July 04, 2006

In honor of this, the United States of America's Day of Independence, (WARNING: COMPLETELY AWESOME WEB DESIGN), to celebrate our liberation from the lurking British menace (WARNING: PHOTOS OF WMDS) with more than a little help from General Lafayette and his noble band of cheese-eating surrender monkeys (WARNING: NSF ANN COULTER), I give you drunken foreigners that most American of July 4th traditions: The Sonnet Project. And it's written by one of our very own.

A professor of writing once told his class that a good project would be to write a sonnet every day for a year. It was absolutely impossible, he said, to write 365 bad sonnets in a row. I've always wondered if he was right.
What does it have, you ask? Well, how 'bout two-legged dogs? Or maybe country girls in black lace thongs and boots? Or how 'bout vengeful gods or evil supervillains? That do anything for you, Frenchy? No? Then GO BACK TO DOOTCHLAND WITH ALL THE OTHER COMMIES! Who's running it? I leave it to him to decide if he wants to out him, but I think there's some really good stuff here and our more poetically-inclined monkeys might enjoy a daily dose. Please, no requests for Freebird.
posted by middleclasstool 18 years ago
  • Fuck. s/b "out himself." I only previewed fourteen times.
  • i don't get it
  • AMERICA FUCK YEAH etc. Also, mct is completely loaded. And I don't mean rich!
  • Play Freebird, man!
  • *lights lighter, holds aloft*
  • [this is good]
  • yes, and I'd like some of what he;s smoking/huffing/drinking please!
  • Risking derailment, I musts ask a Firefox question...Lately I have been getting, as when I clicked on the first link of this post (the one that made my eyes hurt), messages saying I'm missing plugins, in this case Apple Quicktime, which I have. Redownloading QT doesn't solve the issue. Anyone has a fix?
  • *glares around the room All right. Confess. Which one of you Monkeys is it? I want to know, and if someone doesn't tell, I'll... I'll... I'll kiss everyone of you! This is GOOOD stuff. *pulls up bag of Cheetos, prepares to read archives oh, sorry Berek, no can helpie
  • Heh. This is great fun! Hurray for the sonnet project!
  • Look at the MonkeyMap on the wiki, GranMa. And unless I'm mistaken...
  • Who? Who lives in Little Rock???
  • So...it's a self-link??? Say it ain't so!
  • Not a self-link. There are a couple MoFi people in AR. /saw this a while ago, knows who it is
  • So they're not on the MonkeyMap? Sorry, folks. No idea. I think we'll have to purple-nurple it out of the_bone or mct...
  • It must be this monkey.
  • cool.
  • wtg, neighbor88.
  • *hands Batman cowl and codpiece to rocket88* *dons Robin costume* *is not at all gay*
  • YEAH!! Balloons and noisemakers all around. I say we have a Monkey Pileon® and cockpunch all around. Whoot for The TenaciousPettle!!
  • *dashes into cellar searching jugs of the '03 cockpunch*
  • I applaud this and all(great work!), but Sonnet Boy? I don't care how tenacious your pettle is, isn't Sonnet Boy kind of droopy in a sense? Why not Sonnet Monger or something more evocative, like Sonnet Avenger? Just a thought.
  • This is absolutely %#@^®#$-ing fantastic. See? There isn't even a real cuss word good enough to describe it. The sonnet and the English language just fit so beautifully together. You can even use them for nonsense, like here, here, and here. The biggest bananana evar to the Pettlemeister!
  • A splendid project, Sonnet Boy! May your resolve remain tenacious - keep your pettle to the metal. and the "Sonnet Avenger" rocks.
  • Be sure to read the poem Pettle put up today: it curdled my blood.
  • Or is that yesterday already? On the 4th, anyway.
  • The sonnet thing is cool, and I always like seeing the surrender-monkey myth being debunked (Hundred Year War, anyone?), not that it'll have any effect.
  • Well done, TP!
  • My dear Monkeys, a few points: 1) TUM: thanks for your praise, but you give with one hand and take away with the other when you say my sonnets are good, then link to three of your own that leave mine in the dust. Yeowch. Great stuff. :) 2) cynnbad: When I started the project, I did not have the level of confidence and all-around belief in my own awesomeness to claim a mantle as grand as "The Sonnet Avenger." And besides, the poetry should be the draw, not the larger-than-life personality of the poet. I prefer to remain obscure. Which brings me to my next point, a word of warning to all Monkeys.... 3) Never, but never tell MCT your secret identity. The Cutter didn't even have to torture him, just threaten him with feathery tickles and now my cover is blown. NOT COOL, Robin. ;) 4) And finally, thanks to all the monkeys for their kind reactions. I know there are far greater poets than I on the board, so I'm a little embarassed by my stuff, although other of my stuff I think is pretty okay and am not too 'shamed of, I'll leave you to figure out which. Please read, and if you enjoy, comment. And remember, as Confucious famously says, "They can't all be gems." *tips hat*
  • *stands on skyscraper ledge, hitches up green spandex manties* *swings off into the distance*
  • curiosity derail: MrKnickerbocker why do you site the Hundred Years War as a counter-example of cheese-eatery?
