April 06, 2006

• I can pop my arms out of their sockets at will.
• I've never lost a trivia game.
• I can wiggle my ears. And gurn.
• I can balance your checkbook.
• I'm the best dry-humper in the world
• I have no special talent whatsoever. I am utterly average by nearly every measurable standard.
• I can take a very large stack of bricks, maybe 30 - 40 bricks thick, place them on two supports and with a mighty and swift strike, break my hand on it.
• I'm the best french kisser.....or so says my Dad.
• I am a fart ventriloquist.
• I can belch really well. This is a talent common to all opera singers. Think of that the next time you hear Renée Fleming. VertexOfLife, I challenge thee to trivia.
• Argh...in what way are you the best?
• Now, Fes. We all know about your talent for sartorial consultancy.
• I can bump my head on low doorways and overhangs, repeatedly over the course of years (especially low overhangs above stairwells). I taught myself to tie my shoes, early one morning on a pair of my father's work shoes when I was a little kid, and to this day I've never seen anyone else use this same technique. I can remember my side of arguments I was involved in in the far-distant past, but I can also forget the names of people I worked closely with just a few years ago. I CAN GROW A BEARD.
• I can correctly complete a NY Times Monday crossword puzzle in under 8 minutes. Often under 5.
• My superpower is invisibility. I get lost in plain sight, as do most objects (especially paperwork) that I touch.
• Underpants Monster: it's not really a talent. Certainly not on par with fart ventriloquism.
• I am very bendy in interesting ways.
• HawthorneWingo, I've been tying my shoes "wrong" my entire life. I wonder if our methods are different? Mine involves making "bunny ears", then knotting those together. I learned it as a boy from a swami in a carnival...
• i can make you think about an orange elephant in the corner of a blue room.
• "I've never lost a trivia game." Here's some trivia for you -- I've never lost at mini-putt.
• well I suppose there is the old 'light my nipples on fire' party trick...
• That gives the phrase "got a match?" a whole new heretofore unplumbed perverty dimension.
• I can juggle, and I do the trick with a US$1 bill that makes George Washington look like he has his fly open.
• I can brew beer, dig a tunnel, wash windows, and grocery shop, all on the same day.
• I can also wiggle my ears and belch long and loud, as well as make a variety of interesting mouth-sounds. I can fit my entire fist in my mouth.
• > I can fit my entire fist in my mouth. hey, me too! or a tennis ball. though not at the same time. won't ever try that again.
• orange elephant in the corner of a blue room Actually, not all of us. Those instructions are too complicated. One object, one color. That's the max I can handle right now, thank you very much.
• orange elephant!
• I can take the meaning of lazy to a whole 'nother level.
• Oh! I can also clap with my feet, and I have prehensile toes.
• I can drink a bottle of beer in three seconds. Using a straw.
• I can surf the Internet all day without getting any work done.
• I can draw a perfectly accurate state/province map of the United States and Canada in 60 seconds. Too dorky to do at parties but people always think it's cool.
• I can do the Charleston on an escalator. Not as marketable a skill as you'd imagine.
• I have a double-jointed left thumb. I can forget your name 5 seconds after meeting you. I can do the Charleston on an escalator. Not as marketable a skill as you'd imagine. Hey, that helped Christopher Walken's career! Well, he didn't charleston, really..
• I'm a little disappointed Pallas Athena didn't demonstrate her belching in York Minster. The acoustics were so fine, too. And what an impression it would have made at tea at Betty's.
• >I can surf the Internet all day without getting any work done. Me too! And pallas- We've gotta go to a meetup and triva-battle sometime. =)
• I have a lazy eye, which is either the left or the right eye, depending on which one I'm "using". I can switch back and forth from eye to eye, completely freaking out my cats. I can only wiggle one ear, though.
• I can wiggle either eyebrow independently.
