August 07, 2006

Curious George: What, think you're an expert or something? What are you a bona fide expert in?

I'm always amazed at the considerable wisdom on these pages...Dreadnaught on military history, Gomichild on all things Japanese, ditto Abiezer_Coppe on China, nunia on geology and portable toilets, the Cap't on tasteless footwear...what/who don't we know about? What corner of the world belongs to you?

posted by RalphTheDog 18 years ago
  • Me, I dunno nothin'
  • High & Late Medieval History (particularly England & France) bizarre trivia & factoids regarding: volcanoes, earthquakes, diseases in history, some select historical individuals (for example Eleanor of Aquitaine) Fastening hardware (no, I am not kidding, as me a question about nuts, I dare you!)
  • I make some pretty fucking good oatmeal.
  • Historic New England. Freemasonry. Cemeteries. And apparently the Mefites thought I did a good job on answering where all our ancient knowledge comes from ('Monks.') I also probably know more Sumerian than most people.
  • On #MoFIRC, I am currently witnessing a learnéd exchange between Fuyugare and Abiezer on Japanese v. Chinese written systems.
  • Just to be precise, I have a major in geology and a minor in portable toilets. Furthermore, I have an annoying genius in memorizing the words to every song I have ever heard. Instead of remembering chemical formulae for minerals or every step of the Krebs Cycle, I know every word to every damned Frank Sinatra song. I contain thousands of lyrics...literally every song that comes over the speaker in your nearest grocery store. I know them all. How is that fair?
  • Amateur Hydrocracking and coal liquification. Oh and I make really good fajitas.
  • Negative Dialectics, Cultural Materialism, Historical Dialectics, Critical Theory, Empiricism, Russian History, Russian Literature, Kurosawa. All founded on a pretty sound knowledge of the philosophies revolving around them. All quite useless, and rendering me poor, but the bonuses outweigh the drawbacks.
  • I know a wee dab about dressing up. A smidgeon about the theory and practice of making beer. And I'm horribly familiar with the book The Difference Engine by William Gibson and Bruce Sterling. Beyond that, the more I learn, the more ignorant I realize I am.
  • I a jerk of all trades.
  • Thanks for the big-up ralph, but I'm not so much an expert as a beneficiary of the general obscurity of what I know in English speaking countries, so I can look clever on very little. I am a qualified cellarman (well, I have a certificate to that effect), so ought to be able to tell you how to keep beer, but I've largely forgotten it all now.
  • Income accrual. Compliance with relevant accounting standards, and maximization of reportable revenue. Revenue recognition, if in advance or arrears. I could talk about this until your eyes glazed over. See, it is already happening, isn't it?
  • I'd sign up for the following: investment strategies and stock market analysis, managing technology teams, writing about technology, the North American telecoms network and the telephony system, researching/snooping any subject quickly, how to fake a psychic reading, how to write good software, debunking pseudoscience, and how to make a mango taste better.
  • How do you make a mango taste better? I have one in my fridge that awaits.
  • Have someone else peel it for you.
  • I study and work in the computer vision and image processing field, so know a fair bit about that. I also know a good bit of statistics and other math, as computer vision is fairly heavy on the math side. I also studied as a computer engineer in college and am able to talk competantly about circuits, systems design, IC design and fabrication. I also brew beer and am ALWAYS happy to talk about brewing!
  • I know all the MoFi gossip. Including that bit about the nature of Tricycle's relationship with Quid.
  • Hmmm... I'm pretty good at critical theory, feminist theory, the study of youth culture and popular culture, and I mix all of that up and call it "contemporary girl studies." Which has led some people to call me a "Doctor of Britney Spears-ology" :) Oh, and I'm also a pretty good copy editor (except on my own stuff... it's much easier to edit someone else's work than to edit your own).
  • I'm pretty good at critical theory any particular writer?
  • Ha, Skrik is too modest! If you want to know anything about Norwegian folklore, he's your go-to guy. Stuff I can bore for England about: Opera, classical singing, Shakespeare and other Elizabethan dramatists. Chaucer. Mallory. er... Tolkien. Many strange facts live on planet Pallas.
  • Well, I guess I'm up for: Canadian evidence and criminal law (I'm not a practicing lawyer though), scientific expert evidence, and the sociology of science. I've also know a fair bit about criminology and legal history and, from another life, evolutionary theory and freshwater and marine ecology. Plus all the random bits one picks up with a far too long graduate student career.
