November 15, 2005

• I could take him.
• Bet it was the pandas got 'em, in a fight over bamboo grazing rights.
• Alas, Gigantopithecus I'm afraid ye caused a fuss by simply towering over us though all ye did was eat bamboo as ye grew to a massive ten foot two.
• Who ate our ceiling? Gigantopithecus Dude, that's OUR bamboo
• I bet he was worshipped with virgins and soft cheese. That's how I'd want people to worship me.
• Alas, Gigantopithecus You are no longer with-ec us. I'd like to see you fight biplanes While gripping rooftops with your feet! Alas, with our gigantic brains You weren't able to compete. But then, I guess if you had stayed There'd have to be some changes made. The current shops called 'Big And Tall' Would not be adequate at all. And what about the Cineplex? We'd all get cricks in all our necks If seated straight in front of us Was a Gigantopithecus. What's more, we'd need new public buses- Ones that could hold the 'pithecuses.
• Why the obsession with virgins? Way too bloody for me. Give me a girl who has been around the block and knows that there is no inappropriate place for a tongue to be.
• Because she would make me look talented by contrast, obviously, and not the spastic, all-thumbs minute-man that you all know and love..
• Maybe the men of the day put saddles on them rode them like dinosaurs. (The apes, I mean -- not the virgins.)
• I love it...a link to my old school!
• I think I'm in love!
• They have a replica in San Diego. He really, really hated it when the barber cut his fringe badly, apprently.
• ))) and wild applause for Stan the Bat!!!
• >))) and wild applause for Stan the Bat!!! You're just trying to keep me onstage while you pass out the overripe tomatoes...
• Poor Biggus Ape has taken off He didn't last Like the Giant Sloth And where he went nobody knows He's much too moble Too many toes.
• Stan, you deserve a Golden Bee Poetry Award for the gigantopitastic offering!
• Whenever an ape weighs six tons or more it gets harder to lift all those pounds off the floor. And stuffing yourself with sprouts and cane means there ain't much time for refining your brain and while ye may be great at eating in the longer run this is self-defeating. The smaller monkeys drop from the trees and cross savannahs and -- after a long time -- ye have the Chinese or monkeys like us who fling poo and bananas.
• Poor Gigantopithecus Once here, now merely mythic. Us'll Miss thee, hulking anthropoid, though thou were testy when annoyed. Fee fi fo fum Giant ape is dead and dumb He ground no bones for his banana bread We powder his choppers for viagra instead.
• It's a marketing gimmick from Peter Jackson!
• What an inspirational ape! YEAH POETS! More! More! More! /throws Petebest's undies on stage
• Well, they were just sitting there on the chair.
• This is great. Dutch paleontologist G.H. von Koenigswald discovered a yellowish molar among the "dragon bones" for sale in a Hong Kong pharmacy. Traditional Chinese medicine maintains that dragon bones, basically fossil bones and teeth, possess curative powers when the fossils are ground into a fine powder, and ingested. Now look, if you people don't stop eating the fossil record then we're never going to find out what the fuck happened.
• Fossil, shmossil, what about my gout?
• People, people -- how many times do I need to tell you? There IS no fossil record. Just little things planted by God to confuse us. So if the Chinese want to eat God's curios, that's just lessening our confusion. But those pagans will still be going to Hell for undoing God's Work. But that's not our problem, now, is it?
• So that's where they were . . .
• The molars were put, planted, left on purpose at the Chinese market by the FSM, of course! Is there any doubt about it?