February 07, 2004

Create your own conspiracy theory. Or try the Warner Bros. option, the pull-down menus, or the Internet Conspiracy Generator. Or, lastly, the George W. Bush Conspiracy Generator.
  • I knew it! I KNEW IT! "In order to understand Jim Loy you need to realize that everything is controlled by a Maoist International Movement made up of John Titor with help from old world monkeys. The conspiracy first started during John Titor's journey in time. They have been responsible for many events throughout history, including 9/11..."
  • Boy howdy, but that first one is on an old site. Even contains a cute little proto-blog: I promise, this page WILL be updated often so bookmark it and check back often! November 1997 Kind of Jackie Harvey without a spelling checker. /snark
  • It is rumored that Wendell Wittler was seen on the radio just before it hit the fan while receiving a case of food poisoning implicating involvement in a sinister scheme to increase Web page hits, enhance his self-esteem and blow up the world. Pass it on.
  • "George W. Bush gave Iraq reconstruction contracts to his friends so that Rush Limbaugh, SUV owners, and big corporations could conquer the Iraqis." Good Lord. That was: A): Randomly generated and B): Accurate We live in frightening times.
  • Do you want to know the truth about Monkeys? For 406 years, Department of Natural Resources has been suppressing information from you about Monkeys and thus endangering the welfare of MoFites. In 11/2003, Tracicle met with Kimberly in Monkeyville to discuss Banana shortage. As it happens, they engaged in banana addiction and ended up hatching a plan involving the Anti-MoFiterians in New Zealand. As a result, all details of the meeting were suppressed, as was information about dealings with Metafilter and their ties to Elitism. A report in New York Times was mysteriously pulled from newsstands in February of last year. The article implicated high-ranking officials in Monkey Liberation Front, various Zoologists, and, perhaps not surprisingly, wendell. According to the report, passages in the book "Evolution of the Species" and lyrics in The Banana Splits 's music point to a connection between these individuals and Monkeys. According to a spokesman at New York Times, the issue was pulled because of printing errors. However, individuals who saw the original copies say that there were no printing irregularities and that the re-issue differed from the original only in the absence of this article. The lies and deception must be stopped. Don't let the government hide the facts about Monkeys any longer. Learn the truth!
  • The truth is this: Monkeys are taking over the internet, and computer games too. They cannot be stopped. All dissenters will be ignored.
  • I think the rise in monkey/game crossover bodes well for our civilization. Better that we should navigate cute little AiAi through the maze than turn them into semi-conscious slaves as in Rendezvous with Rama.
  • Gongon is the only one for me...
  • It's apparent that monkeys are soon to be "so yesterday" now that the hoi polloi have adopted them. Perhaps we should go for otters (retro, I know, but it's been several years since they were "yesterday") or elephants (ditto, but really interesting) or even llamas (kinda dumb, but never entered the mainstream, so far as I know.)
  • *places gag order on shotsy* path, I was thinking badgers but fark is all over them. So sad. What about miniature ponies?
  • Otters are beautiful, but they smell a bit like a mix of eau de tomcat and old fish.
  • Penguins. Tux. Opus. Burgess Meredith. Ursula K. LePenguin. Even smokers have a penguin mascot.
  • The mighty speetoark!