• Trivia battle! My party trick I guess is that my mom is the only person to ever beat me in a trivia game. Once in college, I beat 12 friends who all ganged up against me, 12 on 1.
• I sense a MoFi trivia thing coming on. I've never lost at Trivial Pursuit or Pictionary. I can also turn any conversation topic into one of those sudden lapses of silence where everyone is looking around desperately for someone else, who's not so boring and longwinded, to talk to. I can paint still life pictures so that they're recognisable and sketch dinosaurs and balding, fat tooth fairies for kids.
• I can change a diaper.
• I can change a twenty.
• I can see things that aren't there, and miss what's as plain as the nose on my face. I often hear what no one remembers saying aloud, and remember things said by people I haven't met yet. I juggle feet.
• “I'm the best french kisser.....or so says my Dad.” - posted by kernlicious I’ll take that bet....who’s your dad? I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget you’re a man, because I’ll knee you in the testicles. I can bite through a hammer.
• Trivia night comes to MoFIRC - watch for it at an FPP near you!
• I can hang perfectly horizontal to the ground from any standard street post or sign. I can do the wave with my eyebrows. I never get bored. That's got to be worth mentioning.
• I can do cartwheels. And if you get me and Pallas Athena sufficiently drunk in the same place at the same time, we sing very good very filthy close-harmony folk songs.
• *Takes out Three of Clubs...* Is *this* your card?
• I can turn the world on with my smile.
• I can dowse water like nobody's business which comes in handy when I need to wet down the skirt and bonnet when the local rustics then presume I'm a witch. I can catch birds with my bare hands, including but not in future limited to the following; robins, seagulls, crows, swallows, and house sparrows. I know the secret names of animals. PS. Don't call dogs "Bill". They prefer "William". If you call a small dog "Peewee", they are entitled to bite you three times a year without punishment. If you call a large dog "Tiny" he or she is entitled to eat six pairs of your shoes and a corner of the couch daily.
• If you call a dog "Ralph", he is entitled to have sex with your sister.
• I can play New York, New York on the bass whilst doing a Rockettes high-kicking routine.
• I am apparently unaffected by pepper spray. I have a strange and secret method of getting someone to desire me that has yet to fail.
• I'm hosting a pub quiz next week, you all should come and play so we can settle this business for good. (except that I'm still better, but you won't know because I'll be asking the questions...)
• Well, those two skills are quite complementary, clams.
• I can see dead people.... really I can... and they ALWAYS donkey punch me... freakin' stupid dead peoples....
• I can stick my lip-liner in my cleavage and then draw it on my lips, not using my hands! I can also duct tape all your buns together in the locker room.
• Seriously speaking, apparently I'm a little bit (and uselessly) psychic. Over the course of my 29 years on this world, I have intermittenly predicted a bunch of useless crap to the surprise of friends and family... For example, the roomate I used to live with, whom I HATED, went out one night, I KNEW that he would meet an attractive girl and end up dating her. Also, I knew for a fact my mother would show up in Korea two days too late to say goodbye to my dying grandmother... However, as far as lottery numbers and other GOOD things, I'm freakin' clueless (Also, I do recognize that my so called psychic-ness could just be coincidence, and I have forgotten all my other "premonitions" which haven't come true. The Grandma thing tho' still weirds me out from time to time.)
• *wants to learn Medusa's party trick for flaming nipples to use on his third one* I also have an amazing ability for pairing freshwater angelfish. For everyone else, you put a whole bunch of them together, they never pair off. For me, anytime there is more than 1 angel fish in a tank, they are paired off. Thats right, I am a cheesy fish pimp. I said it.
• Great idea for an FPP, Capt. Renault!
• I can wiggle my ears, move both eyes independently of each other, bend my tongue backwards and stick it down my throat without gagging, I'm double-jointed in all my fingers, and I can strike matches with my toes. Don't ask me how I discovered the tongue trick.
• I can wiggle my false teeth like grandpa used to!
