April 12, 2004

• Yeah, this was an awesome article. If I lived anywhere that required this sort of social finessing, I'd definitely try it out.
• jacobw hits a home run! Fascinating article. I'm going to try it tonight at Boynton's, the In-Place for Old-School Worcesterians who love all things fried and breaded! I'll report back tomorrow.
• There was a similar article in GQ several months ago about a guy who set out to see what he could get for $20. Free stuff from concierges, past doormen, better seats, bumped to first class, off-the-menu items - whatever. Interesting read. He wasn't as successful as this guy, but still. The most difficult part is assessing the willingness of the other person to be bribed, and the confidence of presentation of the briber. Eddie Murphy said it best: "All you need is experience and a bullshit attitude." Would that I walked THAT walk more often than I do.
• Fes, I wonder if the GQ article is online...
• I hear you, f8x. But GQ is a Conde-Nast publication, so no, sorry.
• This is New York, almost everyone's for sale. =) Greasing palms is a necessary skill here.
• Excellent article, but when you think about it, it's only logical. These high and mighty Maitre D's are, at the end of the day, only human. I work at a pub (okay, so it's no Nobu) and if someone slipped me twenty quid, I'd make damn sure they had a good meal.
• I'm totally going to try this next time I want to eat at a packed restaurant. Then again, I live in Baltimore. I don't think there's a single place around here where I couldn't get a reservation.
• I used to live downtown, so I've been able to slip into Balthazar on a few occasions - they always try to seat you there, even if they have to put 4 people at a 2-seater. I've found his rule #1 ("Just go.") to be very true though. And it's true, confidence and balls will get you most places - but that's easier said than done. I was surprized that most times, if the maitre d or the hostess couldn't do anything, they gave the money back. Good to know, not all people (even restaurant people) are a-holes.
• Very informative - this is, after all, how all those A-list people get into the restaurant (if not by money, then by bribing by being a walking advertisement). But I don't think I would ever be taking his advice - even if I had the money (which I don't - a $15 meal is a big deal), but because I do find the whole idea of bribing to be distasteful. Actually, now that I think about it, the culture of posh restaurants annoys me too - I would probably pay to eat at Alice Waters (maybe just lunch), because I'd be there for the food, but the vast majority seem to just have the food of a good $30 restaurant for stuffier prices. And of course, no restaurant is a patch on skilled home cooking. But people don't go to posh restaurants for the food - they go for the class experience. They either are, or they want to pretend they are, upper class. I would have too much working class pride to try.
• Don't think of it as a bribe, friend-of-the-workin'-man J. Think of it as a tip offered in advance, a surety of the gratuity at meal's end.
• I'm not so sure I agree JB... about going to nice restaurants just to be seen. When I worked in the area, I had Balthazar for lunch often, because I liked the food. (And actually, since leaving New York for California, I've lost weight because the food here just isn't as good, no matter what anyone says.) I'm sure the fancier restaurants are charging you extra for the, uh, fanciness--but I've also had really good food, well worth the extra cost. Celebrity chefs got that way because they're extraordinarily good at what they do (one would hope). There's definitely some substance there. Whether or not it's worth what you pay, is up to you.
• I wasn't saying that the food isn't good - I just think there is a ceiling to good food. There is a restaurant in downtown New Haven that is fancy, but not overly so - and even a student can afford to go there on a special occasion. Yet it's said to have one of the best wine lists on the East Coast, and the food (French gourmet) is amazing. I guess I have to think - how much better could food be than "Wow - this is amazing"? Would I even be able to tell the difference? Is there a difference? It's like music - My musician friends can all hear the differences between a very good and a great player/orchestra - but most non musicians can't.
• jb is right. it's all about the upper class experience. there is no need to eat out every couple of days if you're rich and you've already hired a cook to make meals. but the idea of lower/middle class folks hiring servants to cook and serve a meals is almost silly. (...something one can easily do oneself; unlike, perhaps, babysitting/daycare. and yet, many people with kids at daycare can barely afford it, anyway.) who wants to get "bumped up to first class"? not the people who are already sitting there. who wants to live within their means? generally speaking, only rich people do. As You Can See From My Namebrand Clothing, I Am Not Poor
• I agree that there's a cieling to the quality of the food - what makes the difference for me in the really good restaurants in Wellington is the quality of service.
