October 18, 2005

Two days too late for Sweetest Day: but you don't need Hallmark to be romantic. Here are some "easy to understand romantic love poems", "love stories for every mood and occasion", and "super hot tips to heat up the passion in your home" (the last link from "America's Romantic Expert").

There are many wild, exciting and juicy ideas but I promise that none of them are: * immoral * degrading * perverted * raunchy * An item in the frozen food section that will send shivers up and down your mates body in a very surprising way * Something in your toiletry bag which doubles as an amazing lovemaking toy * Something in your children's toy chest that can liven up the act ....

posted by Melinika 19 years ago
  • Ways to use your mouth on her that will drive her absolutely wild! That's an easy one. I recite the Statute of Westminster (1932), granting political autonomy to the Dominion of Canada.
  • ok, based on the pic of that author on the "super hot tips" link, YEAH! like I'm gonna go to him for sex advice. bwah ha hahah!
  • does anyone have a post for sex tips that are: immoral degrading perverted raunchy ????
  • Something in your toiletry bag which doubles as an amazing lovemaking toy Not the old "shotgun shells as buttplug" gambit. Done that! Booo-ring!! An item in the frozen food section that will send shivers up and down your mates body in a very surprising way Mrs. Paul's fish sticks... as a buttplug? Something in your children's toy chest that can liven up the act Playmobil figurines... as a buttplug? The research of this material cost nearly $1000 Woo. That's a lot of fish sticks.
  • Is no one appalled over "Sweetest Day"? Looks like yet another made up holiday where I am forced at the last minute to pick up a box of chocolates and a card. Well, I'm not having it...and if my wife reads this hopefully she will remind me what her favorite box at Godiva is.
  • Sweetest Day? Sweetest Day? What the bloody fucking fuck is that? If anyone ever gives me a Sweetest Day card, I'm going to punch them in the nose.
  • yyyyep, I was just thinking "Do we really NEED another Valentine's Day?" People can just buy each other nice things without being prodded in the back by some lameass greeting-card company. It's condescending - "if you're a good [boy|girlfriend|spouse|SO] then you'll buy what we tell you!" Ick. Valentine's Day is what it is, fine. Another one is just money-grubbing from Hallmark trying to drive up its fourth-quarter sales figures. I don't envy people the freaking pressure, either.
  • everyone who commented on this thread go check the email address you have listed in the profile.
  • OMG, patita, that was a fantastic card. What a perfect picture on it! Unfortunately, I am a woman who stands by her words, and thus, I must now punch you in the nose. *thread turns to fisticuffs* But thanks for thinking of me!
  • Thank you...today is the SWEEEEEEEEEEETEST day.
  • Of course, this means war.
  • When's Rough Anal Sex Day?
  • Claire B. from Spokane's assertion that her husband called in sick to work after she tried out some of these "new moves" is a kind of ambiguous endorsement. And using one of you child's toys? That can't be right.
  • Why, kitfisto, surely you're aware that every day is . . . .
  • call me a cynic but hellllllllooooooooooooo yet another marketing ploy huh? hey i havent got my partner to recognise Valentines Day yet (not that i want to because then i would have to remember it to - i mean realllyyy this is inane
  • Can we gi back to Chaucer - this reeks and it all ends up in worms anyhow
  • *sits down gingerly*
  • 'Tis better to give than receive. That's my mantra, in any case.
  • Sweetest Day? Oboy! I sure am gonna masturbate harder tonight!
  • Now there's a mental image to put us off our lunch...
  • Superficial romantic twaddle on designated days of the year is utterly vomitous and about as useful as a skirt on a piano. More cloying, artificial pseudo-Victorian platitudes generated by ruthless, acquisitive Trump-clones in yet another successful campaign specifically designed to relocate the cash of the credulous to bank accounts in the name of "Sociopaths and Psychopaths-R-Us" Inc.
  • Woah woah now I'm gettin' all droopy here!
  • Insert guitar rif here!
  • Quid, just think about Maya Angelou. That'll get you stiff in a jiff.
  • goetter, you've killed me dead. That was fantastic. Smoove indeed. (But you also get a punch in the nose. Damnit, I'm not usually so violent!)
  • Actually? "I don't know you from Adam and I probably don't like you, but I want to make a point about some holiday I think is awesome because the card companies told me to, here's a card" is deliciously appropriate. Rock on. I want a Cantankerous Bastards Day. Now THAT would be fun.
  • I fail to see what this has to do with Mike Glibson's movie "The Sweetening of Jesus" in which Rocco (played by a a be-dreaded Jamie Fox) gives Jesus a kicky makeover so he can put the moves on Barbershop owner Spiced Cube.
  • Much appreciation to patita and goetter for the funny ecards.
  • I second the motion for a Cantankerous Bastards Day.
  • Spiced Cube. OXO!
  • general call for someone to design a set of e-cards for Cantankerous Bastards Day? I'll see if I can find the time to whip one up myself. and then of course, everyone who comments on this thread....(comes with complimentary bloody nose punch)
  • Front of card: "You're old . . ." (Picture of a old guy in old guy clothes) Inside of card: "And a complete Cantankerous Bastard! Happy Cantankerous Bastard Day you miserable fuck!" Like hotcakes I tells ya . . .
  • Hallmark has yet to introduce its "Talk Like a Pirate" Day cards. I guess there's only so many ways to say "Arrr, walk the plank, ye scurvy swine."
  • Shhh Monkeybashi! You'll jinx it!