February 27, 2004

• This is a truly interesting post, flash. I knew nothing about Turkmenistan and the current climate sounds vaguely like early Soviet Russia and Animal Farm (thinking specifically of the "Cobblers!" link). I wonder what it will take for the rest of the world to turn its attention to the President of Turkmenistan, and how long before the US decides they need to invade. Surely they have an oil pipeline? Ah, not yet, I see.
• I'm just jealous that he gets people to call him "Turkmenbashi". "Stubbie of Vic, Turkmenbashi?" "More babaganouzh, Turkmenbashi?" What a way to live!
• Indeed - blind eyes being turned all round to both Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan, being both energy rich in themselves, and rather significantly placed for transporting oil/gas around the whole area. Great find on that pipeline article, btw. Currently, they're, well, sort of on our side (Uzbekistan's a member of the coalition of the willing, lest we forget). I just wonder how long it would take before all the jokey "funny foreigners" stories became "insane tyrant" stories - and how easy that transition would be - should the agenda change. I wish we had a melon holiday, though. And a really big shoe. Memo to self: when considering a very long post title, remember the sidebar is small.
• Larger sidebar, Turkmenbashi?
• Sidebar now called "Dictator's Mother", by order of his most radiant magnificence Turkemenbashi. And cut your hair, you look like a hippy.
• New spelling of your name, Turkmenbashi?
• How does one become an eccentric autocrat anyway? Because it really sounds like a dream job; give yourself titles, issue bizarre edict, and eat melon all day. I've scoured the classes offered at numerous universities but the all seem more intrested in talking about dictatorship than enacting it, damn wishy-washy academia.
• One spelling not enough for Turkmenbashi. Turkemenbashi demand at least three seperate spellings of Turkmenbashy, as befits his glorious status. Also, peasant typist tired and been up all night. No big shoe for him. Decadent coffee now outlawed.
• Crystal meth, Turkmenbashi?
• Mmmmmmm.... Technically, crystal meth now called "dictator's mother", but Turkmenbashi not quibble.
• Typing now outlawed, curfew imposed.
• Bashimenturki! Mentaturkibash! Bashimentaturkibash bash bash bash aaaaargh! (collapses)
• Reading the Amnesty International report, this dictatorship doesn't sound so bad comparing it with other more longstanding dictatorships around the world, including Cuba.
• I think tracicle should henceforth be called Monkeybashi.
• [banana for languagehat]
• languagehat has to be the *most* ubiquitous commenter/poster on blogs anywhere. (This is not a dig, I'm just amazed) He's everywhere, I tell you! I was in a public toilet the other day, reading the graffiti, and at the bottom was a scrawled comment, signed 'languagehat'. he wrote: 'one would think, to see such wit, Shakespeare himself came here to shit'
• I second Monkeybashi. Well done, that hat. Zemat: not the worst dictatorship, no, not by a long shot. It was really the Uzbek article that I thought was the genuinely damning one. With the boiling the prisoners to death, and so on. I'd been meaning to post something about the region for a while now - the beard and hair news seemed like an appropriate juncture. Deary me. I still haven't got any sleep since I posted this, and I was in a bit of state then. You know, it's worrying how quickly someone can get used to being an autocrat called Turkmenbashi... yours sincerely, Turkmenflashi
• let us now send flowers to turkmenbashi!
• Dish, that's priceless. For maximum effect, read the site's description to yourself in a bad Boris-and-Natasha accent.
• Zemat: I think I'd rather do a spell in Castro's Cuba, where having the wrong opinions will likely land me in jail for a while, as compared to the US allies in the *stans, who will boil me to death.
• I added Cuba just to highlight that the report Turkmenistan is quite mild, even milder or as mild as Cuba. Hell. I could even compare it to my own country in the 60s.
• Nostrildamus, I have squads of trained assistants roaming the globe, adding comments in the LH name wherever they feel comments are needed. The pay is low, but the prestige immense. (Unauthorized imitators are, of course, seized, and their colons are replaced by semicolons. Cruel, perhaps, but just.)
• Dear God - not the semicolons. Truly, a fate worse than death...
• And Turkmenbashi has done other interesting things.
• I'm just glad nobody's accused us of Turkmenbashing. I like the names of the days of the week from klausness's article. Spot the odd one out: Bash Gun (Main Day), Yash Gun (Young Day), Hosh Gun (Good Day), Sogap Gun (Blessed Day), Anna (Friday), Rukh Gun (Spiritual Day) and Dynch Gun (Rest Day).
• the capital's skyline is dominated by a huge, rotating, golden statue of Mr Niyazov which always faces the sun. I hear on Hosh Guns it dispenses melons.
• It would appear that gold teeth are also a problem.
• Surreally, he has followed in the footsteps of the fictional dictator in Woody Allen's movie Bananas, to redefine the ages of his citizens. Adolescence now lasts until 25, youth doesn't end until 37, and old age starts at 85. I'm still an adolescent? Oh, dude. That's not good. That's not good at all. *goes to bedroom in a huff to listen to The Smiths and write bad poetry*
• Hey, that buck-toothed girl in Luxembourg is my pen-pal.
• Blogmenbashi.
• ...which in turns leads us to Ru[k]hnama, great work of genius for the Turkmen people.
• I'm actually quite surprised that the Rukhnama has been translated to English -- I guess the Turkmenbashi chose personal arrogance (having his words read around the world) over nationalist pride. I wonder how many will buy it.
• *fingers credit card, sweats*
• That translation, from the website, seems to be a little dodgy, English-grammar-wise (I thought about buying it, then I thought, "No! Turkmenbashi does not puchase books printed by heathen translator-scum. Turkmenbashi only buys books written by the true Turk Iman people; or written by Turkmenbashi, to be more precise. Also, book cost pretty much near $50, and frankly fuck that for a game of melons.") ... It would seem from preliminary readings, however, that Noah is by far the most significant prophet of the Turk Iman ("made from light, whose essence is light") peoples. As a alleged Catholic, this heresiarchy intrigues me - Noah as the most significant prophet? Is this common amongst the tribes of the lower Soviet/upper Asian areas? Is it common generally? Am I just an ignorant twat? Or what? If somebody knowledgable (who may or may not be languagehat, I don't care) could answer, you'd have a happy, sated monkey on your hands...
• Would a recklessly speculative answer suffice? The Noah and the Ark industry is a money maker in that area. Expeditions to "find the ark" are constantly dumping heaps of money into the local economy. I think Noah's elevation is a tourist ploy.
• That's a thought. A good one, and all. I like your reckless speculivity. Some knobhead was banging on about having found the Ark a while back, wasn't he? Was that in the area? - I suspect it may have been, as I don't think it was Israel-obvious... (Will google when I wake up tomorrow, dinnae bother answering now [unless you want to], was basically a rhetorical thingummy, y'know.)
• Monkeyfilter: I like your reckless speculivity.
• **applause**
• From Cyril Glass
• the loony Ren
• What happened to my accents?? They looked fine on preview, dammit. Anyway, that should have read (now without accents!): From Cyril Glasse's Concise Encyclopedia of Islam (far from a neutral reference work -- Glasse is a disciple of the loony Rene Guenon, a proponent of "universal religion" -- but very useful for things like this):

  Noah (Ar. Nuh). In Islam, Noah is considered to be a rasul ("messenger"), although he does not have a revealed book. The story of how he built the Ark and filled it with two of every species to save the righteous from the Deluge (tufan) is very popular and has received much embellishment in tradition. The origin of the holy day of the 'ashura' [the 10th of Muharram, a "beneficent" holy day for Sunnis, for Shi'ites the terrible anniversary of the murder of the Imam Hussein] is made by tradition the commemoration of the day the Ark came to rest on Mount Judi (Ararat).

  Just to provide a little added value, the word tufan is entwined with the history of English typhoon.
• Your accents look fine, hatsy. You just have to leave the bright day of Unicode behind and join us in the stinky, dripping Western European cellar.
• Uzbekistan's best kept secret
• Behold the mighty power of Turkmenbashi, fearsome to contemplate! Nothing can remove him from the sidebar!
• Huh. They look fine on my home computer, vanish on the work one. *scratches head, wishes he knew more about these newfangled computing things*
• Is this where "monkeybashi" is from? /sorry, not too bright
• Yes, it is. More importantly, how did this all-important thread vanish from the sidebar? I suspect sabotage. Call out the bashibazouks!
• Uh, here we are, dude. And we brought an extra apostrophe...
• If Turkmenbashi is removed from the sidebar, the site won't balance any more.
• Do you want to know what power is? Power is making an off-the-cuff remark, something totally impromptu, and having it carry the force of law.
• See, and that's the kind of power Monkeybashi has in these parts. FEAR her offhand remarks!
• Are emigrating Turkmens treated as political refugees yet? If not it won't be long.
• Not to make the faux pas of being serious again, but reading those stories made me think of the ways in which the rest of the country can aid a tyrant - by allowing their fear to get the better of them. Those university officials didn't need to do that right away. I don't know what I would have done in my place (I'm not claiming any superior courage, as I know I have next to none), but this is the sort of moment that we as people should look at and say - here, this is the place to resist (in case we are ever in this situation). But then, it is said that peaceful resistence is useless against a tyrant who knows no bounds - it works against tyrants who have rules and appearances to keep up, but there are no rules but the tyrant's in Turkmenistan, and no one is looking.
• It's interesting that even in Nazi Germany a number of people defied the laws and got away with it. Most people, however, are terrified of possible consequences and thus take any opportunity to show their deference to the powers that be. Another sidelight from the WWII era: when the Channel Islands were occupied by the Germans (the only part of England they got), the locals busily drew up lists of Jews and handed them over without even being asked. Without that, it would have been very hard for the Germans to know who was Jewish. Why are we so awed by power and so contemptuous of those without it? (By "we" I mean "homo sapiens in general," not you and me, who are of course much better than that.)
• I'd like to say that I spoke the truth to power, but nobody with any power is interested in my opinion. /moot
• Did somebody moot?
• No, no...that was a moo. Sorry 'bout that--Pop-Tarts make me happy.
• sorry, fooning makes me moot.
• mooting makes me foon did somebody say pop-tarts? can I get a Dizzy with that? ok, good. this thread will never die. never.
• mOO7!
• moot? foon? foop?
• *poof*
• *toot*
• Who are you calling a poof? The 2003 Best of Turkmen Pupils Competition results have been announced in the capital of Turkmenistan. That was the first government-sponsored intellectual-and-creative contest in the country. Leili Arslanova, a secondary school leaver from the Murgabsky district, Maryisky region, was pronounced the winner. She proved to be the best and quickest as far as the citation of
• Maybe he went moof.
• And... there went the topic. Moof!
• It's like Lenin's Russia on crack.
• *puff* uhm, what?
• I'm sorry, are you all speaking my name? (PS is this all in italics for anyone else?)
• No, PF. Sorry. *bamf*
• I Don't Want Nobody to Give Me Nothin! (Open Up the Door, I'll Get It Myself) —Soulbashi #1
• /me throws cape over languagehat, slowly guides him to the James Brown thread.
• Excellent, pete_best!
• Find the best hotel in Turkmenistan for you! Although you might want to get a haircut and have a shave before you leave.
• Wolof, you fell in love with this thread, didn't you?
• Lick my Turkmenbashi.
• "Unfortunately, there are no hotels that would accommodate the number of people you specified in one room." The number of people was 2. Either there are no hotels in Turkmenistan, or married people aren't allowed to sleep in the same room.
• If two people are gathered together in one room, the Turkmenbashi is with them. That makes three.
• I love only Turkmenbashi, and my heart yearns to see His celestial glory. Truly, the beautiful one is come.
• languagehat so . . . we get eggroll, right?
• Now wait a minute. Eggrolls for pete_best... and his 26 avatars?? I don't think so. You guys sleep in the lobby.
• pineapple fried rice? we'll share!
• languagehatbashi - of course! How could I have been so blinded by such inappropriate, nay, impossible numbers? I bow before your wisdom! On the other hand, I couldn't book a room for one, either, except in the town of Mary (they didn't allow 2 guests.) Since Mary was conquered by Alexander the Great, that may explain why they allow a humble foreigner to stay in their inns. They even have a Sheraton! I'm thinking air conditioning and room service.
• Okay, Minkoes, tell me. Kim Jong-Il, Turkmenbashi, in the ring, only one man leaves, who's it gonna be?
• oh like it's a contest - using his patented "bashi bashi" move, Turkmenbashi would trounce "the Gargoyle" in 2 rounds tops.
• Btw, this thread is all italics after LaHa's first thing on Noah, if you view it in Unicode in whatever version of IE I'm using, but not if you put it in Western European encoding.
• If you view it in Bashi encoding, on the other hand, each letter gleams as if covered in gold leaf, and the background is a color never before seen on earth.
• a color never before seen on earth Except in dreams, hatty, except in the dreams of those who (in contemplation of the glorious Ruhnama) have put aside all the concerns of their cruel and false educations, and in the dream stand instead with their backs to the sunset, viewing the majestic glow from the plains and temples of their future people. In the dream, there are new colours, and old colours with better names, and splendid colours that once existed but forgot to become a paint; also there are certain figures - a mother, a tiger, and a fleeting movement on the periphery that may be an angel or may be a giant shoe - which in their divine mundanity can signal nothing less than the presence, even here in the dreamworld, of the true father, leader, hero and chatshow host of the chosen people. Quietly we whisper his name - in the dream there are untold millions of us - and it rises like hymn to better dentistry over the rough and honest melon fields... "Turkmenbashi... Turkmenbashi... Turkmenbashi..." That sort of dream.
• Oh you may go to college And you may go to school But if you ain't got Turkmenbashi You're an educated fool.
• Oh you may got to market Or you may go to the mall But if you don't buy Turkmenbashi You got no shopping skillz at all.
• There once was of Turkmen a Bashi, Who decided his Turkmen looked trashy. Shave off that hair, Put new teeth in there, To dissent be nor wishy nor washy.
• A young man of Turkmenistan Declared "What a heck of a scam! My pig's become hachis For the Lord Turkmenbashi All that's left me is ham in a can!"
• President Saparmurat Niyazov Was sitting and laughing his ass off. "Just imagine!" said he, chortling with glee, "We've boiled that free-thinker's sass off!"
• PF wins.
• But carry on... please carry on...
• Pas de ca
• My face is red, my eyes they shine, my forty's draining dry. I should to bed, tomorrow't nine, the sun'll be shining high. But in my heart a little guy, with hungry ego small, leapt with a start, and jumped up high and now is standing tall. (Thanks, flashboy!)
• Crap, Wolof. Now what am I supposed to do?
• Wolof wins... :-)
• Turkmenbashi,
• (PS - Cyrillic Windows.)
• Wolof, Wolof, shining bright, in the purple, in the night, what immortal hand or eye could that kick-ass rhyme be by?
• Mots d'heures: gousses, rames. Or, auf Deutsch: M
• Oh, right, I knew I knew (I knew!) I knew it somewhere. I knew.
• *Ahem* Bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi Turkmen! Turkmen! Bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi Turkmen! Turkmen! Bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi Turkmen! Turkmen! Bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi bashi oooh Beard! It's a beard! Ooohhhhh, it's a beard! (repeat)
• Money!
• Long ago, when I was an archaeology student, I decided that I would put a reference to Luis d'Antin in every essay. "As the brilliant d'Antin has it ...", "As the d'Antin manuscript tends to imply ...", "... glancingly referred to by d'Antin ...", etc., etcetry, ad nauseam. Never got called on it.
• In far-off Ashgabat, east of the Caspian Sea, there lived a language hat, flashboy and Wolof and me. Me, I was wasting time, night, it would soon come to dawn, when hat he made a rhyme, me, well I had to jump on. Oh frick, it'll never work.
• Awake! for Bashi's Way is all Delight! And Chins are smooth by Day and Sleek by Night -- For Lo! the Barbers of the East must smite Each Young Man's Whisker with a Blade of Light. While loose Hairs blow and curl beneath a Sun-seared Sky, Methought I heard a Voice within the Palace cry, "Awake ye, Turkmen Kids, turn off the Radio! Come to the Palace shaven, be on Video!"
• 1 Comfort ye, comfort ye my people, saith your Bashi. 2 Speak ye comfortably to Shgabat, and cry unto her, that her warfare is accomplished, that her iniquity is pardoned: for she hath received of the TURKMENBASHI's hand double for all her sins. 3 The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the TURKMENBASHI, make straight in the desert a highway for our Bashi. 4 Every chin shall be smooth, and every hair and bristle shall be brought low: and the long hair shall be made short, and the rough cheek soft: 5 And the glory of the TURKMENBASHI shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together: for the mouth of the TURKMENBASHI hath spoken it.
• In referring to my handy copy of the familiar d'Antin, The tablaur referents are clear: this thread kicks ass.
• ♫bashi bashi♫ bashi bashi♫ bashi bashi♫ bashi bashi♫ Monkey! Monkey! ♫bashi bashi♫ bashi bashi♫ bashi bashi♫ bashi bashi♫ Monkey! Monkey! Haaaaaat! It's languagehaaaaaaaaaat! ♫bashi bashi♫ bashi bashi♫ bashi bashi♫ bashi bashi♫ Monkey! Monkey! take it flashboy!
• [fade out theme music, light crackle of static, signal stabilizes] TMB: [avuncular] Gooooood Morning, monkeys, mooks, and bashi-bazouks and welcome one and all this ayem to yet another edition of the Turkmenbashi Chatshow. Today's guests include a former Beatle, a world-renowned linguist who bears a striking resemblance to a large, floppy wizard's hat, and a host of digitized monkeys. Here, simians, have a banana! [SFX: laughter] But before we get to the show, here's a message from our sponsors, the official barber supply suppliers to the glorious state of Turkmenistan, Turkmenbashi Clipper and Razor LLC. Sharply now! [fade in jingle, see above in thread: pick one, and sing out loud as needed] TMB VO: Look sharp with Sta-Sharp blades, from the sharp men of the company with an edge, Turkmenbashi Clipper and Razor. That's Turkmenbashi with a "T", "Clipper" with a "P," and "Razor" with a "Zee" or a "Zed" as our mist-enclouded, tweed wearing friends to the North across the Channel would have it. Now, my first guest this morning is [static] who is noted ... [longer burst of static] ... [different voice]: ... facing away from the audience ... [static] ... [weaker signal fades into static, no amount of dial twiddling brings it back.]
• His cheek Was rough His chick vamoosed And now she won't Come home to roost Turkmen-Bashi
• A whiskery kiss For the one You adore May not make her mad But her face will be sore Turkmen-Bashi
• My job is Keeping faces clean And nobody knows De stubble I've seen Turkmen-Bashi
• There is a man in ashgabad they call the turkmen bashi and he's been the ruin of many a poor beard and lord I know mine's one.
• De stubble I've seen Can't compete with the sheen Of our flashing gold grins And the foam on our chins! Lest our whiskers grow too various, Bashi's barbers snatch and harry us.
• Give the guy The toe of your boot Who tries To hand you A substitute for Turkmen-Bashi
• Thick or thin, On lip or chin Old or young, Please hold your tongue, There's nothing like My Turkmen-Bashi
• so much depends upon a golden turkmen bashi bathed with sun light beside the green muskmelons
• But, Just the right beard On just the right face Is good if used In just the right place.
• I had a good Bashi, Lord so sweet he was to me, I had a good Bashi, Lord so sweet he was to me, My Bashi done left me, ain't no one gonna care for me.
• It grew beneath the unshorn ways Beside these lips of mirth, A Beard there woz which none would praise And now has bit the earth. A Whisker on this lanky jaw, Long-hid from Bashi's gaze, Black as a raven -- with its craw Stuffed full of lamb and peas -- It grew uncombed, and none might comb The felted pelt I grew with glee, But since I've finally had to shave -- Behold! the ghastliness of me!
• Let me not to the marriage of Turkmens admit impediments. Love is not love which alters as the world's opinion bends or collab'rates with Satan to remove. Bashi, time's fool? Rosy poli-geeks within Regime Change charm
• A brim he stunk. A bint Khmer US.
• Mane brush kit .
• Aha! A rim husk bent.
• Turkish! Nab 'em!
• Kill me now.
• Without your gold tooth, smile with new felicity, and chew your honeycomb most circumspectly. But not your currycomb -- Bashi won't let ye! O Turkmenbashi? Turkmenbashi? At last we've a new rhyme for Heile Selassie!
• Mean tub shirk. Ha, be trinkums! Tea bum shrink. Ha: bum. Re: stink.
• A Box of Razors underneath the Sink, A Tube of Foam, a Cake of Soap - and Thou Beside me shaving in the Wilderness - And Turkenbashi were Monkeyness enow!
• There once was a Bashi for Turkmen In everyone's minds he was lurkin', till one day he fell, ripped his balls all to hell, the day of revolution for the workmen.
• Sainted ruler of all pious Turkmen The Bashi looked south of his jerkin. "Had I not banned the hair That I don't have down there I may have required a merkin."
• ) !!!
• you people are killing me. HAT!!! Burma shave! I KISS YOU!!! )
• Would you like some bashifries with that Turkmenburger, sir? This thread has been bookmarked
• Thanks to dng's massive comment onslaught, this thread almost got bumped from the sidebar. dng, I am advising extreme caution in this most sensitive matter.
• I do humbly apologise. I pray that no offence has been caused.
• Recognition!
• The bashi of Turkmenistan Is quite an incredible man He eats lots of melons And makes bearded me felons Of ZZ Top, he's not a fan
• That's bearded men Damn spell checker!
• Turkmenbashi is a Giant Mecha-Man-Eating Plant that can Regenerate, and is Radioactive. Saparmurat Niyazov is a Giant Squid that breathes Poisonous Gas, is Radioactive, drinks Human Blood, and has a Metal Jaw and four Extra Limbs.
• Bum stinker. Ah...
• Somebody's guilty of Turkmenbashing... For the record, tracicle, do threads with excessively long titles stress the server any more than others?
• rustcellar, are you sure that's not "ah... bum stinker..."?
• PF, I think regardless of the order we're on the same wavelength on that one.
• Quite.
