May 19, 2006

Pat Robertson predicts distaster Well, actually [G|g]od(ess) has, and delivered it through his chosen messenger. But what do scientists think the most likely natural disasters are for the US? Are tsumanis really coming to wash away those unchurched liberals in the Pacific Northwester?
posted by greyh 18 years ago
  • "If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms," Robertson said May 8. " I don't know about you, but I am getting pretty fucking tired of all the gibberish and just plain careless elocution coming from the holy-ass mouth of the Lord these days. I mean jesus god, if the fucking word has four syllables, pronounce all four syllables, you twit! And speak up, for christ's sake. It's hard enough to interpret your lame-ass messages in the first place, but "sotto voce" is both stupid and not very God-like, if you ask me. I mean, for all we know, you didn't say "lashed by storms", you could have said "trashed like Norm", or "Lassie's Mom", or whatever the fuck. Why should you get away with this? It doesn't work at the bank. I can't go in and say "Mortgage payment every month??? I thought you said every THREE months?" The "if I heard right" line of bullshit just doesn't fly here, and it ain't gonna fly in Lord-land, wherever the bloody hell that is. Jesus H. Freakin' God.
  • Seems to me an all-powerful god would be a bit more precise when talking to someone he/she obviously wants to commune with. I have this picture in my head of Robertson and Falwell having brainstorming sessions with their more diabolical minions to come up with the most outrageous statements they can. Isn't the 700 Club a live version of one of those tabloids whose headlines I read waiting to pay for my groceries? On preview, RTD said it best.
  • So why isn't this Pat Robertson guy locked up? He publicly admits to hearing imaginary voices.
  • You know what sux. If this does happen... we will never here the last of it. The whole game changes then.
  • But what do scientists think the most likely natural disasters are for the US? Well, I've got a MA in Linguistics AND an Masters of Library SCIENCE, so let me predict that a certain Ms. Xxxxxx of Olathe, KS, will lose one of her cats in the next one to eighty-eight months. Also, it is very likely that someone in Riley County, Kansas, will develop a very debilitating rash. Are tsumanis really coming to wash away those unchurched liberals in the Pacific Northwester? Sure, why in the hell not? SCIENCE hasn't proven that such a sequence of events can't happen. No one's predicted the date and/or specific place of such a tsunami, so the field's totally open. So, all you all in the Northwest better flee like sonsobitches. Pierce, Idaho would be a good spot, I think.
  • Cog_nate! Pierce, Idaho--ain't no WAY. If you're gonna flee, it's gotta be Kuna, Idaho, man. Take to the cave!
  • When I read this the other day, my first thought was ... other than that Pat is insane ... during what hurricane season hasn't the coasts of America been lashed by storms?
  • It doesn't take much to watch the news and hear that the world is in a climatic crisis, and then go on your special little teevee X-ian show and say, "Gawd told me that we're in a climatic crisis!" If you really want to believe something, you'll find or fabricate evidence to prove it. In fact, Gawd told me that I'm going to have another cup of coffee, and wouldn't you know it...here I am walking back into my kitchen...
  • *applauds Ralph* Robertson has needed to be led out behind the barn for many years now. That creepy, creepy-ass motherfucker. Bang.
  • So, I'm picturing the rapture finally happening. Alone, on a street corner is Pat Robertson. His arms are stretched to the sky. "What about me?" he cries. There is a crash of lightning. Jesus appears before him. And says "You? Bwwwwhahahahahahahahahaaaa, You've got to be fucking kidding me."
  • BlueHorse, we're talkin' FLOOD. Sure, it's pretty close to Boise, but Kuna is down in a valley. Pierce is in BFI but is up on a plateau. Plus, they've got great burgers at the Timber Inn where (perhaps not incidentally) you can also get a great duckfart. SCIENCE agrees: Pierce rules, Kuna drowns in a yet-to-be-accurately-predicted flood.
  • I predict that within the next three to 30 years Pat Robertson will die. If there is any justice in the world, Fred Phelps will attend the funeral, and make a big stink about something or other, pissing people off and ruining it for everyone. With luck he'll call Pat a homo, or at least a godless heathen following a false prophet or some such Phelps gibberish. Robertson is a tool. People like him make me want to vomit. Hypocrites, liars, all of the things they say we should not do or be, they strive to become, and call themselves good people because of it.
  • So, I'm picturing the rapture finally happening. Don't forget to get your letter queued up. via and don't bother sending him email.. it'll be returned "mailbox is full".
  • Patsy McWrathSmite himself isn't the thing that scares me; it's the fact that there is a market for his particular brand of insane ravings,
  • Feh. I live in Seattle. Bring it on. I'd like to wash away all the recent imports who believe in protesting everything from useless policies to gum stuck on their shoes.
  • Cog_nate: Shows what YOU know! After the great earthquakes and massive volcanic action you're going to see in BFI, Kuna will be the HIGHEST point on the map for 1450 miles around. Boise and all those sleezy politicians will sink into the ground without a trace. Head for the cave, boys! It's your only salvation.
  • > I'd like to wash away all the recent imports who... you should start a petition, or maybe make placards and picket somewhere.
  • pat, pat, pat. it's way past time for you to move to sunny-acres retirement villa, where you can play bingo and charades all day long. seriously.
  • Peach: But will they allow my souped-up, turbo-charged, psych-o-delic rocking chair?
  • hey, i'm a recent seattle import, but i'm far too lazy to protest. i'm having a really hard time imagining how a tsunami would get through the Sound...but I live on a hill, anyway. if there is a god, s/he really needs to smite ol' pat.
  • bluehorse, souped-up, turbo-charged, psych-o-delic rocking chairs are only allowed at jellybean bonanza's retirement dude and dudette ranch. :)
  • God tells Robertson of 2007's upcoming disaster. "The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that."
  • I wonder, when the Lord DOES say "nuclear", does (s)he pronounce it Bushian or correctian? And how could (s)he have been so wrong about the Cotton Bowl?