of no fixed subtitle
March 29, 2006
Design Your Own Sex Toy!
Here's your chance for fame, fortune and (at the very least) an excuse to spend some time on "research and development":
Sex Toy Design Contest
16 years ago
but i am already the perfect sex toy, why would anyone need to develop anything else?
Notice that the FPP just before this one is a link to the
Museum of Unworkable Devices
. I don't think this is a coincidence.
How about a perpetual motion vibrator?
Apologies, but this occasion calls for the dusting off of my favorite limerick of all time: There once was a man from Racine Who invented the fucking machine. Both concave and convex, It could fit either sex But the thing was a bastard to clean.
Which reminds me...recently in the "cultural studies" section of the local B&N I happened upon
, which I found absolutely fascinating both as an idea for a coffee table book and as a cultural study.
Unfortunately, I could only read the first few lines of a couple of the essays, since some matronly reader kept poking her head around the corner, looking for the DaVinci Code Section or something, forcing me to slam the book shut lest she be assailed by piston pumping penis replacements.
Reading is fundamental.
Get on up!
Stay on tha scene!
Bobby! Can we hit 'em like we did on the top!?
5. Ability to advance the cause of human sexuality
Now there's a worthy cause. *grabs coffe machine, giant orange cheetos bag, goes into secret lab*
Actually, some of those perpetual motion machines in the next thread over might do the trick.
/submits patent for
es el Queso
Remind me to put this on the NetFlix queue:
Sex Toy Story
. (I wonder if they called their company "Pricksar"?)
I wonder which character got the name "Woody"?
And I just saw this
(could be construed as NSFW at a stretch).
Mel, that's quite cute. Looks like a giant pacifier, or a very gay traffic cone, or a rather uncomfortable, but probably very effective condom.
I'd hit it.
I'd like a blowdoll that bites back
short on ideas? the museum of unworkable devices linked to on the previous thread links in turn to
patent of the week
(warning, very bizarre menu/linking set up, also nsfw if you're not allowed look at patent diagrams)
. under 1996 - present, category = sex, you can find the following gems:
● Spinal Cord-Stimulation ● Brassiere Having Integrated Inflatable Bladders For the Holding of Comestible Liquids ● Fragrant Brassiere ● Phallic Object Worn on Users Chin Used For Erotic Practices ● Bubble Covered Brassiere ● Contraceptive Device For Oral Sex ● Gum Job ● Decorative Penile Wrap ● Underpants With a Stamina Reinforcing Mechanism Using Walking Force ● Rim Chair ● Device Using Suction Generated at a Bath Plug-Hole ● Vaginal Jewelry and Exercise Device ● Kissing Shield ● Conductive Condom ● Preventive Apron ● Battery-Operated Male Organ Conditioning Appliance ● Contoured Ulterior Pouch for Men ● Remote Controllable Penile Prosthetic System ● Apparatus for Stimulating Penile Scrotal Anal Vaginal and Clitoral Tissue ● Feminine Garment With Sexual Stimulation Effect ● Anal Orgasm Monitor ● Feminine Napkin Allows External Sexual Intercourse ● Force-Sensitive, Sound Playing Condom ● Method of Sexual Disharmony Correction During the Sexual Act ● Electro-ejaculator Probe ● Article of Clothing for Use as a Condom ● Device for Discreet Sperm Collection ● Penis Locking and Lacerating Vaginal Insert
Thank you, roryk. I have been looking for decorative penile wrap for some time now, and was at wit's end.
the diagram in the patent application shows a snowman!
contraceptive device for oral sex
Surely they mean "prophylactic," right? I mean, you can't get preggers from oral, right? Right? ... Hmm. Guess that explains my girlfriend's huge goiter.
roryk, what thou hast unleash'd!
MonkeyFilter: Anal Orgasm Monitor
Apparatus for Stimulating Penile Scrotal Anal Vaginal and Clitoral Tissue
All at the
Force-Sensitive, Sound Playing Condom
It has an MP3 library of live concerts. So, you know, every 4 minutes there's a round of applause...
GramMa wears a preventive apron. What's so bad about that? I don't like gravy stains or bacon grease on my Old Lady clothes. Pete! Quid! Roryk! Stop that sniggering, or I'll slap you silly.