• I'd be down for a trivia challenge. I typically lay the smackdown on others playing trivia. (I know the US and UK have that trivia system in bars and pubs. It used to be called NTN, but apparently it's now called Buzztime? Is that available elsewhere, and would people be down with all playing the same game at the same time in our various locations (telling each other our locations and screen names in advance) to see if we can own the sucker?)
• IRC trivia? I'll put something over on my blog about it, and we can brainstorm.
• VeraGemini: I can do the same thing with my tongue. Really. I've been able to do it since I was a kid, and I'm pleased to find someone else who can do it. Oh, and I have a double uvula.
• I can stick my lip-liner in my cleavage and then draw it on my lips, not using my hands! *goes off for cold shower*
• Fucking hell. I've just read all of these, and apart from also being the Trivial Persuit King, the only other skill I can think of is that I'm very good at slicing bread.
• *misreads zanshin's last sentence*
• es el queso, as you have said yourself, we must meet!! I have a CABAL of tri-nippled men for you to join, seriously!! my husband is only one among at least...3 um, that I know. I would gather youse all together to teach the ancient wisdom of the flaming nipple, to pass on for posterity... /no I am not drunk, what do you mean?
• Thanks, roryk. THANKS A LOT.
• I can sharpen anything.
• I can whistle two different pitches at the same time. With great effort, I can change one pitch while keeping the other the same. I can use a balisong (butterfly knife) with either hand, or use one in each hand. I can do different tricks in each hand at the same time. I can look into both of your eyes at the same time (instead of both of my eyes focused on one of yours— the usual method of looking people in the eyes).
• I can vibrate my pupils laterally at the speed of sound, making them appear a blur. Girls have been known to faint upon the sight. I can make friends with a horse.
• Kit, don't underestimate the bread-slicing thing. I couldn't come up with two usable hand-cut slices to save my life, and I've been known to give myself nasty gashes in the attempts.
• Maaaan, none of my talents appears to be unique here. So who's losing the MoFi trivia contest? I have also never personally lost a game of Trivial Pursuit, and have beaten people who had never lost before they met me. (Suckers. Yes, the ground behind me is lain with a trail of smoking corpses as far as the eye can see, etc etc.) I can hit really, really high notes, but unlike Pallas Athena, I cannot belch well. I cannot sing you the Queen of the Night's second aria anymore - too out of practice - but I can probably still do something somewhat impressive that isn't as *high*. I am also oddly bendy. I can touch the back of my wrist with the back of several of my fingers. This does not amaze and astound people so much as it repels them. ("Fingers shouldn't do that.") I can tell you everything there is to know about several obscure topics, in a way which will not even really bore you. I can also tell you many other things, in a way which will positively cure your insomnia. Depends on the topic, really. /me contemplates learning to juggle stuff so as to be more fun at parties.
• Oh, yeah, I'm also really good at giving people nicknames that stick.
• I wouldn't say that I'm unbeatable at Trivial Pursuit, but I do very well at the Genus edition. Back when I was 13 or so, I had to give up my room for housevisitors, and I was exiled to the basement. Rather than do homework, I just read all the Trivial Pursuit cards. I can never find anyone to play against, now.
• I can move my eyebrows, ears, and eyes independently of each other. Well, not like Marty Feldman, but I can cross one eye by itself and then roll the other one all around. Never fails to amuse people, partly because I have large eyes. Thanks to a lifetime of wearing contact lenses, I can also stick my finger in my eye and poke at my sclera without flinching. That freaks some people out. (Full disclosure: Although I can move my ears independently, my right ear is not as responsive as my left. Don't know why.) I can also whistle while inhaling, or while exhaling. I can forget your name before I'm done shaking your hand "hello". I can lick the end of my nose, too. That can come in handy on occasion.
• I can shuck 60 oysters an hour without injuring bystanders.
• I can lick the end of my nose, too. That can come in handy on occasion. Yeah, if you want to discretely eat your boogers.