• do threads with excessively long titles stress the server any more than others? No, but the extra weight can make the sidebar droop a little.
• It does look a little saggy today... No, long threads just take a little longer to load, but they're no problem.
• I bark, "mush, Ken!" [Where I = fantasy Barbie (tm).]
• For the metrosexual, a Ken bush trim.
• Because I could not stop for him, he kindly stopped for me. He offered me a melon slice, the great Turkmenbashi. We slowly drove, he knew no haste, And I had put away My whiskers, and my long hair too, For his civility. We passed the school where children read and recited Ruhnama; we passed the reclaimed lands of grain, we passed the giant shoe. We paused before a house that seemed A swelling of the ground; The roof was scarcely visible, The cornice but a mound. Since then
• No light! No phone! No motor car! Not a single luxury! So suffered surly Turkomen In the empty years B.T.
• The Prophet's beard Was mandatory But here, we tell A cleaner story Turkmen-Bashi
• To keep your teeth When you grow old Please gnaw some bones And spare the gold Turkmen-Bashi
• Bashi, Bashi, burning bright Midst the Turkmen of the night: What immortal hand or eye Dare frame thy Turkmenbashery?
• What bashi through yonder thread doth break?
• "You are old, Turkmenbashi," the young man said, "And your hair has become very white; And yet you incessantly shave off your beard
• Bashi! Bashi! Bashi! You Lazarushian-leather Turkmenbashi! Tho' I've belted you an' flayed you, By the livin' Gawd that made you, You're a better man than I am, Turkmenbashi!
• There are strange things done in the Turkmen sun By the men who make the enormous shoes; The Caspian shores have their secret tales That would make your blood run blue; The razor strops have seen queer sights, But the queerest they ever did see Was that night on the marge of Sarygamysh Koli I renamed myself Turkmenbashi.
• NATURE'S HARMONIC  SIMULTANEOUS 4-DAY TURKMEN BASHI (I was going to go on, but this says it with such eloquence)
• T is for Turkmen, of whom he's the Bashi, U for the universal power he wields. R is for repressive, is his autonomy, K for he's krazy, is how the world feels. M is for melons, Turkmenistan's fruit, and A's for amazing, how far S N has gone. N is for new names, for months and this coot, and B's for the bonkers in his bright new dawn. A is for Afghanistan, that mountainous land, S's the strategy that makes him our friend. H is for hip, our bold monkeystan, and I is the guy who makes this rhyme end. I think someone here should be able to do better than that. Heck, I can do better than that. I just choose not to. Beat me! I dare you!
• Beat me! I dare you! PF you naughty thing!
• I dig your closing line, PF.
• *grins at pete_best, licks lips, cowers, trrrembles in anticipated pleasure*
• Turkmanbashi?
• Who dare singularize the Turkmenbashi? Seize him!
• Oh, frick. Do me better, Wollie!
• Turkmenbashus, -a, -um.
• Turkmenbashazoid.
• Turkmenbashesque.
• *sings like Julie Andrews* T, a drink with jam and bread U, a note to follow T R, a few of my favourite things K, I may agree with you M, a deer, a female deer E, a drop of golden teeth N, another thing ... I've got to B a Tur-ko-man (body, body) A, it's the Fonz S, a note to precede T H is only a note in the German system I may not be as smart as PF, but I've got to work with what I have.
• Oh
• "next to of course god turkmenbashi i love you leader of the turkmen and so forth oh turkmenistan song and lighthouse sons will put their heads for the native fireplace and be no more what of it should we worry in every language even deafanddumb thy sons acclaim your glorious name by gorry by jingo by gee by gosh by gum why talk of beauty what could be more beaut- iful than these heroic beardless happy men who rushed like lions to the roaring shaver they did not stop to think they shaved instead then shall the voice of turkmenbashi be mute?" He spoke. And ate rapidly a slice of muskmelon.
• T is for the Total Domination U is for the You we do it to R is for redundant repetition K is his Ken doll (thought you knew) M is for the Monkeys on the Filter E is for the excrement they threw N is for the newbies who are so confused B is for the beards he did undo A is for abuses he's committing S is for his sense of humor droll H is for the hat he wears upon his ass I is for Iraq, 'cause I'm a troll Put them all together, I've got nothin'...
• [big banana], wendell.
• Yowza! *crowns wendell quing of Thisthreadistan with greenish crown of 30-cm Turkmenistan bananas*
• Thisthreadbashi! /bows, shaves
• this one's for Wolof... :) Tacky urban rebels keep making everybody nervous by adopting simean habits inexplicably. I woke up on the evil side of the bed today
• *crowns wendell quing of Thisthreadistan ...* But who shall be his kween?
• Woah! Just fell off the sidebar. Must not be allowed to happen. Good thing I was passing through. Maestic poetry, people. Have an 'aiku: My beard shall wither Before melons; and all for You, Turkmenbashi
• and all for You, Turkmenbashi This is the amazing post the magnificence of which we were forewarned? *bows to Prophet*
• I am not worthy even to tie the thongs of that haiku's sandals, for lo I am a creature unshaven, and gold is in my mouth. And saying these things, he went on his way rejoicing.
• Woah! Just fell off the sidebar. If you set your comments count in your profile to 1000000, that'll never happen again.
• "Unmask tinter; Suntan, Kermit." -Minsk taunter. Mutt earns ink. Turks ain't men... Minaret stunk! Snark time, nut? Nuns remit task. Men taint rusk. Ask nutriment? Kant sent Muir. I am sent trunk? -Ken's Titan Rum. -Iran tent musk. -Turkmen satin. -Ten krauts, min. -Near mint tusk. -Man's tuner kit & -Saturn men kit. Name isn't Kurt. Min rate stunk; Runtime stank In start menu, k? Neat smirk, nut. Skein tantrum? Sum aren't knit! Knit meat runs, Atkins met urn. Nate's mink rut? Runts eat mink! Run, stink meat. Tuna skin term. Kinsmen utter, in smut tanker, Mutant Sinker, "Martinet sunk." Kittens unarm. Mistaken turn. Rank isn't mute; Tanks run time. Terminus tank? Transmit nuke. Murk isn't neat.
• bork! bork! bork!
• My god! My bashi! My god and my bashi! (Yowza!)
• I am trying to work out the meaning of a series of
• Turkmenistan?
• Ach, I am a dick. Not even through the first coffee of the day yet. *shamed*
• It's an epic poem, dealing with something much grander in scope than mere Turkmenbashi. Every line shouts, whispers, and proudly sings "Turkmenistan!"; yet so does each stanza, and non-rhyming couplet, every bone in my body, and every hair in my nonexistant beard.
• Yes, rub it in, you bastard.
• Wedge gave Wolof a wedgie! Haw Haw!!!
• Monkeyfilter: Yes, rub it in, you bastard.
• I'm writing three articles about sitcoms for the May Sweeps and I can't get sitcoms out of my head. Turkmenistan At least I'm not writing about 'reality' shows...
• Just another day out for the Bashi.
• I met a traveller from an antique land   Who said:—Two vast and trunkless legs of stone   Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,   Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown   And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command           Tell that its sculptor well those passions read   Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,   The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.   And on the pedestal these words appear:   "My name is Turkmenbashi, king of kings:    Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!   Keep your teeth free from ostentatious gold,   And shun excessive longness in your hair—   And wear a Bashi t-shirt when it's cold."
• Turkmenistan (AP): In honor of the most momentous occasion of MonkeyFilter's Turkmenbashi thread reaching 200 comments, President Saparmurat Niyazov has decreed that May 6 will henceforth be a national holiday for all Turkmen. The day, renamed Turkmenbashi Day, will be marked by public shaving ceremonies in the main carpet bazaar, followed by a melon eating contest in the shadow of the giant shoe.
• Ohhhh public shaving ceremonies. Man, I need to read slower.
• Damnation! *razor in hand, natural merkin on floor* Damnation! Bashi strike the names of my eyes from the registry of good, where the names of melons and smooth cheeks are carved in letters flaked with gold foil!
• Also, "All Turkmen students who already receive higher education abroad should start looking for jobs outside their own country." (Link from the Argus.)
• Ha Ha Pete_best: That is SO going to itch in a couple days. Maybe now you'll think twice about doing everything you (mis)read on the intraweb!
• I haven't been following this thread, but it keeps showing up at the top of the recent comments box and i keep reading it Presidend Spamurat. Just thought you should know.
• A quiet day for the Bashi. Peace be upon his soul.
• OM BASHI BASHI OM
• Hossenffefer Incorporated!
• Give us any chance we'll take it, Read us any rule we'll break it, We're gonna Bashi after all!
• This thread has fallen off the sidebar. We have failed Turkmenbashi. Let us never let this happen again. *shaves with fanatical vigor*
• Gin a Bashi meet a Bashi Comin' thru the Rye!
• And yet, he lives! *praises melons, curses hair*
• Whan that Bashi with his showres sweete...
• You assholes, who was talking about golden shower? Right, nobody! Assholes.
• (because I am a sucker for cross-thread referencing) Did'ya hear? Turkmenbashi dug a hole!
• I'm not sure Turkmenbashi isn't really Courtney Love in a wig. Yes, another wig.
• In addition to his other achievements, President Turkmenbashi, armed only with a knife, consistently wins fights with grizzly bears.
• In His case, klausness, I'm purt' sure it'd hafta be a straight razor. All Glory to the Bashi!
• When Turkmenbashi was in the alps, Fighting grizzly bears, He used his magical fire breath, And saved the maidens fair. When Turkmenbashi dropped through time To the year three thousand ten, He fought the evil robot king And saved the human race again. And when Turkmenbashi built the pyramids, He beat up Kublia Khan Cuz Turkmenbashi doesn't take shit from an-y-body
• What would Turkmen Bashy do If he was here right now? He'd make a law And you'd hop right to, That's what Turkmen Bashy'd do.
• Royal Tomb Found "The walls of the mausoleum are decorated with stone and gypsum mosaic. The scientists discovered a unique chariot with bronze wheels in a burial chamber and splendid bronze things and sacred sheep in others. The scientists found the mausoleum partially robbed." Bashi be praised! May the glory of the beardless land be extended back through time unto the earliest days! May the sacred sheep increase and provide for fertile melon fields and supple shoe leather without end!
• World of Double Standards - Why is Honduras unhappy with Democracy in Turkmenistan? Old photographs of Turkmenistan.
• Our Turkmenbashi Defeats bears with just a knife And beardless melons
• I got an email from the Bashi. He says flashboy owes him on a promise. And nobody welshes on the Bashi, on pain of haircut.
• flashboy has been strangely absent of late - and, one would surmise, growing facial hair . . .
• oh, the mischief got up to by those out of Bashi's reach
• Is it just me, or has no one pointed out dear Bashi's actual home page?
• .org? The Turkmenbashi is non-profit?
• Yeah, it's rather strange, Tracy. The content is the same at www.turkmenistanembassy.org, which seems to be official.
• .org doesn't have to be non-profit. not since '98 I think.
• Nah, I know pete_best. Still it's rather amusing. Nothing like a nice piece of propaganda, btw.
• I find it amusing that politicians in Australia keep getting .com addresses. Kind of says it all really.
• We should get monkeybashi.int, home of the world's greatest monkey.
• Well, they're making a film about the world's greatest monkey in NZ at the moment, so we can't be *that* far off ...
• is it about me?
• There's a difference between World's Greatest Monkey (Monkeybashi) World's Biggest Monkey (Kong) World's Most Famous Monkey (I vote for Bonzo) World's Bestest Monkey (pete_best v.9.1) World's Smartest Monkey (languagehat) World's Best Monkey Bits (Space Kitty) World's Best Monkey Punch (competion starts in June) etc. etc.
• World's Most Famous Monkey (I vote for Bonzo) Do you mean Reagan or his co-star?
• World's Smartest Monkey (languagehat) I disagree. The World's Smartest Monkey is Dr. Inteligência.
• He is interested in poetry, philosophy, history and music. That Turkmenbashi, he's sooooo dreamy.
• *shows up with half-empty beer* Hey, where'd the party go?
• *bows low in PF's direction, offers fresh beer containing actual bubbles on silver pillow*
• I can't believe I completely missed this thread. I'm gonna go cry now.
• More beer, Turkmenbashi?
• Turkmenbashi Light for me...
• You know that feeling you get, that feeling that a bandwagon's completely passed you by? I say, ignore it. I am therefore proud to announce: THE FIRST GLORIOUS TURKMENBASHI SHORT NON-FACTUAL WRITING CONTEST It's a self-link, in case you couldn't guess... And yes, it's genuine and I will award the prize to somebody. If more than one person enters.
• *types furiously and gleefully, sends long (but not too long!) and admirable missive to flashboy.org*
• Flashboy, will you adopt me, please? I'm not stinky, and I make good sangria.
• turkmenbashi fanfic? oh no.
• Kirk/Spock in the 'Stan. It had to happen...
• First the cd swap, now a writing contest. MonkeyFilter ROCKS.
• This thread is like Rasputin -- it just won't die. 250 comments? What. The. Fuck. MONKEYS. This is the thread that never ends...it just goes on and on my friends...some people started typin' it not knowing what it was...and they'll just keep on typin' it forever just because...This is the thread that never ends...
• Forks, C'MON IN, baby. NOW the party can get started! HEY EVERYBODY! FORKS IS HERE! WHOO HOOO!!!
• Here, have a tofu banana...
• Officials in Turkmenistan's capital Ashgabat are clearing portraits of the country's strongman President Saparmurat Niyazov from public display. [Holy Rukhnama, Batman!!!]
• !!! I'm with Nathan at The Argus. Maybe the beloved Turkmenbashi is no more. *gasps* So which military leader would replace him as President-for-life?
• Oh no! And is the statue they removed the one that rotates so that it always faces the sun? That's be tragic!
• Well, the Argus link didn't load on dial-up within the limits of my patience, and Google had no late-breaking news. So, I wonder if we now have the THE FIRST GLORIOUS TURKMENBASHI SHORT NON-FACTUAL memorial WRITING CONTEST.
• Um... That'd be tragic...
• They will be replaced with even lovelier, more glorious portraits of TURKMENBASHI. I have faith!
• BBC has it. I riposte. The word 'Memorial' is included, as a potentiality. For now though, people, keep the faith. A possibility that I hint at is that it may be a response to the writing contest. The burden of maintaining the cult of personality has passed onto new shoulders. I am happy to be the scapula thereof.
• I would also like to put an end to my own personality cult. Please stop worsipping me.
• And also stop worshipping me.
• yes rocketbashi, whatever you say rocketbashi.
• d'ya think Turkmenbashi has an ass tatt? If he did, would it be a portrait of him?
• (maybe a tatt of a shoe ....?) This just in! No ass tatt, but he does have a tatt on his MELON!
• No beards, no gold teeth... I'm doubtin' the tatts, to be honest. If he did, he's probably having them removed right now. If Glorious Turkmenbashi orders an end to his personality cult, a wondrous non-personality-cult removal of his majestic personality cult the Great Turkmenbashi shall have....
• You'll pry my Turkmenbashi tats off my cold, dead ass.
• lh, you've forced me to revise my plans for the most glorious back tat in the history of all mankind...
• Why no news about our beloved Turkmenbashi? I find myself scouring the web for the tiniest morsels of information. This portrait removal really has me worried...
• Said I loved him, but I lied ... /Michael Bolton
• The scandal has broken: Turkmenbashi has been taking kickbacks from Schick and Gillette...
• Battle #5: Kim Jong-Il v Saparmurat Niyazov. Also, this page is nuts.
• Kim Jong-Il vs. Saparmurat Niyazov!
• Saparmurat Niyazov is a Giant Squid that breathes Poisonous Gas, is Radioactive, drinks Human Blood, and has a Metal Jaw and four Extra Limbs. languagehat is a Giant Bee that CANNOT BE STOPPED, and has four Extra Limbs and a Terrible Roar. I defer, of course, to Turkmenbashi (may he be eternally praised!), but I am modestly proud that I share with him the four Extra Limbs.
• And wendell is a Giant Ant that has Very Sharp Fangs, and eats Rocks. With Taco Bell Sauce. And the only MoFites I can defeat are Dizzy and pete_best. Sigh.
• I'm only a crappy Giant Mecha-Blob that leaves a Trail of Goo, is Extremely Hydrophobic, and has a Terrible Roar and Black-and-White Stripes. At least I am StrongLikeBull... I'm apparently really stupid and slow to boot.
• Slow to boot? Are you my computer?
• Mine goes "crunch" to boot. /Tony the Tiger
• Theeeeey're great!
• Sorry, they're just a bunch of sugary crap. Although apparently tigers eat them.
• MonkeyFilter: Just a bunch of sugary crap.
• From the excellent, if worrisome, page on the Bashi's plagiarist proclivities cited by pee-eff: "Saparmurat-cologne."
• Hey falshy, is there some content to this, or is my browser not rendering such minutiae as entry guidelines, a FAQ, etcetry? I wish to blog the contest, but somehow a headline and the triplebashi relegates a great idea to in-joke, for now. Keep me posted!
• er, "flashy," sorry.
• Er... yeah, there's quite a bit of content. The rules, and all that stuff. Um. What browser you got? Quite possibly my web design skillz may be the root cause of the problems, because they're terrible. Works in IE, and (I'm led to believe) in Firebird/Firefox/Firebadger too. First para reads: It is with great reverence and joy that flashboy.org proudly announces THE FIRST GLORIOUS TURKMENBASHI SHORT NON-FACTUAL WRITING CONTEST. The purpose of this competition is the creation of literary art inspired by the leadership of Turkmenbashi - "The Father of all Turkmen" - and his wisdom. The goals are personal betterment, a greater and wider appreciation of the good works of Turkmenbashi, and the good of the Turkmen people... ...and it carries on from there. Anybody else not see it? Have I just imagined writing it? What's happening?
• *huddles with Dizzy, murmurs, draws on ground with stick, quietly points at wendell, nods*
• A fine map of Turkmenistan, to use when planning your special student's summer vacation flight to the beloved motherland, or perhaps to collect your own tales.
• *sees town called "Yerbent" in middle of map, collapses in helpless laughter*
• You people are completely insane.
• It's times like this I wonder why I ever leave the internet for real life.
• We sat by the Caspian Sea, Just Turkmenbashi and me -- "Thou are beardless," he said, "And a foolish lad, This cult of Bashi-personality Gives rise to commonality -- Let flow thy beard down to your kness If glorious Bashi thou wouldst please."
• MonkeyFilter: Just a bunch of sugary crap. I think Mayor Curley might like this one.
• MonkeyFilter: I wonder why I ever leave the internet for real life.
• flashitude - it's fine fer me.
• was I bolding or italicizing? NOW WE'LL NEVER KNOW!!!
• Do you suppose that the attention he's gotten from sites like this have persuaded Turkmenbashi to cool his cult of personality? Did we, and others, make him look foolish internationally?
• Somewhere "The people on the Internet are making fun of our agent. He's not blending in well with the locals." "How can we lead this species to true civilization if they won't accept the melon festival and get rid of those *shudders* golden teeth? Tell him to tone it down a little." "Sir. Next on the agenda, a researcher with crazy theories and a group of wacky friends seems to have caught on to the Zombie-dolphin plan..."
• Is it true that Turkmenbashi is about to start up his own blog in order to satisfy the legions of loyal followers that have found the wonder that is Turkmenbashi?
• If not, it should be. IT SHOULD BE.
• Tracicle: Ya, you wish. Yer just wishin' they'd take it away to a blog.
• Look in my eyes, what do you see? Cult of Turkmenbashi So cut your long hair and shave your beards. ‘cause you want to be just like me. I't’s the Cult of Turkmenbashi Like Mussolini and Kennedy I'm the Cult of Turkmenbashi Cult of Turkmenbashi Cult of Turkmenbashi Neon lights, A Nobel Prize The big shoe speaks, The Benzes fly Named a month after me Better not be gold teeth I see I’m all the things you need to be In the factories I’ve installed CCTV! I'm the Cult of Turkmenbashi If you’re 62, you’ll get stuff free 'Cause it’s past your life expectancy I'm the Cult of Turkmenbashi Like Joseph Stalin and Gandi I'm the Cult of Turkmenbashi Cult of Turkmenbashi Cult of Turkmenbashi
• On video, invidious, Gold teeth look so hideous! But now for that we shall not care, New beards we lift, and weave each strand Masking each man in Turkemnistan, Now Bashi says we look simply grand, And remarkably debonn-haire!
• Well to answer this PF comment acording to this PF comment Turkmenbashi will beat Kim Jong-Il's noise atack with his agility also best.thread.ever I must.... get... it... out...... BASHI BASHI BASHI ok better now.
• I'd like to take this opportunity to clear up a regrettable lapse in grammar: my comment should have read two man enter one man leave, clearly, or possibly entah, but I believe we have a large proportion of speakers of non-rhotic dialects among us, the vermin.
• Ladies and gentlemen, boy and girls...Dyin' time's here... Monkeyfilter:We don't need another hero
• *takes advantage of this small quiet moment to roast a baby beetroot on a birthday candle in honour of all true Turkmen* /splendid sacrifice
• surlyboi wins.
• *is equally convinced that latecomers like Master Surly lack the guts to stay the invidious course and as such should refrain from false declarations of untimely demise, as well as being Australian and as such profoundly disrespectful of those who wish to comment on any aspect whatsoevah of real life by making reference to Mad Max. Don't be narked, Mr Surl, but the Bashi must be defended from his myriad petty detractors.
• With all due respect, there's always room for a Mad Max reference. Because, when you get right down to it, there's a little raggedy man in all of us. Even the Bashi.
• *weeps with heathen joy*
• Remember, we must respect, venerate and praise our political leaders! Otherwise, there will be like....chaos and stuff.
• Waiting for Bashi, our old pal, Halfway down the Garagum Canal. There's a town called Mary Where He and we Hold many deep conversations About the kismet of benighted nations And the only fruitful way to grow Muskmelons, don't cha know.
• "Dictator As Clown" Grows Stale. In other news: "Thread As Undead Horror From the Other Side of Leap-Year Day" Stays Fresh.
• I think we should invade.
• First Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Ashgabat pun in 3... 2... 1...
