February 19, 2004

Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord...
posted by opie_and_ollie 20 years ago
  • Not sure I would consider evil overlordship worthwhile without the maniacal laughter...
  • Pfft. Buncha bullshit. That's the crap you already have to know to test well enough to get into Evil Overlord graduate school. You'd never score well enough in the Evil-Sat to even be considered without that shit being second nature. I mean, c'mon "I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded." Well du-fucking-huh. That stupid list makes it look like anyone could learn to be an evil overlord. You don't pick evil-overlord-dom, it picks you. It's not like being a dentist.
  • Pulling out the old skool, are we?
  • naxosaur : you've provided me the impetus to say "baby, don't you know all my emissions are phlogistatic." as a pick-up line, and for that, I thank you.
  • "I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them." Yeah, thats easy to say...
  • "I will not grow a goatee ... they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X." True dat.
  • This list is amusing, but the best line on the subject came from an old Alan Moore comic. It was something like "The School For Aspiring Evil Galactic Conquerers," and I've forgotten most of it, but one line has stuck with me ever since: "Remember, the wages of sin are death--but the hours are great, and the perks are terrific!"
  • What Nax said. Peabody, set the Wayback Machine to /whirrrrr.... buzz buzz buzz/ 1994.
  • eek! a link from fark!
  • Okay! I get it! I'll never again post anything that has previously appeared on the internet in any shape or form! Now where is that adorable Dancing Hamster page I saw yesterday.....
  • From the same site, had a laugh reading his: "Man A Chemical Analysis & Woman A Chemical Analysis" webpages.
  • It's the geek equivalent of Woody Allen's "1. Take a literary or philosophical conceit 2. Add a restaurant" technique - makes you giggle, but you can see the cogs moving. Having said that, I'm very fond of "I will not turn into a snake. It never helps." I've learned that lesson the hard way.
  • You and me both, Flash. Sure, all them mice "tastle like chicken", but when I try to eat an actual chicken I get all greasy from not having hands, and stuff. Then when I try that "dislocate your jaw-hinge--you'll be able to take much bigger bites" thingie; well, I swear to Gawd I had TMJ for DAYS. Had to go on Silky Rice Mouse. Talk about retaining water. Being a snake sucked. I am sooo lucky Bob Barker changed me back to my human form.
  • I really liked this post. I also really like revisiting some of the things I thought were funny 10 years ago and have forgotten about. (Although I never saw this and it made me laugh.) I like a lot of the links on fark, although I don't get to read it as much as I used to anymore. So I say not only "Rock on Opie" but "Keep it coming". And to all the pool pee-ers who didn't enjoy it, go on and post something you do think it's funny and let me sit here and be entertained. [/public service announcement]
  • I've never actually been to fark... (Also, I agree with Kimberly.)
  • Kimberly's keepin' it positive. Now that's the REAL old-school.
  • I think this article has some good advice for those who are evil. The words that come to mind are 'liberal fascism'.
  • *imagines Kimberly clapping her hands imperially and saying "let me be entertained!"*
  • boo: I agree, but there'd have to be TWO claps and her hands are up toward the side of her head and she sort of looks away from the hands while she does it in a sort of "I have so much power it bores me" kind of way.
  • Dang. It looks like my secret is out. Oh well. Carry on. (And put the hat with the bells back on. I like that one.)
  • Thanks Kimberly :) I'll bring cookies to school tomorrow for us to share. Mom says you can stay for dinner too if ya wanna.
  • 300. I will not land a fighter jet on an aircraft carrier in front of a giant sign announcing "Mission Accomplished" until I have located and destroyed evidence of my military record (or lack thereof).
  • Hee! Note to self: Read everything.
  • My dear *snort* friend Helen Darville-Demidenko plagiarised this article and got paid $700 for it. Pro: $700 Con: no more writing in the newspaper ever. Top score, Helen!
  • fark was, i'll admit, my first nose into the net. They're like stems and seeds at a frat party to metafilter's crystal meth in a crackhouse.
  • Couldn't we be absinthe sots instead forks? It sounds so much classier. Plus, we'd get the slowly going insane liver failure death rather than the hearts wearing out one. 'Sides, with the absinthe we could hide our madness, biding our time until we could drag the rest of the world off into our mad monkey world.
  • Praise the lord and pass the pruno, pez.
  • Urk. Now that's nasty. You talk about your cruel and unusual. In highschool we tried it with potatoes. Thought we'd get vodka, thought we'd try a 'net recipe, get drunk cheap. Not so much. That though, that's orders of magnitude more horrific.