December 12, 2005

Curious, George: I wanna feel his salvation all over my face. My cousin is in a bad christian rock band. How can I influence him away from this awful "genre of music"?
posted by ian would say 18 years ago
  • You can't. You shouldn't.
  • Feck, I forgot to hit "preview" before "post". I hate doing that.
  • How old is he? Any chance he'll just outgrow it while picking up a few chops and learning how to play with other people? If so, no harm done.
  • Show him this website.
  • Influence him away? Man, get your sabbatical year fro day job now, become his band's manager... PROFIT! Retire in a couple years, split the swag with cousin, laugh at old photos.
  • Challenge Jesus to a slap fight. After you kick the Son of God's puny holy ass, your cousin will come to his senses and play indecipherable and utterly predictable hardcore like any normal teen. It goes a little something like this; One two three four! Whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh whuh WHUH! WHUUUUUUUUUUH! Sludgey ponderous guitar or guitar that sounds like somebody beating the shit out of a triangle in band class Repeat as necessary.
  • tell him to get into Christian rap. Then the Christian rock wont sound so lame by comparison.
  • You can't change people.
  • But that doesn't mean that people can't change...
  • Take photos you can use to blackmail him with after he gets over it.
  • What was that first line meant imply exactly?
  • That first line was supposed to be just the FPP title, with "Curious George:" as the opener, but I forgot to hit preview and make sure something was not rotten in the land of my post.
  • Heh, I added the "Curious, George" for you, but now it just sounds dodgy. Er. Dodgier.
  • If it is the music he lives then he will get bored by the restiction on lyrics hopefully fast - if it is the chriastia belief then you have buckleys - just hope the musicianship takes over prblem is that you can be considered great and develop a following in a very restricted niche!!!!
  • When I first saw the post title I thought it said, "I wanna feel his salivation all over my face." Give me a double-entendre and I can make it into a triple-entendre at no extra charge.
  • Learn his songs. Then substitute words like "cunt" and "fuck" for key words of his songs. Then hum or sing them to him all the time using those words.
  • ...or satan.
  • Furthermore, is there such thing as a "good Christian-rock band"?
  • You can't change people. You can, however, trade them in.
  • InsolentChimp: FIVE IRON FRENZY.
  • I kid. Five Iron Frenzy BLOWS BIG DONKEY BALLS.
  • And lest I forget... Monkeyfilter: A triple-entendre at no extra charge.
  • Furthermore, is there such thing as a "good Christian-rock band"? No... sweet jebus no...
  • I never saw Christian rock as genre unto itself, I always thought of it as a sub-division of crap-rock or in some cases wuss-rock.
  • ian would say, you can't make him leave. Instead, wait for the following to happen: someone makes a little joke, probably at the expense of the drummer, and suddenly the drummer flips OUT, totally loses it in front of everyone, screaming and kicking and punching, tosses everybody out of the garage and refuses to answer anyone's cell phone calls for weeks. When you finally do see him again, he's proud to tell you he's in a new band, where people APPRECIATE HIM, and that's that. Er, I've heard this can happen, anyway. But this doesn't guarantee he won't move on to a new Christian rock band. So, there's that, then.
  • Neal Morse, the brains behind Spock's Beard (excellent progressive rock band), left to do Christian stuff. Although I can't listen to it for more than a couple minutes because of the religious lyrics, the music is quite good and might appeal to holy rockers. It's just a shame that Neal feels the need to prop the ego of an omnipotent (but insecure?) being.
  • Jeremy Engik left Sunny Day Real Estate because he was a born again. Ruined one of the best rock bands of the 1990's.
  • If you can't point at, laugh, and ridicule your family, then what good are they? I say let them go and enjoy the ride...
  • And yet Christian country and bluegrass is so great. And spirituals. What went wrong? Was it the hairspray instead of the brilliantine?
  • Just wait. Once he gets old enough that he doesn't care what his youth minister thinks of his choice of music, he'll move on to real rawk. All the kids I grew up with who were "really into" Stryper eventually bought Metallica and Motley Crue t-shirts and quit the puppet ministry. And even Stryper went secular eventually. "TO HELL...WITH...THE DEVIL!!!!"
  • Some of Dylan's late 70's Christian Rock is good.
  • the problem with "Christian Rock" is that it usually has no soul. Painfully white kids need more than the Bible to find a groove. And then a band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this . . .
  • And yet Christian country and bluegrass is so great. And spirituals. What went wrong? Country and bluegrass comes from the poor(er) rural areas of the country. Christian rock comes from the suburbs. Suburbs are going to be your largest correlating data point for determining the crap level of music and, well, everything else.
  • "TO HELL...WITH...THE DEVIL!!!!" DUDE! I found myself a Stryper To Hell With The Devil tour t-shirt at a thrift store eleven or twelve years back. I also found a Life Is Short Pray Hard (in giant Frankie Goes To Hollywood font) t-shirt for my soon-to-be-husband at the time. We sizzled with wry detachment, let me tell you.
  • And yet Christian country and bluegrass is so great. And spirituals. What went wrong? White people. Though they didn't do
  • what I should have done, like not accidently press Post New Comment before I knew what the hell I was talking about.
  • I have never done th
  • Hey sister, Bill Monroe had some soul. He also had a ghetto bootie.
  • Ah, wonderful link there, Tenacious.
  • off topic but I followed that link to mcSweeney's and found this and its damn funny.
  • Continuing the pop song correspondences
    To be quite honest, the childhood I spent in our house was one of constant blinding terror, owing entirely to the location: in the middle of our street. Not along our street or recessed from our street or up a winding footpath from our street like other houses. No. Our house? In the middle of our street. I mean, whose idea was that? A disgruntled city planner's?
    HA
  • Tell him to listen to Sufjan Stevens, Starflyer 59, or Pedro the Lion... Oh, wait. That's good Christian music. If it's BAD MUSIC, then you may want an intervention. However, it's not so cool to imply Christian rock bad by definition. Even what you may consider 'bad' Christian music isn't necessarily all that bad (I would make a case for Switchfoot's 'New Way to Be Human' that would make many of my indie snob friends roll their eyes). Make sure you are intervening for the right reasons, and that is because it is bad, not because of your distaste for the music. And, though the music pains me itself, even the overly preachy Xian music has meaning to people. If it means something to him, and maybe even others, what right do you have to take that away from him? Regardless of what you do, please be conscious of his feelings, as art is precious. Spoken as a true athiest/music dork.