  • Medusa: Because they we're in a war for way over a hundred years without surrendering. And they eventually won it. People like to make jokes about France surrendering quickly, when the French are the greatest historical example of not surrendering.
  • hmmm. The Hundred Years War was a series of intermittent battles that occured over a period of time (which happened to be more than 100 years, I'll have you know!) It is true that the french never surrendered but each battle was something of a hit & run raid, the brits won all of the early battles (against pretty steep odds) but were never able to parlay those battlefield victories into any meaningful situation, ie. regaining the territory that had been lost under the reign of King John. in defense of the french, during part of the earlier period the king (Charles VI) was terribly mentally ill, something like schizophrenia [sic?] and not really capable of ruling. Joan of Arc helped turn the tide of things by fighting on behalf of the dauphin (crazy dude's son) who became king, and was a more formidable foe than dad... also, not long after that the english king (Henry V) died, leaving his infant son (who was in fact the maternal grandson of Charles VI and inherited his mental illnesss!!!) in charge of england, thus greatly altering the odds between the two states... um, if you would like any citations for this, or book references, I could provide them. I did a BA in Medival History at Rutgers. now THAT'S a useless degree!!
  • Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting A special "hand" of giant bananas to MCT for all the cool linkage. Useless or not, it's a pretty cool degree, Medusa! I remember standing on the spot in the Wakefield Tower where Henry VI was murdered and getting chills up my spine!
  • TUM, you know the "Site of Scaffold" plaque on the grounds? I have an AWESOME picture of that with Ravens on it (non-digital). very apropos!
  • (which happened to be more than 100 years, I'll have you know!) Yeah, that's why I said "way over a hundred years". I don't need citations or references, why would I? It kinda feels like you are trying to disagree with me, but everything you're saying fits with what I'm saying. The French spent the majority of that war losing it, without surrendering. Despite losing so many battles, they held out, and eventually won. I just find it amazing that someone can look at a country that fought a war for that many generations, and then say that that country surrenders too easily. Hell, if you were born at the start of the war, your grandchildren could've died from old age while it was still going on. You would've known war your entire lifetime, and the same goes for your children and your grandchildren.
  • well as someone who never said the french were "cheese eating surrender-monkeys" I don't think we are having an argument, MrKB. I was merely seeking (and providing) clarification on yr original comment. I don't think war or politics are ever simple, black & white dynamics that can be simplistically explained by chauvanistic cliques. besides, I like the french, they are just dandy by me. now someone get me some cheese ;)
  • Oh, the cat's eaten it!
  • Well, someone has to say it: if it weren't for the French, all you Amerimonkeys would have English accents.
  • And however pretty Boston Harbour is, you should never make tea with salt water
  • The question of whether the French are cheese-eating surrender monkeys need not detain us, but surely they did surrender to the English (very much not the Brits), accepting Henry V as Regent of France and heir to the throne itself? And then they had to be rescued by a girl.
  • Sorry, that last bit just slipped out. I withdraw unreservedly.
  • They beat the Portuguese though. BAM! Take that, Winky Ronaldo.
  • And then they had to be rescued by a girl. Holy shit, that's funny.
  • *wonders if it's worse to be rescued by a girl or beaten by a girl*
  • I've paid good money for both.
  • Aaaaaaaaand coffee in the keyboard.
  • Even though they have proven they can be fierce warriors, Today we disparage and hold the French sorrier. Their wonderful wines and fabulous cheeses Don't seem very warlike and thus fail to please us. Napoleon's saber and Charlemagne's sword Are apparently weaker than pickups by Ford. Their cavalry charges held Europe in terror; But fail to agree with us, that's fatal error. They conquered a continent, dug in the trenches, Yet some of us still won't eat mustard from French's. They helped us take Yorktown and humble Cornwallis, Yet their "cowardly" history will always appall us. And despite making war over 100 years, Toby Keith still makes money by calling them queers. My first try at thread-specific poetry. Be gentle.
  • that's rather super! gentle enough for you?
  • Why exactly should we be gentiles, you jew-hater?
  • I'll be genteel if I want to be! *sips tea, lifts pinky*
  • Are apparently weaker than pickups by Ford. hoot! hoot! And a TK dig! You sly dog you!
  • many bananas for you, tenaciouspettle! i hope they find you in fine fettle. and if i had the wherewithal, i'd make a pun on genital.
  • I'll be gentian with you. Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting And then I'll tell you what an ^#$^(*#%(-in' awesome poem that is!
  • ))) for Pettle!!!
  • FUCK YEAH!
  • Muy awesome, Pettle! Big ups and that!
  • Woo! Congratulations!
  • Tenaciously Poetlled, indeed.
  • Well done, old chap.
  • I just went back and read a few, and I have to comment to say how good they are. Especially 365, which blew my socks off. Well done, TP.
  • Ditto Pallas A and her socks. I remember reading the one that curdled Bees' blood last year, and to my detriment and surprise, have not been back since. Until now. The only thing that stopped me from reading all of them in reverse chronological order today was a lack of time and intense envy.