• How can you say that a $100 meal you haven't had at a critically acclaimed restaurant you've never been to, is just as good as a $30 meal at the place down the street? But it's true, the dining experience is as much about the environment as it is about the food. You may think it decadent, or bourgeois, but so is the opera. And you can't tell me that watching it on TV is "just as good." It may or may not be worth it to you, but it's not all just pomp. BTW, like the opera, every large city I've lived in has had a "restaurant week" where many of the more expensive places serve prix fixe courses that are meant to be accessible ($20 for lunch, and $30 for dinner here in SF). Check it out.
• Actually, I was basing my assessment of the "$30 meal at the place down the street" on the opinions of people who would have eaten in many fancy restaurants from LA to NY to London. (The winelist, for one thing, is something I could never judge, or really even care about, since my favorite wines are $10 Iniskillons from Ontario). It is perhaps an unusual place - much better than most restaurants in its price range, and known in the area for being fancy New York quality but at New Haven prices. But my point was that the food there is so good that I have to wonder how many pallets could tell the difference, as I doubt I could. Of course, the best Italian food I have ever had was at the 7 course feast for my cousin's christening cooked by his Italian grandmother - the best fish in the world are cods' cheeks picked up by my grandmother at the dock and sauteed hours later in a light batter of flour and egg. It would also be a faulty comparison between different restaurants and the opera on tv. I did not suggest I would rather watch Iron Chef (which I, nonetheless, adore), nor even that I would rather go to Dennys. Opera is never the same on TV, but I would say that opera is amazing whether you are wearing a tux or ripped jeans. I have actually had the chance to hear professional opera singers in my shower - the only fault of the venue is the acoustics. But again, I don't have the ear to hear the difference between very good and great - a minor opera company is amazing to me, where the singers there might hear a difference between themselves and the Met (or so my musician friends tell me, when I tell them I think they sound brilliant).
• Mmm. I would LOVE to have such good food accessible that I couldn't tell which was better anymore. Because let me tell you something. Californians don't eat well. Maybe it's because there's so much sun here and in the East they have to have good food to distract themselves from the gloom. Your cod anecdote reminds me of some of the best sashimi I've had--at Mama's Fish House in Maui. The cut wasn't so great, but all the fish they serve they catch that morning, and the restaurant is right on the beach where where the boats come in. There's just something about really fresh fish.
• I read this article with some interest; I've worked in two three-star NY restaurants, one as a waiter and one as a bartender. Average dinner for one at either of these with a glass of wine ran upwards of $120. I've also eaten at a few of these places and let me tell you, it's an entirely different experience than NORMALLY eating at a restaurant. One of the things you're paying for is to be flattered unto death. Plenty of good celebrity stories. Michael J. Fox was very friendly and not shaky at all, Catherine Zeta and Mike Douglas were gregarious and natural, Isiah Thomas was exhausted and just wanted to get home to Indiana (Pacer no longer!), Howard Stern was exceedingly nice and genuine (tho' his pornstarsttyle entourage were not), Mary J. tried a little too hard to keep a low profile, etc. etc. The president of Blue Note sent me a copy of Norah Jones' album as a tip just when it was starting to get hot. RE: the article; it's totally on point, in every way. Just so you know.
• By the by jb, I used to think that way before I worked in these joints; but let me tell you that the memories of some of the food I've eaten in these places rivals memories of some of the sex I've had. No contest at the time; but later on, the epicure reflects with a certain ambivalence...
• forksclovetofu: I've also eaten at a few of the places mentioned (Balthazar's, Nobu, Union Square Cafe) and I found the article a little too dramatic. I would usually go in my work clothes (jeans, ratty t-shirt, sneakers) and without a reservation. I would get looks sometimes but usually once the maitre 'd got the idea that I was there for a meal ( the ~$200 type) I was treated reasonably well. No bribes either. I think as long as you look like you're there to eat, willing to pay to do so, and not desperate (on a few occasions I was offered a table while walking out after being initially told they didn't have room) you're OK. There are places where you probably do need to bribe your way in and dress up but I didn't feel they were worth going to. I'd been taken to places like the Four Seasons by clients and thought the snobbish atmosphere made it hard to really enjoy the food. I actually really liked Balthazar's and went there after work sometimes while I was working on Astor place. I used to live in the same building as Union Square Cafe and went there once out of curiosity. The food was good but the place sucked. Nobu in SoHo is another place I only went once because I thought the food was not particularly good and the service too stuck up. For Japanese food in NY you're better off going to Gari no Sushi on the Upper East side. They do have a secret menu at Gari but you don't have to bribe to get it. You only have to speak Japanese to the wait staff.
