January 04, 2006

Mom, Dad, there's a wonderful mammal I want you to meet. Um, woman marries dolphin.
posted by danapiper 18 years ago
  • ... soon to be followed by the cries of a million fundamentalists screaming, "I told you so!"
  • Q) What do I do if a dolphin wants to mate with me? A) Accept, if possible! Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body. There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.
  • Oh, just what I was thinking of, IWS. Why have we, as humans, become so jaded or so disgusted with each other that other species become attractive; what's happened to us, that get lured to a mane of long hair, a curvaceous, water-dynamic body; a fluffy, bushy tail, some perky, pointy ears... a cute, twitchy, wet nose. Some big, almond doe eyes.... ... ...sorry, got carried away. Whew.
  • We should never have let the homersexuals marry!
  • So will their kids celebrate Christmas or Channukah? Dreidl dreidl dreidl, I made it out of smelt.
  • A male dolphin named Cindy?
  • or... Hot Girl on Girl dolphin lesbo sex!
  • I don't consider myself very squeamish, but I really felt sick to my stomach reading that whole "how to have sex with a dolphin" paragraph up there. It. . . it. . . it jest ain't right!
  • Wow, tennenho. I just spent three fascinating hours on that site. Just, wow.
  • *napalms entire thread*
  • Is this for real? I wonder what it'd take to pull one over on the Associated Press. Some people take it way too seriously; some pull out some wicked puns (Island of the Jew Dolphins); and one rather bizarre search result identifies a similarity to a mystery novel (If I'd Killed Him When I Met Him, by Sharon Crumb).
  • Monkeyfilter:Hot Girl on Girl dolphin lesbo sex!
  • male dolphins can get very frisky when swimming with human females. if you want to swim with a dolphin, wear a wet suit.
  • I find it difficult to believe that there are dolphins out there that think a hairless ape is cute enough to mate with.
  • i know two women who have been "propositioned" by a solitary male dolphin, and i've met several divers who report similar behavior.
  • Flipper? I hardly know her!
  • Apparently humans are the sheep in the great frathouse of the ocean.
  • if you want to swim with a dolphin, wear a wet suit. And that's such wise advice, either in the sea or land. Rubber suits, people!
  • I dunno what kind of cetaceans your friends have been fraternizing with roryk. In my 3 years as wild dolphin pornographer I mean researcher I've not once been propositioned. I guess I must smell funny or something.
  • Ach! Dolphins are being maligned in this thread! By monkeys. Whose interest is alwsays seized by the sexual proclivities of their own and other species. And why? It needs no further reason beyond the fact we're always in season.
  • *applauds bees* though i don't think i'm maligning dolphins - just pointing out that their definition of "play" might not be quite what we expect. danapiper - the dolphin in question was a solitary male bottlenose.
  • His name was "Randy"
  • So sad...
  • *gags
  • All's whale that ends whale?
  • *threatens to gobsmack Bees with a week-old flounder
  • Always carping.
  • Looks like a good ol' fashioned bass-kickin'
  • Roes his boat to shore, just for the halibut.
  • I know there's a John Denver song in here somewhere.
  • Dolphin Olympics Wonderfully pointless and fun.
  • very sweet.
  • one must watch out for their immense prehensile erections Words to the wise!