November 10, 2005

• read as: I really don't know any real vampires, because they don't exist. I just run this hoax site to hopefully someday be able to quit my day job as a ciggarette girl, and bilch people out of they money full time...
• Hater.
• Man, back inna day, these NOLA kids used to play Live-Action Vampire: The Masquerade. And, like, somebody actually -killed- somebody else. No... wait, that's some bullshit I made up.
• Ah, the Geocities Data Transfer Limit; like a stake through the heart, it is! Scary! Well... scary for her... wasn't it, children? [Count Floyd Howl] OooOoOoo! [/Count Floyd Howl]
• Beeee-warrre... this blog is haunted! OooOoOoo! (But's it not -really a blog-) Beee-waaaare... this internet community is haunted! OoooooOOoooOo.
• I knew a real vampire. Her best friend was an acid freak, and she spent her free time making "death candles." She attacked one of my other friends during a Halloween party of all places, making sure he was good and drunk before she slit his finger open with a swiss army knife... squeezing out as much as she could, licking and lapping it up. The good 'ol days...
• NOR WILL I GIVE YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, OR EMAIL ADDRESS TO A VAMPIRE. Yea, right. She's pimpin' for the vampers, you betcha.
• So what kind of music ar vampires into, if they're not goths?
• this website is completely out of control
• I think most Vampires listen to Kenny G and Zamphir.
• They are very helpful -

  NOTE: For those who are new to cyberspace ... the links below will connect one page to the other taking directly to each of the Information Pages listed. You will notice that your 'mouse-pointer' (the arrow) changes into a hand pointing at the link when you have it in the correct position to 'click on it.' We recommend that you read the information in the order it is presented ... (going from top to bottom, left hand column first) but it is not mandatory that you do so.

• Of course this site is legit -- all real vampires have their own CafePress shop.
• "Read"? What is this "read" she speaks of? C'MON LADY, HELP US OUT A LITTLE HERE, WE'RE NOT ALL INTERNET GENIUSES!!!
• EXTRA! EXTRA! THE INTERNET IS INFESTED WITH WEIRDOS! That's a little harsh, don't you think? I mean, if they had stringy beards and googley eyes, that'd be differnt...
• if they had stringy beards and googley eyes, that'd be differnt... /looks in mirror Yep, weirdos.
• Most CAN go out into the day, but really would rather not. All tend to feel ill and weak during the day and better and stronger as darkness descends. Sounds like most of my friends.....
• Do vampire women menstruate and, if so, for how long? Do vampires suffer from things like headaches? Could a vampire dye their hair with the same chemicals as humans do? The FAQ is extremely informative.
• Is there a name for this phenomenon, where someone believes they really are the incarnation (not necessarily reincarnation) of a fantasy? I've wondered about that ever since I found a site for Jedi Lodge #1 (sorry, geoshities link). I've always been freaked by people who go like this. My brother had a friend who was dead-serious when explaining she was the reincarnation of Joan of Arc and of some silver dragon. Of course, I never tried to convince her otherwise; that's a psychologist's job, I don't ever want to handle the inevitable breakdown that will result from their carefully built reality imploding.
• A friend of mine once told me about getting dragged to some kind of Goth/Vampire party. He thought it was all pretty corny, but in the name of being sociable he tried to strike up a conversation with some guy there. He tried several perfectly good small-talk openings, but the guy just stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, scowling at my buddy, who eventually gave up and went elsewhere to try to mingle. Later somebody explained that the crossed arms meant that the guy was supposed to be invisible. Apparently it's rude to go up and talk to people who are trying to be invisible vampires.
• *crosses arms*
• I wonder if real vampires see Anne Rice's sudden change of heart as a betrayal, or a relief? (I see it as a marketing move, but I'm cynical that way.)
• Ooh! Ooh! Mommy, I want to be an invisible vampire too!
• splice: Is it much dumber that believing that every week, a biscut and some booze turn into the blood and flesh of your god when you eat them? Now, what I want to see are the vampires and the furries in a turf war.
• They've apparently already met.
• Ew.
• Ooww... usually a furry tail and cute perky ears would, eh, incite my interest, but the woman in that picture is the most plain, boring, unattractive furry I've ever seen... and that guy by his side and specially that drunk's elbow at the left don't help the picture at all. What the heck am I writing here? Sleep, must sleep!
• NOR WILL I GIVE YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, OR EMAIL ADDRESS TO A VAMPIRE. Please notice: Microsoft End User License Agreements do not include this clause. COINCIDENCE?!?!? Is there a name for this phenomenon, where someone believes they really are the incarnation (not necessarily reincarnation) of a fantasy? At the risk of actually being informative: that would be Otherkin. There's no general psychological term for it that I'm aware of - Wikipedia suggests clinical Lycanthropy for the certain manifestations.
• I suggest clinical Lycanthropy for consistently interesting after-dinner conversation. Clinical Lycanthropy, It's Like Nothing Else(tm)!
• I would never suggest clinical Lycanthropy on a first date.
• "Does a vampire have the ability to read someone's mind without them being aware of it? Not the way that you mean. However, vampires can sense many things. Almost like feeling them from you. This can be done psychically..." Yeah, not the way that you mean, moron. She must have been doing that "mind feeling" thing on the doofus with the question. This was the icing on the cake tho': "Vampires can induce you to completely forget things. I know this from first hand experience. " She's good, this Catherine Teacher to 'Night's Children' is.
• I used to know that too. But I was induced to forget.
• I also ... something something ... uh ...
• Yes, Look into my eyes... You will forget the special hair dye chemicals I use... Now sleep... sleep... sleep...
• BURY HIM!
• Joke.
• Well ... not really.
• Sweet Mothra, why am I just hearing about this now!?!?!? Johnny Depp's production company has acquired the rights to Dark Shadows, and The Deppelganger is interested in playing Barnabas Collins in a new screen adaptation. /dies of geekgasm /is locked in family vault for 200 years /wakes up, bites Medusa's neck
• Shurely, the Deppelganger was Richard Greico?
• /send Cap'n virtual muffin basket
• True Blood’s Kristin Bauer Probably Won't Bite You, Especially If You’re Wearing a Cape