October 27, 2005

• Don't argue with geese. They don't like it, and can break a man's wing with a blow of their nose. If you poison them, you will earn my enmity and I will personally hunt you down and kill you. I am not joking.
• The Canada geese have no work ethic, not being Protestants. Furthermore, I would advise you not to consult geese in matters of spelling.
• Also, ducks mate for life. Geese are sluts. Their licentious perambulations threaten the sanctity of our marriages. This is all a big JOKE to you people, isn't it?
• Why do I have this sense of deja vu? I call foul.
• Honks threateningly. *ducks*
• Eat them!
• Mostly it's because of those greedy, mongrel Amish.
• Canadian geese are well-behaved around here. Right now they have been gathering in the swamp at one of the local penitentiaries, preparing to fly south. *honk, honk*
• I have never hurt or eaten a goose, but I can attest firsthand that they are truly the shittingest birds on the planet. And I'm not talking those like white splatties that end up on your car, I'm talking some real logs here. Also, once ensconced in a region, they don't shoo worth a damn. I mistrust any bird I can't shoo.
• I'm telling you, geese are better guard dogs than guard dogs.
• Fucking racist nazi! (Look Ma, my first Godwinned thread!)
• Yes Fes! When I moved to NJ from prettymuchwildgoosefree California, I thought for a while that east coast dogs ran in big packs and shat greenish every morning on the the steps of the building I worked in. Didn't really figure out the real culprits till goose couples started laying eggs in the parking lot garden strips, and one had to fight off indignant male egg-protectors who would perch on the cars and beat up those humans who just wanted to go home. And, ActuallySettle, my only advice to you is to contact your local animal control. Or turn loose a pack of specially-trained goose-eating hyenas. And, the geese in that parking lot probably took it over because silly people put out food for them.
• Because Canada geese are our prototypes for the gangsta4life model of urban American culture we timid Canadians long to emulate. First, we try it with our geese. This is going well, and we've decided to proceed to the next level and send our dopest Bighorn Sheep to Dre to see if the flow is fly. Next comes our blingingest m-double-o-s-e who will establish massive clothing empires and break into Hollywood action movies. Then, we get all up in America's grill about that damn softwood lumber hype and they invade us ...man, next time you see a Canada Goose, tell it to knock that shit off.
• Personal anecdote: the other day I got hooked up with some sticky-icky off of a prairie chicken. It was fucking chronic.
• I have been bitten by a goose. But never goosed. Weird, eh?
• truly the shittingest birds on the planet Indeed, but only, I think, Canada geese?
• I'm torn between making a pseudo-racist anti-geese comment (anti-geesite?), and threatening kitfisto. Can't decide!
• Do both
• You've already got a record, my weezy friend...tread careful
• Canada geese are big rats with wings. They're literally taking over up here in my part of Ontario...and they don't even fly south for winter anymore. They're here 12 months a year! I hate them. Get a big dog to chase them away. Or, failing that, get a swan (geese's natural enemy).
• It's clearly obvious that woodland ducks are not likely to accept handouts from humans, they are more willing to struggle and prove that their bills are unflappable...
• Tell me about it man. For some reason known only to themselves, my small flock of geese has decided to call my kitchen doorstep their home. I have to walk through a mine field on the way to the car, and remember to power-wash the yard before a date comes over. As sweet as they are, I'm kind of looking forward to the day they fly to their goosely home in the sky. And in my oven. On the plus side, that's also where the well driller killed a bunch of grass, which is now so well fertilized I could probably harves a 1/2 round bale from it.
• In the flock of geese that lives in a park in my town, there is a single goose that looks very different than the rest. It's much larger, and a lighter shade of grey: it looks like a cross between a normal goose and a swan, but I realize it's probably just a different species of goose.
• The geese in my neighborhood (there's a small lake about five blocks or so from my house) positively LOVE to fuck with us. Those little bastards will go for a nice leisurely stroll down the middle of the street, and no amount of honking or threats of pate will move them. They do, however, charge my wife with murderous zeal when we go to feed them, and this sends her into a screaming panic. I find this funnier than anything I've ever seen in my life, my wife running from a goose.
• Yeah, well it's easy to complain about the goose next door, but what if *you* were born a goose? Eh? What then? My grandfather lived next to a goose. And look what happened to him. He was better off for it over the long term. Sure there's a downside but most economists agree its temporary and nothing at all to worry about. They did a study too. Ducks on the other hand promise short term gratification at the cost of a prolonged economic recession.
• well here in sunny western oakland, CA, the only sighting of the pernicious canadan goose is, to my great horror, on the field of a grammar school. they are always there... won't somebody think of the children?
• I'm telling you, geese are better guard dogs than guard dogs. Oh yes! My family raised a couple of ducks or geese or something, with webbed feet and long beaks and a startingly loud 'HONK!' Bastards would bite like hell, usually aiming at my crotch. Being a wee little kid back then, I became terrified of those feathery demons. And I can't recall I we end up eating or selling them. Bastards.
• but I realize it's probably just a different species of goose. Naw, that's just Honkin' Lester. He's harmless. Too many shots to the head during his pro wrestling career when he starred as half of the tag team duo "The Mighty Mighty Park Shitters".
• My father bought a pellet gun to shoot geese hanging out in the family pool. He never used it, though. As soon as he bought it, he realized what it would look like to the family's standard-suburban-town neighbors if anyone saw him traipsing around the house with what looked like a shotgun. Also, my real problem is with those fucking swans.
• A duck is a duck while a goose is a goose and never the two should one confuse. Both have webs between their toes and each has a bill instead of a nose. Tho' they live side-by-side in relative peace, who's ever heard of a flock of deese?
• Ducks in the wind All they are is ducks in the wind. I close my eye just for a moment and the flock is gone. Duuuuccccks in the wind, All they are is ducks in the wind. Squee factor: CONDITION RED!