July 01, 2005
How To Meditate
12 years ago
This looks good. I'm going to try one of them tonight.
How To Meditate Like A Buddhist
, more like. There's nothing here for those of us with no interest in Buddhism.
I thought it said "How to Mediate." I read the comments here first. I was about to click the article as I was fascinated how Buddhist mediate differently from others. I guess I just see what I want to see.
"There's nothing here for those of us with no interest in Buddhism."
Don't be a biggit, try and diggit. My man, you didn't even read the thing. Aside from a few lines about Buddhism here and there, the main part is practical, technical advice on meditation with no requirements to don saffron robes at all.
Interesting. Not sure about this though:
A common disturbance is being drawn to someone or something; it is often not easy to forget about your lover or a piece of chocolate once the thought has come up. But you can try some of the following: realising that these things are so brief and come with problems attached. Fulfilling one desires is never enough, the next one will come. Looking at the reality of the object: a body is really not much more than a bag of skin filled with bones, meat, blood etc.
Not sure how well that works for the chocolate, but in any case I actually just wanted to concentrate for a few minutes, not become a life-hating ascetic.
etc = poo
BOOOOOORRRRRRRRINGGGG! (Does that mean I'm going to... eh... ) What I want to know how to do is leave my body and fly around. Astral projection is something I'd like to have a go at. It actually sounds like fun, unlike sitting on the floor going "Ohm".
I did, in fact, read the whole thing. What little there is about technique is hogwash. The
top Google hit for "Relaxation Response"
is just as informative. This "helpful" text is interspersed with empty lines like
meditation is a method to transform ourselves into the person we would like to be
So is studying. So is going on a diet. So is learning kung fu. So is purchasing and training with firearms. There are a whole lot of transformative methods, actually. The article does little to convince me to choose meditation from this selection of methods. It reads like the Cliff's Notes version of some introductory course for budding Buddhists. Removing this mumbo jumbo from the "howto" would be an improvement. Alternatively, devote more time to the "why" of meditation, as the far superior manual in Gyan's link does.
a body is really not much more than a bag of skin filled with bones, meat, blood etc.
even with fishnets?
Principles of Zazen
Lancet of Zazen
=not to mention sputum, sebum, phlegm, lymph, mucus, bile, vitreous and aquaeous humours... Actually, that has stopped me thinking about chocolate after all.
Bernockle, I too saw "mediate." So I was initially started when I clicked on a site about meditation. And then I thought, "you know, maybe getting everyone in a conflict to sit down and shut up is a good thing."
So, anyway...Dalai Lama is walking down the street in New York City and comes upon a hotdog vendor who recognizes the Lama and hollers, "
Hey Dalai, what'll ya have?
" The Lama replies, "Make me one with everything." badaBOOM badaBING Thanks! I'll be here all week.
The Dalai Lama looked down at the sloppy hot dog the vendor had handed him. He remembered the words or Buddha.
"An insincere and evil hot dog is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil hot dog will wound your mind."
The Dalai Lama tossed the offensive hot dog in the nearest garbage can and wandered off to look for a slice of pizza.
"Hotdogs have the power to both destroy and heal. When hotdogs are both true and kind, they can change our world."
Shuzan held out his hot dog and said, "If you call this a hot dog, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a hot dog, you ignore the fact. Now what do you wish to call this?" * * * A monk asked Kegon, "How does an enligthtened one return to the ordinary world?" Kegon replied, "A broken mirror never reflects again; fallen flowers never go back to the old branches." Saying this, he ran into a hot dog truck which he hadn't noticed before. * * * A monk saw a turtle in the garden of Daizui's monastery and asked the teacher, "All beings cover their bones with flesh and skin. Why does this being cover its flesh and skin with bones?" Master Daizui took off one of the halves of his hot dog bun and covered the turtle with it. * * * Wakuan complained when he saw a picture of bearded Bodhidharma eating a hot dog, "Why hasn't that fellow a beard?"
"Master Toji, tell me how a simple man like me, a hot dog vendor, could bring together two great things: the universe, a roaring wind; and this serene old man who sits before me, looking like a pebble in an untouched pond? My toes have never touched the dusty monastary floor, and neither have my fingers spread the pages of a holy book. These legs have walked but city streets, not paths to caves where hermits wait. My arms have reached to hand out hot dogs, warm and greasy, pleasing not to heart or soul but to only to the senses; Never have I handed out a single flower to a passing stranger. Who am I to help you out? I'm just a simple hot dog vendor."
well, now I need chocolate, and a hot dog. Fuckers.
i just love the concept of getting all worked up over what constitutes "good" or "right" meditating, or "i have a better way of meditating than you do," or shitting on someone's thread because of it .... what the fuck, man. relax. right?
The Lama replies, "Make me one with everything."
Then, after paying with a $5 bill, Lama waits, staring at vendor. "Well, where's my change?" "Ah, change must come from within", answers vendor.
Did you hear about the Buddhist email client that failed miserably? It didn't allow attachments.
, you made me laugh. When I rule the world I will spare you.
To the best of my knowledge, I made that joke up. I wouldn't be surprised if the collective unconscious made several other people think of it, but it spontaneously occurred to me during a discussion of buddhism some months ago.
Thankyou, HawthorneWingo. I grant you phthioosinslsndmolsimsm.
It didn't allow attachments.
Boo! Boooo!! *throws rotten bananas*
Um, I wish I'd said that.
I grant you a bunch of random letters, too, Chy.
I dunno about being able to meditate like a Buddhist, but is dancing like an Egyptian good enough?
"So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, 'Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.' And he says, 'Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.' So I got that goin' for me, which is nice."---Carl Spackler
on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.
And that, ladies and gents, is likely to be the ultimate joke life plays on us. Maybe that's what ultimately kills us: "Of course! It's all so clear, so simple! How could I have not seen this before....?" *croak*
You mean there's no life after death? *cancels time share in heaven*
What I want to know how to do is leave my body and fly around. Astral projection is something I'd like to have a go at. It actually sounds like fun, unlike sitting on the floor going "Ohm".
Ah, only by saying "Ohm" can you then proceed to fly around the room. At which point you say "watt the fuck".