December 15, 2005

• I say, "Hello, Mr. Magpie!" Magpies form the keystone of the vast pantheon of my superstitions.
• I always end up looking for another one desperately (more so on days when I have important things to do) in order to move the count up to two or more from one.
• Aussie Magpies don't appear to have this superstition associated with them.
• Personally, I immediately eject my underwear from my pants and sing in a rather high voice "Potato! Biscotti! All heaven's a doodle!", which I'm told will ward off any Fad Luck. Actually being a dumb Umurkun, I probably wouldn't know a magpie if I saw it. I was a little disappointed that they seem to have nothing whatsoever to do with actual pie.
• Did someone say pie? I want pie.
• pie as in piebald - having spots and patches of black and white, or other colors; mottled; pied. "A piebald steed of Thracian strain." -Dryden.
• Just to head-off the threadjack.
• They don't exist in my neck of the woods. My brother is not allowed to forget the occasion he first spied a magpie upon relocating to Western Canada (they're very common critters there). Having never seen such an exotic bird before, he immediately assumed that it was an escaped pet, and spent a long, long time standing under a tree with index finger extended, trying to coax it to safety. How the neighbours must've giggled!
• I wonder what the magpie thought.
• Honestly, I had no idea that such things really existed. I always thought it was a made-up creature, like a unicorn, the Hydra, or Graham Greene.
• I love that some superstitions insist on "Mr. Magpie" and some are adamant it be "Mrs. Magpie." Is there an easy way to tell from a distance? And how about the kids? Why are we so certain there are three--besides it being a convenient fantastical number? I’m also surprised with all the pulling of caps, hair, and so on, that some region doesn’t have instructions to forcefully grab your crotch whilst saying "hello Mr. Magpie!" (I mean, think of where it might want to peck). Then there's the salute... Are we talking British army standard? If I'm an American visiting the island, may I use the formal salute of our armed forces without giving offence? May I occasionally "spice it up" a little and give a Roman salute? How about a Red Dwarf one? Will the magpie smite me down with magic magpie beams if I display too much insolence? Might I suggest a new tradition? (At least one I plan to follow). Upon seeing a magpie, say:

  Hello Mr. of Mrs. Magpie. I could give a rat's ass about any silly superstition, but I still wish you a good day, insofar as you are able to comprehend it as such, because I'm not a malevolent human, who, if I were, would probably just dispatch you to magpie heaven (or hell) with a handy dandy firearm because he or she is a frightened bugger with an itchy tigger finger. So count your blessings magpie, as you're really not in any position to visit evil upon the earth. We humans do well enough with that all by ourselves. In fact, you really can do about jack all to any individual human. But, if creeping out superstitious nimrods is your thing, knock yourself out. Just don't expect me to give a damn about it.

  Or, if people would prefer something easier to remember, try:

  Oh look, a magpie.

