November 23, 2005

• Kitfisto ... I'm with you. My brain is blank. I can't get beyond buying goats from Oxfam. Mrs Dotcom wants to sponsor ducks. maybe we should give it all up as a bad job and make things out of stickyback plastic and loo rolls ...
• Mmm...sponsoring ducks. A Quacking idea! Sorry...
• What a coincidence! I just yesterday bought a couple of goats and ducks for my family. They also sell cows, llamas and complete menageries if you want to spend more money. http://www.heifer.org/catalog
• It's slim pickings on cool, relatively inexpensive gifts this year, it seems. My mom still pesters me for a Christmas List even though I'm over 30, and I can't even think of anything that I want, much less what to buy someone else. And usually those "gift guides" at Amazon and other sites will give me some inspiration, but no dice unless I want to give everyone I know an iPod. That said, I thought this was cool for iPod fans. Or this for iPod-less audiobook fans.
• So far, I've managed to get a squeaky-squirty puffa fish toy, some cat-butt fridge magnets, some Japanese bath salts and a pill box shaped like, er, a giant pill. See! I'm just buying rubbish in desparation!
• My brother and cousin are getting t-shirts that have a Hello Kitty Stormtrooper on them, so they are covered on the cool front :) Here's a guide to giving environmentally responsible gifts. I recently hosted a party for Relan bags, made from recycled billboard material. That covered the females on my list. If they won't ship to the UK, I'll do it for them (as a favor to monkeys). My dad is getting this, because you have to get inventive when someone is redoing their whole house in a patriotic theme. Fancy chocolates? Homemade cookies? Coupons for hugs tucked into aforementioned books?
• patita, those bags are awesome. I might get one or two for my sisters and sisters-in-law.
• Aw, you're sweet! You can get me this. Thanks!
• You're getting the same as last year, but in a different colour.
• But I didn't ... oh.
• Yeah, so get over it, sister, and make with the helpful comments.
• Uh, Amazon gift certificates. *goes off to sulk*
• C'm'ere, ya big lug! Don't be like that! *puts koko on Xmas list (maybe)*
• Heh. That was very funny, you two.
• You're still not going on my list, quiddo. Not after what you did at the Mofi Christmas party last year. We still haven't got the stains of the photocopier.
• Not to mention the "mistletoe mishap".
• I think if all the monkeys chip in, you can afford to get me the house in Big Sur. After all, what is Christmas all about, if not giving generous gifts to Koko.
• Look, the firearm I specifically and repeatedly asked for for my birthday failed to arrive, so I don't see why we should get you that house either. What's so big about that Sur anyway. And what exactly is a Sur?
• Being unemployed and uninspired, as well as having to buy for two whole families, one of which is huge and refuses to submit to the "pick a name" game ("But it's Christmas, I can't not buy gifts for everyone!"), I am going to the greatest cheap novelty toy store in the world, Archie McPhee's! And if they don't like their pirate lunchboxes and bacon bandages, to hell with 'em! www.mcphee.com
• I'm told Set is a terribly addictive game. I just know it's cheap and since it's a game, it's a nice "couples gift." I found the online version (note: applet) quite engaging once you get the hang of it.
• The shop where I got the squeakey-squeezie puffa fish sells loads of that mcphee stuff....aces.
• If you know any stationery fetishists, a Moleskine notebook would probably be well received. In fact, for under £30, you could buy someone several different formats (ie ruled notebook, sketchbook, graph paper, large, pocket, reporter, etc). And if you're buying for any couples that have youngish children, I've always had a lot of success with a gift voucher for a gourmet picnic basket from a local deli / cafe / restaurant accompanied by a reclaimable voucher (make it yourself in word / publisher / whatever) for an afternoon of child minding. Don't know exactly what the cost would be elsewhere, but in Brisbane you can get gourmet picnic baskets (which usually contain a variety of different cold meat dishes, cheeses, dips, cakes etc) for about $60 to $70 Australian, which is actually quite inexpensive when buying for a couple, and depending on the children, you could probably spend most of the afternoon they pick reading a good book, while they go off for a few hours of quality togetherness time.
