April 29, 2005

Gift for a newly adopted son? I am getting married May 27th. My fiance has a 5 year old son who I will be adopting shortly (within a month) after the wedding. My question: I want to get him a gift or symbol of some sort...

He will be participating in the wedding with us, in that he will be up front with us at some point during the cermony and I will take a 'vow' to take him as my own son. My fiance and I get to exchange rings as a symbol of our joining. What can I get him? Ideally, it would be something I could present to him during the cermony. Any ideas, monkeys?

  • ARGH! Sorry, forgot to put 'Curious, George' in front of that. I apologize.
  • One vote for a Game Boy, or whatever the current thing is. That'll keep him quiet during the honeymoon, too.
  • hmm. do you have something from your father/family that you could give him? that would be a strong symbol that he's really family now. I'm guessing that a watch (pocketwatch?) might be a very nice gift, but this has a lot to do with knowing him and what he'd appreciate.
  • Speaking as a man with the brain of a 5 year old, a Playstation Portable (PSP) would be just the ticket. Either that or a nice pair of socks.
  • A pocket watch makes a good presentable present. Although he may not necessarily use it, he will cherish it once he's older. And you can use the theme of time when you say a few words as you give it to him. Plus, little kids dig pocket watches for some reason. And it looks aces on a 3' kid in a tuxedo. Oof! Patita beat me to it.
  • I would get him a t-shirt with your Monkeyfilter name emblazoned in 64 pt on it.... it would be teh funnee!!!
  • Get him a puppy.
  • Seconded on what patita said. If the gift has some personal significance for you and has a story behind it, I think it would be a great gift. The story is key, though - narrative and oral history of the family thing is great. Of course, you could always start one with your gift if you don't have something equivalent. Think of the watch in Pulp Fiction. Of course, I'm not suggesting you carry the object around for years in uncomfortable places before giving it to the kid.
  • I'd say change the username ;) I'm against the watch idea, unless you know he'd like it. I'd say a bike.
  • i'm with petebest on the username. heh. well, let's see, it has to be something suitable to present to him during the ceremony. hmm. OH! i know, nosering. he'll be the coolest 5-yr-old on the block, and you'll be the best new dad EVAH.
  • well this has sparked an interesting discussion here at the office (fridays are slow). my boss had a great idea: write a letter, dated on your wedding day, talking about what it means to you to welcome your new wife and new son into your life, and your hopes for their future together, how much it'll mean to you to see him grow, that type of thing. then give it to him for his 13th or 15th birthday or whenever it feels right. that's lovely! except it doesn't solve the current condundrum.
  • A length of chain with a manacle and a padlock on the end. Just to set a tone.
  • the letter idea is very nice. if there's budget, a cool toy for immediate use would be a great supplement to the thing-given-during-the-ceremony.
  • how about a wrist locket? actually i think they're pretty cool. then you could write something inside. and he could store secrets inside later, or carry a pic of you guys or something.
  • oh and congrats on the wedding and adoption! much happiness coming your way.
  • I'm with patita - think you should go for instant gratification cool present and also a family symbol. Hell, plant a 'family' tree with him and your honey if you have a yard. Then every time he sees that tree he'll know you love him :)
  • He's five! Something adultlike and symbolic will be lost on him. Get him something age appropriate (not a game boy..sheesh, he's five!), tell him it is a special gift because of the union of the three of you (he'll forget this part very quickly, he's five!). And, follow up with something like SideDish suggested.
  • He's five! Something adultlike and symbolic will be lost on him. Never met a five-year-old yet who doesn't love digging holes in the yard.
  • ooh, I had some heavy stuff go down when I was five, and I remember every word of it. It's his mom's wedding--even if the meaning is lost on him at the moment, he's going to remember it and look back on it. moneyjane's tree idea rocks--I was given a tree at that age and still think of it (even though it's far away and the land is no longer in my family). A little private ceremony for the three of you has a lot of potential. kudos to you for reaching out so much to this kid... I think all stepkid monkeys appreciate your effort.
  • oh i like the tree idea a lot! then you could cut switches from it to swat him. kidding, kidding.... but then again...
  • Do both. He won't appreciate symbolic/historical value now, but he will twenty years from now, and he'll treasure it as much as anything. Provided, of course, that you're not a dick. ;) But yeah, also get him something fun to play with now. That he'll love and appreciate right up front.
  • Get him a gun, no,hehhe, a puppy means a lot to a little boy. And the fact that you`re giving it to him on your wedding day it will make that day more of a group family anniversary, than just an anniversary between man and wife, so he will feel more comfortable in the future. NOW, about that username, huh?
  • I'm with moneyjane and patita - it's perfect. He'll defnitely remember this day, and especially the parts you focus on him, like whatever you present to him. You could, for example, give him an acorn - either the real seed or one made of silver, that you then link to the plan to plant whatever kind of tree he wants, that the two of you create together. Maybe you'll choose a maple instead, represented by a leaf, and maybe you decide to check the tree yearly and write down how much it's grown, and what's happening in each of your lives each year when you commemorate it, etc. But talk it over with him, ask him if he thinks he'd like to do it, and what would be fun. That means he's helping to plan the wedding, and he'll have a natural role in the anniversaries as he and the family grow together. Or maybe that's what you were thinking....:)