• I think we should invade. "All right, men, we're invading Thread 1178. This isn't going to be a piece of cake -- it's a big thread, and well defended -- but we can do it. Gunderson, you and your men take the comment box when I give the signal, and don't retreat -- if they can't comment, that's half the battle right there. Manning, seize flashboy and secure the head of the thread. I'll detain tracicle to prevent administrative interference. Now, MOVE!"
• But what if I don't want to be liberated?
• *tries to peek over languagehat's shoulder while pretending to listen to his drawn-out explanation of why wet wool is a really, really nice smell*
• Ode of Unworthy Toadying "You've placed my portraits everywhere, For all the world to see, So Bashi became a laughingstock With his 'cult of personality'! This I deem was all the fault Of those putting my portrait on every wall, And erecting a public statue of Me Until I called a halt!"
• Ah, I think our fears about a fading Turkmenbashi are unfounded.
• If our revered leader Turkmenbashi can conquer Islamic incursions, maybe we should make him president of Iraq. Growing enough melons might be harder there, but I'm sure he's up to the task.
• If you kids don't turn out the light in here, I'm comin' in! I'm WARNING you!
• *turns light out, giggles, raises eyebrow*
• *reads under covers using flashlight*
• THAT BETTER NOT BE A RADIO I HEAR IN THERE! IS THAT A RADIO? I SAID NO RADIO!
• Hung by the door, sweeter than fruit Of the melon, words of the Koran; So Turkomen all, fall to it! And read also, nestled beside it -- Almost too sublime to mention -- A twin text revealing our Bashi's New spiritual dimension,
• maybe it's the hookah talkin', but that's some fine poetry-in' there bees
• All right you! Your sheets are COVERED in cracker crumbs and melon rinds this morning. Go clean your room. What would Monkeybashi think about THAT, you scamp?
• I think I know what you hyperactive monkeys need.... ROAD TRIP! patiently waits to see who calls Shotgun
• Not the hookah, pete, but Bashi, who inspires.
• shotgun!
• Too late. The car's in the garage.
• Ah, come on Wendell, take 'em out for a ride tonight. Just until they fall asleep SO WE CAN GET SOME QUIET AROUND HERE.
• quit it quit it quit it quit it!! Wolof's looking at me!!
• It's inadvertent. I am blinded by the radiance of Turkmenbashi, (may God's peace be upon him!), and cannot find my specs.
• New 'Turkmenbashi' Sunglasses - if you can look at Turkmenbashi with these babies, the sun will be a breeze! Recommended for use during solar eclipses.
• Mine have the big nose attached. Is that kosher? What's the word for kosher in Turkmenbashese?
• basher?
• Beezer.
• Beezelbub?
• Balnedrabub.
• Oi! *hefts 100 ton hammer*
• Basher, beezer, bloody nose, Rich dude, pauper, melon grows.
• Gold-capped teeth are plucked right out; He's the Bashi! And he's got clout!
• I
• apparently every monkey must comment here or be kicked off of the site. so here's my obligatory entry. darn turkish-lovin' thread.
• Turkish?? Get 'im!!
• DOWN Pete! Poor Frogs was just confused, what with all the flashing lights, pretty colors and smoke in here. Just take his arm and lead him into the presence of the Turkmenbashi. His mind will clear then.
• Bathe her and bring her to me.
• Bathe her? Or him? Somebody really must need a bath...
• I saw a turtle
• I dig a Pygmy.
• I flipped my Hedwig.
• I upchucked on a woodchuck.
• Could someone give me a brief recap of what is going on here? Digest form preferred, but I will take a properly formatted abstract.
• Well, last time, Rocky had gotten a job in a traveling circus and Bullwinkle was herding worms in Texas, but neither of them knew that Boris had hijacked the Upsydaisium mine from Captain Peter Peachfuzz and was currently 128 feet above Your Narrator, emptying his latrine. What? Wrong recap?
• I shot the sheriff.
• I'm pretty sure it all started with a Bang, or possibly a Command. After that it gets muddled.
• There was no beginning. Turkmenbashi is eternal.
• in our last episode, Wolof and goetter had jinxed each other with simultaneous smock akimbo dismounts. oh wait, wrong thread....
• Proper fucked?
• Let's see... alot of poetry, paens, puns and idle patter; Wolof went gaga over a number of threads with anagrams of Turkmenbashi for a while; Languagehat tried to take over the thread by guile and force. Awards go to Wolof (highest poster), PF (2nd highest) and languagehat (3rd); honorable mentions go to flashboy and wendell. Disclaimer: I have grossly overlooked certain bits, and probably missed out some others. You can't sue me for it! *waves 100 ton hammer*
• *pumps fist* I'm number two! I'm number two!
• *slap forehead* And how could I forget! You are also looking at the august source of the term Monkeybashi!
• Our Bashi, you may not lamb-poon, Lest he flee to the wilds of Rangoon, With gleaming white teeth And teetoal breath, And his laughter like that of the loon.
• for "teetoal" please read "teetotal"
• nein!
• There was a monkey named Beeswacky who implored us to stop the wisecracking but it just wouldn't stop this over the top lampooning of the one they call 'bashi!
• There was no beginning. Turkmenbashi is eternal. There will be no end. Turkmenbashi is eternal.
• Eternal, or infernal?
• Languagehat tried to take over the thread by guile and force. And I would have succeeded, too, if it hadn't been for you darn monkeys!
• That's, "meddling monkeys", thankyouverymuch... =)
• Ryeah! Ryeah! Ah-hrehehrehehe!
• ...although I always thought pete_best_in_show was more like Astro than Scooby Doo, myself.
• Zoiks!
• Hey, as long as we're handing out the melons, what about our Official Court Po-et, His Orfalness, Beeswacky? Hard to walk in them Shoes.
• Ach, no, dear path, dinna do it! For it truly wouldna suit Me to have a melon+collie With a great, long, tear-stained snoot. A fate so fell and orfal Would make us both so sorrowful -- We'd nightly hoot And how-wow-howl Far louder than the stooping owl.
• And one of the things that makes me so profoundly orfal is that I can't seem to keep track of who I'm talking to during the throes of compost-ition. Apologies, BlueHorse, I hope you'll forgive me.
• Only Turkmenbashi can forgive you, infidel!
• Ia! Ia! Turkmenbashi ftagn!
• Oh, My Bees, my Wacky, my heart flowers at your address. There is nothing to forgive, for Beeswacky speaks always with words that are comforting and kind, soft and gentle, pleasing and nice to hear. Your words give joy to those that hear them and skillfully reach to twine within our hearts. Such speech is graceful and refined, authoritative, loved and enjoyed by all Monkeys, and makes the body tremble and the mind rejoice. And that is why, Your Most August Orfalness, Thou art the Official Court Poet of the Supreme Highest Turkmenbashi.
• Who serves at court, even of Sublimest Bashi, Runs risk of being held to speak too rashly -- In truth, I do not wish to be bee-headed For cramming all six feet into my mouth, For once my buzzing round doth fail to please I fear me that would put an end to bees. BlueHorse, thanks for the kind words, but no thanks. Believe I'd do better as an Orfal Court Fool, the kind with cap and bells, but motley's no longer in fashion, I hear.
• Infidel!!! Seize him!
• right after these messages!
• Oh good. Sixteen hours sans Bashi is too much.
• Bashi is always there, it is we who are lax.
• We are lax? We are more like ex-lax, path-in-the-hath... *mind flashes on potential sign at the metal detectors at Los Angeles International Airport: "LAX Security"* just another reason why I haven flown in ten years
• No-one of any importance does Ex-Lax. Bran, my dear, bran. So, are we bran? And, I'll have you know that I'm path - the WAY. The One who gets you to nirvana without a bus pass. In the "hath" indeed! Haths are for the uninitiated. Love you, Wendell.
• I think this says it all.
• If you would heed the sweet Word of the Most High, Wonderous, and Regular Turkmenbashi (may his shaven face shine forth and his polished shoe reflect the glory) then you would not need the infidels Ex-lax or bran. MELONS MELONS!!! Turkmenbashi in his infinate wisdom has given melons for the relief of the bloated. (or you could take the lengthly Works of the Orfal Poet in to sit with--that ought to give you relief)
• (too bad the Bashi won't give us a spell-checker)
• Speel chekcing is for teh grate unwashed.
• Gud boi! c'mon, you left yourself so-o-o-o open...
• In response to the Beaten Path (and if he isn't, he will be if he keeps this up...): MetaFilter: Needs New Brains. MonkeyFilter: Needs New Brans. I love it when running jokes come together
• He?
• Obviously, Wendell doesn't get out (of this thread) much. Or he's been blinded by the light of the Golden One. Nevertheless, according to the commands of the Bashi, first, he will be decapitated, then disemboweled. That will take care of the brains AND the bran. Let's see what kind of "runnning" jokes he can come up with now, shall we?
• Blood n Brai-ains Running in the gutters L - A - P - P - I - N - G First come flies then come wild dogs then come ravens with their wings a-flutter
• Blinded by the light Wedge needs to get out Like a Turkman in the night... Wow, that was a stretch...
• this thread has taken a distinctly stinky turn.
• Now Bashi sings a brand-new tune, "Starting on day one of June Every doctor, lawyer, Public sector worker, And every teacher In the venerable land Of glorious Turkmenistan Is fired if they went Afar from Old Tashkent To study -- and I further decree Every foreign degree -- Like everyone of foreign birth -- To be completely without worth."
• Ah, old Tashkent. I remember swaying, swaying, Mesmerized by the pace And I gratitude was paying Because my face Was turned toward old Tashkent. And so it went. Lurching, lurching, ever onward, My camel mouthed the bit, while I (Slightly nauseated) swore on my sword That I would choose to die If I couldn
• bees, that's taking nationalism too far. Well, further even that the 'Bashi has gone before. Which was already too far.
• I don't think meglomaniacs are sane, tracicle, and he seems to be one. Oh, is there not one mortal breast, Which doesn't feel our Bashi's brutal? For Bashi's deeds are often cruel, And quite against his country's interest. Who dare not mention chillingly Our Bashi's lunatic ambitions, To rescue toadies such as we From our abjectly mute positions...
• So, are we done now?
• It ain't over, till it's over.
• Maybe Turkmenbashi changed his name because he was sick of being called Sap by his familiars. That's it. That's my contribution to the longest running, most sparkling thread in the monkey universe.
• So, are we done now? No. *plots renewed attempt to take over thread by guile and force*
• All hail languagebashi!
• Hahahaha! It worked!!
• No, you're supposed to return the favor with a "Hail Wendellbashi", you asshat.
• Downcast here I stand Still, in odd reverie, Like a moth-beseiged specimen Of careless taxidemy. Like a bolt from the blue Comes this realization: -- Turkmenistan's no worse off Than any other nation, In having for its present curse, The far-famed Bashi of Bashis, For is he really any worse Than rulers in other countries? Consider Sharon, Consider Blair and Bush -- One can only groan! And for mankind's universal folly Weep and blush.
• beeswacky, as always wins, at least until languagehat proves his worthiness.
• Just move the comma over one word to the left. Damn, I had to screw up when Languagebashi was watching.
• ha! ha! /nelson
• i just wanted to find out when Muskmelon Day was, but I found blogmenbashi instead. Is that one of you monkeys?
• ah - i see you PF beauty eh
• The author.
• With scarcely a man incarcerated or banished, Bashi, great Bashi, your portraits have vanished.
• I'm quite surprised that no one has done the obvious yet. Or maybe they have and are just keeping quiet, waiting for the right moment...?
• Of course! We all have, and are waiting for consensus on what the right moment is. We're nothing if not obvious. (Psst! obvious what?)
• you know... believe me, you'll know what i mean if and when it happens!
• Okay, I'm clueless, as usual. Clues can be Gmailed to me at wendellwit...
• whut
• If the obvious has anything to do with today's front page theme, I have to say: Don't.
• klausness - it wasn't high on my lists as the best MoFi day either. My biggest worry, however, is that we'll get some new Daisy Mae type new member who "completely misunderstood the site" and posts lots of lovely links to gold3n show3rs websites. Or, am I being too much the school marm again?
• But it had the momentum of a train, pathy, a runaway train. I seriously doubt there's anything that anybody could have done to stop it. And I don't think there's any worry about somebody misunderstanding - they'd have to be quite keen to "not get it" in the first place to, well, not get it. Oh, and from now on, please restrict your comments to the subject of the thread. This is a serious topic, and we don't want it getting derailed before the discussion's properly got going. :-)
• Sorry, but I thought it better to post in this tread, which people check from time to time, rather than being a drag on the fun that the posters were having on the topic of the day. And, my take on Daisy Mae's misunderstanding is that she searched for sites with sexual references during a time when there were a few here. And, it occurs to me that people searching for "urin3" and "p33" might also be lead here to "misunderstand" the site. Look, I don't have a problem with the posts here - don't read the ones that don't appeal to me, but I do worry about the place being taken over by folks with an aggressive agenda. Well, I worry a lot. If it's just me, ignore my dithering. Besides, I'm sure that Turkmenbashi would send his troops in to take over our posting rights if he read the front page today.
• Since it's a new day (at least in Kiwiland), I guess we can change the subject... So why is this thread no longer showing up under "Recent comments" in the sidebar? Is there some sort of anti-Turkmenbashi conspiracy at work here?
• It is showing up for me. Also, pee, ho-hum.
• I, surlybashi, am also less-than-jazzed about the whizzy qualities of yesterday's postage.
• I got beaten up by a squid for defending little kitties. Now I'm over here hiding. You think YOU had a bad day?
• A very important debriefing for my fellow Alpha Bravo Team members. We haven't much time.
• No, 'the obvious' isn't to do with pee.
• dj - are you hiding important information from Turkmenbashi? You need to fess up as soon as possible to deter his wrath. Just a helpful note from a friend. Is another coupe in the works? Are there cabals forming out there in the hinterlands of the Monkeyworld with the intent of really pissing (sorry) our leader off? Wedge, are you leading a revolutionary ad hoc focus group? Is there dissention in the ranks? The melon festival must be right around the corner. Are you going to bring in mangos and kiwi fruit into the country in competition? Or, are you planning to put diamonds in your gold teeth? I must warn you that you're treading on the edge of disaster, here. If you confess now, you might be able to get a plea bargain, but if you wait too long, all bets are off.
• Well, of course I would be hiding information from Turkmenbashi. I have a pathological (obviously unrelated) dislike of authority figures. However, I would suggest you cast your mind towards the "New User" page where it asks us to only submit one user account per person. Would my high ethical standards be preventing me from say...'impersonating' someone who is held dear and close to the hearts of many on MoFi?
• So, are you going to become pete_best_next? Or Dizzy - you really can't impersonate Dizzy, that would be sinful. Or Bluehorse, 'cause you'd never get her persona right, and we'd all know. Or, quonset, or frogs, or Alnedra or...any of the MoFi folks we love. Are you going to impersonate mathowie and risk algebra injuries? Others have already impersonated Migs and others without success. Oh, are you going to become Turkmembashi? Just get it over with, ok. The suspense is killing me.
• Yes, I was particularly surprised that the Bashi had not visited us in this thread. Then again, maybe we're not worthy?
• The scary thing is that over on that other 'Fi, I could impersonate someone due to a proxy server problem. Quite shonky.
• Really? Who? *waits in suspense*
• No, DJ, we are not worthy to touch the melon.
• I've already told the person involved. It seems that because we are using the same proxy, it will often come up with the post comment field. I don't think there has been anyone doing any 'impersonating' though.
• Well, the obvious would be for someone to create a Turmenbashi account and lord it over everyone. But we would know the difference and we would kill the infidel.
• Indeed. However, Turkmenbashi evokes such feelings of aspiration, inspiration and desire to lord it over those inferior, that I was half expecting 'Turkmenbashi' to leap out at us at any moment, particularly with the mention of coups and what not. Of course, the inferiority of the Iron Pyrites version would soon be apparent.
• Monkeybashi would simply change the account number, If any fool makes such a grotesque blunder. Thus leaving the false interloper Turkemenbashi With a (figurative) muskmelon grown rotten and squashy.
• Once again, our Official Court Po-et, His Orfalness, Beeswacky, in his wisdom has produced honeyed words that both soothe and sweeten. May a thousand of the ripest melons yield their juice for your delights and the tongues of a thousand shoes sing your phrases.
• I fail to see what this has to do with the Mal Gharibson movie, "The Fission of the Christoppatamus" and it's related grossness. And now if you'll excuse me I'm off to sign up as petebashi.
• Thankyou, pete_best v3.0, for bringing this back on topic. Phew. *wipes sweat* Now: I think Gharibson is a twunt. That Christoppatamus was no way realistic, and they changed it totally from the original comic book. Furthermore, was the gay marriage scene really necessary? And where were the MechaVarmints of Kyrgyzstan? They're, like, totally essential. Jim Loy was unconvincing. Anyway, I throw this open to the floor. Discuss.
• Wait, you mean that wasn't a documentary about Christoppapapatamuses?! But they were so lifelike and stinky!
• The flying monkeys were really scary.
• Turkmenbashi...what a fun thread
• "Fun"? Are you making light of our beloved Turkmenbashi?
• The flying monkeys were indeed scary. But the inclusion of Voltron was completely gratuitous. Utter shite, that bit.
• By no means would I make fun of our beloved Turkmenbashi, but the thread still remains fun.:)
• When the year turns and January is at hand It isn't really there, or not in Turkmenland. Instead Turkmen know a pleasing little ditty About the month of jolly Turmenbashi. There's a sizable oil refinery At the edge of the Caspian Sea, And you'll never guess the name that it wears -- It's Turkmenbashi Refinery! This refinery yields per annum a lot of useful cash And all of it goes to throw the Bashi a year-long personal bash, Not one manat, not one ruble goes to help the Turkmen folk, And even the slightest hint of that could make the Bashi choke!
• I think we're getting closer and closer to a Rumi-style book collection out of bees. Has anybody compiled this stuff yet?
• Klausness: What Bratcat means to say is that Turkmanbashi is our light, and he is the sole reason for the "fun" in fundamental.
• yes what Bluehorse said.
• I must respectfully disagree with our beloved BlueHorse. I believe it would be more accurate to say that our exalted Turkmenbashi puts the "mental" in fundamental.
• All we need now is the "da", and we're sorted.
• Easy-peasy, "da" means "yes".
• Look, I don't have a problem with the posts here - don't read the ones that don't appeal to me, but I do worry about the place being taken over by folks with an aggressive agenda. An aggressive pee agenda?
• Bone: Com'on guy, just go with the flow. There's a reason that "mellow" rhymes with "yellow" (the ow at the end ;)
• Turkmenbashi for me, Turkmenbashi for you, To our regret We shall never forget -- Whether afoot Or astride his high horse, Turkemenbashi is the sole source Of Turkmenbashi poo!
• When would-be godlets walk the earth On the necks of men they always stride -- Let the godlets topple down, and time lay low This Turkmenbashi Bashi in his pride.
• *Performs daily veneration of our Turkmanbashi You slackers. Gimme sweet sweet melons in Paradise.
• Come, drain that cup, o sluggard, And in the burning sand Set forth a thousand thousand vines To brighten Turkmen land. Add water, soon a million melon-blossoms bloom -- A million melons bulge and swell beneath the Bashi's moon, And this next month that follows searing May Shall see both rinds and seeds be flung away. And by the Streams of Praise where bulbuls roost May every Turkmen's new-grown beard be melon-juiced.
• Turkmenistan is holding official celebrations to mark the 12th year in office of President Niyazov, called Turkmenbashi or leader of Turkmens.
• You slackers. *pfft!*
• And yet, is that not doubt I see in Turkmenbashi's eyes? And why does his statue always face the sun? What is he hiding from? Perhaps he fears the coming of one even greater than he.
• Ha! In His wisdom, the High One sets limits to man's term of days -- Thus preventing (hopefully) twelve more years of Turkmenbashi-praise! Bashi is a shining torch and the ne plus ultra of all worth, He is the Sublime Sun shining and scorching all the aching ears on earth, So let cringing and whinging even to tears pass! And plumb the depths of Turkemistan, so rich in natural gas!
• turkem-uddled it *ninny!*
• A new six-metre-high (20 feet) bronze statue of Turkmenbashi has gone up at the parliament and in government buildings, officials are sitting down to thanksgiving feasts of lamb and rice, a traditional meal with strong religious connotations.
• "I have a request: don't praise me. I even feel uncomfortable appearing at various meetings and events," Turkembashi said.
• Turkembashi claims no minority rights infringments. "Did you kill my dog, guy?" *Guy waves hand* "I believe him, yo. I don't know why, but I do."
• I just want to tell you both good luck, we're all counting on you.
• It's just a jump - to the left!
• "...then a step to the right..."
• Put your hands on your hips!
• Pull your knees in tight! (?) (memory=bad)
• What's this about a bronze statue? Is 'bashi going on an austerity drive? No more gold statues? Has the shining orb that is Turkmenbashi losing it's lustre? Will beeswackys eloquent odes be able to stop this slide into mere bronze statue status?
• But bronze is the metal of the classical ages. Turkmenbashi is, as always, correct in his estheitic choices.
• ...and you turn yourself around. That's what it's all about!
• Is someone implying that Turkmenbashi is really a sweet transvestite from Transexual, Transylvania?
• Tell us, do tell us, where they can be, The gold-glossy tooth, the long, flowing beard, Sweet day of bliss by the Caspian Sea, For a Turkmen must cringe when a Bashi is feared. Bronze is the mettle of the Turkomen Who rise and fall to rise again, Golden is the statue of the Bashi of Bashis, AKA The Bossman, the Great Ruler, The Big Cheese.
• Transexual Turkmenistan
• say it! say it!!
• They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more folk dancing.
• I just want to tell you both good luck,
• Turkmenbashi, Ever bossy, Head more swollen Than a melon, Along Turkmenistan's canals Is borne by squads of would-be pals.
• PF, does the "Time Warp" qualify as a folk dance? "wacou", I can't tell you how honored all of us in the MonkeyHaus are to be joined by the entire cast of "Airplane". Do any of you speak "jive"? beeswacky, you've lost a step from your usual high level of verse-atility: Rhyming swollen and melon? Keep that up and the Ogden Nash Memorial Gestapo will suspend your Poetic License. Turkmenbashi Does act rashly. Turkmenistan Don't hardly scan.
