August 01, 2006

• This most likely will not apply to your circumstance, kittenhead, but here's my story: About four years ago I went to a very, very cool wedding on the island of Ambergris Cay in Belize. It was a "party" wedding, the emphasis was on fun, not on a big bill. The bride and groom were married in bare feet, on the beach, and yadda, yadda, yadda. But the coolest thing was this: all of the wedding guests got a gift bag of island-specific stuff: insect repellant, sun screen and so on, but the neat thing was a disposable camera. The bridal party chose not to afford a photographer, but instead made every guest a photographer. We all took pics with the disposable cam, left the cameras in a bag, and the couple had wonderful, candid, funny, priceless wedding photos that I would bet would outvalue any so-called "professional" photography that could have been done. I loved the concept, and indeed, made a web site out of the results.
• Awww, the only time I've been to Belize, I stayed on Ambergris Caye! What a great place for a wedding. We can't afford a professional photographer either and are just going to have friends use their digital cameras. But disposables are fun too! . . .
• Bookmarks; they com in many kinds and prices, from simple floral ones to engraved with allkinds of appliqués. Surely you'll find some appropiate themed one, and they can be customized. My sister gave those at her wedding; she was looking for something useful and cheap that people wouldn't throw away. The disposable camera idea is excellent. Lately, a complimentary camera on every table has become usual at some events.
• We had a sunset ceremony, so we gave everyone a little flashlight with our names and the date printed on it.
• One word: Condoms.
• I've never been to a wedding fancy enough that the guests got anything more than pastel Jordan Almonds.
• How about a packet of flower or vegetable seeds for their gardens? Goes along with the organic farm locale and come Spring they will have a pleasant (and possibly edible) reminder of your wedding day. It would be simple enough to punch a hole at the top of the packet and attach a ribbon and a small note from the bride and groom.
• A couple of years ago, friends got married and the guest gift was a bookmark, preprinted and with a hole on one end through which the wedding party tied ribbons with inexpensive charms attached. To tell the truth, I thought they were a bit silly to go to the trouble, since there were so many other details to deal with. So, have guest gifts become de rigeur? It's not a long standing tradition, and I suspect is urged by the wedding planner industry, not from any ground-swell of protests. As a wedding guest, I wouldn't really notice if I hadn't gotten a "gift," since the whole ceremony and reception are "gifts" which bring the invitees into the celebration. If it were me, and the leaves were turning, I'd give each one an autumn leaf, at best.
• I have never received a guest's gift at a wedding, unless you count those little bottles of bubble solution (you know, for blowing bubbles at the couple as they leave?).
• One autumn, more than 10 years ago, my parents had some red maple leaves laminated at a stationery store/print shop (to send to my child while we were living in a maple-less place). They are still red and lovely today! Could you do that with a bunch of local vegetation to make bookmarks/coasters/window hangers, and gussy them up with a hole punch and some ribbon or fancy cord? You could add a small bit of printed coloured paper inside each one, if need be, with date and/or details, or incorporate this with the ribbon/cord. I used to carry a lovely green laminated marijuana leaf in my wallet for years, after playing with the high school ID laminator...
• Whores We have a limited budget CRACK whores Seriously though, I don't think gifts for the guests is really something you need to do. I have never understood the whole wedding thing in America. I see big fancy weddings thrown for young couples that could have put the money used to better use as a downpayment on a house or saving for the future. As a general rule, I've noticed that the more money spent on a wedding the greater the likelihood that it will end in divorce. Then there's the whole alcohol thing. I can't count the number of people I've heard say that they wouldn't go to a wedding where no alcohol is served. How have we reached the point that what should be a solemn event has become an excuse for drinking binges that would put the average frat boy or sailor to shame?
• Re: gifts and all... it's a social pressure thing. I've seen couples that upon taking the decision plan for offbeat, non-traditional ceremonies without much of expensive details. But... unless they end up eloping or going to Vegas, planning starts involving family and friends and the 'need' to make a good impression with new relatives as well as with friends (and aquiantances from work) ends up mandating certain compromises for all involved. And of course, couples on the other extreme, those for whom social status demands huge spenditure and the most flashy events are the ones feeding the wedding junk industry, from invitations to all kind of useless or corny gifts, like boxes of butterflies to be opened as the couple leaves the church... oh well.
• This doesn't really happen in Blighty. I've never got a gift attending a wedding, only given (unless you count those almond favours on a table). Say you're having a Brit themed wedding and not bother, you've enough on your plate. Oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
• maybe check out some of the web sites that provide corporate promotional gifts? these can work out very cheap on a per unit basis. i guess it depends on how many guests you'll have. the seeds idea is nice.
• maybe check out some of the web sites that provide corporate promotional gifts? Pens with your names on 'em?
• personalized dental floss?
• It may be an idea to forgo the gifts altogether. They're not standard at weddings (are they? I've never gotten one beyond a pack of mints printed with the names and dates), and some people may be put off by a cheap gift rather than no gift at all. As in "I paid $XXX.XX for a stupid portable wine cellar that I was stuck with on the registry, and I'm getting breath mints?!?" Not that I would, personally. My dad? Most definitely.
