October 17, 2005

Curious George: Zombie Nookie Bandit. I'm sure this has happened to people other than me. And it's been mentioned here before...

I wouldn't want to say that I've been subject to "sleep sex" per se, as I often wake up in the middle of the dirty deed, and from these articles it seems that most of those suffering from sleep sex have no memory. To me, it always seems that my girlfriend is awake by the time that I'm aware that we are having sex and she seems to be genuinely enjoying it. But when I ask her about it the next day (when I remember it, myself, as it's hard to remember unless I don't go back to sleep afterward) she seems to have no clue what I'm talking about. This is where the flood of questions come in: Is she instigating the "sleep sex"? I'm sure it's not a dream considering the dreams end pretty quickly once I realize what I'm doing; so, am I hallucinating? Delusional? Tricked by an evil genius? But, most of all... is it just me? Thanks, for the tagline, squid. Maybe I should change my handle?

posted by InsolentChimp 19 years ago
  • Ha ha ha ha! No, really, you're kidding.
  • What - the - fuck
  • Alright, I confess, I suffer from this malady, but I fuck vegetables. One time I went to the fridge in the middle of the night, and fucked the cauliflower. The next day my mom ate steamed cauliflower and said "wow this cauliflower is the best I ever tasted." True story.
  • I sometimes wake up in the night and need to pee. Does this mean I sleep-drink? Please help Anonymous
  • I'm pretty sure you should only hit the snooze once. Any more than that and memory clearing techiniques are obviously being employed.
  • Fear the Nookie
  • Sleep disorders are powerful things. I don't have much doubt that this exists. Why wouldn't it, given people do all kinds of complicated things while sleeping; like getting up and making and eating food, walking out of their house, etc. Sleep sex would seem rather less effort than any of these, given they don't even have to get out of bed and that people hug and cuddle in their sleep all the time. What confuses me is why people think it so preposterous.
  • Maybe, your girlfriend is a succubus.
  • I find that terryfing. What if both parties engage in sex without protection ( I take it when sleephumping one doesn't consider condoms and such...), without memory of the event? All kind of moral, health and even legal problems could arise. Ah, Chy, regarding those groceries I asked you to pick up for me... you can keep them.
  • From the green: "It was funniest when we would both wake up in the morning and be completely clueless as to why the sheets were torn off the bed and find a condom on the floor" Holy crap, I'd find it scary. And here I was, thinking waking someone up due my snoring was the worst thing that can unwillingly happen in bed... *sigh* And drivingmenuts, hopefully sleep paralysis, the likely cause for thoser succubi and 'night entities' events were always the kind you end up tired but with a goofy smile. I've had a few such ocurrences of paralysis and it's quite creepy.
  • I'm just failing to see how this is a problem ...
  • Thanks, Mel, I was about to link to the same AskMe post. For some reason lately, I've been seeing and hearing about sleep sex a lot. Coincidence?
  • Of course NOT. The awaken squiddy Old Ones are sending out their mind control commands, looking to enslave we lowly mammals. The small lizard part of our brains is reacting to this and initiating unwilling mass breeding; after all, when the battles begin, we will need as many soldiers as possible against the horrors from the deep. /makes crazy eyes, people around start muttering 'oh, not again...' And, dmt: non-protected sex?
  • "My wife is so sweet and innocent - she always giggles when we're having sex. It doesn't matter what she's reading." --Emo Phillips
  • Wait, wasn't Zombie Nookie Bandit a Frank Zappa title?
  • I think that was "Succubi Girls".
  • No joke. I actually enjoy it. Some other friends when I brought this up had the gall to admit the same thing happening. And, no, it's not a problem: it's not violent or uninvited--I get the feeling I'd stop in my sleep just as easily. Chy, I don't even like cauliflower, how do you get it up, or was it just oral?
  • I'm just failing to see how this is a problem ... posted by drivingmenuts at 07:43PM UTC on October 17, 2005 Ditto.
  • ...And, no, it's not a problem:... I'm just failing to see how this is a problem ... posted by drivingmenuts at 07:43PM UTC on October 17, 2005 Ditto. ?
  • Problem?
  • Yeah, it just became a problem. I retract everything I said.
  • I also retract everything InsolentChimp said.
  • I traction my retraction.