October 05, 2004

My Miserable Life.com - Schadenfreude Gold. (Link is SFW, outgoing links at the bottom of the page are not) Examples inside

------------------------------------------------ Quack, quack (2/15/00) - Lionel, England, Age 28 I have this problem that no-one takes seriously. I can't help it, it started when I was a kid. But I like going to parks and touching the ducks. But in November a park keeper caught me fiddling with one, and called the police. I had to lie and say I was rescuing it from drowning. They didn't believe me, I could tell, but they couldn't arrest me because it wasn't a crime. Anyway, some bastard told the local press, and I was in the paper. There was no picture but my name was in the same sentence as 'duck molesting.' I'm so embarrassed, I'm going to lose my job because I'm a vet. Once, someone bought a duck in that had been attacked by a dog. I asked everyone to leave the room so as not to shock it. Really I just wanted to touch it. It died not long after. Anyway, I saw a shrink and told him but he laughed. He asked me why ducks? I said because they had chubby cheeks and looked cute. Also they are slippery when wet. I like that. I like squirrels too, but I've never tried to fiddle with one. I might soon if I don't get help. ------------------------------------------------- We're both having his child - Anonymous, Age 19 I've been with this guy for 3 years. I really love him, and don't think I could live without him. My childhood best friend is really good friends with him, and because I work so much, sees him more than I do. I come home one day, and find them having sex on the couch. it comes out that this has been going on basically since we've been together, and that she thinks she's pregnant with his child, which, by the way, so am I. I dropped out of college to be with him, and left my home, family, life, and was disowned. I have nothing left, no one who loves me. ------------------------------------------------ Who knows if these are actual stories or fiction. I just think these stories serve as a tool to help people realize that no matter what is going bad in your life, chances are, you're not as bad off as the people on this site.

  • God, this is the last stuff I need to read.
  • Jesus christ that sucks. Sooooo depressing. Must not kill self....
  • Somebody keep moneyjane, mfpb, and all the other suicide-kids off this block.
  • Thanks for the link, shawnj. I am strangely drawn to sites like this and not proud. This stuff makes me laugh, not because it's funny or I enjoy their suffering, but because it's the only possible response that isn't abject despair. Although shit like "broke my arm falling down a flight of stairs on a bicycle" just makes me laugh.
  • That's pretty much my take on it as well.
  • "The first time I got shot, I was only 16. It was a random thing, coulda been anyone, had to be me. I thought I was gonna die, there was so much blood, and it ruined a good shirt" AHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHHHAHAHAHA
  • Well, it just reminds me that there are always people worse off (and stupider) than oneself. Now Ankylosing Spondylitis, Asperger's syndrome and arthritis don't seem quite so bad.
  • It's time to play a game called Find The Most Ridiculous Sob-Story. Here's my attempt:
    I live in the most beautiful city in the world where there is an average of 7 women to each man. I can't seem to get rid of my halitosis and as a result I am still a virgin (as I mentioned, I am 40 years old ( 01/10/59) and I received no birthday presents). To compound the problem, I am fresh out of masturbatory techniques.
  • It's Springer for the Intarweb. Here's mine: Despite have a near-genius IQ, I am completely incoherent when conversing with any human being. Instead I went to the Battersea Dogs' Home and adopted every single dog. My small flat is very crowded but now I at least have someone to talk to. Of course, I've had to board up all the doors and windows so the neighbours just assume the house is abandoned, otherwise they'd call the animal control people, but since I'm scared of people anyway it hardly matters. The dogs are getting a little hungry, though...
  • My attempt: I gave myself herpes - Joseph, New York, Age 25 My retarded ass gave myself genital herpes. I hate myself and think the world should take some time out and cap my sorry ass. Wanna know how I did it? I went out to a club. But before was sure to clear my lips of all outbreak. I got totally shitfaced at the club and got home. I met no women, because I'm a straight loser so I decided to crank up the computer and look at some online porn. I also thought it'd be a good idea to throw some chewing tobacco in my mouth before hand. Well needless to say I didn't even think to wash my hands before self-indulgence. The next day I felt a burning sensation on my dick and looked at it later that night. Nothing, next day though I took another look I have five little tiny zits right where I place my index finger on penis when I whack it. Good thing I used my index finger to pull my lip out to throw a dip in. Now I'm just a total fucking loser. Balding, with herpes and without a single friend. I am truly an island. I even know who I got herpes from...myself. I just wanna die. I've never had a real girlfriend and if I ever end up with one I'll be scraping the bottom of the barrel. I've thought about putting out a personals add. BALDING WITH HERPES SEEKS GIRL WITH PULSE. I wanna shrivel up into nothing in a world with no one, this plague has made me twenty times shier and than I already was. Please freeze me until a cure is here and I have enough money for some hair plugs. Shit, its wasn't so bad when you could say looks don't count. Now I'm just a washed up piece of shit.
  • Man...I think shawnj wins the attempts thus far. Is that really possible?
  • suicide-kids? Goats called...something about a bridge. They really miss you.
  • It's a super-team, mj, like the Teen Titans, only mopier.
  • I think I'm included in this super-team as I also admitted to antidepressant use. My super power is... procrastination!!!
  • My super power is...crankiness! Go Team Meds!
  • raise your fist in the air monkeyjane and repeat after me... "lexapro powers - ACTIVATE!!!"
  • "lexapro powers - ACTIVATE!!!" What's the point? It won't work. No one cares about the Suicide Kids. Everyone's too busy listening to Advil Lavagina and watching American Idle and being happy. The SK'll probably lose anyway; when's the last time they've ever won anything?
  • Advil WHO?
  • When I was 5, my friend MoMo died from eating too much glue. ...That's awful and funny all at the same time. I can't stop laughing, and I hate myself for doing so. Hey, maybe I should post there. And where do I sign up for the SK-supergroup? My superpower is, uh, ... masturbation? Nah, too common. I'll get back to you.
  • Hey big boy...I put the 'pro' in Prozac. I also put the 'booty' in Welbootytrin and the 'where's my gun' in Seroquel. Thank God I divert most of my crankenstein superpower to my blog these days.
  • I've loved this site for a long time. There is a sister site: www.mymiserablechristmas.com
  • As you may suspect, I live for this kind of stuff.
  • You made my day, moneyjane.
  • Well, it just reminds me that there are always people worse off (and stupider) than oneself. Now Ankylosing Spondylitis, Asperger's syndrome and arthritis don't seem quite so bad. A.S + A.S. + A. = FUCKING OUCH! FUCK YOU! OUCH!
  • The world needs people like you and me Who've been knocked around by fate Cause when people see us They don't wanna be us And that makes them feel great We provide a vital service to society! You and me - Schaaaaaaadenfreude! Making the world a better place to be! ...somebody had to quote it. I have to say that this kind of thing is a guilty pleasure. Not so much to mock these poor saps for being lesser beings than I, but to put my own stupidity into perspective. That, and it feeds my notion that life is a farce, and all you can do is laugh at it.
  • My super-power is being able to read road maps! Can I join? Can I? I'm also unacountably irritating.