• I can play New York, New York on the bass whilst doing a Rockettes high-kicking routine. This is totally poised to be the next Star Wars Kid meme. I want in. As to the rest of you, this thread perfectly captures that spicy-sweet MoFi weltanschauung of eroticism and disgustery. Congratulations. *stamps offical*
• I can summon cats.
• It occurs to me to share with you all the most exciting thing I am doing lately. for the first time in four? years I am producing art, due to an opportunity to be in a show in May. here is a link to the first new piece I am working on. Its not finished and there is some flash-glare... art pencils on paper, now it also has a gold-leaf paint halo, not yet completed.
• Nice, Med. It looks like...art!
• I have a useless knowledge of where NBA and NFL players went to college...useless.
• I can play the base buffoon.
• i can breathe fire while hula-hooping in spike heels.
• THAT I want to see...can you do it on your car please?
• I completely suck at Trivial Pursuit. I won once, but I don't know if it counts because it was the 90's edition.
• will you draw a pic of me doing it? i'll wear my ronald mcdonald suit...
• Cool drawing, Medusa!
• I can vibrate my pupils laterally at the speed of sound, making them appear a blur. Girls have been known to faint upon the sight. I used to be able to do that, too. Wait... ..yep, still can. But the strongest reaction to it have been giggles and one exasperated 'are you drunk?' Very nice, Medusa. Monkeyfilter: I can make friends with a horse.
• SR, I would prefer to draw you 'doing it' nude...that is, breathing fire while hula-hooping in spike heels on your car ;)
• You know what my future super power will be? Meeting Samuel L. Jackson, is what! Because he's up here to shoot a movie again, and I just found out he shot that "Snakes on a Plain" thing here too. Surprised Vancouver works subbing as Kansas. *preens, goes into celebrity stalking mode*
• I'd like to note that there are no boobs in that drawing. "Snakes on a Plain" Um, Snakes on a Plain? Was there a major script change?
• I heard the sequel is gonna be "Snakes with a Plan'. That'll be scary.
• *cups ear Did Bees say he juggles or jiggles his feet? MonkeyFilter: I am very bendy in interesting ways.
• I love that idea, meredithea, but I am a big NTN junkie! Still, it should be not too hard to arrange that, no?
• *misreads zanshin's last sentence* Har!! *misreads kuujjuarapik's last sentence*
• I can waggle my eyebrows independently of each other, I have perfect pitch, and I have a gift for making up impromptu ribald lyrics to songs.
• I've got an internal alarm clock, which means I can wake up anytime I want to, correct to within five minutes, 90% of the time. Occasional oversleeps (about 2 to 3 times a year) due to extreme tiredness or sickness. I can do this even if I don't know the time when I went to bed. The neatest thing is I don't get jet lag.
• I can identify crazies and miscreants in nanoseconds, which was terribly useful when I was a bartender. I can withstand great physical pain rather easily (including surgery I've had while fully awake and without anaesthetic), to the point that I once had a trauma doctor conduct a rather odd series of tests on me. I have a very sensitive palate, and have worked in rather high-end restaurants and catering companies as a taster. I can shout very, very loud. I can string together swear words and insults so vile that sociopathic pirates wince, but can also make aged nuns and moms with wee children about chuckle with appropriate (and also vile) cussing. I have a talent for finding lost or missing items, am not bothered by foul smells (I love the smell of skunk), and never get lost. I might be giving away something here, but many people in my family can pet bees and other stinging insects without being harmed. I can smell smoke from miles off.
• Hey, Chyren-you should consider offering the 'messiah' position on your religion to kelenkye. Teach him some card tricks and how to surf ice floes and... PROFIT!
• I've got an internal alarm clock, which means I can wake up anytime I want to, correct to within five minutes, 90% of the time. Ooooh! I've got that too, alnedra! kelenkye...do you smell yucky stuff and don't care, or do you do the automatic nostril shutoff thing like I do and just not smell it? Apparently the last is highly useful in a nursing career.
