August 10, 2006

The Tesla Purple Energy Shield This small device is truly remarkable in every way. Aside from delivering vast quantities of new life force energy to the human body, it brings illumination to the mind and tranquility to the soul. If you've been looking for something to enhance your manifesting skills, retard aging, and delay fatigue, look no further.
posted by genial 18 years ago
  • No thanks. I use the countless souls trapped in my energy crystals that were mined in Brazil to keep me young. (True story: the best way to sell euhedral minerals is if you advertise that they're full of spirit-cleansing goodness, which works best when you shove the crystals up your ass.)
  • If it's been "gifted to us", why would it cost me ninety bucks?
  • Because fixing your DNA should never be free, Skrik. We are educated singularity idiots who can stupidily deny Nature's Harmonic 4 simultaneous 24 hour days within a single rotation of Earth, or even make parody of the Cubic Creation Principle!
  • My manifesting skills are just fine, thank you.
  • I have been unable to corroborate the suggestion that Dr. Tesla was on heroin at any point. Anyone? actually, he didn't have a PhD., but he and Mark Twain used to call each other "Dr." for fun. Or so I'm told.
  • I just want to also point out that stumbling upon the amazing purple teslamagicvibrator does not mean that I myself have ever needed something extra to facilitate my ascension or that I was indeed searching for such a device. It was the spiritual energy that brought me to it.
  • So, I can use this to re-charge my cellphone, right?
  • The Tesla Purple Energy Shield™ outer shell is made of aluminium, which is first anodised (electrolytic oxidation) and then colored. The chemical composition of the outer purple shell is the same as that of rubies and sapphires *lathers on copious amounts of snake oil*
  • gawrsh, i hope it's silent in everyday use, i'd hate for my co-workers in the next cubicle to be aware of my endless, unmitigated bliss...
  • SMT: I hope your oil has an SPF of 40, because my tin foil helmet is going to be reflecting a lot of sunlight.
  • Well, if you want to use more "science" to make you healthier, there's nothing more scientific than the bio-metallic flavor of the Q-Ray. It's got IONS!
  • GramMa, I picked this here snake oil up in an equatorial jungle of Sumatra - - it has an SPF of 300! Hot damn! I was also instructed to take small sips daily, but I haven't been tormented enough to take it to the next level... yet. *admires the lizard-skin wallet purchased from same snake oil dealer*
  • I’ve been wearing one for a while. Works perfectly. I have yet to see any purple energy.
  • I wouldn't call it a large purple shield exactly, but it is large and sometimes purple and best of all it's mine.
  • Purple? That can't be good. You might want to loosen your stranglehold on it and let it breathe. You know, to let the energy flow freely.
  • If yours is turning purple, you probably need to use more snake oil.