• I don't know what a sur is, but it's big. That's for sur.
• Giant Brandy Snifter - No house is complete without one
• For fans of Lynda Barry and monkeys, you should check out her e-Bay Shop. She's done a series of meditating monkeys that sell for $30 at the buy it now price, with the proceeds going to Katrina Relief. I've bought two, one for me and one for a gift. It's delightful surprise, because you don't know which monkey you get until it arrives. She also has some higher priced, but ultra cool goodies. I've bought her artwork before, at it's incredible. Not just the artwork itself, but the packaging too. She takes great care in making a beautiful presentation, and even hand addresses the envelope.
• How long does shipping take on those Hello Kitty Stormtrooper shirts? Maybe #2 needs one. NEEDS.
• The first Europeans to see Big Sur were the Spanish conquistadores, who called it el Sur Grande, or the Big South. Turns out a sur is boring. Now I wish I hadn't looked. I got nothin' on the gift thing.
• To Sur, with love? If you're buying for people who are into games, these guys make some very good ones. (Full disclosure: they are friends of mine.) Fluxx and Aquarius are good, easyish starter games; my personal fave is Nanofictionary.
• How long does shipping take on those Hello Kitty Stormtrooper shirts? I got mine in about 2 weeks, but YMMV. Order today! Operators are standing by!
• Turns out a sur is boring. Now I wish I hadn't looked. Thanks for trying! Big Sur is much more exciting to visit. While you're there, you can put a down payment on my house! Thx!
• I second Fluxx. It is a fun card game that you can play with kids.
• i give magazine subscriptions to a few people. i like that they continue to get something throughout the year. some wandering around on amazon suggests: i-dog 29.99 carole vorderman's touchscreen sudoku 29.99 sanyo dvd player 29.99 basic mp3 player 19.99
• Also, I am giving a Squidlight to my sister this year.
• Instead of booze, maybe this year you could get something fancy to put the booze in?
• Why was my first response to Mickey's comment that kitfisto couldn't afford boob jobs for his friends and family? What have you people done to my mind!
• Good golly Miss Molly, kimdog! I had no idea that Lynda Barry was selling her art on EBay! Damn, now my wallet's gonna cry, but this is too cool! I will now end this sentence with an exclamation point! Oh, and OnTopic: The Complete Calvin & Hobbes came out recently. That and the Complete FarSide collection are both excellent gifts althought they're a bit pricey. For something a little more reasonable, the Complete Peanuts collections are now up to volume 4, but any one of them's an excellent read, and a lot cheaper to boot. If all else fails, you could always get a nabaztag .
• roryk, I've bought the i-dog for #2 this year. I decided he deserves to be spoilt.
• I'm getting an O.O.G.A.B.O.O.G.A. for all my friends, family, and professional associates.
• I'm a little strapped for $$ this year, so I'm getting everyone leftover MRE's from FEMA. I hear the trucks are still driving around somewhere. Sorry, I'll seriously think of helpful ideas; some of the ones mentioned here are great.
• FSM Dildo Cozy! The Big Sur is the only part of california that we plan on annexing into Cascadia. The rest of that state can join the Federal Republic of LA Fitness. 9.6 million in our megacity. Don't fuck with Cascadia bitches!
• flongj - that's a reasonable thing to do. Make sure not to feed them after midnight, though. NO MATTER WHAT! Plying them with drinks, however, is encouraged.
• A fun addition to booze is a mini-brethalyzer. Here is a cheap one, and this one is the model I bought for a few friends and my brother. Reactions to the gift varied from "This is the best gift ever!" to "What are you implying?" It's a fun gadget that's great at parties. Of course, it inevitably falls into the hands of people competing for highest blood alcohol level, but then it's easy to make a case for them to hand over their keys. And I second Pallas Athena on the Fluxx game - much fun for those who enjoy games where the rules change and the outcome is pretty much random.
