December 02, 2005

• come on!! need you even ask?? Monkeyfilter: the Movie there are already casting suggestions liberally sprinkled thruout the archives (which I am too lazy to find for you) and a gimme of a storyline, tight with tension, romance, mystery and monkeys!!
• Yes, but Koko forgot to cast me, so that one doesn't count.
• seriously, tho, that is very cool. I am vaguely envious even (need a date?) how 'bout a wacky family comedy set in a grouphome for Severely Emotionally Disturbed children? I could give you some pointers....
• I am prepared to do a nude scene. I doubt very seriously that you'll want me to.
• I love the process server idea. It could be kind of like "Renegade." And he could have a catchphrase like, "You Got Served!"
• I don't mean to be a bubble-burster but for legal reasons they probably won't even want to listen to unsolicited ideas from people they don't know. "Have your agent or lawyer send me a letter" is probably the best you're gonna do. Also, there are many fine classes available on writing throughout the LA area. Some people are of the opinion that there is actually a little skill involved in creating "schlock," beyond just standing next to the right people at a party.
• I can see the quidnunc kid hosting a quiz show. Not too sure about the details, but he's definitely sassy.
• (Following drjimmy's comment -- I should point out that this is in no way a serious pitch. I just thought it'd present an interesting creative challenge to the monkeys.)
• 1. Remake of the beloved "A Team" only set in St. Louis and starring me in the BA Barrachus role. 1a. Remake of "Barnaby Jones," only set is St. Louis and starring me in an alternative-lifestyle-friendly version of the Lee Meriwether role. 2. All Klingon Star Trek variant set on Klinshai and featuring the foibles and intrigues of a group of up-n-coming warriors, their wacky hijinx and their brushes with dishonor. 3. Ensemble show about a group of colonial-era "barbers" and "leeches" who travel the 13 colonies having adventures, shaving unruly beards and solving mysteries - sort of a combination of 1776, CSI and Scooby Doo, only the hook is that these guys can only use 18th century science to solve crimes. 4. All Nude Ribald Password Plus. The country is ready, I think. 5. Just Jack 2006! 6. The Corner Office: A thoughtful and poignant (yet darkly hilarious) look at the foibles and intrigues of a group of newly minted MBAs as they vie for perquisites, promotions and parachutes amidst the hustle and bustle of a modern day Evil Corporation, starring me as the wisecrackin' borderline-psychotic CEO, Ralphius von Malphington III. 7. The Further Adventures of Heatmiser and Frostmiser (featuring special guest star Burghermeister Meisterburgher). 8. An edgy, "extreme" fishing show set in the ocean where the fish have an equal chance of catching and eating the fishermen. 9. Live Action Aqua Teen Hunger Force, starring me as the Mooninite Er. 10. "Daughter of Wonderwoman", starring Linda Fiorentino, and co-starring Linda Fiorentino's ass.
• Alright then. Mine is about a badger who's a roadie for a rock band.
• fes, I actually really like #8. Especially if we get to know the fish on a personal level.
• She's a seductive woman of the night, living in the raging slums of British Columbia! He's a polysyllabic know-it-all, scouring the underworld of London! There's been a series of burglaries from the vast holdings of the Mysterious Owl Semen Baron! The local constabulary are stumped! Will this mystery rend these two star-crossed lovers asunder? THRILL! As the forensic epidemiologist discovers the secrets of the stolen sperm! CHILL! As the choir master is found to be in the thrall of the weird alien creature! DILL! Is usually used in the process of making kosher pickles! WHO is the mysterious redhead seen leaving the scene of the crime? WHERE is the mad scientist keeping with all the purloined particulate? WHAT is your favorite color? Most importantly, WHO is the evil mastermind behind it all? A Nosetastic production, brought to you by Signing Gorilla films
• >>3. Ensemble show about a group of colonial-era "barbers" and "leeches" who travel the 13 colonies having adventures, shaving unruly beards and solving mysteries - sort of a combination of 1776, CSI and Scooby Doo, only the hook is that these guys can only use 18th century science to solve crimes.<< Theodoric of York, anyone?
• What's old is new again! *buries face in hands, sobs*
• beyond just standing next to the right people at a party. I thought that's what Capt. Renault said was going to be happening.
• Best. Shoutout. Ever. ooga_booga - I KISS YOU!
• Hey, tell your friend to grab a few of those goodie bags brimming with iPods and whatnot... And of course, this is the chance to pitch 'Cockpunch', the long awaited sequel to Cocktail. Who wants to play Cruise's son, who breaks his dad's heart by refusing to take charge of the succesfull, mega-global bar franchise, and wants to bring this new, strange drink to the masses, in a small, indy bar filled with racial stereotypes?
• Dibs on a role as a racial stereotype! Is "sonorous-voiced unrythmic caucasian" taken yet? Not as many know this, but sonorous-voiced unrythmic caucasians are superior knife-fighters. I bet we could work that into the story somehow.