• "Gold is for the dentist
• This wretched Turkmenbashi Is seldom wishy-washy When it comes to giving orders, Though inconstant as the moon And clumsy as a bruin, About employing barbers. Ah, wendell, now I know how to get your goat.
• Wendell's goat was got by our Beeswacky. Bees posted a rot of poetry. Tacky!
• Melon, melon, melon, papaya , for Zemat, melon, melon, pawpaw because my grandmother (born 1865), who grew up in Illinois talked about them.
• By the way, if someone else did that before, gimme a senior moment get-out-of-jail-free card.
• psst - which way is the men's room?
• Say. Does anybody know how to Madison?
• Do the watoosi!
• And what about the Fruit!
• /me wonders what "The Turkmenbashi" would look like
• Everybody's doing the brand new dance now, Come on, baby! Do the Turkmenbashi! I know you'll get to like it if you give it a chance now, Come on, baby! Do the Turkmenbashi! All the loyal Turkmen can do it with ease It's all about accordance with the Bashi's decrees, So come on, come on, do the Turkmenbashi with me.
• I'm doing the Funky Chicken right now (but I'm not dancing). I don't wish to be tacky, But I've bad news, beeswacky. Your poetic license expired And Trump told your muse "You're Fired". Your trip ended before it began On The Road to Turkmenistan. If you think you're Da Bashi, I'm sorry, you're just trashy. Now I'll write a verse about forksclovetofu, In BASIC without using GOTO.
• Whoa! Don't bash our beeswhacky, 'Cause when on the right tack, he Gives us poetic nosegays About Turkmenbashi, And others less trashy. And we love him, no matter what anyone says. So, give us your best shot, Let's see what you've got. Give us psalms and pangeyrics And odes, since we're waiting For something not dating you to the early 1970s (Beeswhacky, help! Turn this into poetry!)
• Turkmenbashi, Turkmenbashi, wendell thinks must rhyme With something trashy, But I think wendell Speaks too rashly. For Turkmenbashi, Turkmenbashi, May rhyme as well with "Gosh, he Thinks these melons have grown too squashy." I think the word bashi is cognate with 'pasha' and 'bashaw', Giving etymological types more meat to pop in a figurative craw.
• And once again, give it up for our ****** BEEEEEEESWACKY!!! ******
• Has anyone here ever been in a... Turkmen-ish prison?
• *runs from Alan Parker at midnight*
• Time for the iambic pentameter smackdown.
• hehe . . squashy
• Squishy? Oh, squashy. Nevermind.
• Have the melons gone rotten again?
• Someone start a melon thread! I command it! *clap!* *clap!*
• Mmmmm... Melony...
• Pete, I did start a melon under-thread on this one. Always at your service.
• Ok Pete, here's your melon hat. Put it on your melon head and don't let the door hit you in your melon butt on the way out. *hurrumps, mutters "Young whippersnapper thinks he can do the commanding around here." *shakes fist *throws melon rinds at retreating Pete_best
• Hh, what lovely melons! /carry on
• Time flies. Only a few short months ago My chin was smooth as muskmelon rind, While underneath My flowing moustache, I'd A mouthful of gold teeth. But now in June I find, Time passes by so quickly, These new chin whiskers in this heat Are growing hellish prickly.
• I don't know that it'd be June as such, bees. "[Turkmenbashi] has recently redefined youth and old age, introduced a unique Turkmen alphabet to replace Cyrillic, and renamed days of the week and months of the year after himself, his mother, his book, and other perceived heroes of Turkmenistan." Bashitober? Jubashi?
• Yes... I'll take 'Dictators with unresolved Oedipal issues' for $200, please, Alex.
• So how much influence does this Bashi have, anyway? If I pray to Turkmenbashi can he: bring peace? curl my hair? cause rain? remove warts? instill fear in the hearts of my enemys? create small mammals from cloth? cure hangnails? END THAT D*MN DAISY_MAE POST?
• In his time. Only if you buy the right curlers. Yes. Yes. Oh yeah. Why? Um... mebbe. No! Three times no!
• Alright, I'll try it. A honeydew, a canteloupe: A sweetheart pair bereft of hope. For honeydew is rich and famous And canteloupe's the melon basest. Two loving melons torn by class, Each longing for the other's ass. A tragic story, much upsetting Much Romeo-ing, much Juliette-ing, Till Turkmenbashi with great elation Allows melon miscegenation. Now Honey and Canta for all to see Are K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Yes, Turkmenbashi's a misanthrope, but he can't deny a canteloupe.
• Bravo, bravissimo, forky!
• ))) forks!
• MISTER tofu, I hereby bestow upon you the highest honor that you can get from the Wendellbashi: "The Damn, I Wish I'd Written That Award". Oh, forksclovetofu, you've blown me away. For the tale of where the Dew and the Canteloupe play!
• Calvin Trillin eat your heart out.
• yo forksclovetofu mad props to you for ya rhymin be illin doper than Trillin
• I swear on the body of the late Dean Rusk, If given a choice, my melon would be musk.
• hee hee hee.
• oh forksclovetofu we now name pope for Turkmenbashic verse he wrote without blemish or with flaw sweet and juicy down the craw for not once wrote he "honey, do the canteloupe" TURKMENBASHI TURKMENBASHI SIS BOOM BAH TURKEMNBASHI FORKSCLOVETOFU ALL PETE BESTS TURKMENBASHI LANGUAGEHAT TURKMENBASHI TURKMENBASHI RAH RAH RAH Goooooo MELONS!
• Once Turkmenbashi fades away How coolly sweeps the scythe of night Across the fields of melons swelling On bristled vines, where golden-bright Petals enfold the tired bee hiding From the sun-gloried, heat-drenching day.
• Bees hymn to the Bashi doth outshine like the sun. And the rest of you are the bees-knees.
• With all due respect, GramMa, whether we are the bees-knees is none of your bees-knees.
• he kissed the plump mellow yellow smellow melons of her rump, on each plump melonous hemisphere
• Wolof, you're sooo romantic!
• That's like Julia Child slash fiction. Okay people, if we can be serious here for a second, in your own mind, is Emeril giving it to Jamie Oliver or the other way around? I fall into the latter category. Of course I see Harry giving it to Draco (without the aid of either Nimbus 2000 or Firebolt).
• *backs away slowly from the thread, being careful not to turn around*
• Arroint, Thou Rump-fed Runnion! Or, A Proximate Correction Geeks said the ladies live in purdah, Yet list -- one's bawling bloody murder. I say, forgo that plate! -- Unhand that rump of melon, sir! We must absquatulate! For if this be Turkmenbasi's harem I fear the worst's been done to scare 'em.
• ActuallySettle, the point here on this thread is to have fun while pretending to worship a petty despot. And, there's no cooking here, we only eat melons, at least in this post. You may not find it sensible, but we keep waiting for the latest poem to make our day brighter. My suggestion is to relax and have a good time. For the most part, we don't care who's giving it to whom. For the most part, we try not to be confrontational. We do some semi-serious to really serious artsy or technical or informational discussions, interspersed with a lot of lighthearted things. So far, your comments have seemed pretty antagonistic, and I don't understand why. I suspect you're a really bright person, and we always welcome well thought out or really silly posts and comments. We have a few cranky members, like me, but the general tone is respect for the community. If you need something harder edged, you won't be happy here. I'd suggest you check out the archives and see if we fit your requirements. If not, well that's life. I'm sure there are other venues where you'll be more comfortable.
• ActuallySettle, I checked out your personal site, and you seem a cool dude - for a Design Major. In fact, I want one of those fruit dishes you designed (I just hope that doesn't make me a gay TV chef). Just remember one rule: if you join a web community just to "shake things up", your life-expectancy there may be no longer than that of someone who joined just to promote their own site - or shame an ex-boyfriend (but that's another thread). And if you don't like it, you'll have to (chuckle) ActuallySettle for it. (That's MY style of humor, sorry.)
• Wot a Shame to Waste Those Melons! If Squashybashi's rinds grow soft -- Sweet melon juices may be quaffed. Let melon's nectar ferment well And run it through a copper still, A well-charred barrel at the end In which the hooch may sit to blend, O such are the ways of the whisky-wise Once revenuers close their eyes. For Turkmenbashi must fall, and once he's lost, His melon-glutted land might still become well-sauced. Ah, Prince -- One thing at least is true if all the rest be rot: These lissome Turkmen ladies are inarguably hot -- And when lovely lady's richly melon-bossed Few are the desert gents who count the cost.
• Um, Ida no if others have noticed this, but beeswacky's stuff is verging on actual pomes, here, lately. Keep it up! Perhaps one day we may see the Bashifilter, presenting the most timeless of our paeans to the Bashi, long may his bronze arm greet the sun oe'r mellon'd field.
• Aww, jeez, well if nobody else will... MonkeyFilter: I just hope that doesn't make me a gay TV chef
• Once it's been anthlogized and published, I'll do the Annotated Turkmenbashi Poems by Beeswacky.
• Ahem. Seems like as good a time as any, speaking of anthologies and suchlike... On the 22nd of July, at the Lordship pub in Wood Green, North London, as part of "Utter" - an evening of cutting-edge performance poetry and spoken word - I shall be performing a selection of poems on the subject of the most revered Turkmenbashi. This is partly to advertise the session I shall oversee at the Word For Word writing group two days later, where I have been asked to run a workshop based upon the just and reverential adoration of the supreme Turkmenbashi, and partly to further advertise the First Glorious Turkmenbashi Short Non Factual Writing Contest (current number of entries: a perfect 0). Mostly, however, it is to PRAISE the one true TURKMENBASHI. I wonder if any monkeys here present would care to voice an opinion as to their favourite pieces of Turkmenbashi Poetry, as written in this thread? Furthermore, do any of the talented and admirable authors have any objection to the public recitation of their work?
• flashboy: Now that's inspired! And, ActuallySettle: I agree with Wendell. Your designs are wonderful.
• I can't believe not a single monkey entered the First Glorious Turkmenbashi Short Non Factual Writing Contest. Shame on you, you Turkenbashi-hating, gold-toothed, bearded hussies.
• Flashy: so glad you brought it up again. Remember me wondering what the deal was? At long last, I can say: In Safari, the page renders with white on white text. Regarding those whom the muse has touched herein: Obv. MCs L-Hat (long may he tip), Bees-K, and F-Clove-T are dope onna mic. Word to the T to the everlovin' B, yo, melons. And I hope you can immortalize the evening utilizing the very latest in bit-based sound-and-motion equipage, for to share with the Bashi's true troupe.
• Well, I shall certainly try to create some form of permanent record of the event. I believe digital technology may even permit me to distribute this to any Bashi-acolytes in the hood. Hopefully. That's intersting about Safari showing it as white-on-white. Curious. I may have to look into this... Oh, and the First Glorious Turkmenbashi Short Non Factual Writing Contest hasn't actually closed yet. The closing date, as you may recall, was "some time after England get knocked out of Euro2004". Due to the fact that I'm extremely busy right now, this has been extended until "probably some time during, or perhaps after, the Olympics". I may also make t-shirts.
• Congratulations Turkmenistan Fighting Melons! 2004 Regional Champs! Boo-yah!
• flashboy, thanks for the courteous inquiry -- please feel free to use anything of mine should you wish to. Sorry I didn't realize your contest thing was serious, I do wish you success with it.
• I wouldn't call it "serious" - it may be true, but I don't think that makes it serious... :-)
• Hit Turkmenshi with what so clearly stings -- Let mockery and jeering fly on sharp-barbed wings, And trust that by some miracle Disdain will prompt an oracle To rise among the Turkomens And knock him from his pinnacle. All the better if these jibes penetrate his armour, Perhaps we'll abate some of his self-ardour -- His mad orders we'll hope to deflect or cure, Since his poor people are the ones who have to endure.
• Ba! For Turkmenshi please read Turkmenbashi Tried posting this a few hours back -- it didn't take, Will it now? wot is with the 'filter?
• For Turkmenshi read Turkmen-She, or perhaps She-Turkmen.
• Turkmen-She? Mmm...the lassie with the melons?
• Grrrrrr! HoTcha!
• to be said aloud, as fast as possible: Turkmenbashi had a dream. A "dream", you say? A "dream", I do. His dream was to become a meme. A "meme", you say? A "meme", I do. For Turkenmenbashi, nazi chants and rants and screams of "Raus mit you" Are haunting, taunting, quite enchaunting: Okey dokey doodly doo. Turkmenbashi had a yen. A "yen", you say? A "yen", I do. His yen was to inflict your pen with Turkmenbashi mindworm flu. Till all the lads and all the lassies Him and her and all the masses Howl and wail and teeth they gnashes: "turkmenbashi, turkmenbashi, Turkmenbashi! Turkmenbashi yearned to hear his name repeated None would wish it were deleted, From your mouth it is excreted: Turkmenbashi, Turkmenbashi!" Turkmenbashi has a dream! A "dream", he has? A "dream" I say! "TURKMENBASHI", you must scream! For Turkmenbashi don't delay! For TURKMENBASHI, TURKMENBASHI, TURKMENBASHI, TURKBENMASHI, HURKFENLASHI, LURKENFOSSE, ALBATROSSY, SUPERFLOSSY, MINGLEBINGLEMOCKMENCROSSY RAZMATAZZAGOOZENSHOSSY, MICROMINIAUNTIESKINNYLOZENGECRINGYMADBUGINZEY: GLADYS! Thank you.
• No, thank you!
• I am thoroughly smitten and enraptured At the Bashi-glories forks has captured! (Hope he in future that tells us more about the windworm flu And describes the presumably horrid things that it's apt to do.)
• Ach, cut the "that' from the second to last line, please.
• forks and bees are the kobe and shaq of this time-honored thread. (or the orville and wilbur - your choice) )!
• *reads* *comes*
• After that, I'm now having this thread matted and framed.
• bees, that's supposed to be 'mindworm flu', not 'windworm flu'; the first is an excuse for obsessiveness, the second an excuse for flatulence. After this, I'm now having beeswacky matted and forksclovetofu framed. And would somebody ELSE hand PF a towel?
• forks: Wow. Just... wow.
• Mindworm flu? Oh, sure, *crosses fingers* I knew that... Sorry, forks, yet relieved not to have gassed-tricks woven into flashboy's long-braided thread. As for you, Wendell-babe, reel funny, ye wildwitted Westwood flower: Why not cash in your Os-car, And climb in some gnash-car And, for a getaway treat, Leave behind the Mojavean heat! Hie you to Rio, to Paris, or Tahiti, Just so you put some distance between me 'n' thee, (Signed) Insincerely, beeswacky. /Joke, Wendell. Joke! Now, dammit, call off the goat! Not serious, Wendell, merely a bit wild with the heat and maybe a couple cold beers. Hoping ye stay cool, guy.
• Hey what would be cool is if he was on the cover of a swiss cerial box with his best friend's face right next to him. Then he would be TURKMENKASHI. Am I one of you now?????/////slash slash slash
• There now, laddie, don't get too slashy Lest tracicle settle your silly wee hashie. Cold cock punch is in the cooler, Bananas on the kitchen counter, You'll find those melons all sound sloshy -- We're saving 'em to heave at Turkmenbashi. Pull up a chair, don't block the fan as we relax -- And for a treat we'll let ye dump ice-cubes down our backs.
• *raises glass to MonkeyLaureate, bees*
• We are proud to release this excerpt from the latest single to be released by Turkmenistan's answer to Bob Dylan, Snidely Wheedleflax. Snidely's simple message of hope and hair is one we can no doubt all relate to. Snidely's next big hit is entitled 'Scapegoatee'. Enjoy. "(chorus)Ain't ya heerd? Can't wear no beard. Got naught but skin on your chin, it's a sin. I've a flair for hair, but you're there with Nair. Don't shave poor me, can't you see; I ain't gonna be your scapegoatee(end chorus)" Don't suppose anybody's heard the words for the next verse?
• Second verse, worse than the first: "I'm here to be tellin' that I've got a ripe melon. Lemme tell you now son, it's certainly a purty one. Turkmenbashi got no peer, got a lotta fans here. Just leave my beard be; you can't shave me. My hair's just gotta wave and be freeeeeeee."
• /me claps along, sways
• *rocks out*
• This will be the last thread standing. Never let the fire in your soul go out.
• I swear to the Gods of Completely Pointless Yet Stunningly Creative Threads that Seem to Never Die, if I have to post once a day for the next 425 days, this bad boy will reach 1000 comments. Especially if I get to sacrifice a virgin. You know, to appease those Gods.
• *peers around for virgin*
• ain't no virgins on the MoFi! *raises lighter*
• Unless you count the born-agains.
• Good point, goetter. I believe in recycling too. Don't worry, you wacky bee, I am highly flame-resistant; I was actually rather flattered that you you remembered my Oscar, since I haven't been flashing it around much lately. BTW, my editor at MSNBC.com today forwarded me an actual hate e-mail responding to this article - it was LMAO funny, and will be published next week somewhere...
• In Britain, we had a I love the 90's show 4 years ago. Nostalgia is quick and easy and cheap over here.
• So do here, radiostations play special remember-the-90's programs often. Although, I must add, late-80's & early 90's where the golden years for mexican or latin rock and electronica. Berfore those years, mostly US music imitators thrived. And, after those years, latin pop artists (Ricky Martin et al) conquered the world. Oh, oh sorry. I didn't realize you were performing a ritual sacrifice here. I will start seaching for virgins too.
• [When this execration erupts, wendell, hope you feel like passing it around so we can all admire it and put rude addenda in the margins.] Leave my beard be; you can't shave me. My hair's just gotta wave and be free. Ah, BlueHorse, I read this and I think -- Herein ye capture the self-same truth Which makes any potato Grown in the land of sage A sleek oval object whose skin is quite smooth -- Each one holds in its soon-to-be-baked interior A secret that should make us leerier: Like melons, potato plants have often vined, And leaves and roots and shoots of every conceivable kind; But while the melon revels in the heat and scorching sun, These are things from which potatoes - had they but feet - would run, For sunlight turns spuds green and fiercely savage, So when ye chance to eat the green, your inward parts are ravaged.
• In Britain, we had a I love the 90's show 4 years ago. OMG, DNG. What channel did it run on? *fondles Oscar(TMAMPAS)*
• hey! hey! hey! No Oscar fondling! Monkeybashi I call for a "No Oscar Fondling" clause in the FAQ!
• Oh, Bees! Spud poetry for me! *sighs deeply I kiss you. Pete_best: Oscar fondling? This must be recorded on that Other Post.
• Fondly-ing, Or, Os-scarred for life: Way back, used to be exceedingly fond of Oscar Levant, who was a bit too prickly to be much fondled, but I was drawn to by his mordant wit like a fathead moth to the flame. He was hellishly funny, and he hurt and let you know it, he was so totally human ...through tears his hearers laughed and came back for more. Well, Oscar Levant came years after my first exposure to the Immortal Oscar, whom I used to think was the epitome of playwrights, and whose lines I read and loved from age ten on, when he and George Bernard Shaw ornamented the shelves of my innermost library. Funny, slick, genial, and deathless. (To this very day, I would cheerfully die to have scrawled one artful line from any one of his plays.) "I can resist everything except temptation." Oh, yes! by such deft and subtle stabs one's life is scarred. Thanks to Oscar W., for a time I must have been a colossal pain in the arse to the adults in my life because I could quote him by the yard. Then, when I was messing about in some anthology or other, I came upon this. A revelation, as I experienced through Oscar's unvarnished words, how the same capacity for suffering is present in everyone. I owe Oscar, both of him. So much. No words for it can suffice.
• Of The Month Formerly Known as April Don't call it April in Turkmenistan. Be circumspect, my brother! Instead we call it Gurbansoltanedzhe, after Bashi's mother. Come! Shave off thy whiskers and fling away the turban, For we celebrate the festal twenty-seventh of Gurban -- (Well you know what month I mean)-- which is Horse Day, A day in which, like every other, Bashi must have his way. Turkmenbashi likes his horses, He feeds them oats! He feeds them hay! He plans to re-establish a long-forgotten breed, One of many reasons we have Horse Day!
• *whinnies, stamps hoof 4 times*
• I think we're getting a bit off topic. In case anyone's forgotten, we're talking about our beloved Turkmenbashi here.
• Au contraire my dear Puppet - this thread is for expressing our unrivaled outrage at the Max Gleason movie, "The Fashionable Christ" in which several beer cans are hurled at unsuspecting animal-like men.
• Great Bashi needs no sock pupppets! His puppets (three separate sets Of secret police!) are what everyone expects To be hauled away by, and without official regrets, Out of a total population of five million frightened folk, Twenty thousand are somewhere stuck in Bashi's slammers, Where they are reputedly smacked around, no doubt with hammers! (This news from the London Telegraph -- such figures are no joke!)
• That movie was great. The Mackenzie brothers are comedy geniuses.
• I loved the animatronic rippotatypus.
• This thread has gone on longer than Ken Jennings on Jeopardy... Hmmmm... Jenningsbshi...
• "Drinking too much sweetened tea From what amounts to infancy Doth rot the teeth of Turkomen" -- "Our gold teeth makes us look like fools", So be quick to yank 'em out again! "Plain white teeth are natural jewels." Should Bashi chance to drop a pointed hint The Wise leap to it, swiftly do it, Thus, life can be so very egg-shell-lent.
• ewwww! bees! ;)
• Summertime! And in Turkmenistan The living's quite a bit less than grand. There the tenth day of July Is Melon Day, by Bashi's command. Just think how hard they work for you, Oh, the melons need a holiday too!
• we missed melon day??! NOooooooooooooo!!!
• Pete_best: Come to me, my melon-choly, baby. By order of the Bashi, EVERY DAY will be melon day. *claps hands twice Bring out the melons and the dancing girls!
• *Watching dancing girls* Nice melons!
• Yowza!
• boobies! oh wait, that's not the kind of melon you were discussing. one time i played that "bash the turkmen" game at a chucky cheese's...
