June 03, 2006

• When my ex-husband (born and raised in Mexico) and I first got married, he was under the impression that the custom in the US was for the husband to had over his paychecks to his wife. And he did. I never told him any differently. Though he eventually figured it out.
• "hand" Why do those things only jump out at your after you've reviewed and posted. Or is that just a US thing?
• See what I mean?
• Before I moved to Japan a friend gave me a book, in which was listed a whole bunch of cultural Dos and Don'ts. Much of the advice was pointless. On the whole most people don't expect you to know how things are done in their culture, and are usually pretty helpful if you just look like you are trying to do the right thing. Being observant and friendly is your best defence. One amusing thing though that puzzles a lot of Western women here is this sub-culture tendency which involves quite a number of Japanese women wanting to feel your breasts. Most of them do at least ask you if they can. But it certainly feels weird to be asked by a woman "Oooo can I touch your breasts?" And then if there are a couple of women, once one does they all want to, and then you get surrounded by women poking at you squealing "Oh! Soft!". I've also seen this though on TV between Japanese women, and so it may be less a Western boob thing, but just anyone who is bigger than an "A" cup. It's always struck Western women I've talked to about this as being in the uncomfortable zone for our cultures, in which you tend not to ask to feel other women up, especially if you've just met them.
• I forgot what I was going to say...
• Huh. I always ask women I've just met if I can feel them up. It's in my religion.
• I was told when we were in South Carolina, at some Civil War historical spot to not actually say the words "Civil War" out loud while in the park. I was told Southerners refered to it as "The War Between The States". I've always wondered if people from The South really would take the kind offense my mother imagined they would or actually make the distinction at all.
• I heard that in Canada everybody takes their shoes of in the house. That can't be right, surely? Oh, and they eat babies.
• Well, it's all been of a pattern like this: the Blankians are stupid/ignorant/rude/mannerless/childish/genetically defective the Blankians smell bad/don't believe in taking baths/have STDs/AIDs/bodies buried in the basement and whenever the Blankians speak to one another in their own language, they say terrible things about us and so on and on, interminably
• TRUE FACTS FROM AROUND THE WORLD! 1. In Finland it is considered incredibly rude to mistreat or abuse cheese. 2. People from Paraguay once stopped talking to people from Uruguay for a whole week, but they're OK now. 3. In Laos, nobody really likes Academy Award™ nominated actress Susan Sarandon. They don't actively dislike her though - they're just all like, "Sarandon? Meh". 4. Every single person in Fiji watched the movie "Titanic" and cried. 5. "New Zealand" isn't really all that new. In fact, it was founded by Russians who just gave the original Zealand a good clean and painted it orange. 6. African people like to think of themselves as people with rich, complex personal histories who belong to social, political and religious groupings of an incredibly diverse variety across the whole continent, but we know better.
• I googled for "touch a child's head" and found that it is taboo variously in: SE Asia, Taiwan, Malaysia, Hong Kong, but mostly, Thailand. This is the expertise of the Internets! Allegedly, it stems from Buddhist beliefs or something.
• In Finland it is considered incredibly rude to mistreat or abuse cheese. Too true. Hyvaa Pyvaa!
• This isn't a misconception, but it's on the topic of cultural oddities. In Hungary and the Czech Republic you're expected to tell your server how much you plan to tip. If you leave money on the bar they won't touch it. If the bill comes to 19.99 and you leave 25 they'll give your five back and a penny change - unlike most other places I've been where they'll break the five without asking.
• See what I mean? You're not using Opera, are you, path? Alos, I've heard, but don't know for certain, that exposing your teeth when smiling in Japan was considered an aggressive act. Confirmation, gomichild?
• I was once told that Kiwis and Aussies get offended if you mix them up. I did it once, and the guy WAS offended. I'm not sure if it really was a cultural thing, or just that guy.
• nunia - nah. Not really heard that one. Lots of girls laugh with their hands covering their mouths - though I think it's more of a cutesy act thing. Some women do it while talking too (which is annoying because it means you can't hear what they are saying). TUM - too bloody right. Not that it's embarrassing to be accused of being a New Zealander mind you - but both countries have their own cultural identity - and indeed their own accent. I guess it's more of a feeling that people outside of the two countries can't hear (or be bothered to know) that their speech is quite different. On the other hand - I am very cautious of asking Canadians what part of the States they are from.