• Oh, and -- congratulmulations!
• Thanks, Kitfisto and Capt. Renault! I am toying with the idea of not doing the guest gift thing but so many people have "reminded" me of it, I just assumed that was an expectation at weddings nowadays. And yes, all of the weddings I've been to recently have had them, here in America. This wedding is as on the cheap as we can make it and we did not register for gifts even--in fact, we specifically requested charity donations only (we're in our late 30's and have all the household crap we need, god forbid we get any more!). It is really just one big party with a short civil ceremony smooshed in the middle. So given all of that, maybe guest gifts aren't necessary and expected. That being said, I really like the seed packet idea! It would be inexpensive and fit right in with the organic farm theme. We can just scatter 'em on the tables and people can take them or not. Thanks, magpie!
• The only thing we gave the guests were some bubble blowers (which were rocket shaped, which was super cool, but unfortunately didn't blow very good bubbles). Most people didn't even keep theirs. (I even went around picking up unfinished ones). Seeds would be nice - just make sure people don't get confused and start throwing them at you :) Unless you want the venue to pop up with flowers and vegetables next year. If your guests like you (and they should, or else why are they coming), then they should be happier that you aren't being financially stressed than that they have a small knickknack they will never use. Increasingly, I feel like the pleasure of weddings is being ruined by the potlatch aspect of them - both the party-givers and the party-comers are being pressured to spend more and more money on them, just to impress the other side who themselves are spending too much money impressing the other side. The joy of getting together and having an awesome party to celebrate a life-changing event is being lost.
• I agree, jb. And that's why the bulk of our wedding budget is being spent on good food, cool venue, and the honeymoon! Everything else is secondary. We just want a big fun party! It's incredible what a scam (in my opinion) the wedding industry is.
• kittenhead, these people who mention something like "guest gifts" to you are just wanting to share with you ideas they got from planning their own wedding or attending other weddings. They might feel the need to have something they can point to and say to others, "I suggested they do that. Isn't that the coolest thing you've ever seen?" It's odd, I agree. If they still insist that guest gifts are something you should do, politely mention that you and your groom are on a tight budget and you both couldn't afford everything you wanted, and gee aren't weddings expensive? but you've been working very hard to save up and plan a day that should be fun for everyone. And remind them they're welcome to take lots of pictures to remember the special day, long after the party's over. It's your day. Do what you want and more importantly, don't let someone talk you into doing something like a guest gift.
• I think that, especially since you aren't asking for gifts for yourself, no one will find you at fault for not doing guest gifts. I think anything you can do to save yourself stress and expense, and make the day more fun, is a good thing. And congratulations!
• We just want a big fun party! Will it include alcohol? Just curious. I've seen too many people who ended up making fools of themselves at alcohol soaked weddings. Well, okay, it was me. Although something that makes a big difference is if the alcohol is free or not. If guests have to buy their own drinks, they don't drink nearly as much.
• We can only have beer and wine at this venue so no hard liquor; even if we could have it, the Washington State hard liquor license is prohibitivly (how is that word spelled?) expensive--they've always been wussy on hard liquor here. Anyhoo, that's what usually makes for the insane drunkeness at parties. But we are supplying the beer and wine. More and more, I'm leaning towards no guest gifts. All of your opinions on this are vastly appreciated! Everyone should start planning all their big events in life with the help of Monkeyfilter!
• The only thing I did for my wedding was buy my dress (and the combat boots I wore with it) and pay for access to the venue. I told my soon-to-be sister-in-law (and matron of honor) to do whatever she wanted with flowers, decorations, guest gifts, or whatnot. (I had to repeat many times that I didn't care about the color of napkins or the types of flowers. Those things are pointless and ridiculous to me, and I think she became frustrated that I wasn't participating in the girly crap.) The wedding was phenomenal, and not because we spent a gob of money on it (it probably topped out around a thousand bucks for everything), but because we planned it right, with both astronomical and geological juicy goodness. To this day, our friends recall it as being the most interesting wedding they've ever attended. It was a nerd wedding on our own terms, and no one walked away slighted because they didn't get drunk enough or didn't get a door prize.
• >>Everyone should start planning all their big events in life with the help of Monkeyfilter!<< Maybe we can work out some kind of gift registry service with Archie McPhee!
• McPhee is a great store. The store in Seattle even has another side-store full of life-sized plastic mummies (great wedding gifts in their own right). Most of my toys are from that store!
• You're from Seattle too, nunia? Greetings! It is nice to have Archie McPhee's so close by, isn't it? We joked about registering with them.
• I'm in Los Angeles, kittenhead, but we visit friends in Seattle. Have you been to the Grouchy Chef? Damned fine eats!
• No, I have never even heard of it. Just looked it up and it's about 30 minutes north of where I live. I'll have to check it out!