• I usually "bash the turkmen" whenever I can make it home on my lunch break. Or when "Gilmore Girls" is on TV.
• oh what a lovely knob! / carry on
• The envoy who said too much
• *whew* my name wasn't in that article. So I guess I can keep yammering away like a bobblehead on the dashboard of a lunar rover . . .
• One mystery concerning the Caspian Sea Is that some say it's a lake, Being merely a landlocked big drink. Folk in the lands which surround it Drink over-sweetened tea -- So you might well think It a promising area for dentists And those who do oral surgery. Yet medical care in these benighted lands Costs a bundle more than the common man's Take-home pay, which is practially nil, So avoid the whole place if you plan to be ill.
• For song of bulbul, coo of dove, The evenings by this sea are made -- We'll train our vines on lattice, love, So we may sit within their shade. Let other folk choose other courses, Praise the Bashi for his horses, Here with melons we'll regale Our friends, and hear the nightingale.
• ))) for a daily dose of beeswacky! Or should I address you as Turkmenbeeswacky? Or Beesbashi? If you'd ever like to do your own poetry blog, I can set you up with something easy and free (for the first two years, cheap thereafter) after the first of Augie's month. You know how to reach me.
• Outstanding, as usual Bees. yammering away like a bobblehead on the dashboard of a lunar rover Sweet Pete_: Everytime I read this I crack up. I'm stealing it, just as soon as I can find a way to work it into a sentence. It's funnier than a pair of shorts full of Monkeys. AND it deserves it's own tagline .... Monkeyfilter: Yammering away like a bobblehead on the dashboard of a lunar rover
• Boatman, boatman, be a pal! Haul us down the old canal! The Bashi's deeds are most nefarious, Truly, his eccentricities weary us! At times we wonder if he's grown delerious! My love's father won't agree to marry us, He won't hear reason, it's quite curious Why he hates me -- my beard makes him furious! So boatman, kindly, quickly ferry us!
• No ballet! No circus! And as for beards, first they were banned, And then unbanned. We ride a cultural roller-coaster here in Bashiland. And that's by no means all we ride -- Anyone seeking advancement soon takes life in stride From the back or saddle of a well-bred horse -- For Bashi has horses on the brain. Now the more ambitious do stable-chores For currycombing favour is our national game.
• It's puzzling and it's sad -- The Bashi has gone mad! Gone from from meglomaniac To complete and total zaniac! He's building an ice palace In the middle of the desert (Where temperatures are measured Well over one hundred). Across the city, secretly In the middle of the night, Leaflets call for popular unity And the Bashi's overthrow. [* and *]
• Holy Tonya Harding, Beesbashi! *sits down, hunches over, rests head on fists as he waits for the verse about the flyers*
• *racks brain for something that rhymes with "leaflet"*
• It's time that someone did something to properly recognize the amazing things that beeswacky is pulling off in here. I'm not sure what it is, exactly; but the bees is somehow or other channelling oulde-skool bardic fervor into the oeuvre. ZHe's becoming the Monkey Homer! The Apish Shakespeare! Hm, that's hyperbolic. Real-time news and commentary in verse on one topic. fantastic!
• Wendell: here's a few rhymes, some straight, some slant: abbot, anklet, armlet, audit, ballot, bandit, banquet, basket, basset, billet, biscuit, blanket, bonelet, bonnet, bracelet, bracket, branchlet, brisket, brooklet, bucket, budget, buffet, bullet, carat, carpet, carrot, casket, catgut, charlotte, chestnut, chocolate, circlet, circuit, climate, closet, cloudlet, comet, corset, couplet, credit, cricket, crosscut, cruet, crumpet, cubit, culprit, cutlet, davit, debit, despot, digit, divot, docket, doublet, driblet, droplet, eaglet, ergot, exit, eyelet, facet, faggot, faucet, favorite, ferret, fidget, fillet, foregut, forfeit, frigate, frontlet, gadget, gambit, gamut, gannet, garnet, garret, gasket, gauntlet, gibbet, giblet, gimlet, gobbet, goblet, granite, greenlet, grommet, gullet, gusset, habit, haircut, hamlet, harlot, hatchet, helmet, hermit, hobbit, hooklet, hornet, ingot, inlet, islet, jacket, janet, junket, karat, kinglet, kismet, lancet, latchet, leaflet, legate, licit, limit, limpet, linnet, locket, maggot, magnet, mallet, mantelet, market, marmot, merit, midget, midgut, millet, minute, moppet, mullet, musket, mutt, nougat, nugget, nut, obit, omelet, omelette, orbit, owlet, packet, palate, palette, pallet, pamphlet, parrot, peanut, pellet, picket, piglet, pilate, pilot, pirate, pivot, placket, planet, platelet, plaudit, playlet, pledget, plummet, pocket, poet, poppet, portrait, posit, prelate, private, privet, profit, prophet, pullet, pulpit, pundit, puppet, putt, quiet, rabbet, rabbit, rachet, racket, racquet, ratchet, rebut, respite, ringlet, riot, rivet, rivulet, rocket, russet, scarlet, secret, secrete, senate, sherbet, shortcut, signet, skillet, snippet, socket, sonnet, orbit, spigot, spinet, spirit, sprocket, starlet, streamlet, striate, strumpet, stylet, suet, summit, surfeit, tablet, tacit, tappet, target, tartlet, template, templet, tenet, thicket, ticket, tippet, transit, trinket, triplet, trivet, trumpet, turbot, turret, uncut, unit, valet, velvet, visit, vomit, vulgate, wainscot, wallet, walnut, wavelet, weskit, whippet, wicket, widget, wiglet, zealot My two favorites are quonset and toilet. So where's yer pome?
• O beautiful, bountiful, bounding BlueHorse, By the looks of that list ye've drunk deep from the source -- O' the bubbling spring waters of Mt. Helicon. O were I flighted like the gentle pelican I'd pour my wits into your wondrous lexicon, But since I'm just some flighty bees No doubt I'll bumble forth more lines like these.
• Ah, Beeswacky! Just...Ah, Beeswacky!
• I well remember when we met On the road to old Tashkent -- You upon a dromedary, And I, my dear, on mischief bent. You smiled and sang a foreign song As your caravan of camels paced along - And left me standing there Like a gossoon in the square - (Wishing I knew two words of English And my tongue were not so tanglish!) Still, I could have whispered "kismet", (If I'd kept my wits about me!) The one thing I regret -- Is that missing opportunity. (But maybe there's a fair chance yet!) /rogue song
• bees my dear, you are sublime, In poesy and in whimsy rhyme. I do adore your many talents That while away my lonely moments. bees my dear, I must confess, Your poems bring me happiness!
• Nothing in this world Could possibly please Your silly-ass bees As what you say What joy you receive A thousandfold Alnedra my dear I too take away
• I think I'm gonna cry. Dearest Bees, our Poet Laureate, Grand Order of Hymenoptera. or Monkeyfilter: 1399 Simians and One Amazing Bee.
• what shiny said!
• Monkey Laureate, Sir Bees, Poetbashi. Hail!
• 1729 posts for metafilter thread 9622. vs 627 posts (counting this one) for monkeyfilter thread 1178. don't make me have to throw down a gauntlet here folks. we gots 1400 members right now. 1400! even if 400 of those aren't active, we get everyone to post here (or post again) just one time and we win. WE WIN! CLF DEMANDS IT! YOU MUST OBEY! POST NOW OR FOREVER BE SAD YOU DIDN'T!!! jesus h christ on a rubber crutch, maybe i need to lay off the coffee for a little bit.
• "We have secretly replace caution live frogs' regular flavoured carbonated sugar water with New! Extra Caffineated But Now With Ginseng Jolt! Let's see if anyone notices..."
• *sigh* - Somebody get the Quidnunc stick and let's get him off the ceiling before he breaks something . .
• Now all we need is a little frogs-wrangling music.
• CLF: I'm shocked that a Frog of your high intelligence should misapprehend that this post is about QUALITY not mere quantity! This thread is naught but a vehicle for The Fabulous Official Court Poet of the Supreme Highest Turkmenbashi, His Royal Fragrance, Beeswacky. Long may he rhyme!
• Oh, and let's not forget forksy's contributions. His Music Man-style Turkmenbashi chant must live forever, IMO.
• 1729 posts for metafilter thread 9622. 633 posts (counting this one) for monkeyfilter thread 1178. 488 posts for monkeyfilter thread 2886. The daisy_may/NSFW thread is slowly catching up; at this rate, it'll hit 1730 before the Bashi&Bees. We must do somehting!
• We must do somethting!
• We must do something!
• Honestly, I did not do that on purpose just to inflate the comment count. But it worked!
• it doesn't matter, wendell; it was funny, and that's what really counts
• Yes... I'll take 'Dictators with unresolved Oedipal issues' for $200, please, Alex. Don't EVEN get me started.
• Just make sure that you phrase your response in the form of: "What would Ken Jennings say is...?"
• Got nothin' to post, and here it is. ---:::###[[[[ P O S T ]]]]###:::--- (how many more posts do we need?)
• Paen to the Bees Our Beeswacky wrote a poem, about the Bashi's pony. Every rhyme is just sublime, and that is no balogna. ALL HAIL THE BEES!
• Can we burgle this from the Big Blue?
• robble robble robble!
• Hey! No "This is a post" posts! You bring shame upon the Turkmenbashi like a beard brings shame on a man! A post filled with post posts is like a hollow melon, like a giant gold statue that turns out to be made of chocolate that melts during the hottest day in the month of Mother and spills out like a hot gooey confection flood. You must respect the Turkmenbashi.
• R-E-S-P-E-C-T... For the high Turkmenbashi! R-E-S-P-E-C-T... Poetry from Beeswacky! Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me...
• Apologies upon apologies, and apologies again. I hang my head in abject shame for the unwitting offense against this, this Thrice-Great Thread-Of-All-Threads. But there can be no excuse suitable for utterance, for I am a bearded man, and therefore not deemed worthy to participate in such an august company. (slinks away into a dark corner...looking for those chocolate filled gold statues.) (slink...slink.....slink)
• Who am I?
• I'd like to teach the world to sing. Really, that's all I've ever wanted. posted by Turkmenbashi at 06.16 AM UTC on July 21 Praise him, for he is worthy.
• Who are you?
• ah, wolof, your . where a : ought to be gives you away. you clever, clever monkey, not clever enough this time, neh? besides i'm not sure el presidente turkmenbashi will approve of your inappropriate use of his name. he may respond by banning any and all wolofs in turkmenistan. or hurl melons at you.
• An impostor posts among us! To the Bashimobile! *makes high-pitched la-la-la-la-la-la sounds*
• Ah, Wendell, way to crack me up! *struts off, singing and dancing Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me, Turk-it-to-me...
• BlueHorse, always on the strut, Beats Bashi in his chariot!
• Ashgabat is the capitol of Bashiland, From whence denials now are flying Of ten human beings dying In an outbreak of bubonic plague in Turkmenistan. O humans, camels, critters, run! You're all at risk. Reports of cases come From the Caspian sea To the town of Mary. In March this useless Bashi, (may he have ten thousand fits!), Replaced 15,000 trained medical personnel With untrained military conscripts And by that ignoble deed made sure his countrymen will suffer all. Dark days, black death Brings woe to fleas and beasts and men -- Already loose in Uzbekistan, I dread now for all Turkomen. *
• An impostor posts among us! To the Bashimobile! Shotgun! *pulls pants down to ankles; races pete_best to the Bashimobile.
• bees, once again I am caught flat-footed by your preternatural talent. How Do You Do It?
• With a keyboard and varying numbers of my clumsy fingers. It is not so hard when I only use the forehands, but when I start using the second set of hands, then it's offal. *rejects psychic's crown*
• Jesus H. Bashi, my public recital of Turkmenbashi-related poetry is in about 18 hours... still haven't finally decided which ones to do, or even finished writing my own BashiRap. Been too distressed* by the Gyllenhaal/Dunst split to work. Any last-minute submissions gratefully recieved, don't all have to be from beeswacky. Although further beeswacky compositions will always be welcome. I do plan to anthologise them, you know. And perhaps make some t-shirts. *Secretly elated
• ***GO FLASHBOY***
• Will there be t-shirts with four armholes?
• What I read that as: "Will there be t-shirts for arseholes?"
• four-assed monkey
• pardon, that should read four-arsed monkey
• Ook! Here he comes, here he comes, The monkey with four wondrous bums! The scourge of every bistro in town, When he sits down, he sits down, And sits down, and sits down! "Waiter, a table with four separate chairs." But he only eats once, and he only tips once, Till the manager plans to throw out all his buns!
• *starts tapping foot, looks at watch Well, Flashboy? We're waiting.
• i heart beeswacky. :-D
• Prague, 21 July 2004 (RFE/RL) -- The Turkmen government -- at the behest of President Saparmurat Niyazov -- is in the midst of a drastic urban renewal project in the capital Ashgabat. The desert capital of one of the world's most isolated countries already has five-star hotels, new government buildings, and newly widened streets. And soon it will add new theaters, an ice-skating palace, and even a Turkmen version of Disneyland to its architectural landscape.
• The capitol is called Asshat? That's pretty darned weird, even for Il Bashi.
• pete_best, it's probably a good thing right now we don't have a spellchecker.
• Right then. Just got back. Whew. I closed the bill (I'm too modest, and too accurate, to say "headlined") with a small selection of Bashi material - supposedly from "the soon to be released anthology, Bashi Ballads: Songs of Beards, Songs of Melons" - and I have to say it went down very well. Ah, fuck modesty - I rocked the joint. Opening with beeswacky's wonderfully haunting piece, I then moved onto forky's charming melon romance ("this is one for all you lovers out there"), and then another forks one, his staggeringly fast-paced Bashi Man thing (which was performed as intructed, very fast, incredibly without tripping over any words). I rounded off (time limitations preventing me from laying down several more of bees' works, which I had prepared) with my own tribute to the Man from the 'Stan. Which I chose to do through the medium of Hip-Hop... Well now if you are a Turkman Then you shouldn't be jerk, man Just listen to the Bashi cos the Bashi must be feared Here's what you gotta do - You gotta build a giant shoe And don't be seen in Ashgabat with long hair and a beard Now the Bashi is a charmer And he wrote the Rukhnama So if you'll scratch my Bashi then I'll scratch your little itch So if you want better karma Then be a melon farmer But never treat your melon like your melon was your bitch Well Mr Blair and Mr Bush They just love that Bashi tush Yeah they gotta have his lovin', have that perfect Bashi ass They're so hot for Mr. Bashi Cos he's suave and hip and flashy Oh, and they want to build a pipeline to carry natural gas Cos from Afghanistan to Turkey All that crude oil makes them dirty Gotta have his oily love-juice, so thick and rich and black So don't ever be a hater He's our favourite fat dictator So back off, motherfucker, cos the Bashi Man is back.
• Oh, excellent, flashboy! I see you reaaly rocket to 'em! *wild applause*
• "You, sir, may not bring the camels, Nor the monkeys, nor one beast! Russia doesn't want your black plague Spreading out like bulging yeast!" And this, papa, is why I'm back Without a ruble for the bank -- But where's our house? We seem to lack All major portions of our shack. I see one dimple in the rubble Where Mama stands with someone's shovel. The neighbour's houses all are gone -- We must be out of here by dawn.
• *chants Flashboy Flashboy Flashboy Flashboy Flashboy Flashboy Flashboy Flashboy Flashboy *throws Pete_best's underwear YEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
• pete's best underwear? (which Pete I decline to speculate, but it is nice stuff, I'll give him that)
• But, hey, that was pretty serious news about Turkmen being thrown out of their homes with no compensation. Sorry to bring this carnival down, but really, Turkmenbashi fucked up this time. And it's not the first, as beeswhacky has reminded us over and over.
• Daisy May is threatening our beloved Turkmenbashi! We must stop her!
• Bashi has money -- his people don't, And Bashi's pockets are gold-lined. His agents went to Texas just last week Where oil barons had them wined and dined. Bashi is a despot with lack of political savvy, His manners do not matter, so the Bashi hasn't any, He simply has desires and takes what he admires And charity, like justice, is not in his vocabulary.
• *holds up lighter as lights dim and bees steps to the spotlit mike*
• (oh and sounds rawkin flashboy! Way to kick it yo)
• Iraq 3 - Turkmenistan 2. Turkmenbashi can not be pleased.
• Congratulations, flashboy. Bashi would be proud.
• ITTU: Scholar Generation - Strong Nation.
• Uh oh. Turkmenbashy's "Ruhnama" available via their FTP server. Which monkey dares to tread inside the mania first?
• I think we should open up this thread to matters not only regarding Turkmenistan, but the other "Stans", like Pakistan, Afghanistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Uzbekistan, Stan Lee, Stan Laurel, Stan Freberg, Stanley Kubrick, Stanley Tucci, the Stanley Steamer and Stanley & Livingston. I'd suggest other "Bashis", but the closest thing I was able to google up was Ralph Bakshi.
• wendell, how about Matsuo Basho? A great poet, he Unlike this bee.
• or the Oguz Bashi group of mountains
• ...or bashi, elephant baby. awwww.
• ... or bishi bashi special!
• ...or uri bashi
• ... or the niju-bashi bridge
• and of course, here's "Rocky, Joe, Donald and Bashi at The Back Fence"
• Oleo'd Monday's child grows farrow-faced, Tuesday's child has over-grazed, Wednesday's child is glutted, though Thursday's child shall gorge no more. Friday's child is greedy and taking, Saturday's child eats lard and bacon. And the child who is born on the Sabbath Day Grows over-weight and will pass away. On paper, Turkmenistan's harvest has been inflated. But the greed of fatcat oilmen will not by such be sated.
• Bashy Quraishy
• Bocce?
• SideDish, I yield to your superior google-fu. beeswacky, your poetry has motivated me to go on a non-Atkins diet... tomorrow. Good find, rocket88; maybe we can start promoting Bashy Quraishy as the Evel Kneivel of human rights (sounds like a good subject for bees' next poem) And pete_best has sure shown us he has balls...
• Ah, stood ye still in scalding sun By former town with rubbled path, Those who pushed your poor hut down Should feel my wrath, should feel my wrath. Now to some kinsman ye must fly Or dwell in Bashi's prison soon, There's no recourse from Bashi's will Beneath his tyrant sun, his mourners' moon. Monkeys may wonder why I write Of Bashi and this living hell, 'Tis just becasue I do recall Old tales my kinsmen once did tell -- Once my folk had to cross the grim grey seas. My kinsmen once were refugees. But Scots found lands where we could newly dwell. But now, in days of fear, who's there to welcome poor folk such as these?
• bees: STANDING OVATION! Bravo. bravisimo.
• **recommends name change from "beeswacky" to "a-pluses-wacky"**
• And I brought him here! *wipes proud tear from eye*
• *chomps big cigar, approaches bees with incredibly binding contract* /col.pete_best
• My fiance just found this - Turkmen president waxes lyrical. Still amusing, but very very scary.
• Window window door window window wall window window door time erased them all My cousin't house stood here here was the florist and next to the barber shop a vegetalve market This brick one had a window box where orange nasturtiums blared For plain things, plain people Our Bashi's never cared.
• That's "Beebs waxes", not "beeswacky", just to be clear.
• Bees, thank you for continuing to point out how bad this leader we've apparently adopted really is.
• Hmm, Path, is it not that we have rejected the man and adopted the title? Yeah, NOW all of you come out of the woodwork claiming to have always known of Bees' talents and wanting to claim a piece of him with your scurvy contracts. Where were you when he was young and undiscovered, struggling with his muse*, cold and starving in an attic? Hunh? *hmmm, muse? or could it be moose? Struggling with his moose. That's it.
• moose muse?
• Terpsichordean moose?
• Are you questioning the Monkey?
• Pastoral O bull or cow, please don't be late! Come play with me, do, sweet Terpsichordean moose -- Wot though thou 'rt larger than my caboose? Here we'll dance both free and loose And neatly kick up our ten feet, And keep on jigging as we rusticate!
• Bwhahahaha! - beauty, bees.
• It's more than a trifle absurd, But if you plan to visit Turkemistan There's only word you need to know, (Not please or thanks or stop or go), For Turkmenbashi is that word! The biggest port on the Caspian Sea? Let Turkmenbashi be the word you say. What's the name of the national drink? Waiter, fetch me a slug of Turkmenbashi! (Now pour it very carefully in my martini.) Whose face is always on TV? Turkmenbashi? Yes, Turkmenbashi! What's the name of the airport? Yes, you can bet your last manat, It's glorious Turkmenbashi! His picture's printed on all the cash, he Places his face on every wall for all to see, Hooray for ubiquitous Turkemnebashi! The name of the local school? The public bathing pool? That statue over there? The name of the market square? The avenue, the road, the city street? Yes each one is Turkmenbashi! Now repeat!
• No more long hair? It isn't fair. What else is new? Beards are taboo. Turkmanbashi? Want to smash ye. Who da' melon fan? Bashi the Turk O'man. Where's his Air Force? Ridin' a high horse. Does this poem suck? Just my dumb luck.
• Stats for this post in case anyone is interested: Words: 27,484 Pages: 163 Looks like we have a novella on our hands here.
• nice one GramMa - makes me want to play in the yard. *scrunches eyebrows, tilts head, looks up . . runs out to play in the yard*
• *wild applause* Delightful, as always, BlueHorse!
• *digs toe into ground, hangs head, blushes Aw, shucks, Bees. Thanks. Wasn't nuttin. WAIT! Pete come back here! Darn. Did anybody notice if Pete_best put his pants on before he went out?
• Only 94 new comments? You people are slackers.
• yeah, well I don't see you commenting in . . this . . ummm - welcome back lkc!
• Numb, and grown Number. No one noticed. Not a peep, As if the world slumbered, Afraid to peek or wake from sleep -- Behind the iron curtain Little was certain. In 1948 -- an earthquake Subtracts 175,000 Turkmen -- The capital city torn away. (Turkmenistan was Russia then.) Such widescale loss, like the aftermath of war, Must leave a giant hole, a kind of psychic scar. The boy who grew up to become Bashi Lost his family. Lost it all. Larer, down came the Berlin Wall. And Bashi schemed and strove to grasp and have it all. So much is history. Recently the world has sniggered At Bashi's simple duplicity. Sadly, it must be figured Bashi's people are seriously Screwed and jiggered Hooked, skewered, and numbered. Their feet hobbled Bashi, that horse lover, holds the reins, While his people are sheesh ka-bobbled
• sheesh ka-bobbled! heheh So Bashi's orphaned by an earthquake? hmm.
