June 21, 2006

• Speaking personally, I'd annex the Sudatenland.
• Free reign or licentious?
• Well, let's just say I wouldn't be waiting until after death to get all of them virgins.
• Isn't he basically admitting we made things worse by overthrowing Saddam Hussein?
• As is my policy with all Curious George questions, I will answer this query with the solemn dignity and straightforwardness that is always called for in such cases, and will not "muck around" like some of the lowlifes around here. Were I given free reign over Iraq, I would summon Bill O'Reilly to be my Prime Minister, and as soon as he showed up for work, I would shoot him dead. Right between the eyes. Then I would grab all the money I could and leave the country, never to be heard from again. Basically it is the same strategy that Halliburton is employing, except for the part about killing Bill O'Reilly.
• I shoot you right between the eyes. OK? Incidentally, I know a guy who proposes this as a solution to every single problem. See an illegal alien on the street? Shoot him. After Roe v. Wade is overturned? Shoot every woman who had an abortion in the last ten years. Seriously. Isn't he basically admitting we made things worse by overthrowing Saddam Hussein? No, see, because of all those WMDs he had. Not to mention how he helped plan 9-11.
• I would immediately adopt Daylight Savings Time, fake everybody out, and shoot 'em between the eyes. Then, when Mr. O'Reilly came 'round to clean up the corpses, I'd make sure his time clock was set back five minutes, so I could shoot 'im between the eyes. Or between the testicles. My aim, she's not so good.
• I know a guy who proposes this as a solution to every single problem. Yeah, I know a couple of fundies from Texas who follow up every offense (real or imagined) with, "If it'd been me, I woulda shot his ass." Guns for Jesus! Getting back to the original question: If I ruled, I would put bags of pig's blood in open view: on every street corner, in every business, on every bus. In this way, the people who consider blowing themselves up for Allah will think twice, since dying covered in pig's blood desecrates you and revokes your right to your nifty Muslim afterlife. I've always been a proponent of using a people's religion against them.
• I am growing quite fond of nunia. do you need a pig's blood packager?
• Where will you get all that pig's blood? Even if we drained Bill O'Reilly's last drop, that's only a few quarts.
• When I am king you will be first against the wall With your opinions which are of no consequence at all
• monkistan: a kitten in every pot and a bicycle in every garage. and free puppies for everyone. and ingesting pot is compulsory.
• Do you really want to turn insurgents into super psychic soldiers?
• Nice. Just need the typing though. Juuuuuust the typing.
• glamajamma, what the hell is that thing???
• I am growing quite fond of nunia. Aw! Hugs! (Not drugs. Crack is whack. I love the 80's!) do you need a pig's blood packager? Absolutely. I'm considering bids from Jimmy Dean and Roseanne Barr. However, I will need an operations manager (read "Blood Czar"), and you've got the job if you're interested. Where will you get all that pig's blood? Even if we drained Bill O'Reilly's last drop, that's only a few quarts. It's my understanding that, although he is indeed a pig, there's not much blood in him. His veins are filled with spite, which does The Cause no good. I'll get my blood from slaughterhouses, where pig's blood flows like pools of righteousness. In fact, they have so much that they'll pay me to take it off their hands. Or else.
• Damn. Post and Preview both start with a P and make my life miser-ble.
• Ach! Who'd have thought a thread about ruthless dictatorship could have gotten so violent!
• *gives petebest a purple nurple on behalf of the Revolution*
• Can we cool it with the images? I hate having to delete stuff but this one is barely relevant and pretty tasteless. Save it for the eeked threads.
• petebest and purple nurple aslo start with P!
• Well, for starters, I'd give myself the afternoon off so I could watch the Holland-Argentina game, instead of sitting here at work, not getting any work done because I'm watching the ticker. And I'd also eliminate sales tax on all feminine hygene products, deodorant, and books.
• "Can we cool it with the images? I hate having to delete stuff but this one is barely relevant and pretty tasteless. Save it for the eeked threads." Dude was talking about covering people in pig's blood. Carrie was covered in pigs blood, and massacred a gym full of unsuspecting students, WITH HER MIND! Do you really wants US soldiers brains being psychoflexed?
• Definitely not more than I want to see that image again. Oy! Like terror itself she looks! Feh!
• Whims of fashion abolished. Everybody goes on their daily business wearing nothing but kingdom-regulation, comfy silk pajamas... ...or else.
• or else nothing at all!
• Y'know, "Prince Machabelli" might be a good sock puppet . ..
• I can see your dirty pillows, glamajamma.
• Proof That There Is No God: MonkeyBashi: "Can we cool it with the images? I hate having to delete stuff but this one is barely relevant and pretty tasteless. Save it for the eeked threads." God, in a general response to porn, bestiality and dismembered corpse internet imagery: "(Silence)". MonkeyBashi: "I asked recently elsewhere that people take Curious George posts a little more seriously. The eeked threads especially are fine to muck around in, but if someone has a genuine question, please be helpful in answering." God, in response to taking his name in vain, lack of human kindness, the charity of mercy: "(Silence)".
• (I had more, but the postey finger and the previewey finger got into a fight, and the previewey finger lost.
• Mandatory hockey.