  But seriously, thanks for the link Chyren. I was just recently reading up on family Corvidae (the "crow" family), the fact that they’re among the most intelligent group of birds, and that humans have long had superstitions and dark perceptions of them--crows, ravens, and--apparently magpies--play heavily on some part of the human psyche. However, I’m a little cranky this morning, so my patience for needless, groundless superstition is very short. I mean, magpies have as much chance of being harbingers of evil as Alfred Hitchcock has of directing another film (though, if anyone checks, they’ll find some foolish people did make a "sequel" to Hitchcock’s film).
• Ice cream buckets are the only way to go!
• Excellent link. Hooray!
• I always look for another magpie, even though I have decided as a rationalist I'm not allowed to use the folk remedy of greeting a lone bird like the folks in the link too - I was brought up on the same.
• I say "ooh!"
• I greet birds all the time - you never know which friend or relative they were (or might be . . )
• I've never seen a magpie, but I greet all animals when I see them. Saluting, turning around and spitting, though, that's for loonies. sorry for the threadjack.
• I look for a second magpie too. But if I see them while I'm out walking I'm always worried about being dive-bombed. They're evil birds.
• Koko spits on loonies! *opens brolly*
• You don't even wanna know what she does with twonies.
• When I see one, I say, "Hey, quit breaking into that car, asshole". No wait, that's crackheads. Fantastic link chyren! )))))! I don't see magpies here, but I'm plagued with hordes of robins, each of which needs to be assessed for size, and when one has come to a satisfactory conclusion, on must say, "Robin, you are medium." Unless he's actually large, or small. But one must specify. And like Koko, I greet all animals as it is the polite thing to do. Although I find raccoons also appreciate a twenty if you can spare one. What they spend it on, I am afraid to ask, though I suspect it is for gambling or lady raccoons of bad reputation.
• I'm plagued with hordes of robins, each of which needs to be assessed for size, and when one has come to a satisfactory conclusion, on must say, "Robin, you are medium." This is why I ♥ moneyjane.
• I always greet a lion on the off-chance that he may symbolize Jesus.
• I always greet a lion on the off-chance that he may symbolize Jesus. Yeah, I used to do that too, but with so many lions loose in my neighborhood, I'm sick of it. And most of their Liam Neeson impersonations are terrible. Bloody great cats and their highfalutin airs.
• Idiots! You cross your fingers and keep them crossed until you see a four-legged animal. Sheesh!
• I second tracicle's view of them being Evil birds. These critters move into a neighborhood, build a nest and as soon as their eggs are laid will systematically kill or chase off any song bird, cat, dog or pedestrian within sight of their new home. Not to mention their call (scroll down a bit) which can be heard for blocks. I once owned a cat that spent the nights outside; at around 4:00am on a warm summer morning it would seek shelter beneath a tree just outside my bedroom window as it was beset upon by an overprotective Magpie. This scenario repeated itself for about two weeks straight and brought me the closest I have ever been to want to kill another living creature out of spite.
• Hee...koko, I'm in training for spring when I'll be wading in them. Then I'll have to wear my robin-waders to get to the corner store. I'm off now to run up the stairs of an imposing public building. Also; I high five rhinos every chance I get.
• To their credit though, those little birds have balls. I've seen them take on cats, dogs and work collectively on hawks more than twice their size and win.
• Aussie Magpies don't appear to have this superstition associated with them. That's because Aussie magpies are total fuckers.
• And for those of you with Magpie problems, here's how to deal with them. If you doubt my story here's some research to back up my claims. Huuuuuuuh nasty creatures.
• The Canadian ones are just as bad.
• Nah, once you hear the song of the Aussie magpie you can't get cross with them.
• BTW the picture at top of an Aussie Maggie was taken by me at less than 3 feet range*; it's one of the ones my granny feeds every day. She has created a lasting peace in our time between two crows, the local butcher birds, and the magpie troop, who would usually fight each other for food. Now they tolerate each other because they know they'll each get a bit of mince. *His approximate thoughts at the moment of shot were: what is that flashy silver thing in your hands and why haven't you got me any meat?
• One for sorrow, Two for joy, Three for a letter, Four for a boy, Five for silver, Six for Gold, Seven for a secret that's never been told. I assume everyone knows this?
• Some friends of mine bid solitary magpies "good day, my lord." I tend to tell the bird "thanks for the warning." Also, I tend to remind myself that magpies are social birds who are strongly pair-bonded, so the solitary magpie probably has a friend nearby. Which is kind of like the way that bad luck can be good luck in disguise, though it may feel like shit at the time. Which also reminds me of the Five of Pentacles in the Tarot. Wonder what magpies think when they see a solitary human? (Apart from "why haven't you got me any meat," obviously.)
• I was just about to say the same thing as Chaz. Except the version I know has "three for a girl".
• Never heard any of the magpie superstitions or rhymes I apperantly had a misguided childhood.
• They are slightly evil, but also among the most intelligent of birds, and I can't help thinking they have a sardonic sense of humour. I saw a pair taunting a cat once: the cat was in the middle of a square roof, the two magpies at opposite corners. One magpie would squawk, and the cat would move towards it: but before it had gone far, the other magpie would squawk, and the cat would start back in the opposite direction. They kept this up for some time, until the magpies apparently got bored with taking the piss out of the mammal.
• Prairie Penguins are evil, malicious buggers. Back in my macho youth the first thing I did after seeing a magpie was reload.