  • I'm not much of an expert, since anything I start studying, I find I can't keep up with the reading. But I'm not bad on English social history (c1500-1600), eg demography, poverty, class relations, gender, lifestyle, families, etc. I've done some Chinese history, and just enough African colonial history to be pissed off at my compatriots for all the stupid stuff they did. Also learning more than I ever thought I would about farming - but just enough to be opinionated about agri policy. I'm also a complete and perfect expert on TTC subway stations in Toronto (but only West of Yonge), Etobicoke, and I know Canadian apple breeds (but I'm forgetting). I like to learn geography, and to know where things are. But the countries keep changing!
  • EarWax & I could probably host an absolutely riveting MoFi meetup, as I contribute to a discussion of the benefits of cash-basis accounting versus accrual-basis.
  • Chemistry - principally polymer chemistry. A smattering of protein adsorption, bioengineering and biosensor knowledge. Health, hazards and policy issues of tobacco. Hoping to get into either pipeline engineering or implantable non-resorbable pharmaceutical delivery systems.
  • glammajamma: I'm kind of a dabbler in all, master of none kind of theory person :) I'm best at the writers that intersect well with feminist theory, and came from a school where I read a lot of Birmingham school, Frankfurt school, and your favorite list of Dead French Guys: Foucault, Descartes, etc. I'm also ok with psychoanalysis (though I don't really "believe" in it), particularly with Lacan and Kristeva.
  • Meetup of 3. I'll keep you on the edges of your seats with tales of wishful-thinking based accounting in large corporations and present a pretty good case for present valuing future expenses on the BOOKS, goddamit. Also, why accrual accounting and cash basis should be used for different purposes by the same (small) companies. Ah, let the good times roll!
  • Anything regarding workers' compensation in the state of Washington? I'm your gal. Much to my chagrin. Oh, and anything written by or about Lucy Maud Montgomery. What a sad little lot of "expertise" I possess. Yeesh. . .
  • A tad bit of sociology and a little dabble in psychology, especially the psychological sociology. Mouthful. Mostly however english, theology, and history. I'm your friend on European history and geography, American history and geography, Indian history. I can help you on most religions and give insight, most insight on Christianity and Hinduism. Really? My genius is random trivia about. anything.
  • meredithea: I agree on the psychoanalysis, I find Lacan to be bunkish. I think in broader social theory Freud is more maleable, which is a return after a rejection of Freud. I am personally a HUGE Adorno fan. Have not read Kristeva. I find this interesting because Zizek seems to have revitalized Critical Theory, even if he is a bit all over the place, and I have been meeting more and more fans of the Frankfurt school. Anyway not the time or place for the discussion.
  • What The Underpants Monster brings to the table: 1. Agricultural trivia. 2. Bein' silly. 3. Baroque music. 4. Gilbert and Sullivan. 5. A bit of this and that. 6. A certain melancholy naiveté. 7. Homemade scones. 8. A sort of inability to take anything seriously. (see #2)
  • French lang, lit, and crit. Euro art cinema. Cinema theory. History of jazz. Stuff like that.
  • Filmmaking. Software around filmmaking. Compositing. Film Theory. Cameras.
  • I can tell you anything you want to know about trading options, as well as a good deal about the equity and commodity markets in general. StoryBored and I would probably have an interesting (to us) conversation about the markets. Also, I can identify almost any seashell that commonly washes up on Florida's beaches. (Common name only - I was only about 12 when I memorized the book, and didn't care for the Latin at the time.)
  • I know a little about a lot. One thing I know probably more than most of, is (Dutch) science fiction.
  • I can tell you anything you want to know about trading options I traded all my options long ago, honey...
  • I can take a stack of bricks or planks of wood or even ice and break my hand on it.
  • I know all of the dark, sinister ways of electronic finance. The deep secrets the credit card companies don't want you to know. The strange language in which ATMs whisper to each other when nobody's listening. I once argued an arbitration case with Visa, and convinced them to change their regulations. I also read a lot of Russian novels and studied Russian language for years. Alas, the words to pop songs have forever replaced most of that information in my noodle. Oh, and cats. If you want to know about cats, I'm your gal.
  • Smedleyman, I'd go for the ice. That way, you'll already have your hand against something that will keep the swelling down.