• I am totally serious when I say that you will absolutely love the food (and it's cheap). But do not rearrange the furnishings, else he'll scowl at you and move it back. Plus, he doesn't like kids, so don't bring any with you. He really is grouchy. But the food is to die for.
• Kinder Surprise Eggs.
• Hey kittenhead, we faced this question last year when we got married. Like you, we're in our late thirties, had all the household stuff we needed, so we designated a couple of favored charities for donations instead. In the end, we decided that spending on food and booze at the reception was a better use of money than buying a bunch of crappy tchotchkes for people to take home. I've not heard a single whimper from anyone about not getting a guest gift. But we got lots of compliments on the reception, so I think it was the right call. Besides, as the date approaches, you will have so many damn details to think about, so simplify where you can. Really. and congratulations!
• It is not a wedding reception without coelacanths.
• Late, but another vote for not needing guest gifts; we didn't do 'em, and if anyone was offended they can go, y'know, shove it. Unless you can think up a seriously cool idea and have the money for it, no one needs a stupid knick-knack and you also don't need the hassle of putting them together. Disposable cameras are a long-standing tradition (we did it at ours 4 years ago, and so did everyone else we know); that said, it's great fun, a lot of the shots will be unusable (people are drunk, people don't compensate for the bad quality and flash) but you still get a lot of fun photos. And we didn't hire a professional photographer either, just got family and friends to take photos and it was good. None of those super-posed shots, but we didn't care for them, and it was a nice sunny day and all the photos I have are lovely. Finally, congratulations!
• I am also wedding-planning.... I don't know how much wedding stuff you've read, kittenhead, but favors (what the wedding industry calls what everyone on this thread is referring to as "guest gifts") are generally only standard on the East Coast of the US; they've made inroads here and there, but if you're not getting married on Long Island or in Savannah they probably won't be expected. I really wouldn't bother with them. Most people will set them aside and never look at them again. If you really want to do them, though, there are tons of things you can make - little bars of soap, chocolate bonbons or lollipops, little rounds of netting filled with an odd number of Jordan (candy-coated) almonds and tied with ribbon, etc. You could take regular or miniature candy bars, print out special labels with your names and wedding date, and wrap them around the existing labels. I've also seen this done with rolls of Life Savers. All the supplies are in your local craft store or on ebay. Don't buy the supplies from a wedding supplier - you'll spend three times as much. From cheap to expensive, you can put favors in tiny plastic bags, rounds of tulle, fabric bags, or tiny metal or plastic holders of various types. Some people do votive candles, but I have been to weddings where, because the couple didn't label the plain candleholders in any way, guests did not realise that the votives were favors, and assumed they were just part of the centerpieces. So if you went that route, it might be good to order the frosted clear stickers that wedding invitation/favor companies produce (not cheap, but not prohibitive either). There are tons of "creative favors" books you can check out of the library, too. See if your library has an online system where you can browse titles and have books sent from other libraries in the system to your local one. Some of the things these books will suggest: teabags, walking robot toys dressed up as brides and grooms (pain in the ass if you're having more than 30 or so guests), picture frames, etc. This sort of thing may or may not be in this book - I know it's one of the ones I've looked at, but I might be thinking of other books in the Artful Bride series. Why, you can see the handmade chocolates on the front cover! (it's easier than it sounds - you buy meltable chocolate and molds at the craft store, melt in a double boiler, add some edible coloring dust, and pour.) Still, if you don't have a lot of time or money and you do have a lot of guests, I think your best bets would be: forgetting about favors or ordering personalized matchbooks. (even people who don't smoke like to light candles and so on. Tiny matchbook-style notebooks have become popular in the last decade, but they're pretty useless. go for the real matches. fire! fire!) Note about those disposable cameras - most guests know they are not there as gifts, right? (I'm not planning to have them. I'd rather have a handful of professional portraits. I also don't think we will have the ceremony shot. Fiance may override this in a fit of rrrrrromance.)
• PS - the candy bar favors are done with bars that are wrapped in foil with a paper band, not the kind that are wrapped in plastic. Hershey's Miniatures, etc.
• You don't wrap the coelacanths in anything. Just lay them out, your guests will know what to do.
• The disposable camera route can be very expensive. We actually just asked people to forward on pictures, since so many of our friends now have digital instead of film cameras. For the big pictures, my father-in-law got a really good digital camera, and the groom's sister's talented boyfriend shot the pictures. They were wonderful, and the family got to keep the camera (for less than a photographer, and with full control over the pictures).
• Congrats, verbminx! And thanks for your input. Glamajamma, I fear if I do lay out coelacanths, the reception will devolve into a Monty Python fish-slapping dance melee...waitaminute, I rather like that! We have asked friends/family to bring their digital cameras instead of hiring a photographer. Plus, we don't want to waste a half an hour or so with the one hundred poses that I've seen go along with a professional wedding photographer, where every conceivable combination of family/friends need a photo taken. Bleah, no thanks.