August 08, 2006

Amazon Grocery Reviews Via Metafilter

California Green Seedless Grapes, 1 lbs: Oh, sure, he comes on all strong like he's Marky Mark, but he's really more like Donny Wahlberg. Hangin tough, my sun-ripened keister. Everyone who's anyone knows it's the Purple Grape that rules the Fruit of the Loom world. But they got one thing right here: this mofo is most certainly "Seedless". Now Purple, that cat has got some seeds that make all the ladies say "Dammmnnnnnn." Drop that zero and get with the hero.

posted by the quidnunc kid 18 years ago
  • I like the milk review - unsafe because it lacks warning labels for the lactose intolerant.
  • Hee. These are very, very good. The Tuscan Milk-inspired poetry reminds me of some of beeswacky's work.
  • The quality is great! Nutritious and hearty!
  • The Tuscan-milk-inspired poetry... ??? Alas, all I see is a jug of milk, and three prose comments, one of which concerns white cows. But NO POEMS.
  • I can't believe a company like Amazon would promote global warming by allowing those bastiches at Dole to continue to melt icebergs just to get the head of lettuce that lies at the center.
  • the poetry of milk is never drear when all the curds will clot that do not cloy till cottage cheese on lettuce must annoy or lurk in dimples of the halved pear that is the Jersey's, this the Frisian cow's who wander lunching o'er the daisied lea and munch till flavour flowers bitterly the milk and cheese that sit before us now these moo cows do not know the joys of clover on a summer's morning, once the sun doth rise they seek to feast in meadows deep in flower and eat like pigs long pent in wintry sties yea, nothing that we know has half the power to spoil the cream we dare not pour into our teas
  • Beeswacky, that was. . . sniff! . . . beautiful!
  • DAMN! *adds another Italian sonnet to milk order, sticks note in bottle on front stoop*
  • Another smashing find, quidzie old boy.
  • I liked the Wonder Bread reviews as well. "This stuff if great. For the longest time I would have to rip the foam out of various pieces of furniture and eat it, thus ruining the furniture. But then I discovered wonder bread, and now my couch can be spared. It's not quite as flavorful as couch foam, I'll admit, but the difference in price makes it worth it."
  • bees, here is a link to the over 400 customer reviews of Tuscan Milk, 1 gallon, 128 fl. oz. The poems... well, you may have to dig for 'em...
  • Thanks, Pallas Athene. *scratches head, wonders why her link yields 470 comments and the first one gave only 3*
  • They usually just give you three comments on the product page, beeswacky. You have to click a link to get all the comments. Stops slow connections from freezing up for long pages, I guess.
  • Forgot to say: bees, that was a lovely poem.