• If Hollywood ever makes a Turkmenbashi movie they'll totally play up the orphaned-dictator bit.
• If I ever make a Turkmenbashi movie, I'll play up the muskmelons. And the beards. And the flying monkeys.
• Down with an educated population! Dismiss all those with a foreign degree! And we'll replace the old curriculum With the Rukhnama, by Bashi's decree! Away with non-ethnic Turkmen peoples! Dismiss all those from foreign nations! They shall not work in government, Their teachings are abominations!
• Can't... resist... the... temptation.... Down with an educated population! Dismiss all those with a foreign degree! And we'll replace the old curriculum With Revelations, by Bush's decree! Away with non-American peoples! Dismiss all those from foreign nations! They shall not work in government, Their teachings are abominations!
• wendell, Bushy-bashy is always welcome, and the similarities you point out are certainly cause enough to make Bush a legitimate target of jibes. Turkmenbashi manages, though, to set up the backs of many mullahs with his placement of un-holy text (his Rukhnama) side-by-side with text from the Koran at the entrance to every mosque in Turkmenistan. I have the impression Christian fundamentalists in the US don't have such a critical attitude toward the Bashi-Bush.
• The Christian fundamentalists don't, but those of us who love a good democracy are a little pissed-the-fuck-off.
• Yes, Pete, you said it well. Just a eensy-weensy ikkle bit, we are. *mumbles, "Going to hell in a hand-basket."
• Upon the stark and scorching sands Where pipeline follows strange commands, I met a fellow with two wands. I was young, I meant no harm, Nor did I mean to give alarm, The day was growing all too warm. "Who are ye and what do ye do?" I said by way of howdy-do, But he stood staring like a dodo. "Lad, go thy way and stop thy grousing, Nor Bashi's bans stand here espousing, Me, I come here to go dowsing."
• STOP THE PRESSES!! bulletin! breaking news from turkmenistan! "Drivers to Be Tested on Scripture"
• "Knowing the highway code is no longer enough to get a driving license in Turkmenistan, whose autocratic President Saparmurat Niyazov has told future drivers to cram his 'sacred' writings to qualify." Wheeeee! Told them to cram it! Man, that guy's a little . . y'know . . goofy, huh?
• No more slanders, no back-bitings, On the roads of Turkmenistan! Moral values don't be slighting, Take Bashi's all-but-holy writings As if they were a pill to cure what's ill! And if you will, o Turkmen, if you will Do cram his sacred writings -- Cram them, jam them -- they are swill.
• Now, instead of "fender bender", will a minor accident now be called a "bumper bashi"? Just asking.
• *clicks stopwatch* sixteen minutes! Not bad Mr. Bees, not bad!
• So, is Turkmenbashi the next in line after Mohammed? He seems to have his scriptures ready.
• Due to my utter ineptitude, I just posted a poem meant to go here over on another thread -- it's over there. Not really sure if this is how to handle such a damnfool act on my part but it seems preferable to posting the poem on two separate threads. Apologies.
• Love, as the slight breeze Stirs the slighter dust, Fly to the sunny garden As honey-bees must. Look, now the sun goes reeling through A briefer course these shorter afternoons. So, since summer's not so new, Let's make the most of me and you! Where wine-sweet roses spill Across the sun-baked wall, These ten thousand fallen petals Will couch us should we fall.
• ooh la la! *visions of sugar plums, and/or chicas caliente!*
• turkman gets bashed!
• The cow was unhurt and escaped recapture because officials were unable to distinguish it form the other animals in the herd. That is the best thing ever. The Great Escape, with cows. If only it had tunneled out of the barn...
• y'know if you look out over that herd, there's one cow with narrowed eyes . . looking left . . looking right . . .
• Bees - you're becoming more and more Shakespearian. Or, maybe, Ben Johnsonian, or one of those guys.
• Eeek! But -- Violets are blue, Roses are red, Them two ol' boys Are dead, dead, dead!
• I come here everyday looking for my daily fix of beesusses's poetry. It's like a daily devotional, or the morning newspaper ritual, or perusing my latest copy of "Shaved Asians." Wait. Not that last thing.
• Yeah, they don't have a new issue every day. Sadly.
• Voices by the boatdock Carry over the water. Ripples slap rock. Down by my feet Bluegill come to nibble, They think I'm food. When they nip They tickle.
• They soon succumb To the fungus Between my toes. Who knew?
• My head aches, and a drowsy dumbness fills My skull; my head feels stuffed with cotton wool. Yes, damn me, I've been reading the Rukhnama For hours that passed like years -- but now I'm somewhat calmer. Turkmenbashi empties his mind in this work, Letting all spill, like rags from a ragbag; Breathtaking only if you seek to wander in the mirk! Bashi as a young man keenly felt the lack of Turkmen history Left the Turkmen people with their roots well wrapped in mystery. So he wrote this thing to fill that gap And now the poor Turkmen are stuck with this c--p!
• Next: an http version of the Rukhnama! . . someone?
• Oh, I can walk from Springfield to Alaska, Or hobnob with the stars in Malibu... When they say, "You can't walk to Turkmenistan," I say, "Of course I can, screw you!" (episode EABF15 "Brake My Wife, Please") How come nobody noticed this earlier?
• Turkmenbashi also has a cameo in Fahrenheit 9/11 in a scene with, from memory, the Bin Laden family, signing a document related to the oil/natural gas pipeline. I looked for him specially, I'll have you all know. That is what you have done to me!
• Turkmenbashi-consciousness Shall consume the world! Now the man's a movie star (His hair is combed and curled!) And Bashi is an author, too, A man of parts, if not of arts. "Do not buy gold; buy land" Bashi recommends, but doesn't take His own advice to heart: For cash is always welcome To build a pipeline or a port. Bashi's book seems nationalistic more than spiritual, from the five (English) sections of it I've I've read. Which in a way makes more sense, for there Bashi and Turkmen all are -- sitting atop the fattest oil-and-gas prize in the world today, and no telling which foreign interest(s) will want to take it away from them.
• i'm surprised "farts" didn't show up in that one. Well, maybe not surprised as much as disappointed ;)
• I gave my thanks to Turkmenbashi, in my own small way, over here (self link, obviously - scroll down to near the bottom)
• In Turkmenistan, Thugs and Tyranny. Scary stuff.
• Turkmenbashi is a cruel man. He lives in Turkmenistan Where his thugs terrorize people. He may seem amusing briefly, But Bashi is old-fashioned evil. I don't know why this emphasis on nationalism in the Rukhnama, but frankly it worries me. Possible he may entertain thoughts of aggression. Around half the Turkmen population is under 20 years of age. Turkmen grow more and more isolated from the rest of the world. The whole region around the Caspian seems to be both vulnerable and volatile. I have an uneasy feeling about all this, but these days I am no optimist; I have nothing concrete at this point but unease at what this melonhead may decide to do next. Maybe I'm all wrong, that would be nice.
• Did you know that if you google turkmenbashi antichrist, this thread doesn't appear in the results? (By the way, shouldn't that be "antechrist", not "anti-christ"?)
• Thank you for correcting that oversight, klausness. I also expect this thred to rate highly for "Turkmenbashi Nigritude Ultramarine" any minute now.
• Given that google has only 2 entries for pages containing these words, and no entries for "Turkmenbashi Nigritude Ultramarine", I am going to stick my neck out and say that's probably a reasonably sure thing.
• Danger! Reading the Rukhnama can rot your brain. (But it's all so very dreadful I do it again and again!) Why? Becoz it is there! And I'm a fool-- there certainly can't be any other reason, but see for yourself the glory of Bashi the author.
• Hey, Wolof, your Google Searches aren't in English! You know I can't esprechen le esponioli!
• Better?
• The dining table is assumed to be holy by the Turkmen nation. --Turkmenbashi
• .... FOR THE SLIGHTEST EVIL AGAINST YOU LET MY HAND BE LOST. FOR THE SLIGHTEST SLANDER ABOUT YOU LET MY TONGUE BE LOST. AT THE MOMENT OF MY BETRAYAL TO MY MOTHERLAND, TO HER SACRED BANNER, TO SAPARMURAT TURKMENBASHY THE GREAT LET MY BREATH STOP. --Turkmenbashi Not a nice man. No. A scary man. Yes.
• Prophet Noah also advised repeatedly that men should not hit the faces of their children or wife. As for the woman’s mouth, he ordered them to cover it. That sick ultramarine fuck.
• Bid adieu, adieu, adieu, Bid adieu to Bashi ways, Melon Bloom is finished, woo! It's Bashi everywhere we gaze! The Bashi's words are not revered. (O let a rose perfume my beard!) Once time doth etch the stars upon The carapace of The Scorpion, We'll fly, love, from a land so woebegone.
• bees, you really are doing great things here. I doff my hat in gratitude and awe.
• aye!
• Grow ignorant along with me! My school is by the Caspian Sea, The worst of texts, which Bashi wrote Is all we get to see or read or quote. My former teachers have been sent away. (Shh! this my parents say I mustn't say at school -- But all my family plans on leaving, too, some lucky day, To go where Turkmenbashi doesn't rule And I can get an education that doesn't make me sound a fool.)
• Turkmens! All my love is for you, all the pain is for me. -- Saparmurat Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukkhnama Allah knows how I suffer! And suffer! And suffer the pulling Of all the gold teeth in my nation! Yes, I feel each tug and twist When one comes loose! No no, it doesn't hurt them, Not one bit! Can't you see It is my mouth which bleeds! And it's not them, but me left homeless! Me who's twenty thousand times Imprisoned! Me who suffers! Only Me who stands desolate, Weeping as the bulldozers Flatten my village! My eyes are fountains As the secret police haul Me and Me and Me away!
• Nice one.
• Might that be the best yet?
• (I think so.)
• giddyap! What's next?
• Spring is the smile of the earth. Smile at each other. Do it honestly when you meet. Greet one another through smiles. Talk to each other with smiles. -- Saparmurat Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama There's the smile of 'don't hit me again', The smile of 'Don't hurt my family'-- Turkmen, keep your faces smiley! Show us the smiles of terrified men.
• Smile! Smile! Smile! At those hot black sands, You may wave your hands, But otherwise 'tis best to beguile The passing stranger with a gap-toothed smile. Be mute! Say not one word! Should your love stroll up Don't, for pity's sake, let out a whoop! But seize her hand, let your voice remain unheard, And smile! Smile hard! So there's no trouble afterwards.
• BULLETIN!!! our buddy turkmenbashi to build ice palace!
• Ice palaces were popular in the Soviet Union, to which Turkmenistan once belonged, but they were built in the freezing cities of the north, far away. The Turkmen mountains are relatively high, but it is hard to imagine the palace remaining frozen without some sort of technical help. A theme? For a poem? For Beesy? Hm.
• something about his cold, dark heart?
• Mentions it in passing. Thanks, SideDish, it's difficult to glean much information about the old poop now he's chased most of the foreign nationals out of the country.
• bees, I just noticed - that article which first mentioned the ice palace... ...President Spearmint Niyazov... ? I think Mr. Bashi might need to ban impure Western spellcheckers next.
• Turkmen, Turkmen, I have planned Our land shall be well Disneyified! Soon in the mountains near Ashgabat From summer's heat we all can hide! We have commenced construction now I see, Of a huge ice palace --built of ice! -- All our Turkmen children shall learn to ski In the middle of the desert, and won't that be nice? We'll be able to go there by cable-car! Thanks to Bashi's foresight it won't seem too far. And there'll be fishes! For we'll have a big aquar- -Ium as well! And, my dear Turkmen, won't that be simpky swell?
• hurray bees! oh and here's some additional information, the names of turkmenbashi's Council of Ministers. really. Yolly Gurbanmuradov: Deputy Chair Sherkersoltan Mukhammedova (f): Deputy Chair; Chair of Central Bank Dortkuly Aydogyev: Deputy Chair; Textile Industry, Trade and Customs Gurbansoltan Handurdyyeva (f): Deputy Chair Rejepdurdy Ataev: Deputy Chair; Construction, Transport and Communications Gurbanguly Berdymuhamedov: Deputy Chair; Minister of Health and the Pharmaceutical Industry Rashid Meredov: Deputy Chair; Minister of Foreign Affairs Gozel Nuralieva: Deputy Chair; Minister of Culture and Information Begench Atamuradov: Deputy Chair; Minister of Agriculture; Director of the State Fund for the Development of Agriculture Col-Gen. Agageldy Mamedgeldiyev: Defence; Secretary of the State Security Council Orazmurat Begmuradov: Social Security Atamurad Berdiyev: Energy and Industry Orazberdi Hudayberdiyev: Railways Baymuhammet Kelov: Motor Transport and Roads Batyr Busakov: National Security Bibitac Vekilova (f): Economy and Finance (acting) Amangeldy Pudakov: Oil, Natural Gas and Mineral Resources Ashir Atayev: Interior Taganmyrat Gocyyew: Justice Matkarim Rajapov: Natural Resources and Environmental Protection Hydyr Saparlyyev: Education Byashimklych Kalandarov: Water Resources Charymammed Gayibov: Trade and Foreign Economic Relations Seyitguly Chareyev: Chair of the State Committee for Land Use and Land Reform Ovezgeldy Atayev: Chair of the Majlis Kurbanbibi Atadjanova (f): General Public Prosecutor Ilyas Mahtumovich Chariyev: Chair of the State Commodity and Raw Materials Exchange Annageldy Gummanov: Chair of the State Border Service Nepesov Arslan Sakoyevich: Chair, Committee for Tourism and Sports (say THAT three times fast!)
• Oh, flashboy, what an outstanding find! How did we ever come to miss that one?
• There will be nine Turkmen athletes competing in the Athens Olympics next week.
• I wonder if the talented spackle Would care to tackle That ghastly list. SideDish, you deserve to be hissed!
• well hell I want a bashi name! umm howabout . . Bagulrytich Pytrbestov . uhh . Associate Deputy Monkey of Special Branches.
• I think Ovezgeldy Pudakov has a nice ring to it, if you're really hot for one of these, pete. How many p_b avatars need Turkmenbashalike names?
• pyotr_bestroika
• Seems a disapportionatly high number of Bashi's advisors have surnames starting with A, B or C, with absolutely NO W's. I suspect alphabigotry on his part, on top of his other crimes. Although, I do like the Deputy Chair's first name: Yolly. That's a happy name.
• "Charymammed Gayibov: Trade and Foreign Economic Relations" rolls trippingly off the tongue.
• Turkmenbashi orders construction of ice palace.
• Ahem
• Oh, like one extra comment ever made a difference.
• Hmmmm..... Turkmenbashi relies most often on -dov Although -yev is also a popular suffix; Meanwhile, those who claim -lov, -pov, -bov and -nov Are still more desired than poor Sakoyevich!
• TURKMENISTAN: Finding Nemo, hunting Adventists
• Good news! Turkmenbashi has taken the lead in ensuring highway safety!
• The mountains of the Turkmen, which reach the sky, talk in Turkmen and support you; the huge deserts talk in Turkmen, and spring seasons grow tulips gardens in your heart. --Saparmurat Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• Sometimes, I wonder whether I feel too proud of my nation, or whether my eyes are dazzled by the light of the word "Turkmen," or whether I am enchanted by the magic of the word "Turkmen." However, so far human beings have never been damaged by affection. Nobody has eve been injured by his or her love of the nation. Be afraid of those who do not love their nation. If everybody likes their own nation, then the nations will like each other. Those who do not like their own nations cannot like other nations. The word "Turkmen" lies in my bosom like a beloved baby warmed by the heat of my heart. -- Saparmurat Turkmenbashi the Great
• Kids in school must know this stuff, Adults applying for a driver's license must learn this guff, Although none of this drivel Concerns driving a motor vehicle. This text often seems to be the equivalent of Turkmen smily faces.
• I want Turkmen to live the golden life, in the golden spirits with pride and unity. --Saparmurat Turkmenbashi the Great Equal in ignorance, equal in poverty, This is our unity. No Turkman thinks to rise above another, In unity we live and starve; in death all men are brothers.
• The dining table is the sign of unity and it gathers the Turkmens around itself. --Saparmurat Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama But soft! What cry through yonder window bursts? It is the Dining Table which some folk call accursed. O see us staggering with reluctance, As we heed its horrid call, No man can possibly resist When Dining Table summons all. Men slide across the polished floor, The women weep, the children roar, Though folk try to clutch an armchair, The carpet or the door, No Turkman can prevail against the Dining Table's wail, Let me hasten now this point to underscore -- The dire and dreadful Dining Table's mournful bellow Is one our people simply can't ignore.
• My collie's a charmer -- She doesn't give a hoot For the Rukhnama. And when I feel especially jolly I hug my wonderfully ill-read collie.
• heheh - he said "bosom"! Go you crazy Bees! Go!
• If everybody likes their own nation, then the nations will like each other. *bows down before the Unassailable Wisdom of Turkmenbashi*
• ...the Unassailable Wisdom of Turkmenbashi Heh. And if everyone lit just one little candle, arson squads around the world would be hopping mad.
• If everybody likes their own nation, then the nations will like each other. multinational self-esteem? what a concept. you have to love yourself before you can love someone else, you know.
• (oh, and bees is the bee's knees!)
• And if everyone lit just one little candle, arson squads around the world would be hopping mad. But on the plus side, we might not have to listen to the Black Eyed Peas any more...
• Feat fit for a Turkmen feast.
• in turkmenistan they also eat pilows. no, really! (that's a gem of a page, apparently by a teenage turkman boy, with pics of Our Beloved Country also. lots of, um, grass and sand and camels and snakes, apparently.)
• Spelling seems to be variable when circum-Caspian languages are written in English: for pilow read pilau for Turkmenbasi/Turkmenbasy read Turkmenbashi for shurpa read shorba for nan read nang
• And when I feel especially jolly I hug my wonderfully ill-read collie. Obviously, not melancholy... or a melon collie. And thus the puns go full circle.
• Think you're out o' line on that one, wendell.
• Wendell just forgot to put quotes and a footnote on that. Meanwhile, I will give a dollar to the first monkey who gets a Bashi-related tattoo (not the kind that washes off).
• btw, we broke 800 comments and 1600 users today.
• Sixteen hundred! What a thrill! More grist for Turkmenbashi's mill!
• Turkmenbashi's Ice Palace Did cause a fork today, alas! And so it seems with lethal stealth, This thread's derailed on August Twelfth.
• As we are proud of the beautiful buildings and infrastructure being constructed in our homeland, we should succeed in seeing the "beautiful buildings" being built in the inner world and hearts of our people. The most beautiful buildings should be established in our hearts and souls, rather than in our cities and villages. A certain amount of understanding is needed to see them. -- Saparmurat Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• there can be only one more! *hic*
• Though bulldozers raze the hut Which was my home, I care not, For I have an inner palace with an inner inward throne Sealed in my heart of hearts, that Bashi does not own.
• Utility and integrity are the treasury of the state! The treasury belongs to the people! The people who cannot preserve the treasury will lose their senses. -- Saparmurat Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• Lo, environmental Bashi. When you pluck a leaf, your life is curtailed by one year. If you crack a bough, you also break your arm or leg. If you uproot a sapling, you also destroy your life. By cutting down a tree you cut down the tree of your life. -- Saparmurat Turkemenbashi the Great, Rukhnama It is a puzzle why, out of all the length of Turkmen history, Bashi fastens on these things to remark on.
• "You are old, Turkmenbashi," the young man said, "And your hair has become solid black. Do you think-?" A shot was heard, he fell down dead, Was hauled away, and neatly buried in a sack. Caution: don't ask Bashi any questions. bashi only gives orders, not answers.
• Do you think the ice palace is an homage to James Bond? (I feel the need to post here so I can feel like a real member of the family. Hi, everyone!)
• Welcome, meredithea. Be assured you're as real as anyone else is in this place. Rather doubt Bashi's familiar with the work of the late Ian Fleming, but I think there's a good possibility he may have seen some of the 007 films.
• Sidedish, I liked that boy's website -- very cute and he certainly seems to enjoy his Turmen cuisine. It threw me for a second when I saw the gif of a bee under the "my pets" section though. The horses are religious animals, because the Turkmen people captured the horsey-angel and cuts it's wings off...interesting little origin story, that.
• ilyadeux, Pegasus is still very annoyed with them and in fact has spurned them ever since. Which is why the best poet the Turkmens have been able to come up with is Bashi.
• Time to cool my personality cult down, The world at large regards me as a clown. So in May I had some of my portraits taken away. A purely cosmetic gesture, but soon I'll recapture The excitement of our country's noblest adventure -- (By which of course I mean Me)-- into Turkmen culture. For it's always the fault of an over-zealous official Whenever anything's been done that could seem prejudicial!
• K
• Yes, PF, once Turkmen did compose epic poetry. But that was prior to the unfortunate incident with Pegasus. A pity that ancient Greek gods tend to be vindictive./joke
• Anybody heard it?
• The balmy breezes of the Turkmen land waft through the heart of the Turkmen. -- Turkmenbashi, Rukhnama Mirror, mirror on the wall, Ain't Bashi balmiest of all?
• Cotton wool - did you know half of the irrigated land in Turkmenistan has cotton growing on it? So saith the Wikipedia.
• i say we have a MoFi meetup in turkmenistan! i'm serious! we can start planning for, oh, 2006 or so.
• They took us out of school In time to pick the cotton, We spent two months at this, While education was forgotten. Turkmenistan is mostly flat, And water's scarce throughout the place -- In truth it's mostly desert sands -- Irrigation doesn't help a lot Since water sinking drop by drop Turns desert soil to saline waste.