• I've heard "one crow sorrow, two crows joy ..." lots of times - didn't know it applied to corvids in general.
• More magpie counting rhymes here.
• I feel so left out. Can somebody mail me one?
• They are...among the most intelligent of birds To second Plegmund's comment, you may have seen this eerie video of crows at work. (RealPlayer video file).
• I guess we don't have magpies in Texas. We have grackles, though. Yucky, nasty birds. They'll take over a neighborhood and eat and/or poop on everything in sight.
• I once had a bluejay target my cat for weeks. (To be fair, he had eaten her baby.) Every time he went out, she'd swoop down after him. I had four cats, and she only would try to peck out the eyes of the one. Birds=smart. And scary.
• Grackles suck. Magpies are pretty cool birds. Yes, they are scavengars and will peck the eyes out of newborn lambs if the mama isn't around, but they're just doing what they're meant to do, which is clean up duty. They're funny as hell though, and have a great sense of humor. When we fed the dogs outside, the 'pies would load up on dogfood till they couldn't fly--just flop with big, lumpy bellies. A couple got so you could flip dog food in the air and they'd catch it midflight. You can capture baby magpies and make pets out of them. They're very loyal. Some people split their tongues to make them "talk" but they'll "talk" without that--they learn different sounds very well. I think Idaho magpies may not be quite as big and may have more white on them, but I'm too tired to google and make sure. One of my minions is delegated to do that on Wikipedia.
• Yeah, you can do pretty much the same things with Aussie Maggies, too. But they make the best song of any Oz bird. You'll have to find a sound file of it on the web somewhere cos I can't describe it, sort of a nice warble.
• The Magpies
• Sturnus Vulgaris is tops for me in the "birds we love to hate" sweepstakes. I mean, come on, if that shouldn't be the name of some creepy count hanging about in the Carpathians, I don't know what is. "Count Vulgaris requires you in the study. Alone. Bring salt". Even their street name; 'starling' is pretty cool.
• Oh yeah? Well what about Turdus Migratorius? "Count Turdus is here to see you, my lord. I'll open the windows."
• Quardle oodle ardle wardle doodle!
• It's a little hard to speak clearly with a magpie stuck in your throat, Chy. Spit or swallow.
• Ah. Here is the typical sound of the Australian Magpie. (WAV file). Another recording in MP3 format.
• Some starlings decided to nest near the entrance to the Pac*Bell building where I used to work, and dive-bomb me every time I went in or out. They usually connected with my head (I think they wanted hair for their nest). I seriously considered bringing a tennis racket with me to work.
• you should've worn a balloon hat. *swoop, swoop, peck* bang! *flap-flap, flap-flap*
• "Magpies are less likely to swoop if you look at them. Try to keep an eye on the magpie, at the same time walking carefully away. Alternatively, you can draw or sew a pair of eyes onto the back of a hat, and wear it when walking through the area. You can also try wearing your sunglasses on the back of your head." Or twist your head around 180 degrees. from here.
• I should wear a balloon hat anyway, regardless of starlings.
• you should paint eyes on the back of your balloon hat.
• I see your eyes and i raise you a nose and a mustache.
• *raises eyebrows*
• so that's eyes, nose, mustache, and eyebrows to me, right? feck it, i fold.
• 'stralian Magpie here (6.0 .wav) very hypmotizin'. They sound like a kaleidoscope. All we have are big-@$% crows. And they think they're so great.
• WOOOOH Dudes! Your Australian magpies are colored upside down! Lookie at the Idaho ones! Yours sing, ours just squawk click on CORVIDAE and then black billed magpie--the pic on that site is a half-fledged young bird, not the dapper adult From the site: Magpies are noisy, flashy, ostentatious birds that annoy and entertain wherever they go. And abuncha thieves! They steal my lovely shiny things. oooooh lookie, shiny thing... DAMN YOU MAGPIE!!
• That's the Jay in them i'm told. But they look much different than the 'stralian ones. Smaller beaks & bodies it looks like. Must be from traveling all the way from deown undah.
• Wait a second, roryk, a straight mustache beats both my royal nose and fishtick's two pairs of eyebrows. You win!
• Nova Scotia traditional (and the old folk were pretty superstitious, some of 'em): One crow's sorrow Two crows, joy... etc But also used to hear: One crow means a burying, Two crows, a marrying... Haven't heard this in many a decade, either: Maggotty pie, maggotty pie, Sitting on the rail Means the storm passes by. Magotty pie, maggotty pie, Standing on the ground Brings the cold rain down.
• Aye, I like to play the magpipes!
• With wacky on the magpipes I dance the merry jig Morris Day has called it The Bird is what it is *Aawwwk!* Halleluja!
• peteswacky -- Hive realizwd it doesn't get any better than this!
• *bakes a celebratory bagpie for beeswacky and petebest*
• WhaT about My awesome magpie pixture!!!
• That's not a magpie, it's a crow with vitiligo.
• the magpie picture is superb he looks to be a handsome bird his nape is white his eye is bright o does he go for glittery things and hide them out of common sight?
• Mag pie.
• Chy, your magpix pie-chure is deeelightful. I'm glad to know more about the Aussie pie family. They're bigger, more colorful, and sing very pretty. But Idaho 'pies are smarter (and they steal your shiny things) four and twenty black birds baked in a pie **phuphut pluu phult** Fish tick, you could have taken the feather off!
• Removing the feathers ruins the bird! So let the plumaged bird fly free, pies within pies seem too absurd -- lets ignore such mad redundancy. It could get worse. I might have ended with this verse: ...Two owls and a wren, Four larks and a hen Have all made their nests in my beard (This was first penned by one who Lear-ed)
• Lear-ing at BlueHorse As we have seen Will garner a sock Or a smack; In-between But spare us details For fish tick and Chy We're all a bit hungry Let's have some magpie!
• /sighs /eats crow