June 16, 2004
Curious George - REVENGE!!
This question occured to me when I posted to the
Curious George below. It was kind of a poetic revenge. So Monkey's, tell us of your best revenge stories...
13 years ago
You mean revenge against defenseless, fluffy l'il kitties? Or revenge in general? Or? i'm stoopid today--I don't get it. please advise?
Don't make me angry, Diz. After all, you know what I am capable of...
Sorry? I was in a tunnel--didn't get that last bit.
Other People's Stories
has a couple of good short stories by James Frey that I thought were really fun.
I waited until no one was home, my clothes were not my own: dermal ridges of my fingers Superglue The Phone: "hello Phil, just a reminder..." The sun not yet above the heady dome of the surrounding green, Treesilhouette beauty ignored and so give it up to none - making my way into his home Bullets already aligned, already his, hours before I come Come. Into his abode. His face was without thought. In the moment I wrestled With the unsought Fate of mind and action that would bind me... who weaves this, I thought, to tie me SHPLAP
clink .. tink.. pinka-tink
clink .. tinka. tink-tink
The silencer muffles the report but not the sonic violation, I told myself, waiting for the reaction. There was none. Blood flowed from his mouth and nose as if someone had turned on a faucet in his head. Body drawn to the mire like ants to a sliver of sugar. My end.
I was implying that I would pee on you, Dizzy. Joke.
Ok. Why would you wish to pee on me? Have I upset you?
Forget it. I am too busy to explain as I am torturing fluffy kittys.
(you're making your Spell Check scream too...)
Ooooh. Got me.
*IF* I were going to get revenge on a cute, fluffy, kitty...not that I ever would, it might go something like
Looks like Mark Lenard from "Balance of Terror". (apologies: Waaay obscure sf ref...)
Dizzy: you mean Sarek when he was a Romulan? Just off the top of my head.
Bingo! But he was listed only as a "Romulan Commander" in that episode. He came back later, obviously, as Sarek, coolest Dad in the Universe. I met the man once at an acting workshop in San Diego many, many years ago.Kind, thoughtful, and soooo mellow. The Real Thing.
Even as a Romulan, he would
make kittys wear rinds.
Agreed. I'm certain that Romulans cherish and adore little fuzzy things. But those pesky Cold Warrior Klingons....
No, 'cause tribbles hated Romulans,if I recollect correct. This is a derailment, isn't it?
This entire DAY was a derail, I'm afraid. The Spirit of Daisy Mae was let loose upon the land, and there was much vibas malas.
No, 'cause tribbles hated Romulans,if I recollect correct
Maybe cos the Romulans loved putting little fruit-skin hats on 'em?
In the Rommies defense, fruit skins do contain plenty of retin-A, which is just great for for I 'm empty.
This one guy cheated on me, so I posted a pic of him in hot solo action all over the internet. [/daisy_may]
Sorry, couldn't resist.
and there was much
This daisy_may ... she IRRITATES?
Z-- i don't care WHAT they said-- You CANNOT fly. Do you hear me? Come back inside-- YOU CANNOT F dang.
I'm so confused!
Kids. Acid. The Web. Not pretty.
Okay, I got one. An acquaintance of mine used to work at a comic book/magazine store. He had recently moved out of a slumlord's apartment building, so he took a large stack of those irritating subscription forms that littered the floor of his workplace and signed up the bad landlord for many fine publications. We're talking everything from porn to Field and Stream, Highlights, and back again. Oh, those naughty "bill me later" checkboxes. So tempting.
Keys + cup of water + Freezer = Problem getting to work.
Ooo! Tanks Pez! That reminds me of another good one. Cold winter, storing Sorrel boots in garage. You remove the felted wool linings, soak them in water, and replace them. The water freezes. Your target puts on the boots, and discovers your cunning plan only after his/her body heat melts the icy liners and leaves him/her with very cold, very wet feet.
Microwave oven, Pez. Only time I ever wrought my vengeance on someone I was ten and let down the tires on my nemesis's bike. She had to walk a whole mile home, and I was spotted but went unpunished. The reason I needed to get revenge was that I'd tried to kick her in the butt and slipped in the mud, landing painfully on my own backside. *sigh* Ah, memories.