• Ach, no way could I be going, Sidedish! If bees went he'd no doubt spend His visit in a Turkmen cell -- (A fate I'm eager to avoid). For letting Bashi know he's made a living hell For his countrymen is bound to keep him thoroughly annoyed. Remember whoever Bashi doesn't like gets trashed -- So I think a meeting in his country would be rash. As head of the Turkemn nation He can refuse to grant a visa, And guilt by association Might be all the reason Bashi would need to declare Monkeys non grata everywhere.
• SideDish An international MoFi meet-up in 2006 sounds like fun, though, if held somewhere else!
• Hi Meredithea--have a 'naner with your melons. A melon on every table, and a shoe in every pot! Let the masses eat shoe leather soup. --Saparmurat Turkmenbashi the Great Oh, wait, I said that. Bad quote. Bad BlueHorse The most beautiful buildings should be established in our hearts and souls ... So, does this mean, like, we look at the Bashi in a wet diaper sitting in a big, evaporating puddle in the desert, and we imagine this ice palace thingie? And can we get reservations at this Ice Palace for our 2006 meetup? *BlueHorse attempts to flap elbows, sighs, and damns the Bashi's ancestors
• Having just reread this thread. It certainly stood me on my head. We MUST preserve for posterity's eye, This harmonious thread of the Turkmanbash-i.
• Psst! BlueHorse, do look at this this piece by spackle, who does fine work.
• so *that's* what that sloth thing is about. ooh! ooh! tagline! tagline!
• MonkeyFilter: An international MoFi meet-up in 2006 sounds like fun, though, if held somewhere else! that's what you meant, right?
• Monkeyfilter: that's what you meant, right? Monkeyfilter: ooh! ooh! tagline! tagline!
• Ah, fie on my fumble-tonguedness. Meant I think it would be fun to have an international monkey meetup in 2006. But NOT in Turkmenistan!
• I think we should all meet in Turkmenistan two weeks AFTER Bashi is thrown from his throne. Unless of course, he is kicked out by invading American troops, in which case we'll have to wait fivetwenty years for things to settle down.
• Suggest we not meet in any country where unexploded cluster-bomb fragments or landmines are to be found. That should narrow the field of prospective countries rather spectacularly.
• mmmm Iceland?
• Yep, that definately rules out California.
• mmmm Iceland? Iceland is good. They have elves, and elves like monkeys.
• Elves are almost irresistable to me, too. And certainly Iceland sounds a fine possibility if it were just a European/NorthAmerican meet-up. If we focus on international -- well, then Iceland seems rather a long journey for our Down Under monkeys or those living in Asia. Must be places that wouldn't involve quite so much travel time or expense for them, too.
• Monkeyfilter: Elves Are Almost Irresistable To Me Too /returns to place of hiding
• We must stop the forking, people. Precious comments are being diverted from this thread. All who wish to end the madness, meet me in the parking garage at midnight. We will discuss plans.
• ...driving deeper now in Turkmenistan... It's flat here, where sand shifts, whispering "ridge," "rock," "narrow rutted track". Stillness has a way of talking back. A dusty donkey's tethered by a loop about its neck. The loop is insulated wire. The flies rest on the donkey's face. And, being flies, they sound like loose strings on a violin. They hum "it's dinnertime". The sky's a tarnished blue. The houses few -- say "poverty". I nod. I see the oven's clay Which stands in back of what screams "shack".
• This is an article which is a couple of years old, but is useful for filling in some of the gaps in our knowledge about those calender changes in Turkmenistan. It also, more sadly, reveals the depth to which members of the National Council are willing to sink.
• Another article here, laden with Turkmenbashi quotes.
• This link appaeared above in small text, but bears repeating in larger text: the Rukhnama or Ruhnnama, for your edification and delight perusal.
• Gleaned from the glorious past of the Turkmens, via Bashi the Great: The greatest rivers rise from the accumulation of the smaller water sources flowing from the slopes of the mountains. Even the largest forests are formed by the cracking of very small seeds. However, rivers do not drink their own water. Gardens do not eat their own fruits. Enjoy!
• In keeping with the spirit of the above, I respectfully submit the following: When there is no water we call it 'dry'. However, rocks do not go for walks. Even the clouds can drop water on the earth. The earth is low; the sky is high.
• *snaps fingers, bobs beret-capped head*
• Furthermore: A door that is always locked, we call "a wall". Wings cannot fly without being attached to a bird. Orchids are not made of meat; if they are made of meat, we call them sheep. A forest cannot be made from only one tree. Nor can two trees make a forest. Or three. To be honest, you probably need at least thirty seven trees, minimum. Me, I'd recommend fifty.
• Here is a delightful article on the wonder that is our Bashi. The [ice] palace will supposedly be finished within 10 months. The 64-year old dictator wants a giant aquarium stocked with tropical fish to be fixed atop the palace and has ordered that the building be linked with Ashgabat by cable car. [bold text is my doing]
• birds gotta swim, fish gotta fly turkmenbashi wants a palace of ice oooh can't help loving that melon of mine
• Bashi cannot tell male Turkmen from female When they're wearing make-up; Nor does he want the ladies' wheaten skins to be hidden -- So in Turkmenistan TV makeup's now forbidden! Please lay a slice of buttered Gorbansoltan Upon my empty plate! I could want no other, Yes, bread now bears the name of Bashi's mother. Chorus: Never misunderestimate Turkmenbashi the Great! [repeat ad nauseam]
• Bees : you might be getting to a book here.
• all hail the One True Turkmenbashi thread! all hail Beeswacky!
• My dear people! My beloved countrymen! I feel we are one and the same. I am no different from you. I hide nothing from you. Your joy and happiness are mine too. I am pleased to serve you and to fulfil my responsibilities for the purpose of making your lives easier. -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• Turkmenbashi, a despot of questiuonable questionable sanity, Never gets straight feedback from the coterie around him Who find it safest to cater to Bashi's overweening vanity. Still I'm sure most of the downtrodden populace would like to down him. But what has politics to do with common sense? Rule by brute force, propaganda and intimidation Becomes more popular these days in almost every nation -- Some leaders care and some don't if they give the world offense -- Bashi, whose brain is not powerful, is no good at pretense. The things he does seem funny if you don't live in his land If you and yours are unaffected by his edicts or free of his police, But the fact of the matter is that Bashi's slightest command Affects the lives of the millions who are stuck in Turkmenistan -- Meanwhile the world applies no pressure to make Bashi ease up or cease.
• What do you do when there's plague in your land? Why, if you're Bashi you declare it illegal To mention infectious diseases -- and bar people From entering or leaving plague-riddled Turkistan. This policy comes hard on the heels of Bashi's firing 15,000 licensed healthcare workers in March and not hiring Any more to take their place. In June came the compusory retiring Of all people with a foreign degree. And this insanity Is frightening Turkmenistan's closest neighbours -- And increasely concerns many other observers. [This lame-brained method of simple denial that any problem exists or might exist, despite ten known deaths from it and reports of many more cases in the country, is covered in an article,"An 'Illegal Outbreak of Plague", in the online Los Angeles Times, August 8, 2004 as well as above.]
• OH MY GOD TURKMENBASHI JUST BANNED BRIAN BLESSED!!!!!
• Hi, Nostril! Never misunderestimate Bashi the Badmash.
• MY GHOD! HE'S FULL OF STARS!!!
• And a good many other things, I ween. As in: I ween, goodnight. I ween, good night. Goodnight, I ween, Goodnight I ween, I'll see you in my dweams.
• Would you wike a wipe banana?
• So does beeswacky ween to the weft or the white? -Rendell or Lendell ?
• Lean to the left! Lean to the right! Stand up! Sit down! Fight! Fight! Fight! This has one of the stupidest things mortal man has ever come up with. But that's us all over -- splat. Splat SPLAT!
• Well, damn. Let's make that: This has to be one of the stupidest etc.
• Beeswacky, I have advice. Never ever, bloody anything, ever. Just remember that.
• Hahaha! I will remember it, Nostril! So monkeys please read for the above, in respect of Nostril's helpful comment, "one of the stupidest things mortal man has come up with." YET. Together we can make this Bashi a thing of yesterday! "Yay", Nostril!
• OMG don't aend soup in a BAG!!!!
• Soup in a bag? But I don't have any other container, my bucket is full of cocks!
• And I just gave a plug for MoFi's International Coverage here.
• If chickens be the food of life, let my bucket be full of cocks.
• No, I don't want to let chookies be the food of love. Knew chookies [bantams] in my youth who were more than chookies, and seemed noble birds, brave and full of high spirits as well as spurs. As for cocks, well -- perhaps the less said about these crass creatures the better. Though who could fail to love the way they greet the sun. And of course doodle.
• Teh beez so oWnZorz this trhead.
• Our heart is a great and enchanting table where love, peace and spiritual blessings abound. When the contents of this table are shared they increase. If you act meanly, then they will cease to exist and fade away. The more it is drunk, the sweeter and more abundant the water in an artesian well becomes. If it remains idle the water supply decreases and smells stagnant.
• By Guess Who, yes, the above is by Bashi, and from the Rukhnama so necessary to know if you intend to obtain a driver's license.
• remains . . idle. . . . becomes . . . stag . nant. got it.
• My folks must wonder where I be, My family haven't heard from me Since I tried to get my license. I've many years of driving experience, So I thought this ought to be easy, But here I sit and take a class. Before anyone's allowed to pass We're force-fed sixteen hours of Bashi's text -- It makes us all uneasy.
• They have the same thing in the U.S. where, in order to keep your Driver's License, you have to listen to eight hours of George W. Bush. It's called Comedy Driving School.
• The next movie blockbuster...
• O where is Nostril? He must see this. It seems Turkmenbashi now forbids the chewing of a popular mixture of tobacco, slaked lime, and chicken poop known as nas in a number of public venues, such as the armed forces, schoolsd, etc. An amazing place, this Turkmenistan.
• "tobacco, slaked lime and chicken poop"? That ban is Bashi's most appropriate to date.
• Even a Bashi must do an occaisional sane thing. If only by happenstance. Are Turkmen grown so desperate To assuage the pangs of hunger? The cock-eyed world Can only gape and wonder.
• Man I was just about to post that story.
• Sorry, Nostril. Have you ever heard of this nas before? I haven't.
• yuck nasty!
• Don't drown in indecision. May your soul be as noble as the standard! An upright man will neve be down even if his work does not go well. He will have no grief in his high place, His dreams ebullient, his mind joyous, May your soul be as noble as the standard! -- Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• The main objective of our state is to educate excellent people who will be praised in world literatures, who have good spirits, who are generous, brave and bold, and who set great goals. Every member of our nation should be comfortable. But they should first be knowledgeable, consistent and have a progressive view of the world. --Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• When you meet a crowd of people, don't hurt anyone and pay compliments to everybody, and you will win everyone's heart. This way you will see that they smile not only on the face but in the heart and their hearts will blossom like roses. Both you and other will be pleased to see this. -- Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• What though I have little to eat? For my heart is such a tangle of roses A gardener would say it is a mess. I smile a gap-toothed smile at everyone I meet, I compliment them on their hair, their dress, Their slippered, nimble little feet. I take them by their hand and lean in close To gaze into their eyes The whilst I tell them artful lies.
• When you meet a crowd of people, don't hurt anyone and pay compliments to everybody, and you will win everyone's heart. This way you will see that they smile not only on the face but in the heart and their hearts will blossom like roses. Both you and other will be pleased to see this. -- Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama Nice find, bees. That should go in the MoFi FAQ under some sort of ettiquette heading.
• That should go in the MoFi FAQ under some sort of ettiquette heading MoFi turned me being from a NoFi to full-blown MadFuck. *waves at bees*
• Bees that pic of you in wendell's link is hilarious! Was that after a marathon poetry session?
• Naswai has to be the most disgusting thing I've heard of in a very, very long time.
• NaswaiFilter
• (The beeswacky picture came directly from a Google Image Search for "wacky bee"... and there wasn't much else to choose from... it was either that or the Bee Mascot from Honey Nut Cheerios)
• And, if you think nas is nasty, check out the ingredient list on Honey Nut Cheerios!
• *waves at Wolof -- also at Bill Brewer, Jan Stewer, Peter Gurney, Peter Davies, Dan'l Whidden, Harry Hanky, Old Uncle Tom Cobbley and all* Wolof, forgive me, but when I glanced hastily at your comment above I misunderestimated a word; -. for a moment: thought you said you were a MacFuck -- which is o' course, a most numerous clan, and I doubtless have a number o' them in my own ancestory.
• Where is this picture? Hive not found it yet.
• Beesboy, your portraiture is in this humorously satirical thingy.
• Heh! Never realized wot a devastatingly handsome fellow I am! Especially impressed with the eyes. Verdict: (bees on the plonk porridge again). wendell, thanks -- I was going to one called wendellwit. How many of these have you got? Are you an empire?
• Update on the ice [skating] palace planned for Asgabat. Damn. I was picturing a palace made of ice.
• Wrong link for that. The crass spectacle is over here.
• Grey birds stand among reeds at the end of the lake, hoping for fish, peering down long beaks. Love, you are a silver minnow, when I try to seize you, you dart through my fingers, to quickly flick away. Flowers open in the desert after rain -- love, your smooth hair swings in loose crescents, as petals cup the flower's heart. See, this boat is shallow, I am sad my net is torn -- when I try to cast it round you you flash like a ripple and are gone.
• *sniff* bees, that was beautiful. *sniff*
• *hands minda25 hankie* true! *honk!*
• This is a solemn sort of day. Gray or blue, the colours of the stretching skies, And blue-hot the colour of my darling's eyes As scorching as her words before she turned away. Black the drops of ink seeping from my pen, Her words were lemon-sharp -- "You're in disgrace again!" -- Now scarlet wells from every scratch and smart, For bittersweet's the colour of a poet's heart.
• *uses hankie, offeres it back to pete_best* bees, I never really was one for poetry, but those last two are just beautiful. Can you recommend some good poets? Have you published?
• Above the blue edges of a dream the thunderheads boil, swollen and gray; silence falls heavy under the trees and we wait, with wild desiring hearts, we wait for something to break.
• there was a poetry thread or two where bees spilled on his muse but I forget the keywords . . .
• Another fine one, spackle!
• minda25, you're kind to say so. I'm pleased you like them. Publishing means to place something before the public -- to place your work where it will be seen or heard, to dangle your words before the public eye/ear. So anything placed online and accessible to the public is technically regarded as published. Some poems here.
• wendell, Are you an empire? Just a guy who used too much of his disposable income (back when I had disposable income) on domain names. Had to have wendellwit.com, wendellwittler.com AND wendellweb.com. Currently putting recreational links at LinkinLog.com, formerly played with MeFi at MetaLifter.com, slowly reconstructing my oxymoron list at jumboshrimp.info, and preparing a database of cliches at clichestadium.com. Still wondering what to do with newsleek.com, blogheads.com, theportablehole.com, staticklingon.com and oneswellfoop.net...
• Friend wendell, I'm amazed you had any income left. You might try offering the staticklingon.com in Star Trek chat rooms. It would go even better if you can do this in Klingon. When younger, I felt 'Everything I do, let me do to excess' was a fine motto. But of course such madmen as we be pay a price.
• domain whore! domain whore! right there! domain whore! ahh just joshin' ya Mr. Wendell - I too suffer the pain and embarassment of male pattern domain registration. Ahh that'll teach me to drink & surf.
• Look, there are no doctors at the hospital, The children's teacher is an ignorant fool, Our family has to live on twenty dollars a month, Meanwhile, Bashi builds another swimming pool. But no, we can't complain, we really can't complain, Lest Bashi's thugs come back and rough us up again.
• In this land, if you plant the stick in your hand it will bud as green as a forest, or bloom like a rode garden; if you shoot an arrow into the soil it will turn into a golden ear of grain! In this land, the words which fall from your mouth become wise sayings. --Turkmenbashi the Great I guess Bashi's faith in this last sentence explains everything.
• Oops .. rose farden, d'oh.
• Oops...garden for farden... Can you tell I am sleep-deprived thanks to the dachshund?
• woof!
• It is when he has bodily cleanness combined with internal purity that the human being becomes a proper man. If one has bodily cleanness but lacks internal purity, then that is the most despicable condition. -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• I cannot be a proper man Though soap I rub on front and back. What if I'm clean on my outsides? Within, my heart's a hopeless black.
• Time is a mace. Hit, or be hit! -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• Time is a mace. Hit, or be hit! -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• Good deeds require planning in advance. --Turkmenbashi the Great
• The smile is a sign of love. Smiling faces bear a sacred light in them. Allah says, "Those smiling, high-spirited people are closer to Me, I will grant them twice as much as I will grant to others." -- Turkmenbashi the Great One suspects this is not theologically sound. Conclusion: Bashi likes smiles. A lot.
• The rose blossoms from within, and may you blossom as a rose would. This way you will win the hearts of other people. -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• "There will never be any wrinkles on a smiling face," as the saying goes. This means people who smile do not easily become old. -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• Faith in Allah is the greatest guarantee that you will serve the public. -- Turkmenbashi the Great There seems to be a disconnect here. But what do I know?
• This Turkmenbashi fellow.. I venture to say that virtually everything he says is completely wrong. I would even go so far as to say he is nuttier than a bar of .. er.. that nut-laden chocolate that you like, luv. He's fuckin bonkers. But didn't his weightlifters do well in the 'Lympics? That little feller, he was great. Tsenoh eb ot, tnuc a fo tib a s'eh kniht I.
• The smile is a sign of love. Smiling faces bear a sacred light in them. Allah says, "Those smiling, high-spirited people are closer to Me, I will grant them twice as much as I will grant to others." Smiling faces sometimes pretend to be your friend Smiling faces show no traces of the evil that lurks within Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes They don't tell the truth uh Smiling faces, smiling faces Tell lies and I got proof The truth is in the eyes Cause the eyes don't lie, amen Remember a smile is just A frown turned upside down My friend let me tell you Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes They don't tell the truth, uh Smiling faces, smiling faces Tell lies and I got proof...
• Belated thank you to jb and her fiance for the above, which somehow I missed until just now. Her link contains the dreadful news that Turkmenbashi the Great has written yet another book -- this one entitled The New Turkmen Spirit. Eek! I don't wanna read a new one -- no no no!
• Am I wrong for enjoying Bashi's pontifications more than Bushi's incoherent malaprops? TURKMENBASHI FOR PRESIDENT!!! (think he'll take votes away from Nader?)
• Maybe Nader will put him on the ticket as his running mate.
• Turkmens! The mud thrown at you is also thrown at me, and my cleanness, my brightness is also yours. -- Turkmenbasi the Great
• I have prepared Rukhnama for the Turkmen nation to be a light and a guide on its journey towards its goal. -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• It is difficult to remain pure and clean on earth. Even the light that illuminates everything around blackens whatever the firs touches. -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• for firs read fire
• I desire to talk with our ancestors who rode on horseback in the depths of history. I try to talk with them, with their fame. However they are busy with their important problems. -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• A mystical mountain hideaway
• However they are busy with their important problems. Yeah, being dead is a pretty big problem.
• Y'know when I talk like that people give me s* about it - howcome he gets to rule a desert country? I'm just as loony! Where's my book deal?! oh I'll show you - I'll show you all! MuwAhahAHaaa! Yeeesss . . a million pete-bests will ensue! There will be a lake of rain and a match of fire!! Oh yes! And the heavens will float lazily! And dogs will bark! Cats will . . do . . what cats do! All these things I say unto you! uh, yeah can I get another Bass and maybe some more chips? Thanks very much And there will be crying of babes and smashing of Olympic records!! People will come from all over to wonder at the works of men! This - THIS i promise unto thou for thine own self! True!
• All Hail pete_bashi!
• Whoa... p_b is channeling Shatner!
• pete_best, the next round is on me.
• I can see happy days in the future. I believe that nothing is able to damage our happiness today and in the future and I am always proud of our statute of impartiality. -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• Examples of Bashi's alleged impartiality: 1. Five per cent of Turkmenistan's population are not ethnic Turkmens. In the north, ethnic Russians have been fired, have had their property confiscated without recompense, and have had no papers or passports issued by Turkmenistan, which for all purposes makes them stateless inhabitants. 2. Foreign professionals, including many in health and social services, as well as ethnic Turkmens who earned degrees from outside Turkmenistan, have been fired from jobs, arrested, and otherwise harassed. Ethnic Turkmens studying outside the country are being encouraged not to return. Turkmenistan grows more isolated from the outside world, never a good sign.
• I can see happy days in the future. I believe that nothing is able to damage our happiness today and in the future... Ronnie? Is that you? It's morning in Turkmenistan!
• The Turkmen people has a great history which goes back to the prophet Noah. -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• The Prophet Noah ordered girls, wives and old women to cover their bodies with long, loose dresses, and their heads with head scarves, but left their faces open. " 'Turkmen' faces reflect the light of Allah. For that reason sunlight, which is the torchlight of God, skould fall on their facea and this should not be prevented." Prophet Noah also advised repeatedly that men should not hit the faces of their children or wife. As for the woman's mouth, he ordered them to cover it. This cover became the Turkmen traditional cover or yas[h]mak. Later he ordered the girls to cover their faces with the extension of their dresses when they made eye contact with a man and to bite the extension when they heard ugly words. -- Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama.
• ...Prophet Noah] established the rules of good manners at home for TURK IMAN. This rules of good manners are as follows: 1. respect your elders 2. love your juniors Prophet Noah said, "If you do not respect your old people, and do not love your juniors then humanity gets lost and an era of no mercy begins." -- Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• [continuing Prophet Noah's rules for good domestuic manners] 3.respect your father and mother He advised children kindly: "Do not talk to your father and mother while looking in their faces. Do not frown at, make sour face to, them. Do not behave badly to them. If they order something then do it." This can be internalized by the children easily and in a short time. 4.Make and wear clean and decent clothes. (Outward appearance) --Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• No-no, I never look at father's face -- To do so would bring filial disgrace, He always talks to me. His voice is loud. So I couldn't recognize him in a crowd. Oh, my behaviour as a son is most exemplary, I tend the garden and the goats and make the tea. I do the cleaning and the mending and the fetching and the sending, And by the time it's time for bed I'm so worn out I'm all but dead.
• This can be internalized by the children easily and in a short time. No shit - wonder what couch time in Turkmenistan goes for . . .