• I'd get the Americans in, all of them, then dust off and nuke the site from orbit, it really is the only way to be sure in my opinion. The really shocking thing in Carrie was her brustwarzes became visible after the dunking in pigs blood, and it wasn't banned.
• I am so on about being the Blood Csar!! I accept the mission :) I don't know what I would do if I ruled Iraq in particular, but I have long had a pernicious plan for WORLD domination: I would have EVERYONE mandatorily, reversibly sterilized at puberty. If you want a child you have to jump threw a buncha hoops (sort of like getting a drivers license!) such as therapy, classes etc., of course, that would also mean that you WANTED a child, to bother going thru all those hoops, so the days of the tragic "oops I'm preggers" unwanted children would be over, not to mention I would solve some population issues AND those anti-abortion fuckers wouldn't have so much to whine about, all in one fell swoop. SO VOTE FOR ME, THE TYRANT OF THE FUTURE!
• and I would illegalize the private ownership of SUVs. they would only be availabe for rental for appropriate usage (ie going to the sierras to ski with my homies...)
• and all "qualified" young men would be required at the age of, say, 16, to um...do some time, in my private army...mandatory subscription for the MILFmotherland
• A simple switch of terms and all is well: 1. Buy a fishing license: it is valid for the rest of your life. 2. Buy a marriage license: It is valid only for five years. If you don't renew, pfft. Done.
• Sixteen? Sounds like someone has a LOT of training to do. Don't look at me. I'm very busy negotiating a contract with Zip-Lock on those pig's blood bags. Very, very busy.
• OK, Medusa wins. I volunteer to be Lord High Sterilizer!
• TUM, I will also need help...ahem, training my little soldiers...you know, drilling and stuff...can I count on you?? (and nunia don't think you can avoid a position of power and responsibility-the better to abuse!-in my gubmint)
• Alright, Medusa, I'm on board. I'll kick puppies and leave the breaking-in of protomen to you.
• *alters birthdate on license from 1975 to 1990*
• Hey! That 16-year-old has hair growing out of his ears! The only way we can know how old he really is will be to cut him in half and count the rings. Where's my spork?
• ok, I changed my mind. I LOVE nunia!! let's run off and start a cruel despotic empire together baby :)
• You got it, Sweets. Just drop your bags anywhere.
• I would divide the country into three new countries. I would announce the date that it would occur and try to protect people who want to move. Then I would have the US guard the borders but not be allowed into the new countries.
• Republicania, Freedonia and Texas, I suppose?
• What about Anvilania? Episode part I, Episode part II
• I tend to think Medusa's plan would stop the insurgency in Iraq pretty quickly. There's something to be said for the decrease in senseless violence when some men finally get laid. Am I making sense here people?!?! *breaks bottle on table* Uh, sorry. Carry on.
• MonkeyFilter: I had more, but the postey finger and the previewey finger got into a fight, and the previewey finger lost.
• *bangs shoe on table* WE WILL BURY YOU.
• What controversial suggestion will Bill O'Reilly come up with next? "Hell, if I was in charge, we'd stop pussyfooting around and invade Iraq."
• He just cares so much, see. That's what we don't understand.
• Maybe he can start calling for God to strike down various world leaders. Oh, yeah, someone already grabbed that schtick.
• Well, Lara, if we sent Ellen Degeneres over there, I'm certain that God would smite them good. After all, according to Pat Robertson, God hates Ellen, which is why He flooded New Orleans* and blew up the WTC. *(Although God did say He would not flood the world again, what He meant was He wouldn't flood the world as long as lesbians never hosted any television programs. After all, God's policy is predicated on television programming. Everyone knows that.)
• I said if they are an imminent threat, then we shouldn't bother invading and just glass their military infrastructure before it can be used. I mean, that is the usual response to "the warning will be in the form of a mushroom cloud" I think I started to suspect something when we didn't. A conventional invasion and search for "hidden weapons" is not a response to "imminent chemical/biological/nuclear threat". Its a half-assed bullshit police action.
• I mean, kudos on the U.S.'s humanitarian democracy spreading invasion that tried not to defeat anybody thinking that that merely being occupied would make them love us. Kudos on us for holding back and only killing tens of thousands. Kudos on leaving most of Saddam's army merely humiliated so that it would have plenty of time to learn to hate us, retrench, and seek revenge. O'Reilly? He's a distraction from the real danger which rests within the administration. He says these things on purpose just to get you riled up at him, and not the real traitors to this country and our principles. O'Reilly would find it so much simpler to just shoot everyone who doesn't do as he says. Isn't he nice. Kudos, O'Reilly.
• Oil is making foreign policy for industrialized nations. Attacking another country, one which was not at war with you, and did not attack you -- as was the case with Iraq - is the very sort of thing the US traditionally liked to castigate other countries for. Astonishingly, the Bush administration gave the OK to premeditated attacks by or upon foreign nations (because this is inevitably going to work both ways, not just to the advantage of the US and whichever pack of scoundrels happen to be in charge at a particular time). Even more astonishingly, there's been almost no fuss raised about this incredible volte face in US fopreign policy and in the field of international relations. Pearl Harbour? Why that was perfectly OK. If it happened today, the US wouldn't have a legal leg left to teeter on.