  • ROFL, you guys rock. killThisKid comes from my days of playing quake... it was a taunt to the other players. It just stuck as my online-persona. So, it is a reference to me, not anyone else. =) Great ideas! He's very sharp with a good memory. He repeatedly brings things up from the past and already has things that are sentimental to him. I like the family heirloom idea quite a bit. The family-tree idea is also great (thanks moneyjane!). A puppy is out for now (I would never have a dog 'in town'). Keep 'em coming. I really appreciate it!
  • I love the idea of the wrist locket - but maybe you could present him an engraved medal during the ceremony and he could continue to wear it at the reception? You could pin it to his jacket, or he could wear it on a ribbon around his neck like the Olympic medals. You could have the pertinent names & date engraved on it, and maybe read some kind of special proclamation at the ceremony as you're putting it on him. Personally, I think it would be torture to hand over a GameBoy to a kid mid-ceremony and then say, "you can't play it until after the reception." Because you'd have to say that. He'd turn it on. Any kid would.
  • A tattoo... :)
  • Trees are iffy... if the tree dies, needs trimming, or you move...there could be some problems with that, depending on him, of course. I actually had to deal with moving away from a tree planted for a symbolic reason... still a bit disturbing.... I worry that the new owner will cut it down..... not trying to be a downer here, just something to consider up front and not later... and...congratulations, and good for you in putting this kind of energy into making it important for the little guy!
  • Speaking as someone who was adopted, and someone who received a special gift at a wedding when my mother re-married - - I completely love moneyjane's idea of the tree. A tree is something that can grow along with your soon-to-be son and the family. My dad did that for me when I was a about 8. We spent an afternoon planting it together. He moved from that house 5 years later... the cool thing is that I have been back to that particular spot a few times in the past 20 years - the tree is still there (Lyndale Ave for any of you Minneapple monkies)! It's a great feeling inside to see this grown tree, reflecting back on when I was a kid... and seeing how everything has changed since. Many varieties of trees are quite hearty and will endure for generations. Possible gift to go along with a tree: The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. My mom gave this book to me when I was six... It's one of my most valued posessions to this day. Quite symbolic for the journey you are all about to take together... ...my thoughts...
  • Kudos, kTK. I've always found it sad when kids from former marriages are sort of forgotten in a new ceremony. It's as big a change for them as it is for the bride and groom. It's wonderful that you recognize that. Many happies to all of you. Post pictures on the wiki, please.
  • If moving's the fear, it's possible to plant in a publically owned place, like a parkway or similar places. You'll need to check with the City Forester, who will have to have input into species and location, but then you could make it a community act, kinda like a wedding is.
  • You could make a personalized book about the day. If he's into bedtime stories, this could be a story you tell him often, and somethinng for him to keep. Here are some links (though my google-fu seems a bit shakey today): 1) Write your own story (they'll proofread and actually make the book for you, but you write the narrative) 2)Make your own book. You get all of the stuff to make your own book... good if you're creative, and because (admittedly) a lot of these books are cheesy. You could write it like an adventure story, for example. These seem to be the best bets, though you can find personalized books written about weddings where you plug in the right info.
  • Arbor Day was today. Too bad it's too late to take advantage of that, if you're into the tree thing. But, you could do it next fall or next spring. You can even get ten free trees. While you could plant them in your own yard, it would be interesting to plant at least some of them around your community. You could visit them on walks.
  • A tattoo... :) If you get him a tattoo, especially one of HuronBob as a zombie, I WILL TOTALLY GIVE YOU A DOLLAR.
  • Sorry, should be em tags on that quote.
  • My entire body is covered with 56 identical tattoos of HuronBob as a zombie abusing a robot. YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GIVE ME TWO DOLLARS!
  • If it's a pirate ninja robot, you get a fiver. And my everlasting fealty.
  • everything sugarmilktea said. alternatively, money. because really caring means not having to decide. never mind
  • oh come on, mct, you know moneyjane already has yr everlasting fealty! KTK, congratulations! I have to say that I love the tree idea, particularly the possibility of planting it in a park. when you have those great dad-son bonding outings at the park to play ball or frisbee you can visit yr tree etc., I also concur that a tangible gift at the ceremony is called for. the medal idea is cool, or else a hand-held toy that he can actually play with during the ceremony (ie not a playstation/gameboy type thing).... good luck with the new family!! have a lovely wedding.
  • I take back everything I said - go with the tattoo. He'll be the coolest kid in elementary school. You could all three get your family portraits tattooed on you. Or cartoon characters, so he'll be cool, and then grow into funky hip kinda thing. Or zombies. Zombies'd be killer (yes, the whole point of this post was to use that line, why?)