• I've long thought that a show about Process Servers What about a show just about servers and their processes? I can see the season one finale now, as they try and reconfigure one before the impending Webinar!
• Brilliant! Here, how's this: (*ahem*) Eeah, Wot's all this then?! Oh! *stumbles, falls into giant banana pudding dish*
• PETE: (with a strange calm) "OK, go to START, then select CONTROL PANEL..." CAPTAIN 'BOBA' RENAULT: "There's no time, dammit! We need to edit that registry NOW!" PETE: "The trouble ticket's vague, 'Boba' - we just don't know what's going on inside that hard disk, and she ain't talking. We *have* to go through the onboard diagnostic tools - could be as simple as an overdue defrag." RENAULT: "A defrag will take hours! The webinar's in 20 minutes..." [cut to SHOT OF WALL CLOCK, SECOND HAND SPINNING) RENAULT: "... make that 18 minutes! If you go to System Tools on this, we're all going to get shift-deleted!" PETE: "Editing the registry at this point can do more harm than good - we *have* to do this according to procedure." RENAULT: "To hell with procedure! I'm going in!"
• I've long thought that a show about Process Servers has excellent possibilities -- either a buddy show, or a guy-girl combo with lots of sexual tension. Opportunities for long stakeouts, car chases, violence and slapstick, oddball characters... That kind of schlock can be sold fairly easily. Hot damn, I've been thinking of this ever since I sat one table away from a process server training a rookie on his new job at a local cafe. The guy was wearing a crumpled suit covered in donut remains, and he had a horrible lisp. He rambled on for a full hour about the nuances of the job. My sister and I have been coming up with taglines for him for years. He'd usually say "Conthider yourthelf therved, thucker!" and run away. One episode, he'd serve a nun, and it would be "Conthider yourthelf therved, thithter." Or in Mexico, "Conthider yourthelf therved, Thenõr". The possibilities are endless. Well, not endless so much, but there are a lot of possibilities. OK, it's funnier in my head. OK, cold medicine is kicking in...
• Dibs on a role as a racial stereotype! I'll be the sassy Puerto Rican woman with the luscious booty and the snappy catch phrase and the oh-no-you-didn't expression. Middle of season three, I'll inexplicably fall in love with Fes and teach him how to "drop it like it's hot." Hilarity will ensue.
• I'm already in love with Fes because of that script.
• How about this: Two handsome, daredevil cousins live in a rundown shack in rural Georgia with their sexy female cousin and bearded, moonshine-brewing uncle. Persecuted by an overweight, monochromatically dressed, corrupt politician, they constantly have to use their souped-up red car to escape a swaggering yet incompetent sheriff and his adorable hound dog. Oh, and they’re gay vampires who give each other makeovers. I'll be in my trailer.
• Or, following this trend of putting shows on air about white trash -- you could have an entire series based on "Stewart" by the Dead Milkmen. Have some old guy in the trailer park impart his wisdom of the world to his neighbour. A lot of strange family histories, like roller coaster decapitations, a lot of conspiracy theories featuring gay martians. Some of it would clearly be bullshit, and a vehicle for cheap hilarity and rural stereotypes, but it could have a David Lynchesque twist where there might just be something to that landing strip thing. Enh? ENH?
• Middle of season three, I'll inexplicably fall in love with Fes and teach him how to "drop it like it's hot." "Is now the time that I'm supposed to 'stir the pot,' muñequita?" he asked sonorously. [laugh track]
• A sitcom about the wacky goings on inside a Masonic temple.
• I totally LOVE the process server idea! 'Cept I see it as more of a "My Name Is Earl" kind of a thing. Brilliant.
• I want a gritty science fiction show based on Larry Niven's Ringworld, without all the human-alien sex... except during sweeps. And maybe not so many stupid reality shows? I now boycott advertisers who purchase time on them, not so much as in protest but disgust "anybody who thinks this is good televsion is not someone I can ever buy anything from; it would probably explode before I could get it home".
• How about a romantic comedy based on the life of a grave digger during the black death?
• ohhohh!! can I play the medieval chick love interest?? I've got a thing for yersinia pestis!!!
• an angry red-brick plot about a british postie whose branch office has closed down due to cutbacks but who's left with this one letter that he can't deliver that contains the full and complete explanation of why...
• How about: 1) The adventures of ice melting 2) The trials and tribulations of 2 cats who live in an apartment (who gets to sleep in the chair? where's the can-opener?) 3) A comedy about prison gaurds torturing Iraqi prisoners! Ooga Booga I can't believe you left out the acupuncturist.
• But, but, but we had to hold some stuff back for the sequel, Zanshin! Yeah! The sequel! That's right! *hangs head in shame* Just for completeness' sake, append: FEATURING: A CAST OF THOUSANDS! And an accupuncturist!
