of no fixed subtitle
November 08, 2005
Des Res, complete with bride.
Looking for a new house? And a wife? Well now you can get both in one go. It's the
15 years ago
"It also goes without saying that I want to be with a man who is realistic about and committed to a relationship." - HWaB
Maybe "realistic" is too heavy a word considering the circumstances. Committed definitely works tho.
What? Specs on the house but not on the bride?
Seriously, tho, been there, done that, never again.
Deal clincher: anal
heh.... buy the house and boot her ass out! She has GOT to be crazy as a bedbug!
"Perhaps you'd like to check out the back yard?"
"Does the property have a rear entry?"
"The back door can sometimes be a little hard to open."
Do we get to conduct a survey on the bride as well as the property????
"There is a little damp up in the joists, but nothing to worry about."
"Do the carpets match the curtains?"
"All the cavities have been well filled."
"No bad odours from the plumbing."
"Some subsidence at the rear of the property"
"Foundation has settled with time."
"Extra wide garage for double parking"
"Upstairs circutry refuses to work reliably."
"The knockers have been freshly polished."
"Pipes have been well-laid."
"Excellent aspects both front and rear"
"Rear door a bit drafty"
"Very accomodating sitting tenant"
"Open backyard a hazard for stray dogs."
"Previously treated as 'open house' by many neighbours"
"A bit cold and somewhat high maintanance."
"Additions over time have expanded the basement."
"Requires plenty of Norwegian wood throughout"
"Upstairs is currently unoccupied."
"Previous owner wanted to get rid of the hardwood, but you can see it still remains."
"Can open for inspection upon request"
"Once you apply a good stripper to the bedroom, it'll be magnificent."
"Don't get left out in the rain! Golden opportunity!"
"Deposits being taken"
"Some fungus and mildew."
"Deceptively large on the inside"
"Fireplace is easy to stoke, but to be honest, I forget what the mantlepiece looks like."
"Lush lawn attracts wildlife."
"Front bush neatly trimmed"
"Gas fittings are extremely tight."
"Back door is prone to bang in high winds"
"Back door is prone to bang in high winds"
Yeah, it's that funny I said it twice.
"Modern style perineum."
"Fridge remains silent when meat is removed"
It's a punchline from a rude joke. I don't think I could repeat it all to a delicate flower of a lady like yourself.
"Studwork is extremely reliable."
"Old lady owned and occupied. Beware of cat feces."
"Property suited to foul and game cocks"
"Multiple accomadations available"
The lights are on but there's nobody home.
I don't think I could repeat it all to a delicate flower of a lady like yourself
You must have me confused with moneyjane.
"Will take your money and leave you in a ditch for your best friend or a football team and all you'll have left is a car that will break down on your way to getting fired anyway."
"Comes with appliances."
"Creaks and moans when settling"
"Excellent spin cycle on washing machine"
"Beware of dog."
"Successful bidder can move in immediately"
"Legitimately haunted by Victorian goat-herd."
"Can generate a lot of heat on those cold winter nights."
"Comes with original old boiler"
"Frequently screams 'GET OUT' ... it is only the wind in the eaves."
"Doggie door loose; needs tightening"
"Has shingles, unprotected gutter and chlamydia."
Damn you, Chyren.
"Many secret passages to be discovered"
"Recieves unsolicited junk mail."
"Of easy access."
"Neighbours very welcoming."
"Available for short-term accommodation."
"Garden provides good opportunities for planting."
"Porch good for swinging."
"Comes with dead horse piñata."
"Men will enjoy the tool-shed."
"Riding lawn mower."
"Features shady thicket at rear of property."
"Welcoming vales and glade."
"Buyer can assume regular servicing contracts."
"Property includes right-of-reentry."
Period property requires some updating to realise full potential
"Seller reserves the right to terminate access easements."
"Groundhogs require whacking"
Capt. Renault was on a roll, there. May I just say that this thread is exactly what I love about MoFi. Wife's asking why I am laughing, and it's the middle of the night. :)
"You'll get fucked...and so will I"
This is not my beautiful house. This is not my beautiful wife. My god. What have I done?
(That was because of the shrine thing, wasn't it Koko? Well, you're still not getting it back.) *lights extra stick of incense for mothninja offering*
I am sorry, captain, but you failed to invoke the Talking Heads in any of your comments. Your last comment, however, was the
in this thread, so you win the 100th comment prize, which is this slightly worn toy pig from my coffee table at home. Now give me back my damn shrine. And bake me some cookies.
No, the 100th comment prize in this thread is a 5cc spoonful of the vaginal juices of Deborah, the house owner of note.
A perfect wallpaper paste substitute too.
I, for one, welcome my new, accomplished, tidy, Christian would-be fiance. Well, seriously, I wish her well. I would like to know what sort of responses she gets .. .I hope she chooses well. I would think that the guy would need to be VERY tidy. Leaves me out.
Oh! So close! Talking Heads had 'lawn mower', and I qualified that with 'riding lawn mower'. Dammit...
Deborah's Vaginal Juice actually is incredible in Pho. Adds a spice that Sriracha can't match
Crap, I'm too late on the jokes.
Uhh... "garage has seen better days, but still great for tool storage!"
"Thin lips, OK breath, nasty snatch, farts a bit" (too ambiguous?"
"House has boobs."
Hold on... Never mind.
/note to self: wear diaper before reading MoFi
"Perfect for a DIY enthusiast"
Y'know, I'd dig a big ol hole in the backyard, put her in my ex-wife's wedding dress and toss 'er in there.
with a Bananaguard
"Life insurance policy a must."
When I asked my girlfriends their advice on what I (the “bride”) was worth, most responded that I was “priceless”
responded that she was priceless. The others
have a dollar amount, and that I find amusing. "Well, Debbie, I'd say about a buck ninety-nine."
(I'm too young, or something. "Girlfriends" still makes my brain twitch a little. Middle-American small-town men in their 40s don't call all their buddies "my boyfriends.")
How much for the house and just a fuck?