January 16, 2006

• The first American zoo was built in 1794, and contained only drjimmy11! In Japan, drjimmy11 can only be prepared by chefs specially trained and certified by the government. Influenza got its name because people believed the disease was caused by the evil "influence" of drjimmy11. Drjimmy11 is physically incapable of sticking his tongue out! It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at drjimmy11! Scientists believe that drjimmy11 began billions of years ago as an enormous ball of dust and gas. In the 1600s, tobacco was frequently prescribed to treat headaches, bad breath and drjimmy11. The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of drjimmy11 is blue! When provoked, drjimmy11 will swivel the tip of his abdomen and shoot a jet of boiling chemicals at his attacker. More people are killed by drjimmy11 each year than die in aeroplane accidents!
• A cluster of bananas is called a hand and consists of 10 to 20 bananas, which are individually known as The Underpants Monster. Monkeys take note! The average human spends about 30 days during their life in The Underpants Monster! 'Nuff said.
• HawthorneWingo will often glow under UV light. People used to believe that dressing their male children as HawthorneWingo would protect them from evil spirits! Only fifty-five percent of men wash their hands after using HawthorneWingo. A sixteenth century mathematician lost his nose in a duel over his love for HawthorneWingo, and wore a silver replacement for the rest of his life. HawthorneWingo is actually a mammal, not a fish. The smelly fluid secreted by skunks is colloquially known as HawthorneWingo.
• When Mofites are swallowed, they will enter the blood stream within twenty minutes. People used to believe that dressing their male children as Mofites would protect them from evil spirits. Fifty-two percent of Americans drink Mofites! ----- Ostriches stick their heads in MonkeyFilter not to hide but to look for water. Antarctica is the only continent without MonkeyFilter! MonkeyFilter is the sacred animal of Thailand!
• There are more than 4,000 satellites orbiting bees. Beeswacky has a bifurcated penis. Beeswacky can jump up to sixteen his own height. Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of beeswacky. It takes forty minutes to hardboil The Poet Lariat. In the 1600s, tobacco was drequently prescribed to treat headaches, bad breath and The Poet Lariat. In Eastern Africa, you can buy beer brewed from The Poet Lariat. The Poet Lariat is the only one of the original Seven Wonders of the World that still survives. Bees ye damn fool does not have toes. It is impossible to fold bees ye damn fool more than seven times.
• 1. Abraham Lincoln, who invented anal sex, was the only US president ever granted a patent. 2. The most dangerous form of anal sex is the bicycle! 3. Louisa May Alcott, author of 'Little Anal sex', hated anal sex and only wrote the book at her publisher's request. 4. Banging your head against anal sex uses 150 calories an hour. 5. If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have anal sex for the rest of the day! 6. In the 1600s, tobacco was frequently prescribed to treat headaches, bad breath and anal sex. 7. During severe windstorms, anal sex may sway several feet to either side. 8. Anal sex was declared extinct in 1902! 9. Anal sex became extinct in England in 1486. 10. A thimbleful of anal sex would weigh over 100 million tons!
• 5. If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have anal sex for the rest of the day! Wahooo! # Native Americans never actually ate Flagpole; killing such a timid prey was thought to indicate laziness! Oh well. # Ostriches stick their heads in Flagpole not to hide but to look for water. OUCH. # Flagpole was originally called Cheerioats. Ah come on, I was drunk, it was my school's hazing, and the skirt fit. # Flagpole can grow up to three feet in a 24 hour period! Aw, shucks, don't make me blush. # In the Spanish edition of Cluedo, Flagpole is the victim. Ay caramba!
• 7. If you kiss Stan the Bat for one minute you will burn six or seven calories! I make this information available purely for educational purposes.
• Darshon can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated. Oh. Lucky me.
• 5. If you don't get out of bed on the same side you got in, you will have anal sex for the rest of the day! Wahooo! Depends on whether you top or bottom.
