boy had his accident and his Mum just mailed my phone with "He's had a bike accident and is in hospital" - my body went into total panic mode. I did not calm down until I had seen him for myself and reassured myself he was going to be OK. As for shoes - he and I both have a few pairs of Docs - but what is possibly scarier is that recently he bought me a pair of Vans sneakers which are *exactly* the same as his (just smaller). Now we have to coordinate not to wear them at the same time... cause once you go down that path next is wearing matching tracksuits and so on.....
• OOOOOPS! See my brain is still traumatized just thinking about that experience! I meant Sexyrobot's comment.
• YEAH, WHO WAS THE RETARD WHO BROUGHT IT UP? Don't look at me. I ain't said nothing.
• gomichild, my boy and I also own identical Vans (though his are quite a bit larger). We try to do the coordinate-y thing, too, but for a while he decided to wear them every day, so I had to throw caution to the wind and have matchy matchy feets. I like Fes' fashion advice. Though Mr. meredithea is a pretty casual guy, he just interviewed for a job where that advice (and his earlier advice on suits) may come in very handy. I hope, IhopeIhope!
• Monkeyfilter: skip the actual penny, Fauntleroy
• How retarded is it that a thread asking for relationship advice turns to a debate on shoes? I think that demonstrates more about the true nature of relationships than anything said in thread...
• flings size 10 1/2 Kenneth Coles at rushmc
• So, um... what does it mean if you have not bought a new pair of casual shoes in, say, five years? The pair in question are and older version of these (that were purchased for the bottom-bargain price of $5). They refuse to die, although, the insoles have corroded away to nothing, they are splattered with paint from 2003, and small holes have finally begun to appear in the bottom of the soles. They are stank. I am proud of them dogs! I refuse to buy new shoes until they catch Osama!!
• most people who claim to be looking for intimacy are deathly afraid of it, beware! when you live without fear, you become really scary. also, you ain't never been blue, 'till you've had that mood indigo.
• ps the shoes i paint in would cause fes' nipples to fall off, they are so foul. and once i was viciously attacked by a giant swan in central park (to the delight of many onlookers) who had taken offense to the 8 inch high platform shoes i had decided to spray paint fluorescent orange. he came at me out of the lake, hissing and honking and flapping his giant wings at me, darting his head at my feet, and chased me ACROSS A FIELD, OVER A BRIDGE, DOWN THE STREET, and OUT OF THE PARK. and, like i said, to the delight of many, many onlookers. oi.
• Swans are fashionably aware, and punish violations with extreme prejudice. Whatever that means.
• y'know I never did get the deposit on that swan costume back.
• Every creature in God's Great Creation knows that bright orange is the Color of Target. Why else are people colored as such while they are picking trash on the side of the road? Or, why do people wear bright orange while hunting? It's so you can see them better when you kill them.
• sexyrobot, don't you wish you had someone recording that episode in your life? It would make awesome footage :D
• Maybe sexyrobot is Frank Spencer's long-lost love child...

• ...Also Roryk, that is some great advice. posted by StoryBored at 02:26AM UTC on September 13, 2006

  might be time to work on a version that takes into account people's shoe preferences/prejudices...
• Say you are sorry. (that's my love advice. I've never seen Love Story, but a friend of mine tells me they get it all wrong. Love means saying you are sorry, over and over and over.) And don't take shoes too seriously. Now, braces/suspenders, those are a different matter. A man in braces is very nice looking. A man in belt and braces seriously needs to carry fewer electronic and other devices.
• Noisy breathing and too-creative arrangements of facial hair are automatic turnoffs for me. I really, really hope that snuffly man with the waxed handlebar 'stache wasn't like, my soulmate or something.
• *contemplates going for "The Green Arrow" look*
• OK, lay offa us shoe people! *stomps foot* Actually, I don't know that everyone goes around looking at shoes, but I do maintain that they are part of the total package just as much as hair or clothes. The physical is not (at least in my case) the deal-maker, but it's what originally draws the eye. And you should all be glad you're getting good advice from Fes for FREE, dammit! Buncha scruffy, ill-dressed bastards...
• Actually it is a popular theory. The shoe theory. Of relationships. Er, as should be made obvious by this thread, but in regular life too. Although I maintain that the opposite-parent relationship theory is more apt. Apt!
• OKAY ALREADY! I JUST MENTIONED THE SHOE THING IN PASSING! HOLY MACARONI! Man, you monkeys are eXtremely sensitive about your feetswear. *shuffles off in flip-flops, exposing long, uncut toenails* clop clop clop
• The best of love is understanding. To give someone space is to show them love as surely as if they were in your arms. Only say “I love you” when that’s what you mean. Don’t say those words when you mean “stay with me,” “spare me” or “sorry I hurt you.” Never use “I love you” to weasel out of a fight. As near as I can figure it, love equals friendship, trust and desire-- plus a good dose of oxytocins.
• What about Oxycontin?
• So, thinking about sexyrobot's comments about love and loss, and talking with my wife of many years, who I love a bunch, last night. We spoke of love and death. I told her the things I would say at her memorial service. How I loved her so much while she was alive, and cherished the time we spent together. How her family loved her, and all of her friends did, too. How she made a difference, and we feel the loss. I also told her about the thoughts I would not voice at the memorial service. How laying with her in bed was so comforting. And, etc. And, how I had to tell her these things now, because after she dies I cannot tell them to her. It really creeped her out.
• Heh, EarW, that's funny! (I give you a pair of banana shoes for that.)
• I think what Earwax did was sweet.
• Good for you Waxy! MonkeyFilter: Buncha scruffy, ill-dressed bastards
• I concur, jb.
• Second the concurrence. I think I would have cried happily hearing that.
• I would have felt Mr. Koko's forehead, and considered calling 911. Not the sentimental type, he.
• It may have creeped her out at the time, but I'm sure deep down she's glad to have heard it. I know I would have been.
• Did you tell her about the plasticizing of her body, so you can keep her forever and ever? My last girlfriend didn't think it was very sweet. She didn't understand my profound love.
• *calls 911*
• Did you tell her about the plasticizing of her body, so you can keep her forever and ever? You know, glama, if it's that important to you, you might be able to get a realistic-looking-and-feeling Real Doll of your beloved.
• Are you nuts those things are creepy.
• Yeah, nunia -- what gives? If we can bag leftover carrots for later, surely there's no problem in laminating those to whom we have much more affection.
• Wait, lets not go over board here, carrots are pretty damn good.
• Mmm...carrots.
• laminated carrots?
• Shrink-wrapped. Ziplocked. Whatever. Sheesh.
• Carrot juice. Cruel but tasty.