• I am very cautious of asking Canadians what part of the States they are from. When my hubby and I were in England, everyone thought we were from Canada, because we weren't jerks. Next time: maple leaves on our jackets and packs!
• I think exposing the teeth == aggressiveness applies to dogs and babboons. So you might conclude it applies to Americans, but actually they would just be showing off their orthodontic work.
• Actually, Alex Ander, we Southerners prefer "The War of Northern Aggression". I kid. My sister, who worked at a Civil War battlefield in TN, never makes any distinctions between Civil War and War Between the States.
• I have a British colleague at work who's in the US for a 3 year assignment at "headquarters." When she first got here, Human Resources gave her a booklet about living in the US. Apparently, this booklet warns the foreign female visitor against inviting an American man into her home, because he will then expect sex from her.
• One amusing thing though that puzzles a lot of Western women here is this sub-culture tendency which involves quite a number of Japanese women wanting to feel your breasts. Most of them do at least ask you if they can. But it certainly feels weird to be asked by a woman "Oooo can I touch your breasts?" And then if there are a couple of women, once one does they all want to, and then you get surrounded by women poking at you squealing "Oh! Soft!". *considers taking wife to Japan this year*
• A friend of mine studied in England for a semester. While over there, he took a weekend trip to Bath, where he met a couple of lovely young women who offered to show him around. When they found out he was American they asked him, "Oh, how many times have you been mugged?" He answered, "What, today?"
• I am very cautious of asking Canadians what part of the States they are from. Very wise, indeed! You might get tut-tutted at.
• When my ex-husband (born and raised in Mexico) and I first got married, he was under the impression that the custom in the US was for the husband to had over his paychecks to his wife. The only man I know who does that is a Mexican-born one living in Canada.
• Never, never, never admit that you're a texan in new mexico. Seriously.
• Do not assume that Canada is "immune to the threat of terrorism".
• in ireland, it's considered terribly bad form to forcibly detain a leprechaun. however, should you manage to do so, he is obliged to show you where he's hidden his stash of sugar-based breakfast food with dehydrated marshmallows.
• Magically suspicious. Yum.
• I had an econ professor who was Dutch, and said that when he arrived in the US his landlady told him that he had to buy his mail from her. He believed her, bless his heart.
• ...unlike most other places I've been where they'll break the five without asking. I hate that, I thought I was the only one. And it's even worse in this country because of the one and two dollar coins. And no I will not stoop to that overpoweringly uncreative norm of Canada and call the two buck coin a "toonie." They do it enough on the "Ceeb," gah. I once ordered ten drinks without a tab to fill a sock with coins so that I could mug my dignity back when the weight of metal in my pockets tore my pants from my ass. But would I have needed to if I hadn't ordered ten drinks without a tab? Anyway, I don't know if it's just an urban legend but I thought tips stood for "to insure professional service." In Canada it seems so many people think tipping is obligatory - I don't. Case in point: Last week I visited the Commodore Ballroom to see a concert with my lady-friend. While ordering drinks at the bar the bartender mistakenly overcharged me to the tune of 17$ for two drinks, thinking I had ordered more drinks than I had - no big deal, simple mistake. Then, flustered, with her error she asked for the change which she hadn't given me. I told her that she hadn't given me change yet and she kind of stared at me with this ugly-ass sneer for a minute while the mice spun the wheels. The tips were dropping at that point. My girlfriend asked me what was happening and I just sort of shook my head at her in a shrugging kind of way as if to communicate a long story. The bartender sees me doing this and says, "don't be like that," in a rather commanding way, while handing me the change two drinks actually warrants. I pocket the change and reply, "I won't," and return to enjoy the concert. But according to the habits of alot of people in these parts I should have tipped her. I could have given her a nickel, I suppose. Maybe tipping is obligatory. Perhaps, like other service staff, politicians should make most of their salary through tips. Send us taxes for half the amount, and if we like what kind of service you've provided you'll be doing well.