• They Fight Crime! is all you need. Or, you can get in on the ground floor with my brill idea! Picture this, baby: A punchcard clock. Suddenly, a futuristically gloved hand sweeps into the shot and slides a time card into the punchcard clock, ending his shift. The title of the show/movie, "PUNCHED OUT" appears on the screen. PUNCHED OUT: The off-duty lives of bureaucratically sanctioned superheros; Watchmen meets Holy Crullers meets The Office meets whatever it is dames watch these days. I expect a chunk of the net, producer credits, and my own sex-tape scandal.
• Oooh, I got it! How about Al Sharpton in his very own sitcom called "Al in the Family!" Oh damn. CBS already beat me to it.
• *mutters* damn mistakes in the original. I proofread, I swear! petebest - beautiful, beautiful! Now we need to do 355 more takes so that we can digitally composite them all for shot #23! Space Kitty - mwah, dahlink!
• Zanshin: RECOIL! As you see the Pin-Encrusted Parasite crawl out of its Inhuman Host! Methinks I need to put a whole lot more thought into this schtick. Hopefully, I'll have it ready for the next meetup.
• Ooga Booga I can't believe you left out a character like Zorro.
• *commits seppukku*
• Like Zorro!
• I don't mean to be a bubble-burster but for legal reasons they probably won't even want to listen to unsolicited ideas from people they don't know. They definitely will not talk. Having a policy of not listening to outside voices and showing good faith in following through with it keeps them from paying out on lawsuits later on when someone says, "hey, I came up with the treatment for Friends. Y'know, wacky hi-jinx of five young and attractive people in the big city. Totally my original idea."
• >>"hey, I came up with the treatment for Friends. Y'know, wacky hi-jinx of five young and attractive people in the big city. Totally my original idea."<< So, which one of the Friends do you consider old and unattractive?
• I really like your username. That is all.
• The word "Underpants" is roughly 25% funnier that the word "Underwear." I learned that from TV.
• Seconded, great username. My personal favorite has always been "faint of butt".
• Actually, I've never really watched friends. It's been on televisions while I've been in the room, but I've never paid it any mind. So I'm assuming it's five friends. And I'm betting they're all attractive too. Can I assume there's six of them? That sixth one is, I'm sure, quite attractive too.
• inquiring minds want to know: are you a monster for underpants or a monster who inhabits underpants???
• Or perhaps a monster made of underpants?
• oooh! I know of some people who would find that concept very arousing...
• *sniff*
• Somebody (else) listened to the entire commentary on the Futurama DVDs.
• Also, what about Big Brother type show, but all the characters are monkeys? And then someboy dubs voices of cute things the monkeys are supposedly saying. And there's a laugh track. You could call it Banana Mansion. It would be purple.
• • "Yesterday's News" - a gritty burned out journalist and a bitter alcoholic ex-detective solve crime on the mean streets of a nudist colony using clues deliberately left behind in old newspaper articles by shadowy members of the Bulgarian Illuminati (who, for some reason, are also nudists). Alternatively, the story of a mild-mannered average guy who always receives his newspapers a day late and is constantly commenting that if he knew about any of the events contained there-in beforehand, maybe he could have done something to help, but probably wouldn't.
  • "Judge Not" - a docudrama exploring the angst-ridden trials and tribulations of various people who manage to settle their differences in a friendly and amicable atmosphere. Afterwards they are lowered into a pit of scorpions and whoever gets out alive gets to keep everything.
  • "Keep It All In The Family, Guy" - an animated incestuous melodrama billed as "The Simpsons Meets Falcon Crest!" They're just a normal, suburban animated family, and yet Bobby, Zetta, Agamemnon and Bingo all have dark secrets. One of them has been murdered twice. One of them was smuggled across the English Channel during the last days of World War 2 and spent a number of years employed by the FBI because of his uncanny resemblence to J Edgar Hoover's longtime love interest, Otto. One of them is approximately 3000 years old and led the Greek forces during the Trojan war (and it isn't Agamemnon). And one of them is just a normal college student who is busy falling in love, falling out of love, picketing against the Young Lesbian Republican Movement and murdering faculty members, one by one, all while trying to get by in a family full of weirdos.
• Just walk up to a producer and shout 'A long time agao, in a galaxy far, far away...' That should grab their attention. Then steal their bird.
• Here's a few ideas: Life as a charter Learjet pilot; lots of variety on a week to week basis as you could be jetting celebreties around one week and blasting across the country carrying a life saving organ transplant the next. You get to see exotic locales every week, lots of variety, etc. Another possibility: the life of a professional photographer. Lots of opportunities for creative, involving camera work drawing in the audience with how images are composed, created and ultimately evolve into the finished work.
• Also possibly featured on a charter Learjet show: ferrying terrorist suspects to unspecified friendly foreign powers for nice little chats.