• These comments sur have been helpful! Cheers, ya crazy guys!
• There's always ThinkGeek, the all-purpose online geekshop. Most of their stuff is on the pricey side, but I can personally vouch for their Airzooka. The Dynaflex Powerball is surprisingly good for working out bouts of carpal tunnel (our office recently experienced a brief Dynaball craze, which included RPM high scores on the white board). And who wouldn't want a Monty Python killer rabbit plush or Ninja Attack? Their shirts are pretty nice, too.
• How about a little trebuchet? How about a big one?
• I've always wished I had the guts to get someone with a baby this or this or this. If I ever had a kid I would love it, but others... not so much.
• I want a nabaztag! You can get replacement ears in various colors! I shall now hold my breath until one appears on my desk. Oh, this is about kitfisto's gift dilemma? If the vomiting Mr. Creosote plush doesn't do it, then I'm still at a loss.
• If we were flying somewhere, I'd totally put my kid in the "I am not a drug mule" shirt. That would be cheesy. And I'm all about cheesy.
• So no takers on the trebuchet, eh? The thought of smashing your enemies into pulp makes you queasy, eh? Too sensitive eh? How about the Mighty Roman Mangonel?. According to the website "it is capable of hurling... walnuts, eggs, and even potatoes..up to 100 feet!" Don't let bullies push you around. Stand firm behind your castle walls. Surprise them with a barrage of walnuts. Then embarrass them from a distance with the egg and the potato.
• Know any cat people?
• Well I never knew Old Bull wrote a book on cats! Great find, AA.
• Everyone hates my gift ideas. But that makes sense. Why would anyone want a wooden contraption that throws walnuts? I have no clue about giving gifts. Why am i posting on this thread in the first place? What do people want? A portable laundromat/coffee maker? A Reverse Polish calorie calculator? How the heck should i know? Maybe you would really like one of these. I can't read people's minds! Why am I being put in this position?! Why can't you buy your own gift?! You don't need me to buy something for you. Oh, no that would spoil the fun you say. Wuh? Where's the fun in me giving a high-velocity snowblower when you really wanted a cat mixer? I don't even know what a cat mixer is. All the while you're looking at me and thinking "How much did that snowblower actually cost anyway?" Or "this snowblower looks used". Or "he obviously didn't get the hint about the cat mixer". I don't know what you think is cool! I don't know what you want! Which is why I'm still stuck behind these castle walls still waiting for someone to show up.
• Turn that frown upside down! No, I won't be buying a siege engine for anyone this year, but your castle looks mighty fine from where I'm standing, far too nice to storm. Why not use the time to write an epic ballad or oppressing the surrounding villages?
• Do what I do. Buy a gift for yourself that your sister would never like, and she'll eventually abandon it to you, or at least not notice when you steal it back. Might I suggest some Pauline Croze?
• Ach! It is a gamine looking Frenchy bird! Eewww! Anyway, it's more about giving better prezzies than her to everyone else, so once again I look like the golden boy.
• In that case, charitable donations made on their behalf. Gifts like that really suck, and complaining about 'not really getting anything' makes the receiver look even more shallow and petty than yourself. Personally, I prefer the Jazz Musician Emergency Fund, but I'm sure there's some charities working on behalf of less-cuter animals or something. Charitable donations. Gives you the moral high ground, while sticking it to your family at the same time. What's not to love?
• Turn that frown upside down! Gee, kit, you're right! Somewhere in the world, I know I'll find my walnut friends! I know I will! In the meantime, gifty-wise how about (brace yourself), hurricane balls?! "Speeds of 12,000 rpm have been recorded for the Hurricane Balls using a laboratory strobe light"
• ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring
• That bananaphone is truly inspired. I hate cells, hate doubly rude morons shouting in public places into their gizmos, still, know I'm gonna laugh out loud upon seeing the first person on the street with one of those. As for gift ideas, I'm blank. 5 years ago, implemented a sure-fire method: I go on vacation to far-away place before xmas, return on january 2nd. No gift problems!