June 09, 2006

Bum Wines. "If your taste buds are shot, and you need to get trashed with a quickness, then "T-bird" is the drink for you. Or, if you like to smell your hand after pumping gas, look no further than Thunderbird. As you drink on, the bird soars higher while you sink lower."
  • Ah - Thunderbird! Surely what being a teenager was invented for.
  • The history of Thunderbird is as interesting as the drunken effects the one experiences from the wine. When Prohibition ended, Ernest Gallo and his brothers Julio and Joe wanted to corner the young wine market. Earnest wanted the company to become "the Campbell Soup company of the wine industry" so he started selling Thunderbird in the ghettos around the country. Their radio adds featured a song that sang, "What's the word? / Thunderbird / How's it sold? / Good and cold / What's the jive? / Bird's alive / What's the price? / Thirty twice." It is said that Ernest once drove through a tough, inner city neighborhood and pulled over when he saw a bum. When Gallo rolled down his window and called out, "What's the word?" the immediate answer from the bum was, "Thunderbird." Priceless...
  • Or for the discerning Glaswegian bum there's Buckfast. "The drink itself is billed on the bottle as being 'A blend of the finest french wines'. In reality it's a mix of wine with some serious amounts of chemicals including enough caffeine to make jolt look like a tranquilizer and some bits and pieces of others that I'm quite convinced are the constituent parts of the monks toenails."
  • Isn't Buckfast what "amateur" pornographers give to chav boys in exchange for weener shots?
  • I like this, however, there is always an however, here is mine: 'Oh fuck.. I have so much further to fall.'
  • A youthful experiment jointly conducted with my cousin Doug and a bottle of Wild Irish Rose led me to avoid wine altogether for many decades. We were too sick to get up to anything wild, that article to the contrary.
  • I once aged a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 for a year. Didn't hurt the taste any. Didn't help it neither.
  • ...as long as you don't mess with the Inglenook. Now, that's class drunkeness.
  • Here are the lyrics to Thunderbird, by They Might Be Giants.
  • The lyrics to the original Thunderbird radio jingle goes something like: What's the word? Thunderbird! How's it sold? Good and cold. What's the jive? Bird's alive! What's the price? Thirty twice.