March 29, 2006

• Oscar Wilde's last words were reported to have been, "Either that wallpaper goes, or I go." Those are my all-time favorites, and in fact it makes me sad and a little annoyed to know that my last words will be so much less cool than his NO MATTER WHAT I SAY. My condolences.
• My grandfather sold me his watch. add my condolences
• Not fishing for condolences, though I do appreciate them.
• The last kitten I had mewed once, coughed, gave a little sneeze and then .. shuddered and closed his eyes... His brother then climbed onto him, and began incessantely mewing into his deaf ears. I carried his cold body into a shoe box, and placed some cat toys into it. His brother climbed into the shoebox with his dead family member and continued to mew. I had to pull the live cat (which I still have) out of the box, and with tears streaming from me and my SO's eyes, buried him in the backyard... (I'm not trying to be a dick, this is a true story) It's just that (fingers crossed) I've never had a family member I knew personally (and I'm 30) die on me yet.... but my condolences Hawthorne... you're taking the death of a real person much better than I took the death of an animal... Although, from the description of your grandfather, that's the type of epitaph he'd want. That said, although I can't even picture him in my mind, your grandfather has graced my thoughts, and by proxy of this site, the thoughts of thousands of others. A fitting farewell I think.
• I suppose it doesn't count as on her deathbed necessarily but a couple of weeks before my great-grandmother died in the mid-1980s, I was visiting her in the nursing home. She was so old (103) that she never said anything but that day, when I walked in, she perked up and started telling me stories about being a little girl, visiting *her* grandparents house! I learned that my great-great-great grandfather was a traveling Quaker minister who was the laughingstock of his village because he built a chimney on his house that didn't draw properly; that he was part of the Underground Railroad in northern Ohio; that she remembers breaking a crystal bowl full of jelly and getting in trouble for it; etc. My jaw was on the ground with all of this information--it was if she knew somehow that I was starting to delve into the geneology of my family at that time. I later confirmed her information to be all true, too (I have a photo of her grandparents and the Railroad house!), not just the made-up ramblings of an elderly woman (as some family members supposed). It was an invaluable gift and an outstanding moment in my life.
• Condolences HawthorneWingo. It's not what my Dad said but what he put on his memorial plaque which is so amusing... He was a believer in reincarnation you see.
• A search for "famous last words", gets a bunch of stuff, like this: Dying Words. One of my favorites has always been the last words of the poet Hart Crane as he committed suicide by jumping over the railing of a steamship he yelled: "Goodbye Everybody".
• After an incredibly short and devastating fight against stomach cancer, and after he had settled all his wordly matters and feelings with all his loved ones, my father's last words were, as often had been the case, an offer for helping me. Yes, terrible as the tought is, sometimes it's better that a tragic mockery of life, due to an advanced illness state, doesn't drag for long.
• My rarely compos 93yo father's remarks a couple of days before his own death in a lucid moment on being told that his first (95yo and silly as a two bob watch since the day she turned 70 or so) wife had died. 'Bout bloody time, knew I'd get there'. His last comment - to ask about both his younger children (as in remember them for the first time in months) and utter his current wifes name.... No longer afraid as he had been earlier (without grounds - solely dementia and guilt based) that she had left him.....They were 'soulmates' and despite her late coming to his life, each year on his birthday it makes it a little easier for her to know that his last ever word was her name. Sorry pathos not humour however that is important as well
• My grandma's last words were: "The sausages are in the fridge." Although they weren't. I like to think she was a spy and this was code for something big.
• well it sounds like all these monkey relatives last words were about: LIFE!!! so let's not ignore their message my fellow simians!
• It so happens that it's Qing Ming this week, which is time for us Chinese to sweep out the gravestones of our ancestors and generally think about them a little more than usual. My grandfather didn't have any last words; he just coughed up some blood and passed away. But the weeks before his death, I was one of the few people who could still make him laugh. I was his only grandchild at that time, and never having had any sisters or daughters, I must have amused and bemused him a great deal.
• i'm sorry for your loss, hawthorne. a few days before she died, my grandmother had a stroke while attending mass. she was brought to hospital and came to that evening. her first words on regaining consciousness: "i missed communion. maybe i can go to an evening service?"
• "Fuck you, Johnny Cash!" That guy in Reno was my uncle.
• My Grandfather's last words were "NO PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO DIE DEAR JESUS THE PAIN THE PAIN HELP ME FUCKING HELP ME SOMEONE I CAN'T DIE I WON'T DIE NO TAKE THEM INSTEAD NO DEAR GOD NO", which my family still find both funny and poignant.
• Nobody in my family has said anything meaningful upon death or otherwise. They usually slouch off into old age & the grave in some shabby & disreputable manner leaving only an oily fug.
• Alfred Jarry (I dunno, go look in the wiki or something) was dying of a mixture of ether drinking and starvation in a shitty Paris room. Friends: "Can we get you anything?" Jarry: "A toothpick!"
• Even more interesting than deathbed witticisms are those hilarious vignettes that history records the famous ejaculating - when they first emerge from the womb! E.G: Oscar Wilde: "Christ, the wallpaper in there was bloody awful". Mahatma Ghandi: "Oh, not AGAIN". Tom Cruise: "That's the last time I get into one of these things."
• When I die I'd like to die quietly in my sleep like my father did, and not screaming like his terrified passengers.
• Sorry for your loss, Hawthorne. My grandfather died not too long ago. I'm not sure what his last words were. He was fighting Alzheimer's for a long time, so he wasn't saying much towards the end. Except when the priest came in to give him the Last Rites (or Reconcilliation or whatever it is they're calling it now). Snapped right back into it, started reciting all the prayers perfectly. Thanked the priest for coming. After he'd died, my grandmother was a bit lost, obv. (they'd just had their 60th). Kept asking her sons if my grandfather was in heaven yet. "Yes, and he's saved a good chair for you." "Is he there yet? He's already had his first fight..!" Heh.
• The old ones are the best.
• I thought it said "deathbed germs".
• "Hey guys, watch this" Not last words per se, but on many occasion I've heard this uttered directly before a near death experience.
• Koko, me too!
• "Well, I have to board the train now." My great-grandmother. Sorry to hear of your loss, Hawthorne.
• When I go, I'm going to fix a creepy gaze on whomever's nearest, creak "you're next!" and quickly expire.
• This wasn't a deathbed gem as such, but I had sprung my elderly great-aunt out of her nursing home for a quick shopping trip, when I ran into a friend of mine who had just returned from her grandmother's funeral. I gave her my condolences and asked her how old her grandmother was. Upon hearing her reply that she was 92, my great-aunt piped up, "Oh, that's plenty."
• I would like to reaffirm my desire to have last words of "Thank you, ladies, that was wonderful..."
• Nurses: "Captain Renault, if you crap your pants one more time, you're going to have to find someone else to clean you up." 92-Year-Old Cap't Renault: "Thank you, ladies, that was wonderful... aaccckkk..."
• My condolences, HWingo.
• This isn't Hamlet, you know. It's not meant to go in my bloody ear! -- Sir Laurence Olivier I wish I had drunk more champagne. -- John Maynard Keynes I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room -- and God damn it -- died in a hotel room. -- Eugene O'Neill Get my swan costume ready. -- Anna Pavlova