February 02, 2006

26-foot crap. Y'know - art. via memepool

“In February 1995, working in conjunction with nutritionists at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, I adopted a super fiber-rich diet which allowed me to successfully produce a single extruded excrement the exact length of my colon: 26 feet. I documented the extrusion at the Cranbrook-Kingswood High School Bowling Alley, Bloomfield Hills, MI, which offered a length of floor suitable for the process and measuring the results. The cathartic diet was supplemented by a high intake of Metamucil fiber substance. The weeklong endurance prior to the event was ensured by the employment of a plug specifically designed to curtail any premature excretions.”

posted by petebest 18 years ago
  • 20-foot carp? Is he related to the 7-mm bladder fish?
  • more like 26-foot fake poop im with the ethereal kmellis on this one. though, poop is always funny imho
  • I can't believe they lie about this shit.
  • Cool - thanks Wedge. Although I didn't understand that comment at all. Crap Art is implicitly emotional in context? And, wait, are you saying EB and kmellis are the same? (okay, I didn't Read The whole FT) Also I thought the link got memepooled, but of course it actually got metafiltered. Buncha shit if you ask me . . .
  • That's some crappy art.
  • I won't click that link. And you can't make me. I give up, dammit. Ham can be art.
  • thanks petebest! the metafilter thread brought me to poopreport, a site I love but had forgotten about. some hairraising stories in there, boy!
  • I've been hearing people talk a lot lately about this whole "web logging" thing. Is this what they mean?
  • We've got a winner.
  • That's going to be it for her romantic prospects, fake or no fake.
  • Did she implode afterward?
  • I love the look on her face as she lays it down.
  • Oh, Art, all the sins commited in your holy name... That's going to be it for her romantic prospects, fake or no fake Mh, well, I like her eyes...
  • ...I can safely file this under Things It Just Never Occurred To Me To Do. If that means I am not an Artist, I'm fine with that.
  • I think the fact that this has been noted on so many weblogs in the past few days adds to the impact of her work. What does it say about us that people are ready and eager to comment on "shit"? Were you disappointed when you found out it wasn't real? I think it definitely comments on this shock-celebrity culture we have.
  • I think I beat that record this morning...
  • looks like bobby sands's bedroom in there
  • This is not possible. Your turd is not backed up for 26 feet in your colon, that's not how it goes. It builds up in your rectum. You'd lay two or three masive, enormous stinking turds, but not 26 feet of dry continuous shit like that. It's not coiled up around your guts inside you like that ready to unspool like a strip of tape.
  • Speak for yourself. Anyone need anything measuring?
  • You're gonna measure it with your shit?
  • Yep. Stings a bit when it snaps back in though...
  • *faints*
  • *measures Koko* Mm, quite tall... *wipes off stain*
  • This only strengthens my desire to never be a high school janitor. Our high school janitor once had to deal with somebody shitting on the corner out by the smoke hole. (And no, it wasn't me.) But I did convince someone that her boyfriend was the culprit. Which he totally wasn't. But still, she bought it! So there must have been something in her that said 'this is a real possibility...' Good times, good times.
  • B3TA had a screamingly funny thread of readers' poo and toilet stories. I strongly advise you to check it out. I can't be bothered including a link. Sorry.
  • MonkeyFilter: shitting on the corner out by the smoke hole. "the smoke hole"?
  • Well then I'm not going to fucking read it. Bleeeh
  • Yeah, the smoke hole. The hole where all the smokers hang out. Doesn't every high school have a smoke hole?
  • Smokers' Corner.
  • Behind the bike sheds.
  • Well, I might just fucking read it then, bleah
  • Those stories are all so fake.
  • You are SO hard to please!!!!
  • Well, it's not as bad as Digg. We're not even in the same league.
  • Yeah, that's right. Monkeyfilter readers can *spell*.
  • Just as long as they dont loose there dictionaryz.
  • Sorry, s/b "dictionary's."
  • Duh! It's spelled "COCKtionaries"!
  • That's quite funny for you. Did you have help?
  • My mother has too male kittens, quite innocently and unintentionally named Willie and Dick. I( can't wait to see the look on the vet's face when she takes them to be neutered...
  • What is with you people and the poo-poo lately? I'm starting to feel like I have to wear a hazmat suit just to peek in a thread today! I think you all have potty training issues. And is anyone else envisioning smokers at the Capt.'s school having to climb down into some kind of pit in the ground to light up?