• I've recently moved even closer to Hell, Michigan. There are a few misperceptions here regarding that small town. 1. There is a wedding chapel in Hell (well, of course there is! Statistics show that nearly as many marriages start in Hell as end up there.). There is a urban legand that getting married in Hell will assure hot sex. Not true, Hell is still in Michigan where the average temperature is about that of Toronto. 2. There is a misconception that a snowball doesn't have chance in Hell. Untrue, I've personally not only made snowballs in Hell, but I've left one there for over three years and it is still in good shape. (although the owner of the ice creme shop wants me to get it out of the freezer.) 3. It is said that you can't tell a person in Hell to "go to Hell". You can, but they just look at you like you're an idiot. 4. It is believed that you have to be damned to go to Hell. Not true, most anyone can go there. I've actually been through Hell with a Christian Youth Group. There is, however, a dam in hell. Which, about ten years ago broke, giving birth to the phrase "All Hell broke loose!" (this emptied the lake, and it took years to put the dam back in Hell, but that's another story). /yep, this was doomed to go badly...but thanks!
• The best "insult tip" I left was a handful of pennies at the bottom of my water glass. And thrust me: that female got more than she deserved. The best real tip was to a guy who put up with me at 3 am for a cup of coffee. A $20 for a 50-cent cup of joe.
• Heh, "thrust me." My fingers are now in time-out. Now think about what you have done!
• Don't admit your from Texas in Colorado, either. (or, these days, most places... being Texan used to make me lots of friends abroad. Not so much any more.) In Texas, at least, only racists and the Daughters of the Confederacy (who don't tend to have the best racial politics) refer to the "War Between the States" or the "War of Northern Agression." The rest of us say "Civil War" so you won't think we're racists. In the US, tipping tends to be obligatory, because most servers make around two dollars an hour (they're exempt from minimum wage laws for some reason). To make sure they make a living wage, you have to tip. It can stink when you get a bad server, but that's just how it works.
• It can stink when you get a bad server, but that's just how it works. I hate to harp on the bad service = no tip, but I'd rather save other people from bad service by making him/her realize that they are in the wrong line of work than perpetuate a monster.
• ever worked a service job, insolentchimp?
• Yep, it takes a lot of patience.
• Arkansawyers go with "War of Northern Aggression" but that may be because the Louisiana-born editor of the Arkansas Democrat often uses the term. Did Weather Underground ever start giving the temperature in Hell? I suggested it to them once but never followed up to see if they had done it.
• I've never in my life heard an Arkansan use that term unironically, though I'll admit I've only been here a few years -- even so, I come from the Missouri side of the Ozarks, where the Confederate flag can still be found. Though yes, when the Dem-Gaz's editorial staff is publishing love letters to Robert E. Lee on his birthday, it's kind of hard to take the paper all that seriously. Thank God for the Ark Times, though I'm biased there. You near LR, Libertarian?
• I have heard that New Zealanders are so embarrassed about their "touch no child on the head" policy that they have started a propaganda campaign to counter the evil truth.
• I heard that in Canada everybody takes their shoes of in the house. That can't be right, surely? I doubt if everybody does, but most people I know in Toronto and Montreal do take their shoes off in the house. You know it's a good party if you go home with a better pair of shoes than you wore when you arrived. Oh, and they eat babies. Sorry, that only happens at the awesome parties.
• Great comments here. I took care of an elderly Cambodian woman who was admitted to hospital after a CVA (stroke). She had lost the use of her right arm and leg, and couldn't speak, though she seemed to comprehend her families' speech. Every time I went in her room, I found her on the floor. (Know that a patient on the floor.. even an uninjured one.. means PAPERWORK.) I'd gather staff, get her back in bed, check her over and .. watch her closer. Eventually I caught her throwing herself over the bedrail. I thought the CVA had affected her perceptions, too. At home, on a whim, I looked up Cambodia and started to read. White is the colour for death, in her culture. (Guess which colour hospital sheets are.) I went up to the Maternity unit and borrowed a set of pink sheets. That dear old woman never climbed out of bed again. She recovered enough to walk with a cane. Pink sheets as a healing medium. *nod* Ambience counts.
• Yeah kamus, our campaign is called "No Child Left Untouched". [/makes an obvious Michael Jackson joke here] That's fascinating, reflecked.
• Blackadder: And in Genoa, 'tis now the fashion to pin a live frog to the shoulder braid, stand in a bucket and go "bibble" at passers by. Queen: Oh, our Italian cousins!
