May 19, 2004

Your birth certificate may be worth $1,000,000 "Lutfee Abdul Waalee, convicted of trying to pass a fake U.S. Treasury check for $25 million, is a member of a black separatist group called the Moors who believe in the 'redemption theory.' That's the notion that the United States has been trading birth certificates on the open market as a form of capital since 1933 and that citizens can 'redeem' the value of their accounts and write gigantic checks."

Apparently, Mr. Waalee and his fellow Redemption Theorists believe that:

When the United States went off the gold standard in 1933, the government went bankrupt. Government leaders, in order to secure credit from foreign powers, secretly pledged the "lifetime worth" of American citizens as collateral. The government began trading birth certificates on the open market as a form of capital. Each certificate is worth between $600,000 and $1 million and sits in a U.S. Treasury account. Any American is entitled to "redeem" the value of his certificate and write checks on his account. Redemption theorists say the government enslaves U.S. citizens by using them as collateral for international loans. The government, they say, registers the birth certificates as securities and backs each with a large amount of money in individual accounts. The dollar figure varies, depending on the theorist, but the number most often cited is $630,000.
This is now my second-favorite conspiracy theory! If you want to appreciate the full depths of its kookiness, take a look at the ADL's detailed explanation.
  • Oops--should have mentioned that the first link is via Fark
  • Woo-hoo! *redeems straw man, writes huge check, heads for bank*
  • From the article- "Fuchs and other agents used what he described as "gorilla tactics" in a search of his home in June 2002." All I picture is some guy with a suit and dark sunglasses running around the house smashing things and flinging poop. If they did, I'd sue too.
  • This is just so strange. So even if the governemtn did go bankrupt (which i think our huge deficit shows that it really can't) then how would birth certificates get them money? I just don't understand! Crazy people are so crazy! I am sure the Illuminati are behind this somehow.
  • I just want my 40 acres and a mule...and a rifle, yeah a rifle.
  • Personally, I favor bonobo tactics. So, jacobw, what's your all-time favorite conspiracy theory? /hooked on cranks
  • All I got from my birth certificate was 62 cents and a piece of lint. Then some guy punched me in the face and stole my 62 cents and I think I accidentally ate the lint.
  • Ah, Goetter, thank you for taking the bait! I was hoping somebody would ask me. My favorite conspiracy theory is this: For most of the past 2000 years, the smartest people were encouraged to go into the clergy, since that was really the only intellectual profession around. While (for most of that period) Christian priests were forbidden from marrying, Jewish rabbis were welcome to marry--and, indeed, since rabbis were so highly respected, they had an edge on the marriage market. At the same time, Judiasm has a strong taboo against marrying non-Jews. Based on all these facts, there's a professor named Kevin MacDonald who claims that Jews have actually been participating in a long-term eugenics conspiracy to become smarter than Gentiles. And, he claims, this has been successful--according to McDonald, it is a matter of scientific fact that Jews are smarter than everybody else. As a Jew, it's hard for me not to enjoy the fact that there are anti-Semites out there desperately trying to prove that Jews are genetically superior.... Wait--maybe this Macdonald guy is part of the Jewish conspiracy...
  • International Jewish Conspiracy - anyone can join. And they tell you what to do now that you know you are a giant lizard.
  • Goyische kopf!
  • You don't need to see his identification. These aren't the Jews you're looking for. He can go on about his business. Move along.