  • I am the resident literature and history expert at my house of debauchery. Also the resident film buff (Yay Kurosawa!) and designated cook. I am a bloody expert at building and lighting fires when camping. Most people think the 'stack it up like a tee-pee' method is that way to go-- take it from the ilse, you fools don't know nuffin. It's all about the lattice baby. And I too manage to accumulate 'useless trivia': all my friends think it's a big joke, all the random stuff I know. Until they see me rock the spot during pub trivia. Then they get down and worship the Kewl One. Jyeah, bring on the free jugs of beer.
  • I suppose I know enough about physics (cosmology and particle physics in particular) to be considered somewhat of an expert. I probably can hold my own on discussions about computer programming, especially if Python (the language) is involved. However, to paraphrase Monty Python... Move along, there's nothing interesting to see here...
  • Astrophysics, specifically mass loss from massive stars.
  • I can walk through a flea market a sniff out a treasure in five minutes flat.
  • I'm not the greatest rider or horsewoman fer shure, but I can start colts and ride horses other people have given up on. I do a pretty good job of it, too. Swore I was getting to old for this nonsense, but somehow a colt found his way into one of my pens. Actually, I prefer to think of myself as a generalist rather than a specialist.* *I got nuthin'
  • I can dance the Charleston on an escalator.
  • I copyedit student newspapers in French and English, I translate (guess what languages), I know a little bit about programming and computers and the internet. My expertise, though, lies in menial farm work. I weed like a motherfucker.
  • Is it allowed to love a thread that you started yourself? I now have so many questions for so many experts, and I can't wait to start exploiting all of you.
  • Competitive intelligence and counter-intelligence. Household uses of shellac. Sourdough spelt bread. The philanthropic legacy of L.L. Nunn. Finding missing people, living, dead, or imaginary.
  • In truth, I know all there is to know about being an incurable damnfool. /displays his Order of Demerit
  • stop bee-ing modest!
  • I just realized that I am also fully qualified as a lip balm expert.
  • Oh, and my boss calls me "The Grammar Queen."
  • Beeswacky knows more about poetry than anyone else I know!
  • -un asked: How do you make a mango taste better? I have one in my fridge that awaits. Heya -un, for your eyes only, cuz once everyone knows the secret, i'll no longer be the expert. I'll write it in small print, everyone else avert your eyes.....to make a mango taste better sprinkle a litle bit of salt on it before you eat it. You can stop reading this now -un.... Wait a second, you're not -un!! Confound it!!!
  • gosh someone thinks I'm knowledgable about something! Coooool! I'm also pretty clue-y about web design too. And cleaning.
  • Pussy. I'm really really good with my hands and a woman's vagina. I'm sure I'd be reasonably good with cock as well, being a sensual being, but I am frustratingly hetero.
  • Tudor era, specifically Henry VIII and his six wives/Lady Jane Grey; basic astrology (sun signs, compatibility, planet reading); breastfeeding; decent vegetarian cooking; sex; picky idiosyncratic editing ability; organizing houses, desks, shelves, etc.; finding cheap airfares online; general trivia research/knowledge esp. mad Google-fu skills.
  • That's okay, StoryBored. I get strange looks when I put sugar on my tomatoes.
  • Also I can keep straight all the family and sexual relationships in One Hundred Years of Solitude.
  • Ok, Nunia, I love sugar on me tomatoes! Yum! Any other secret knowledge? But keep it discreet because there's other folks around who are loudy blabbermouths (not you)
  • I work with pixels, moving and static, flat and three-dimensional. Extrude them from vague ideas in client's brains and capture them on video or dead trees. That's what I do for a living. Expert? Ah, hardly. Slightly obssesed with William Gibson's books & cpunk/dystopic ideas. There, i said it. First step is the harder... Music videos, experimental animation an advertising trends make up my daily fix and can bust your ear babbling about them if given a chance. Ah, nunia, there's few things as tasty as ice-cold, freshly-made tomato juice with a healthy amount of sugar. Mmmhh.
  • I've never done the juice with sugar. I must try. StoryBored: I suggest we upgrade our secret code equipment.
  • I'd have to say I'm an expert in Awesomeness. Not in any specific way or fashion. Just Awesomeness in general. But looking through this thread, I realized we could pretty much take over the world with our combined freak knowledge. Then I got hit with an even bigger epiphany. We already did take over the world. But we were clever and didn't try and advertise it like all the other would-be world-taker-overs. So well done, everyone.