• Dear Mexican: I'm coming back to the city. Hire me. I'm versatile and I look good in a suit. Signed, Forksclovetofu
• Would that city be Tokyo, Forksclovetofu? I'm still on the lam in Japan. I still know some folks, I could ask around for you if you want. I'd need to confirm that you actually look good in a suit so please send me a picture of you in a suit. In addition, a picture of you in a bathing suit or your birthday suit would be appreciated.
• I would probably pay to eat at Alice Waters (maybe just lunch), because I'd be there for the food, but the vast majority seem to just have the food of a good $30 restaurant for stuffier prices. And of course, no restaurant is a patch on skilled home cooking. But people don't go to posh restaurants for the food - they go for the class experience. They either are, or they want to pretend they are, upper class. I would have too much working class pride to try. What crap. If it makes you feel better to think the grapes you can't reach are sour, by all means go ahead, but I can tell you the food at a place like Montrachet (a very pricey place in Manhattan) is far better than anything you could achieve at home (let alone one of your "good $30 restaurants"). I'm no restaurant snob, and I very rarely eat at fancy places, since there are so many excellent cheap ones (Mexican, Indian, Malaysian, Thai, the list is endless), but when I get the chance I appreciate it. (There are, of course, places people go to "for the class experience" rather than the food, Tavern on the Green being a notorious example, but they're easily avoided. Trust me, there are lots and lots of people in this food-obsessed city of New York who care intensely about what they're eating and follow restaurant reviews with passionate interest. Ever visited Chowhound?) I used to live in the same building as Union Square Cafe and went there once out of curiosity. The food was good but the place sucked. Wow. You're literally the first person I've heard say anything like that. Most people are so grateful for the kind service and lack of pretentiousness at USC after the crap they've endured at other places they fall all over themselves praising it. I've eaten there maybe a dozen times over the last 15 years or so, and have never had anything less than a good experience. What happened to make you feel the way you do? I'm curious.
• languagehat: I'm an ass. I mixed up the Union Square Cafe with the Blue Water Grill. I lived in the same building as the Blue Water Grill when it was getting renovated ('95 - '96) and renamed and I couldn't remember the new name correctly. My comment was about the Blue Water Grill. Now that I remember where it is, I have been to the Union Square Cafe for lunch. I have no special memory of the meal so I guess it was average. And I agree with you about the thing where the guy said something was a class experience and you said "What crap." First off, A $30 meal in NY is not going to be a good meal. You'd get a $30 meal at some place on 2nd Ave near 23rd St and it would be full of people from New Jersey in for their big fancy Manhattan meal. The meal would have been prepared earlier in the day by some recent restaurant school graduate (or recent immigrant) and then reheated in the microwave special for your order. If you just want a good meal you go to one of the places you listed and pay about $8 to $15. If you want a really good meal, you do a little research and pay $100 - $300 for food you'll be talking about everyday for a month and the once a week for the rest of you life after the month is up.
• languagehat was responding to this comment by jb, mexican. I've never eaten at any really good restuarants. I'd like to, obviously, in that I do love good food. Its just that I can't begin to imagine ever having enough money to spend 50 quid or more on a single meal, really. (I need to get a job, I suppose)
• I completely agree with Daniel on this one. Here is a worthwhile idea; save up some money, strictly for the purpose of taking yourself out for an amazingly wonderful, relaxing dinner to someplace you can't ever imagine going to. (One that has had good reviews) You can and should expect unparalleled service and incredible food that will stay on your mind for a long time to come, especially if this is something you don't often do. It may seem frivolous, but allow yourself some frivolity on occasion. And note, too, that people who frequent these establishments on a regular basis, often seem unaware of the food because they are so used to a refined palette. It is a genuine joy for a chef to cook for someone who will truly appreciate his/her talents. This is a generalization, but an accurate one.
• mexican: Whew! I have to admit I have a soft spot for the USC, and I'd hate to think they'd failed somebody that badly. dng: Eating (very occasionally) at really good restaurants is one of the few things that make it worthwhile to have a decent job. I hope you get the chance.