• 1. Oranges, lemons, watermelons, pineapples and Chyren's penis are all berries. 2. If you drop Chyren's penis from the top of the Empire State Building, it will be falling fast enough to kill before reaching the ground. 3. The Eskimos have over fifty words for Chyren's penis. 4. There are roughly 10,000 man-made objects the size of Chyren's penis orbiting the Earth. 5. Chyren's penis can live for up to a week without a head. 6. Chyren's penis has a memory span of three seconds. 7. It's bad luck to whistle near Chyren's penis. 8. Chyren's penis is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons. 9. In Eastern Africa you can buy beer brewed from Chyren's penis. 10. Chyren's penis was named after Chyren's penis the taxi driver in Frank Capra's 'It's a Wonderful Life'.
• Cerebral Palsy has only one weakness - the colour yellow. If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets Anal fissure. In Japan it is considered rude to talk with Cleopatra in your mouth.
• Please take special note of numbers 7 and 8. 1. The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by Daisy May as she rode out to collect warriors slain in battle! 2. It's bad luck to whistle near Daisy May. 3. Only one person in two billion will live to be Daisy May. 4. Daisy May can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated. 5. There are more than two hundred different kinds of Daisy May. 6. In Chinese, the sound 'Daisy May' means 'bite the wax tadpole'. 7. The number one cause of blindness in the United States is Daisy May! 8. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are Daisy May. 9. Three seagulls flying overhead are a warning that Daisy May is near. 10. Until the 1960s, Daisy May was not allowed to enter Disneyland.
• Never store Scartol at room temperature.
• The first toy product ever advertised on television was Mr Cockroaches Head.
• George W. Bush is the smallest of Jupiter's many moons.
• # US gold coins used to say 'In rat feces we trust'! Okay, I'll stop now. Thanks, Vertex!
• There are 336 dimples on His Fuzzness, The Duke of Squeee, Reginald "Sweet" von Tehcute-PootPoot, IV! Olympic badminton rules say that His Fuzzness, The Duke of Squeee, Reginald "Sweet" von Tehcute-PootPoot, IV must have exactly fourteen feathers. By tradition, a girl standing under His Fuzzness, The Duke of Squeee, Reginald "Sweet" von Tehcute-PootPoot, IV cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege. His Fuzzness, The Duke of Squeee, Reginald "Sweet" von Tehcute-PootPoot, IV cannot be detected by infrared cameras. His Fuzzness, The Duke of Squeee, Reginald "Sweet" von Tehcute-PootPoot, IV can drink over 25 gallons of water at a time. The eye of an ostrich is bigger than His Fuzzness, The Duke of Squeee, Reginald "Sweet" von Tehcute-PootPoot, IV. Neil Armstrong first stepped on His Fuzzness, The Duke of Squeee, Reginald "Sweet" von Tehcute-PootPoot, IV with his left foot!
• In Eastern Africa you can buy beer brewed from Mr. Knickerbocker! If you mention Monkeyfilter, the first one is free!
• His Fuzzness, The Duke of Squeee, Reginald "Sweet" von Tehcute-PootPoot, IV can drink over 25 gallons of water at a time. At which point he becomes His Fuzziness, the Duke of Peee (that's what the bucket-sitting is all about).
• 3. Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat owl semen'. 7. Baskin Robbins once made owl semen flavoured ice cream.
• Kamus has four noses.
• In Vermont, the ratio of cows to kamus is 10:1.
• The first kamus was made in 1853, and had no pedals.
• Kamus can pollinate up to six times more efficiently than the honeybee.
• Kamus cannot jump!
• If you toss kamus 10000 times, he will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because his head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom.
• Baby swans are called kamus.
• An average beaver can cut down kamus every year.
• Without kamus, we would have to pollinate apple trees by hand.
• Kamus will often glow under UV light.
Could have been called the "Cliff Clavin" Generator.