February 26, 2004

Drunken Chimps Threaten Humans courtesy snarkey malarkey
posted by forksclovetofu 20 years ago
  • But humans don't need to be drunk to threaten chimps.
  • Once intoxicated, they become hostile and attack and at times kill human children Hey, who doesn't? If chimps are mean drunks does that mean bonobos get all "affectionate"?
  • Spooky, trust me. They need no alcohol to do that.
  • Chimps are like humans in that they generally prefer sweet foods over anything else, so for the locals to complain when the chimps raid their banana and sugarcane crops, especially in light of the time the JGI supposedly spends educating these people, is laughable. Likewise, many animals have a tendency to partake of fermented foods where available: elephants eat fermented fruit, cats indulge in catnip, and so on. If the chimps know that beer is there, they're going to come after it. It's an accident waiting to happen, people, honestly!
  • No shit! Illegal breweries, overpopulation, less land for the natural inhabitants, less food, naturally their going to take it out on the easy targets. Duh. Mother Nature is a bitch.
  • >>And when crop-raiding chimps are chased, they get frightened and charge back
  • I think the real question is: After a few drinks, how are they at karaoke?
  • Ugh. Never invite Chimps to karaoke night. They are all, to a chimp, big fans of country&western.