  • Monkeyfilter: frustratingly hetero Monkeyfilter: the countries keep changing! Monkeyfilter: jerk of all trades Monkeyfilter: have someone else peel it for you
  • Video for Mobile Phones. Seriously. Not sure how this happened but this year I have been flown to conferences around the world to speak about how to make video for mobile phones ...
  • Art and war.
  • My expertise is novicery. Looking at all these experts, I think we'd make a pretty weird A-Team. And I think we need a bigger van.
  • Wow! What an amazing group... I would purely love to spend a few hours in a room with everyone here!!! So much interest... I can offer minor expertise in Medieval English Literature (my major--please don't laugh, I obviously was not career-minded), antique jewelry, marine antiques and ephemera, medical terminology, and of course, like all good Monkeys, tons and tons of unclassifiable trivia. More than once I've been mistaken for a museum guide and been asked for information on exhibits after explaining them to a companion.
  • Wow, I can't beleive I got picked out in the thread! That's so incredibly flattering. I'm a naval historian and an intelligence historian, but I'm generally conversant in military/organised violence history and theory. I used to know a lot about arms control and deterrance, although I'm shamefully rusty on that stuff at the moment. At one point I thought I was going to do war crimes history, but I couldn't hack it, so I went back to good, clean, nuclear armagedon. I know a lot about the development of battleships and my current project is on US intelligence estimates of the Soviet Navy. So basically things that float and things that kill and floaty-killy things. I'm not sure exactly where the boundary of 'expertese' lies for the purposes of this thread Here's a proposal: if a TV news producer phoned you up and said "we're coving Kofi Annan's speech on the [bland mango] crisis, and we'd like you to answer questions in the studio after he's done talking" would you (setting aside stage fright) feel like you could be a talking head and answer reporter-questions?
  • (What Dreadought is not an expert in is spelling, but he actually does have learning disabilities in that area. Whereas I have no excuses but my own laziness and fondness for spelling phonetically.) It's expertise, dear.
  • I foresee a frosty silence over the dinner table tonight...
  • Indeed. No henpecking allowed here.
  • Is a hen peck the opposite of a cock punch?
  • expertease: the annoying way that smart people pick you up on minor points and laugh at you because they're all goddam FASHISTS anyway.
  • I've been on tv to answer people's questions about Wills and Estates, but I really only know enough to know that I know jack shit. Same as for my Master's in Philosophy. One day, my diploma is going to be repossessed. I am an expert on Leonard Cohen.
  • And tasteless footwear, obv.
  • OK, so riddle me this. WILL I ever have an ESTATE?
  • Yes. Just leave it to me.
  • I'll have you know that at my latest psychometric assessment my spelling had improved from 'retarded' to 'low normal'! Go me!
  • lol!
  • I can walk through a flea market a sniff out a treasure in five minutes flat. Same here, people look at me weird when I brisk through a thrift store, glancing at the furniture and march right back out. Although not versed in furniture I seem to have the uncanny ability to pick out crap from quality Eames/Knoll/Danish Modern furniture. This has been a good source of secondary income on Ebay.
  • MonkeyFilter: I can't wait to start exploiting all of you. MonkeyFilter: I foresee a frosty silence over the dinner table tonight... MonkeyFilter: No henpecking allowed here.
  • Monkeyfilter: we could pretty much take over the world with our combined freak knowledge.
  • I'm pretty skilled in all areas of Intaglio printmaking on copper and zinc plates. It's a skill that has brought me untold fame and fortune. ;/
  • I think we'd make a pretty weird A-Team. *breaks into spot-welding and hacksawing montage to create super-awesome crime-fighting somethingmobile* I love it when a plan comes together.
  • I always wish that I knew how to weld. Remember that old show Junkyard wars? My dad and I were going to try out for that after we'd taken a welding class together, but we never got it together. (Ah, daddy/daughter bonding...) I thought it would be nice to have a marketable skill other than, you know... the none that I have.
  • Also I can keep straight all the family and sexual relationships in One Hundred Years of Solitude. Reminds me of a Ray Bradbury short story where the author brags to Tolstoy that he's read War and Peace... and remembers all the names. Used to be able to quote, no recite the first eight seasons of the Simpsons.
