February 10, 2006
What are the chances . . . ?
She saves his life. 7 years later, he returns the favor.
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This is not quite what I was expecting. The Heimlich does not typically say to me, "You saved my life." I thought this was going to involve people being pulled out of a burning building or taking out a gunman. I just can't be satisfied today.
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**mecurious cheerfully refunds bernockle's ticket price**
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Thanks. Now I am going to use this refund on to invest in stamps so that I can finally send letters out to those random addresses and watch the dollar bills start rolling in.
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I too was expecting something involving a swollen frozen river or somesuch...
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With all respect to bernockle, man, you need to lighten up. It's Friday after all. It's a fun story, it's a true story, and it's a nice change of pace from some of the usual stuff of late. *** As for abdominal thrusts to stop choking (popularly known as the Heimlich Maneuver, which is a particular way to do it)--yeah, it's not as 'life-saving sexy' as carrying an unconscious person out of a burning building, but it's still life-saving. If your airway is blocked, you stop breathing. If you stop breathing long enough, your circulation stops. If your circulation stops, well, it's no more bananas for you. It's not "movie fast," but deadly results can happen quicker than you think. (I just re-certified for CPR on Wednesday, so the information is fresh in my mind and also adds that much more to the enjoyment of the article).
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When I was younger, I was choking on a piece of cube steak and my mother grabs my face, reaches her fucking arm down my throat, and pulls the offending piece of cube steak out of my body. I am not making that up (if I were making it up, I would have her add "Heimlich was a pussy" as she discarded the meat).
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Your mum is pure Werzog.
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So bernockle, are you saying that this is how you resolve choking issues or that you don't eat cube steak around your mom anymore?
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I choked on one of those round peppermints once. My mom pounded on my back til it popped out. Choking is scary.
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I have not had a food-related choking issue since that time. If I did, I would go for the Heimlich, I imagine. My non-food-related choking issues typically resolve themselves upon ejaculation.
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When I was younger, I was choking on a piece of my father so my mother, she grabs me, reaches her fucking arm up my ass, and pulls Bernockle, fully clothed in the outfit of a 12th century Arabian pickle merchant, out of my body. I am not making that up.
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Holy shit, I just got the best spam mail: Everybody knows the great sexual scandal known as "Klinton-Levinsky". After the relations like this Klintons popularity raised a lot! It is a natural phenomenon, because Bill as a real man in order not to shame himself when he was with Monica regularly used Voagra. What happened you see. His political figure became more bright and more attractive. It is very important for a man to be respected as a man!
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Yeah yeah "stay on topic quidnunc you idiot". WHATEVER.
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"My non-food-related choking issues typically resolve themselves upon ejaculation." So many of life's issues resolve themselves upon enjaculation. Yeah, well, somebody had to say it. I saved you from having to. You're welcome, btw.
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And yes, I have 'enjaculations'. They're different than everyone else's, so I renamed them. Fuckin' preview...
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When I was younger, I was choking on a piece of my father so my mother, she grabs me, reaches her fucking arm up my ass, and pulls Bernockle, fully clothed in the outfit of a 12th century Arabian pickle merchant, out of my body. Wow, so that really is true.
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And Werzog was there to buy his first pickle. He could have helped with the choking, but he's too fuckin' cool.
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Talk about castin' yer bread upon the water! Nice story, mercurious!
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my mother choked on a piece of shrimp at my wedding and my aunt gave her the heimlich maneuver. I am so glad I didn't know about it until hours later!
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it's not as 'life-saving sexy' as carrying an unconscious person out of a burning building, but it's still life-saving.* Anytime someone saves my live, I think that's DAMN sexy. I'd be happy to have someone follow me around for seven years to do it, if need be. *Hmmm, I'm wondering if that should be a tagline.
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Monkeyfilter: I'm wondering if that should be a tagline oh, snap!
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MonkeyFilter: Oh, snap!
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Sorry, had to do it. Let the moebius strip begin...or is that possible?
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I choked once. I was four. Don't know what they did to fix it but some vague memory of my mom telling me it scared the shit out of her. (Don't try to eat a handful of flour. It turns into paste.)
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When I was younger, I was choking on a piece of my father so my mother, she grabs me, reaches her fucking arm up my ass, and pulls Bernockle, fully clothed in the outfit of a 12th century Arabian pickle merchant, out of my body. The Aristocrats! Choking on food is *no* fun. Once, during a stressful time, I returned to my terrible habit of eating very fast, chewing on food for way too short time. Well, a chunk of badly chewed steak separates in two inside my mouth, one piece on my throat, the other in my mouth, joined by some gristle or skin or who-know-what strip. I turned blue in front of my companions at the restaurant table. One helped me make it to the restrooms so I could, eh, dislodge everything in a discreet way. Not fun at all. And, lastly: Monkeyfilter: no more bananas for you Well, one more: Only the Capt. and Herzog enjaculate. But Herzog's is so vast and powerful it can cause off-season hurricanes, while the Capt.'s are merely, well, interesting.
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Holy shit, I just got the best spam mail: I got you beat. Under the title "SHY TO FCUK WITH UR SHORT GUN? L0NGER 3" INSTANTLY not": I mean, that's poetry. If there were such a thing as a haiku epic, this would be it.
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andddd here's his myspace profile.
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...And a pair of events that would be described as too hokey, if you saw it on a TV show.... or on the innanet...
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"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to to always tell the difference." well i like to think of my self as a simple man. i am told i am down to eart and easy to get along with. sometimes i am "brutally" honest but always try to be a king gentel me. i run track and lead both the 4x200 meter relay and the 4x100 meter relay. i am told i am very fast. i heart jean. she i so great. i like the outdoors and camping. i was once a climbing instructer at a summer camp and i was able to climb all day. it was wonderful. I LOVE WATER SKIING> i love the water, sometime i believe i am half fish, just kidding, but not really. sometimes i listen to music on my stereo and play along with my drum set. other times i have my band modern-A come over and play sick music. one time i caught a chipmunk with a fishing pole, it was exciting. i am a senior at lancaster central highschool and i run track. i am also a firefighter and i like to think i do a good job.. if you read all of this you are pretty cool person. Holy crap. I'm not sure I even want this guy making my order of fries, let alone trying to save someone's life.
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Lara: Why not? Anyone who can catch a chipmunk with a fishing pole... Has to be totally insane!!!