January 23, 2006

• 4. You Charges: Silently enabling and contributing to the irreversible destruction of your planet. Absolving yourself of your responsibility to do anything about it that your immediate neighbors don’t. Assuming that it’s normal behavior to spend several hours each day totally inert and staring into a cathode ray tube. Substituting antidepressants for physical motion. Caring more about the personal relationships of people you will never meet than your own. Shrugging your shoulders at the knowledge that your government is populated by criminal liars intent on fooling you into impoverished, helpless submission. Cheering this process on. Exhibit A: You don’t even know who your congressman is. Sentence: Deathbed realization that your entire life was an unending series of stupid mistakes and wasted opportunities, a priceless gift of potential extravagantly squandered, for which you deserve nothing but scorn or, at best, indifference, and a cold, meaningless demise. Hey, that's not funny.
• Sure it's funny! Because it's all about America!
• Where all commercial flights continue to fly!
• I don't even know who my congressman is! How ignant is that?
• Boring. Haven't there already been 50 posts about these people?
• Who's my congressman? Why don't I have one? Americans bomb my world, and I can't even vote to stop it. Loathsome people are all Americans. I really don't know who more than 10% of these people are.
• Monkeyfilter: a priceless gift of potential extravagantly squandered.
• I'm delighted that I haven't the faintest idea who many of these people are. we have our own list over here though: The bloke who came up with the idea of Big Brother. The editor of the News of the World. My former scoutmaster The geezer who lives at 18 Monk Street, Purley. etc etc etc
• My former scoutmaster *cringe*
• Loathsome people are all Americans. I'm sure outsourcing will occur.
• Well, tonight the Canadian election results come in -- so let me take this last opportunity to gloat that "we're not as dumb as they are, just lookit X." Tonight, the horrible truth will come out, that yes, we're probably just as dumb. Maybe even more, by turning to the right when we have these miserable examples right next door. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck...
• Sure it's funny! Because it's all about America! Loathsome people are all Americans Oh, you poor, misguided, idiotic, foul-smelling, baby-eating, myopic, soporific, syphilitic, anabatic, septrupedal, autorgasmic, coprophagous FOOLS! Don't you realise that only Americans can possibly be part of this list - because the citizens of foreign lands are not human beings! We're toads, all of us - warty and foul! Honestly, the next time I see you fuckers in the pond I'm going to croak at you so hard, you'll wish you had never emerged from the egg mass as a gilled tadpole. How I hate you, and myself of course.
• 51. the quidnunc kid Charges: adding nonsensical posts that produce the illusion of debonnaire wit that is above the level of you the reader, when really, it's all just collections of computer code designed to produce aloof non sequiturs, and we're all dupes of somebody's big hoax. Exhibit A: "We're toads, all of us - warty and foul! Honestly, the next time I see you fuckers in the pond I'm going to croak at you so hard, you'll wish you had never emerged from the egg mass as a gilled tadpole. How I hate you, and myself of course." Sentence: To be finally made an Admin, at the exact point in time when MoFi has not a single visitor left, to be left alone in solitude as for the whole course of his life. If this "quidnunc kid" really exists. Which it doesn't. So let's just throw the program's host computer into that vat that Jack Nicholson fell in to become the Joker. Maybe it'll come out actually funny.
• "Ribbit! Ribbit!" - whatever, swamp-breath.
• I have a problem with only one of these. God is named #13, for being "a dick" and sending natural disasters, and then Pat Roberston is #1 for interpreting anything and everything as intentional signs from God. I know it's humor but Pot, meet Kettle. I agreed with the other 49 wholeheartedly.
• God is American? I thought he was a Toad.
• We don't worship your warty Toad God! All that "Thou Shalt not Steal Thy Neighbor's Fly" crap...
• We don't worship your warty Toad God! Man, if I had a dollar for every time I've heard that ...
• The geezer who lives at 18 Monk Street, Purley. Purley?! Purley?! Say! No! MOAH! WaaaAUUUGH! eh?! eh?! WwoooaOOAAAAAAggGH!
• My resolution for the remainder of 2006 is to make it to #1 on that list. Obviously first I have to become an American. Is there, what, some sort of surgical procedure involved? A pill? Does it come in the form of a diet bar? Please tell me it comes in the form of a diet bar.
• Yes, it does. But in typical American fashion, the diet bar weights 40 pounds and is impossible to eat in one sitting.
• First he smacks Tom Cruise and then he says in #4, above: "Substituting antidepressants for physical motion". C'mon, man, that sounds a little Hubbardian to me...
• *nudges petebest*
• MonkeyFilter: Oh, you poor, misguided, idiotic, foul-smelling, baby-eating, myopic, soporific, syphilitic, anabatic, septrupedal, autorgasmic, coprophagous FOOLS!
• You called?
• Let's make it simpler and have a list of 50 people who aren't loathsome.
• Okay but this one should include pictures of boobies.
• I agree wholeheartedly.
• Depressing!
• "septrupedal"? What's that? 73-legged?
• I think that's when you step on the septic tank.
• 50 people who AREN'T loathsome? In the USA? Tough task. Let's start with the A's Alton Brown Alison Hannigan Adam Savage Antonio Villaraigoso, Mayor of L.A. (just in comparison to previous mayors) also politically, Al Gore is at his least loathsome in years, but I personally will NOT consider nominations of Al Franken or Ariana Huffington. When we get to the letter B, I predict 51% of them will have the first name Brad.
• Hey, if we put Alton Brown on the list, you think he'll make us some of his fried mac & cheese?
• #4- you should really be at the top of the list- none of these other cretins on the list would have the least power or positive recognition in an intelligent society- in short without #4, there would be no list, period. /glaringly obvious