• If anyone ever tells you Australians are anti-authoritarian, don't believe them. Same goes for thinking we are all physically active. For the English - not everyone who isn't a Londoner is Scottish. Not everyone likes Black and Yorkshire Puddings. For the Germans - they do have a sense of humour, but you must be punctual. Question for the US types - Are your serves of food really that much bigger than everywhere elses?
• *applause for Reflecked Some nurses are amazing!
• It depends on the restaurant. Some of them, enormous portions are their gimmick and they pretty much expect you to ask for a take-home box at the end of the meal.
• There's a place in Nanaimo, British Columbia that serves a burger the size of your head with everything, including bacon and eggs on it. They put a picture of your fat-ass on the wall if you can finish it and pay for your meal. It isn't just the USA; we've been infected with excess as well, although for the longest time it was mostly booze.
• dj, stop lying about the Germans. There is no sense of humor there. (Or so says my friend who is on a Fulbright in Germany and totally miserable. But otherwise, I'm kidding. My friend did say that at least one of the German friends she's made has mentioned being taken aback by the American habit of asking, "How are you?" in casual conversation....) I suspect that the thing about American men expecting sex if you invite them into your dwelling isn't entirely untrue. It shouldn't be true, but if you're a single woman living alone, and you invite a man in for a drink at the end of the evening, it's my experience that most guys will be surprised if there isn't some action. But that's "at the end of an evening after a date" or "if you invite them over for dinner AS a date", not "if they come over to study at 3PM." I think that it will take a few generations for this concept to change, if it ever does. (I mean, on the one hand, you have feminist attempts to educate people or change situations, but on the other, you have a self-perpetuating "lad" culture, where a guy listens more to what his dad and buddies say than "some chick" or his mom or sisters, even though he'd be pissed if some guy treated his mom or sister that way. I think. We're talking about "some" guys, not "all" guys.) I'll be heartbroken if American restaurant portions change as recommended by the FDA, because I don't think prices will go down (I think the restaurants probably count on making a certain amount per head), and I won't be able to get two meals out of a restaurant meal and its leftovers anymore. It tends to be chain pub-style family restaurants that have those sorts of ridiculously huge portions. For heaven's sake don't ever make any assumptions about someone from Yugoslavia. I never have, really, but I have a good friend who is Serbian and she has ranted about this at length. Apparently most of what is said about Serbia in American media and etc. is incorrect, or was a few years back.
• PS - nunia, the suggestion that Americans visiting Europe invest in some item of Canadiana for the trip is one I've heard before, but I've always wondered... If you put that Maple Leaf pin on your lapel or patch on your bag, what do people do when they find out you're not Canadian? Do they notice that a transparent attempt to trick them was made, and react accordingly... IE, does it add another thing to the stack of "rude American" complaints? Or do they not notice? Or do they notice and giggle? Can it be explained as, "We're just using it as a signal that we're more like the sterotypical Canadian visitor than the stereotypical American" ? If anyone ever does this or has done it, I'm basically just curious to know if it had any unintended consequences. At any rate, I've mostly heard it as advice for hostel-dwelling backpackers.
• Your Chinese student (or her tutor) may have got the wrong end of the stick. It's not a New Zealand thing, it's a traditional Maori thing. Heads are tapu, don't pat them. This and other guidelines are discussed here for example (warning, Word doc).
• on the head-touching thing, i understood this to be impolite in bali, based i think on an entry in the rough guide. a balinese driver and guide here says:

  You should not touch someone's head (including children), or point your finger at someone as it is considered impolite. For the same reason you should avoid standing with your head above someone you are talking to so when in doubt sit down.

  balihotels.com and travelnotes.org offer similar advice.
• Re the maple leaf on the luggage thang: I advise Merkins who do this to avoid detection by Canadians. You will receive a severe tut-tutting. Imagine how you'd feel if (har!) things were reversed, and some travelling Canadians did a faux grab for their giblets during "Oh Say Can You See"!
• verbminx: Yeah, it would be hard to pull off being a Canadian poseur, especially when you present your passport. I suppose one could say that their forefathers emmigrated from Canada, and that they were themselves descended from Canadians and are showing "fatherland spirit."
• Before moving to England, I read that a book which claimed that you should never invite people of different social classes to the same party, because it will create considerable awkwardness. I have now lived here 3.5 years and this has never been the case. (By the way, the idea that "tip" is short for "To Insure Promptness" is a myth. This does not mean that you must tip for bad service, of course.)