• kelenkye is my Simon Zelotes.
• *high-fives moneyjane*
• i can travel through time, too...but only forward...at normal speed.
• I love it when snakes' plans come together.
• moneyjane: most 'yucky' smells just don't smell yucky to me at all. They're either neutral, smell good (like skunk -- I really do like it), or only slightly annoying. The smells I tend to dislike are nasty industrial fragrances which, for whatever reason, are designed to be appealing. Chyren: I'm not fictional.
• I can remain unobtrusive, watching, observing. I think independently.
• I enjoy online research into horse buggery.
• I can get you invited to frankfurter roasts or picnics or parties or marshmallow toasts.
• Melinka, I used to play NTN regularly in college, but now none of my friends will play with me :( So I'd love a chance to get a game up!
• I would prefer to draw you 'doing it' nude...that is, breathing fire while hula-hooping in spike heels on your car sorry medusa, but i've found that hula hooping in the nude leads to rotational flappage that, while it sounds really sexy, actually looks quite silly and causes soreness at the axis of rotation. But, I have found that being naked+jumping jacks=crazy delicious.
• "Chyren: I'm not fictional." We all are, laddie, we all are.
• Kelenkye: You forgot to add modest and self-deprecating to your list.
• I have a solitary white hair that grows just an inch bellow my right eye, near the bridge of my nose. It never grows longer than an eyelash and is totally impervious to plucking. I don't know if this is really unique, but while channel surfing I can usually identify a movie within 5 seconds of seeing any random image in the film, it doesn't need to contain any of the actors or settings central to the plot. I am also not a bad dancer.
• We all are, laddie, we all are *bows to the master*
• If you call a dog "Ralph", he is entitled to have sex with your sister. I can only imagine the ramifications of your handle on your family, RTD. Remember, no means no. As for my unique talents: I can inflate my throat-pouch to seven times the average capacity; the flesh pockets on my thighs contain flowers, rabbits and a musky-sweet odor; my extremities detach at will and of their own accord causing hillarious situations every tuesday at 8:30 pm until discontinuation; I was the snake on the plane that blew everything out of proportion; I can beat the Werzog in an arm rasslin match, but not at checkers or knife throwing; I have two enormous udders that I wear in protest of goat violence (I also wear a 3 piece suit made out of living marinated t-bones to protest the senseless slaughter of animals and promote surgical butchering techniques); my bladder is see-through; I can envelop small animals with a dancing polychrome fog by willing agony and death to Jerry Bruckheimer; I can assume the form of Thursday in the time it takes you to say, "Dear me, old chap, but I do believe the social ramifications of polarized class structures which develop marginalized sub-classes and future imbalance for global disseminations is dreadfully tainted with ennui. Please allow me to continue in a far less broad form of conversation by recanting the entire works of Shakespeare in ten seconds." Which, of course, you probably couldn't do, but I can.
• I can beat the Werzog in an arm rasslin match See, this bit is just a blatant lie.
• I enjoy online research into horse buggery. posted by RalphTheDog at 02:36PM UTC on April 09, 2006 Ralph, look very carefully at this poster. (via imdb, but work-safeness may be suspect) What you can't see in that picture is the actual horse standing a few paces off, looking confused but intrigued. And yes, it's a real film.
• I needed the reading glasses for that one. And thanks for supporting the cause.
• > recanting the entire works of Shakespeare in ten seconds nothings's well that ends well as you hate it the tragedy of errors love's labours found the cranky wives of windsor the pissant of venice a midwinter day's nightmare little interest in something the releasing of the shrew back into the wild in order to enjoy a normal shrew-like exitence thirteenth day one gentlewoman of verona *bzzt* dammit, didn't even get through the comedies
• your forgot Roming at Juillard!
• Alas, poor horse buggery, I knew him well.
• Hors buggerie: fuck time.