  • That's quite funny for you. Did you have help? yeah your mother!!!!11!!!!
  • Fuck. No, no, no... I mean Shit. Shit, not fuck. Shit. (fuck)
  • Kitfisto maybe you would like to play this game? I have strange feeling that middlePantsChyren had something to do with it? No? I am innocent.
  • PS this 'game' is worse than the fat lesbian crapping her self.
  • Eh?
  • ok, so it would be one thing to give birth to a 9-mouthed baby, but if it had a voice like that---well, R.I.P. little freak! I only scored 21
  • Well, we could go back to Urine Day. You can take the red pill, or the blue one.
  • Well it's better than that roommate story. *shudder*
  • I find this thread's lack of Quidnunc disturbing. ohhhh. . paahhhh . . . .ohhhhhh . . . pahhhhhh
  • Yeah, the smoke hole. The hole where all the smokers hang out. Doesn't every high school have a smoke hole? Cap'n, you be dating yourself. Now days kids are NOT allowed to smoke on school property, as opposed to teh good ol' days, when they were not allowed to smoke on school property. Even ten years ago, you might get your peepee wacked in detention and have to sit through a lecture, but you weren't expelled or made to do community service. Now days, the kids LEAVE school property--preferably to across the street where the Kool kids can taunt the rest of the losers as well as the teachers.
  • True. We would hang out at the smoke hole (we = smokers, mods, punks, various other social lepers, and art teachers trying to score), even though smoking was technically verboten. Hell, we even had a nice fire going in one of the oil barrels / trash cans. (Good for winter warmth and ceremonial burnings of school uniforms.) Now, kids caught smoking have the COPS called in on them, and hauled into COURT. All part of this zero-tolerance bullshit. Waste of the kids' time, waste of the parents' time, waste of the court's time... I saw Good Night and Good Luck the other night, and it was great to see EVERYBODY smoking. Not that smoking is good, I know, but we've lost something in this non-smoking era. Lobby furniture and a sense of belonging. Shame.
  • you might get your peepee wacked in detention Excuse me? What sort of school did you go to, GramMa?
  • Remember when there were ashtrays right at the teller windows in banks?
  • What's a teller window?
  • I don't know shit, but I know it when I see it.
  • Our school had an unofficially designated smoking bathroom. All the grownups knew about it, but chose to turn a blind eye. The teachers assigned to patrol it would always make a big deal of announcing it whenever they were going in to inspect.
  • Notice how neatly I tied the smoking back to the poo?
  • There were two places to smoke at my high school - the vent and the stadium. The vent was one of those huge in-ground ventilation shafts that the schools furnaces would vent to, covered with a huge steel grate. It was warm in the winter from the venting, and in case some rambunctious teacher decided to self-appoint as fire marshal, one could simply drop one's butt down into the 20-30 shaft. The floor of that shaft was piled high with cigarette butts, but for some reason never seemed to catch fire. Then the stadium - when the football team wasn't practicing, which was pretty much all the time, you could walk out to the stadium and grab a smoke in the stands. So there'd always be these little clots of people sitting and smoking, it was a real study in cliquetiquette. No one really ever smoked in the bathrooms. I was a vent man, myself.
  • The girls' bathrooms were always full of smoke at my high school. So periodically they would lock them, so you couldn't smoke in them. Of course then you couldn't pee either, but who cares? Think of the children!
  • I should point out that in any given bathroom, only one of the stall doors locked anyway.
  • you might get your peepee wacked in detention Excuse me? What sort of school did you go to, GramMa? Koko: I'll bet any of the Catholic kids in the group can tell you! (thank heathen heaven, only till eighth grade) Ah yes, the memories. That's when the Good Sisters wore long black habits. Them nuns was hell on wheels* when it came to peepee wackin! *actually, that's a myth that nuns had wheels. We kids all knew they had short stubby legs in the kind of black chunky shoes that were proto-Doc Martins.
  • Frank Zappa told me some fun things about Catholic girls. But I can't mention them in mixed company. Y'know - Koko bein' in here and everything.
  • And in the end, art wins the day. An idyllic landscape. A beautiful girl. Monkeys!. And a snake that looks too much like poop. NSFW or impressionable bonobos
  • All snakes look too much like poop.