• un- wrote: I googled for "touch a child's head" and found that it is taboo variously in: SE Asia, Taiwan, Malaysia, Hong Kong, but mostly, Thailand ... Allegedly, it stems from Buddhist beliefs or something. In many Asian cultures, the head is the 'highest' part of the body (in a spiritual sense) and the feet are the lowest. This has lots of consequences, such as the fact that touching someone's head or face is offensive (adults as well as children) and stepping on a sacred object is deeply taboo. Even sitting in such a way that your feet point towards a holy object or person such as a Buddha image or a monk is bad. Women, incidentally, may not touch monks (certainly in Thailand, Cambodia and Laos and probably elsewhere as well). A woman who wants to hand something to a monk will place it where he can reach it, or give it to a man to hand over. I guess the worst possible thing would be a woman touching a monk's head with her foot: that one really doesn't bear thinking about. In Arab and Islamic countries, use your right hand for shaking hands, taking or giving things, and waving to someone. The left hand is reserved for cleaning your ass and using it for anything else may be seen as disgusting and insulting.
• Apparently, this booklet warns the foreign female visitor against inviting an American man into her home, because he will then expect sex from her. Woo hoo! I'm famous!
• ... the foreign female visitor against inviting an American man into her home, because he will then expect sex from her. Definitely false, at least in Canada. Every time my wife comes to the bar to collect me and says, "Come home with me, now!", I never get any loving.
• Yeah, I never get to have sex with your wife either. What up with that?
• Apparently, this booklet warns the foreign female visitor against inviting an American man into her home, because he will then expect sex from her. That's correct. American men are like vampires: once you invite them in, you've opened yourself to attack. Bite me.
• nunia, I see you've met my husband...
• Hey thanks, vitalorgnz. I suspected as much but asking a few other people wasn't much help, and being in Christchurch (especially my part of Chch), I don't know anyone Maori to ask. That was the conclusion we came to eventually.
• Dammit, medusa, he said he was the cable guy!
• I thought he was the cabal guy!
• Only if he's been hiding in the firc... damnit, I've said too much
• I found out that you don't tip bartenders in London the same way you would in San Francisco (generally a dollar a drink or so). I left a few pounds on the bar after getting a couple of drinks, and the bartender just knocked them onto the floor. I was extremely embarassed, but luckily had just purchased some embarassment cure from said bartender.
• I suspect that the thing about American men expecting sex if you invite them into your dwelling isn't entirely untrue. Well, no, not entirely untrue. How do you think I met my fiance? But the point I wanted to make about the booklet (and perhaps failed to do) is that it was written by a corporation for its female employees. So they paid someone to write it, and they pay someone to hand it out. Why can't I have that job?
• a dollar a drink but they don't even bring it to you! If you're going to tip them for just giving you the drink, you might as well tip people in shops for handing over your purchase... er, you don't, do you? You never tip a bar-person in Britain, but (this is rare) you can ask them if they'll have one themselves, in which case they'll pocket the cost of a drink - or (which is rarer) have one themselves.
• Medusa - your husband is goth? (vampires har har har)
• I am much closer to gothdom than my husband, also much more likely to enjoy the dark n grisly life of a vampire--my husband is more of a fun, happy predator :D
• It's not goth anymore, it's "emo." Bah, you wouldn't understand. No one understands how misunderstood I am.
• the whole emo thing completely mystifies me, but I think I'm just too old to get it--or to care ;)
• Actually, when I was in high school, I was part of the proto-goth movement. Me and my 15 earrings and black clothes and metal-tipped plastic gator boots. You can't buy plastic gator no mores, cuz they's endangered. 'Specially the metal-tipped speeshees.
• He's finally got his own fashion movement? Good for him!
• Bah! Emos are just people to scared to be proper goths - we weren't all emotional pussies, we just liked wearing black, drinking snakebite and listening to Alien Sex Fiend. Happy days.
• Bah - goths now a'days - can't tell 'em nothing! Well, at least today's goths have a fitting mascot.
• "Emos are just people to scared to be proper goths..." And scared of losing their waistline by drinking beer. Going out to the bar, drinking juice -- no wonder they're miserable.
• emos drink JUICE at bars????????????? I am definitely not an emo... /downs a shot of breakfast bourbon :)