  • most of the stuff i would once have considered myself expert in, i'm no longer expert in. it's use it or lose it, i fear.
  • Oh, and fighting and fucking I ‘spose. Oral sex is a form of inspired meditation, but I’m with ian would say (straight), plus very very married. And I’ve stopped really fighting, and shooting things from a very long way off, so...hell, I’m good for nothing really. Oh, wait, I have a near encyclopedic knowlege of the Marvel (comics) universe. And a very diverse knowlege of literature. And comedy is a religion for me.
  • There are few things I feel like I'm an expert in, but my mama done raised me to know my clothing fibers--comes in handy for feeling out the cashmere items in thrift stores. I was recently referred to as a doubly labeled water method expert, but that's more obscure knowledge than expertise.
  • Things my mother taught me: 1. How to check if a sock will fit without trying them on. 2. How to check if a pearl is real or not. Things All My Children taught me: 1. The four Cs of diamond grading.
  • Jaypro22 wrote: I can tell you anything you want to know about trading options, as well as a good deal about the equity and commodity markets in general. StoryBored and I would probably have an interesting (to us) conversation about the markets. All we need is a good FPP on put-call parity and uh, Black-Scholes option pricing model?
  • Pssst! Storyboard and Nunia - I couldn't help but overhearing your conversation, and just had to share this. A bit of basalmic vinegar on strawberries is absolutely heavenly! I have quite good insight on strip club psychology of both patrons and strippers. And I'm quite well-versed in matters of "parapsychology" or the "supernatural" (ghosts, energy, stuff like that.) I'm also an expert at trying to tell jokes, screwing them up, and telling people to make up a punchline that makes them laugh anyway.
  • Forensic Economics and Social Work. /but only when someone pays me to be so. Otherwise anything life may offer can be potential game for the sheer quest of knowledge.
  • Vinegar on strawberries? BLASPHEMER! I must now try it.
  • I have quite good insight on strip club psychology of both patrons and strippers. Okay, I get the feeling that there's a story in there somewhere...
  • Peelers and the 'front row boys's'? I watched one shoot six tennis balls out once in total amazement.
  • Welcome back, dxlifer!
  • balsalmic vin is great on strawberries, and many other things. if you can manage to get the real, aged stuff, it's wonderful on steak, on slivers of parmesano, on yr finger...
  • oh man, wrong thread, just ignore that comment
  • I don't eat my own fingers. I let others do that for me.
  • no, that was the right thread...jebus! I better eat some breakfast before I attempt any more of this "thinking" stuff...
  • Breakfast? Woman, it's after noon! Here, have some fingers.
  • I'm an expert at packing. Suitcases, cars for long trips, storage closets for ease of access, households for moving. I'm always able to find anything I've stored away within minutes. Koko's packing tip #63: wrap breakables in t-shirts. You will cut down on bulk and waste, and also not have to pack the t-shirts. Also use dishcloths and towels and any other small flat clothy things. If you run out of clothy things, use paper towels, then you can re-use them for cleanups afterwards.
  • Koko, the tshirt thing really works great, doesn't it? I use socks to individually wrap driniking glasses and smallish breakables. I am eating now. don't worry monkeyfilter...
  • Egg cartons work well, too.
  • Koko can find anything she's stored within minutes? Wow. You are so my idol now. Remember those teeth in Winnipeg last year? H'uh? but didja find them? Being one of the chronically confused I would like to hire your services.
  • I use socks to individually wrap driniking glasses and smallish breakables. To save time, use one really big sock. Then sling it over your shoulder.
  • SB, do you have a good supplier for these really big socks of which you speak? I am having trouble finding them in anything other than 'foot sized'
  • psssst! Somebody call Chy. I think I know what's been going on. Medusa's been smuggling socks! HALT! HANDS IN THE AIR! DROP THAT GLASS!
  • GramMa, easy on the melodrama, please. Now I have to clean up all this broken glass and juice. Darn you for making this mess.
  • Remember those teeth in Winnipeg last year? H'uh? but didja find them? Sure I did. You can have them back as soon as the cat's finished using them.
  • SB, do you have a good supplier for these really big socks of which you speak? I don't, darn it. But i hear you can get 'em in Knitsville, Tennessee.
  • Koko's cat? Ah no, not the one with the projectile vomiting. Tell me not, please.