Ah tracicle, but that's the beautiful part. First they have to find the keys. Then they have to wait for them to defrost. Plus metal in microwave not so good yes?
Duh, good point.
Keys + cup of water + Freezer = Problem getting to work.
Try an ice pick. And you get to work off all that nasty aggression too.
I've never got revenge on any one. I feel like I'm missing out, I'm sure, but it just seems like too much work.
The best revenge, friends, is living well.
...but I've heard good things about 8-10 cans of shaving cream, frozen, peeled, and tossed into someone's car. If you want to do permanent damage, styrofoam peanuts chopped finely, and funneled into someone's gas tank will cause a tremendous amount of inconvenience. And a prank we did in college--we signed up our friend for a dozen porno mags. Which, really wasn't a prank as much as it was a considerate gift, really...
Thanks for the reminder of college, Daniel. In my first year I lived in the halls of residence and a group of us would play practical jokes on each other. I went out dancing one night and got back to my room at 2am to the sound of an alarm clock ringing, one of the old-fashioned bell alarms -- which I didn't own. Being tired and all danced out, I found it under my pillow, turned it off and went to sleep. Fifteen minutes later, another clock went off and I found that one under a plant. Back to sleep. Fifteen minutes
another one, hidden on top of the curtain rod. And so on. In retaliation for that one, a few of us broke into the perpetrator's room and completely swapped around his room and his girlfriend's, right down to the bedding. It was tricky since the guy was an RA and engineer and had a massive room filled with electrical projects in various states of completion. To get us back for that, he broke into my room (damn RAs have skeleton keys) with a bag of beanbag beans and a fan, and blew beans into every nook and cranny. I found them under my pillow, in my clothes, inside my books, and three years later I was still finding them in odd places. Best one, in my opinion, was a guy who lived in the second floor. We climbed in his window and pushed all his furniture up against the door, then climbed out again. On the outside of his door we built a complex tower of empty beer cans (students have a lot of these) and one full can right in the mddle. He was an amateur mountaineer and we left his icepick with a note that he'd need it to get through the tower o' cans. So, of course, first blow he landed was on the one full can, which sprayed all over him. Then, when he'd demolished the cans, he unlocked his door to go in and found that the door was wedged shut from the inside. Thinking about it now I realise we were evil, cruel people then.
How does one peel a can of shaving cream?
An ex left me for a guy because he was taller. He was a dick about it. I broke into his car, pulled it out of the spot it was parked in and parked it backwards. I erased all the cassettes in his car and re-recorded them with John Tesh and Yanni. I then filled his glove box and all the nooks and crannies with peanut butter. Childish and stupid? Yes. Fun? Absolutely.
A guy I used to know (not well enough to be a friend) once pissed off his wife. She waited until he left the house, then gathered up all of his pipes (expensive Dunhills, meerschaums, etc., probably averaging about three to five hundred bucks apiece), and filled them with peanut butter. Packed it in until it squirted out of the mouthpieces. After two professional cleanings, he said every tobacco he smokes in them still tastes like peanut butter.
How to peel shaving cream
. You'll really want to make sure you follow the step immediately before it, which is the freezing. I think using LN2 helps, because it won't defrost as fast, so you can peel & deliver the payload to the target before they expand. I disagree with Cockerham's conclusion though, and think a dozen or so in a car would make a fine mess. One night while my college roommate was out drinking, we broke into his car, put it in neutral and rolled it to a different spot. It took him hours to find his car, and he thought he was losing his mind. A lot of our pranks revolved around that 88 Saab, and our final year we had plans of dismantling it and reassembling it in his bedroom; not enough spare engineers that late in the semester I'm afraid.
Surly, MCT: I think peanut butter is integral to a very many good prank. It's one of the fundamentals, like banana peels and shovels.
I've heard the taking the car apart and putting it back together story before, but icing on the cake would be that the car could actually start up after reassembly. Otherwise it seems like it would be kind of a cheat.