• Breed your own slaves! Why, a man can't have too many offspring! ...men should not hit the faces of their children or wife.. They must do your bidding! Skelp the idle little brats! Hit them on the soles of their feet! Their legs! Their backs!
• 5.Keep goods at your home that have been earned by your labor and efforts. Prophet Noah said: "Do not take other people's goods. Do not bring them to your house, and do not make them yours," and added, "The home is also a place to visit." Uh? Where does Noah say such a thing? Where does Bashi get this information? Asking because I simply don't remember Noah saying this. All I recall is some ark bulding and filling, and of course the injudicious exposure of Noah's person by his disrespecvtful sons. No doubt I am ignorant about these matters.
• thou questioneth the 'bashi??
• I questioned the Turkmenbashi. He showed me the one true answer.
• Xan cubits talk to people?
• I answered the Turkmenbashi in the form of a question. I am the mighty Trebekbashi!
• Prophet Noah And all this time I thought the wisest old man with a boat was Captain Steubing of "The Love Boat".
• The decoration of the home, its order, cleanliness and appearance should be very good. Prophet Noah repeatedly said: "Each material thing should make the soul feel comfortable and should increase happiness in life. If your house is dirty, the you feel bad, dis-oriented and uncomfortable." -- Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• We're not feeling our best. In fact, we're feeling depressed, 'Cause our house is such an untidy mess. It's way too much trouble To get up and get dressed -- We put on our drawers, but not our undervests, We have no friends, we welcome no guests, We have no time for spiritual quests, All our dishes are dirty, and our lives are second-best. And sad to say our neighbours are not favourably impressed. They called the cops. Now we're under arrest.
• [Number 7 of Prophet Noah's astonishing rules for domestic virtue as presented by Bashi.] 7. Protect the home and its exterior and neighbouring areas and the place you live in. Prophet Noah ordered: "Remain aware of and protect whole-heartedly your neighbours and your neighbourhood. If an enemy attacks your neighbour's home, then you will be the next." -- Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• 8.Spiritual sublimity Prophet Noah advised: "Always maintain sublime targets for your spirit. That adds spirit and light to the value of your life, and makes your difficult dealings easy." -- Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama
• beeswacker, your last poem transcends Bashi and Noah and the Turkmen Nation. It speaks to my lifestyle a year-and-a-half ago when my depression was at its most depressing (all except the arrest, though I did come close). Bravo, Yahoo, and Yadda Yadda Yadda!
• [I think this one is my favorite --] 9.Women's make up "Do not be mean with emerald stones for your daughters and wives. Find them wherever they are and give them to the women. If one upsets his wife or daughter, he is not a TURK IMAN since they are very pleasant by nature..." -- Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama [Prophet Noah here continues at some considerable length, touching on the fineness of women's faces, emeralds, the spirit and so forth. Bashi seems to have a special connection with this ancestor's least little thought.]
• Whenever I stumble in this Storm of Melons, I hope to see your face. I hear a close-by rumble: thunder of a million falling (such a din!), splitting melons fills my ears, and sticky juices dribbled down my chin. Love, I weep and mourn my vanished beard, for as you left, all roses disappeared.
• "splitting melons fills my ears" I can't hear you, I've got melons in my ears. (Goes far to explain Turkmenbashi...)
• Alas, thy well-honed wendellwits have fastened on failure of subject and verb to agree, which ought to, but probably won't, teach me not to compost online. /Twenty lines, beeswacky *sigh*
• teach me not to compost online. D'ya mean "compose"? Or is MonkeyFilter an example of internet bioremediation? MonkeyFilter: King of the Heap Just take a break, beeswacky, go outside for some fresh air, and I promise I'll do the same.
• Been indulging in compost-ition (towards end of small text) for some time, wendell. I'm not a king, merely a drone. There is a Queen bee, but she's too majestic for compost. All she thinks of is laying eggs. The worker-bees do something to her food, I think. They do something to everyone's food here.
• They do something to everyone's food here. *gets the fear*
• i heart beeswacky. sigh.
• Comments here seem to be time-scrambled. Be aware of this possiblity when posting. *hearts SideDish* *waves to Wolof and the fear*
• *waves to beeswacky* posted by the fear at 06:27PM UTC on August 24 *waves to beeswacky, flees the fear*
• *faces the fear, cries Wolof, tosses the hat into the ring, devours Side Dish and reluctantly washes off his DEET in the hopes of attracting bees - discovers I'm just drawing flies, and I can't even draw!* (I could go on with puns about the Angus Deet and the West Nylon Virus, but I think you've all had just about enough...)
• Friend wendell, as any fule know, you catch more flies with honey.
• Yeah, but I usually get caught with my fly open...
• THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR! THE FEAR!
• *waves to all 1676 monkeys* That's a lot of..ulp..waves. Mistake. /dear gods: so seasick
• Only... nine... more... comments... needed...
• I'm going to paint an eight!
• Only seven? Oh, thank heaven!
• you six fucks.
• My favourite German word is "funf".
• Quattro!
• I think that I shall never see A number lovely as a three.
• Strangers in the night, two lonely people We were strangers in the night Up to the moment When we said our first hello. Little did we know Love was just a glance away, A warm embracing dance away and -
• .
• Strain, gerund the night to loan leap people... /finny guns wi' hake Scotch wi' hay
• But when it was midnight Shahr
• *clap!* *clap!* More wine!
• Bring out the concubines for the dance of the seven veils!
• Oil up the women - for tonight we celebrate!
• *shuts thread, locks door, swallows key*
• If you are not Bashi, you are (of course) against him. Last fall Bashi -- or an informer or secret police agent Sensed -- we have few details -- ememies trying to kill him. Some were -- perhaps -- killed or suffered imrpisonment. Enemies-in-exile call for Turkmenbashi's ouster. Areas which the USSR once ruled are now in ferment As leaders behave as if their bit of world is now their oyster, And there is, throughout this region, more political dissent. What if a leader falls by means of assassination? Is this better in the long run for his nation? Why, otherwise he'll stay at home to lead an Opposition And the ouster of his successor becomes the new mission. The lands around the Caspian are now a simmering political stew; There's no predicting what each small dunghill bashi may decide to do.
• How light glances here and there. When my girl Like a sungold field of grain Waves to me I grow almost afraid to touch her hair Like molten gold And (Allah!) when she smiles at me Ah then I shimmer and beccome the dazzle On the shuddering sea.
• No, No! Tracicle. Give us back the key! I mean, that last beeswacky thing was so beautiful. Ipecac will help you vomit the key up. On the other hand, if you've just transferred it to deleted threads, it will still live forever in the side bar. Please don't fix that!
• No, it's okay. I was kidding - figured 1,000 comments would be enough. :)
• Makes no difference if we laugh and carry on, I will be damn glad to see the last of Bashi when he's gone.
• Have faith Bees. If it takes 10,000 comments, we will bury the Bashi.
• one-hundred-thousand comments!
• That was the best, just like New Year's Eve. Except I was sober and didn't get laid, so in that sense it was more like prom.
• And MCT wins the silver!
• Say 'no' to Turkemnbashi and you die Or in some filthy prison lie. Should mischance carry you off The state does not provide you with a coff- In, but leaves your body there to rot In a prison courtyard. If other prisoners call The dead men's families to come and haul Away what's left, they may expect more beatings. The above is a true story about Great Bashi's 'glory'.
• Bashi is a party man, and the party better be his! Once, when it was politic, he used to be a Communist, But since the USSR fell apart, he was smart Enough to take charge all by his lone Of the wretched nation now all his very own. He brooks no oppostion, no dissent, And to back him up, has his own rubber-stamp parliamnent And three separate sets of secret police, Paid for from sales fo oil and gas Which go directly into Bashi's private coffer. Great Bashi doesn't care how much the Turkmens suffer.
• Almost before you know it, we have Horse Day! Or it's Melon Day! Or Sun Day! Or Carpet Day! Or Jewel Day! You can see Bashi's face everywhere -- Smiling and beaming, his teeth gleaming, Bashi never looks frightening, he never frowns, He looks toi be completely without guile. His pictures are on almost every public wall -- He wears a nearly beatific smile Though his agents are cruel.
• sortofselflinkalert The Line, a new London newspaper which launched its pilot edition this week, ran a small piece in its digest section on the man himself, as part of its Dictator Watch feature. Just sayin'.
• Hurray, flashboy! Looks like a paper to keep an eye on. I appreciate the article, and hope Dictator Watch is a regular feature, since they're starting to litter the planet. Do it again!
• ...the face itself is more valuable than thousands of emerald pieces.... -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• Allah made the Turkmens prolific anf their numbers greatly increased. God gave them two speical qualities: spiritual richness and courage. As a light for their road, God also strengthened their spiritual and mental capacity with the ability to recognize the realities behind events. -- Turkmenbashi the Great
• I must have a ride on the cablecar For I shall go where the skaters are. Some contrary streak within me cries: O to ice-skate in the desert Escape these scorching summer skies!
• Turkmen, aren't you tired yet of reading Bashi's long discourses? Wouldn't you rather eat a melon, weave a carpet, or raise horses? Turkmen, are you still delerious from chewing all that nas? And why hasn't Bashi celebrated a Day of National Gas?
• Though our neighbourhood is miles from Ashbagat's core The desert nights are never dark here any more. New buildings rise to left and right; and visitors have constant sight Of Bashi's face throughout the night. Along the streets where we used to go No man can tell when the moon hangs low -- Allah's moon once witnessed the darker deeds of men, And showed the traveler his way home again. Now nearly everything's electrified Except what Bashi wants to hide. And as for the stars Why, no one's seen those now for years.
• There's an excellent article here from The Asia Times on Turkmenbashi and his country.
• Ah, love, what know you or I of the public eye That gazes like a statue without blinking, Without tears? Doesn't seem to see who's bleeding Or acknowledge, even by a twitch, what starving kids are needing?
• Pictures of the gracile Turkmens horses, as mentioned in the Rukhnama or Ruhnama. Also, information on the honour of Turkmen women.
• Hey!
• They're getting in on our act.
• At least bees gets some praise over there! Yay bees.
• Thanks for the heads up, babywannasofa.
• Turkmenistan is the only Stan without snow leopards.
• Summer's end is almost here, which means that fall is near, Soon it will be Amnesty Day, the best day of the year! Across the whole of Turkmenistan you might hear people cheer (If you could somehow hear their inmost thoughts) Rejoicing at the close of the month of Ramadan* When sons come home to mothers, and fathers to their tots. Nine thousand inmates, so they say, half the prisoners in the land, Will be discharged from Bashi's cells on this long-awaited day. So we'll be seeing Uncle Ali again, and likewise Uncle Gorogly, And if he's been careful to stay extra calm and quiet, Even Father could get amnesty for treason** and inciting riot***. * November 9 ** treason = criticizing Bashi's government's use of money *** oh, pick a 'crime', perhaps calling Bashi a heretic or asking why the Rukhnama is treated like the Quran
• homuinculus, Turkmenistan is the poorer for it. Gorgeous creatures! Were they possibly over-hunted by Turkmens -- one wonders if that might be the reason none are to be found there.
• Hang in there, Moon! Glide blithely over Scone as readily as old Kowloon, your face as brassy as a fine spittoon. Braw Lassie, keep shining on the oil tycoon and silly bees intent on playing the buffoon, and Bashi, too, that consummate poltroon. Long may lovers and madmen commune with ye, crossing the sky where the stars are strewn, on a farther sea than e'er knew Neptune. Now as I stand upon the sand I stare and stare and stare And ask ye most politely, dear Lass, to kindly stay up there.
• I sure wish it didn't take so flippin' long for this post to load. And I'm on DSL. Yeah, I really don't have anything to say. Just wanted to pop in and check things out. I see that bees is in top form as usual. Good, good. Alright, carry on.
• Has anyone seen my parcel from Turkmenistan? You may rummage in the passage for a vintage with some leakage. There's a partridge in a package with some wordage, and a cabbage without shrinkage. Here's the postage for your pottage, and a sausage without mileage. Send him porridge with no damage to his frontage. And no spoilage/ (Sounds of breakage.)
• *claps wildly* *notices the absence of the word "frottage"* *is slightly disappointed* *carries on clapping wildly anyway*
• if tweedle beetles battle with paddles in a bottle, it's a tweedle-beetle-paddle-bottle-battle!
• Hip-hurray, pete! more of those tweedle beetles!
• The month of September is now called Rukhnama in Turkmenistant! Go, Bashi!
• Sounds like p_b is channeling the spirit of Danny Kaye: The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true. Miller hollers Hiller Hiller hollers Miller Haller hollers Hiller points to Miller with his fist And that's the Miller, Hiller, Haller hallelujah twist For a jester’s chief employment Is to kill himself for your enjoyment And a jester unemployed is nobody’s fool
• Close - Fox in Socks by the venerable Seuss, PhD.
• And the Bashi is so flashy, and so trashy with his picture on his cash, he's eating mashies with his hash, we know that someday he will crash, see? While the Turkmen go to work, man, with a smirk, man like a jerk, man. And beeswacky won't be tacky or a hack, he will attack, we say by cracky!
• Our own pete_best Passes the test. He does his best (I do not jest) With vim and zest, Leaving his nest From East to West. So be his guest (and not a pest). Just brush with Crest And bare your breast And all the rest For the neatest, sweetest, two-left-feetest, non-elitist, re-dressed pete_best.
• An' a banana for wendell!
• Hippodream for Bashi You horses of the Akhal Teke don't forsake me! Bashi dreamt he'd bring them back fine horses of the Akhal Teke So he let them in unlocked the secret door steadily thumping under his chin The horses, noble beasts like all steeds of the East, heard his heart-cry and came (for the deeds of man horses are never to blame) And these ones he let in now race about his heart and a huge hippodrome where a great track was built the finest in all Asia with magnificent stables His horses swim in exercise pools built to keep them fit and trim and the horses have their own gym and their own clinic too Ancient desert djinn gaze in fascination knowing Bashi stands only for an interim as head of a horse-crazed nation
• In 1929, the year the stock market crashed, The capital city of Turkmenistan got badly smashed by a quake: the timing was poor, Widespread troubles in other lands distracted the West: banks crashed and closed, millions lost their jobs, their cash. Few paid much attention to death and devastation in some place called called Thingummabob. In 1948, another quake levelled the city of Ashgabat. One hundred thousand died. Nearly every building was laid flat. Joe Stalin was in charge of the USSR and he said there was no earthquake. The Cold War was just hotting up. Few objected. After the Second World War, people were ready for a break. Ashagabat was erected by the Russians first in 1881. An ill-omened site. But Bashi thinks it right To keep rebuilding the city where it stood before. One fears an act his country may deplore.
• Bashi tries to make himself look amiable and not so much to blame-able.
• I shut my eyes and stare at what is green and sing so the rain will come again A player of raindrops I will become and strum the beaded water play chords on a rainbow I will torment by tickling clouds until they rip over baking sand and melon bloom Make those clouds grin so wide they drool Then we'll go swimming in the pool
• The horses were beautiful - before looking at the link, I'd pictured them as steppe ponies. But, this reminds me. Where's Bluehorse been lately. I miss her.
• path, seems one can discover the last time a monkey was here on their profile page*. * I get there either by clicking on their name in a thread or else by typing in [// monkeyfilter.com/user.php/plus a monkey-name]. Thought BlueHorse would like those horse-pictures, too -- bet she knows about this breed, since it seems to be intended for long-distance performance.
• Yes, bees, I know about clicking on the profile, and when I did that before asking about her, I found she'd been here yesterday. But seems as though she hasn't posted any comments for a while. So, my question still stands.
• HAPPY RUKHNAMA DAY TO ALL!
• Free melon coladas for all!
• Wallachensky names Turkmenbashi number eight. Castro, take that! Mswati, make room! Bashir, Nguema, et al, prepare! For Bashi, glinting, sun-facing Ascends your ranks Atop an edifice of ice and melons. [via the Blue. Cites here and here. No original release Googled.]
• Bashi's Number 8! Bashi's Number 8!
• Wow, he beat Castro! Bashi's moving up in the world.
• Still got a bit of work to do on the smoking culture though. If it was smoking accessories alone, Castro would've taken 'im.
• Bashi may be number eight to the world at large. Turkmen, who learn early to hide any hate for Number One, the Bashi who's their head of state, have no easy discharge from their nation's borders: they follow, for reasons of health, great Bashi's crazy orders.
• On a slightly sad note Turkmenbashi has fallen a spot on the Top ten dictators list to number eight /Casey Kasem via metafilter
• Just about everything concerned with Turkmenistan ends on a sad note, it seems, Uncle.
• He'll always be my number 1.
• Ah, strange, surpassing strange, how enemies surround me, seeking to confound me -- my golden peace they'd disarrange. Let hero police arrest the fools who will not follow Bashi's rules. Peace, o peace is best! Into prison they are thrust, who violate the Bashi's trust, (don't ask what hero police may do! and must). Alleged assassins are hauled away -- never make a get-away. And peace, o peace is here to stay! Those who dare to criticize, who say Bashi's policies are not wise, or that the Rukhnama is worthless lies, and those who venture to roll their eyes -- haul and lock them away for Rukhnama Day! Bashi didn't need them anyway. And so the Bashi gazes left and right and sees no sign of protest or unrest, and pulls, he thinks, more wool over the eyes of the West for peace, the Bashi's peace, is best. He smiles and lifts a pompadoured head: "There are no opposition parties, so how can we grant them freedom?" This Bashi said, this Bashi said.
• Before the USSR came apart, a younger Bashi studied there, and Bashi rose in the Communist party. This is where Bashi learned politics. A helpful tip for political success from those days, from a man who knew all about it: Those who cast the ballots decide nothing. Those who count thm decide everything. -- Josef Stalin
• The New Turkmen Spirit is Bashi's latest book. And guess who the spirit is? Yes, our Bashi! Gold for many folk is always worth a second look -- golden are the Akhal Teke horses, golden the circling statue of Bashi in the midst of Ashgabat, a view that can be avoided in the city by very few. The sunshine falls on its golden face as it slowly spins, And at night its brightly lit, embodying the selfsame spirit. What surer way to win all Turkmen hearts? "I'm the Turkmen spirit, reborn to bring you a golden age," it starts.
• Thank goodness somebody's bringing us a Turkmen-spirited-golden age. My mint tea was getting cold.
• In fact Allah the Almighty decreed an interesting fate for our nation. The Turkmen spirit rises at the beginning of each millenium. This was the same for the beginning of the third millenium. Allah the Almighty granted the return of historical creative inspiration to the Turkmen. This is the age of maturity for the Turkmen spirit. [bold text Bashi's] --Turkmenbashi the Great, Rukhnama The sentence in bold type is a red herring. What strikes me at once is the sentence immediately preceding, to wit "the return of historical inspiration to the Turkmen". Now, this I think is an apt description of Bashi's ceaseless lies and dissumulations to his people.
• should have be "the return of historical creative inspiration"
• He then goes on to say (in a paragraph I read over every time I think, as when he bans use of nas) that Bashi is finally making sense: This spirit now takes the form of a horse. The spirit of this age requires that not only the traditional musical instruments of deprek, kopuz, dutar, g Note: Turkmenistan only gained its independence in 1991. And the flag came after that, as did Bashi's ascendency as Great Bashi of Turkmen.
• The daughter of a wealthy sheik, she lived a nomad's life, but then she fell in love with me, and said she'd be my wife. Because her father disapproved, we planned to run away, so in the dark I waited -- all night, And the following day. When at last we met, this is what she had to say, "Last night, I went to creep, in the time-honoured way, from my family's tent -- but I couldn't stand up without clanging and banging! Roused, my parents sprang awake -- to find me crawling and sprawling on my belly like a snake. For once I put my jewellery on, and of course I put on every scrap, the silver bracelets, gold necklaces, assorted pendants and my golden cap with all those strands of dangling, jingle-jangling bits, when I tried to stand my my knees buckled. Like an elder, I was quite decrepit!" It weighed thirty-six kilos, we later found, )that's very close to eighty pounds) -- for such is the traditional gear the Turkmen women -- like walking bank vaults -- on grand occasions wear.
• In Turkmenistan, beneath an ill-fated star, it is a crime of state to question Bashi's policies, no matter what or how insane they are. "We need a river through the city, running right through Ashgabat!" Bashi said. His adherents nodded, then designed an eleven kilometer long one, fidteen meters wide. And that was -- almost -- that. This means a lot of houses to be downed and cleared away; and it's extremely doubtful Bashi's government will pay owners or help residents. They'll just have to move away. O Bashi must have his river! Don't count the expense -- to others, that is, for our Bashi wears the golden britches, and he pockets all the riches, and to hell with me and you and you, there's not a damn thing that we can do!
• bees may attend to clover or wing over standing hay spring showers summer glowers though days grow long they will not stay bees wings quiver flowers shiver then blossoms fall 'n' no more pollen
• i like the last one best. I'm a sucker for minimalism. I.e. --------------- bees The 'bashi knows ha! ---------------- *bows*
• O deprek with your dulcet tones, O kopuz with your sonorous strings, O dutar with your gentle drone, O gThelonious-ly, But like a Chopin polonaise. The spirit of the age requires That we do this to stave off strife. The golden horse that never tires, A symbol of our golden life.
• The Bashi is no minimalist, though you clearly are, pete_best -- him and his 40 meter tall, rotating gold statue and his garbled Rukhnama and who-knows-wot.
• It takes a bold and quirky imagination to introduce Mr. Monk and M. Chopin to the Bashi, bone. Not sure what the Bashi really thinks of the arts -- think he has expressed disdain for the ballet ["unnecessary"].
• when i was a kid, ballet was very confusing. I thought "if s/he wants to go to the front of the stage why not just walk there?? What's with all the prancing?" or, as 'bashi said "unnecessary". :) PS> fwiw (and that's probably not much) I understand that ballet is all about the prancing. Perhaps I was too practical as a kid.
• I feel taglines coming on. (STAND CLEAR!) MonkeyFilter: It's all about the prancing. MonkeyFilter: Unnecessary Ballet MonkeyFilter: Monk and Chopin. MonkeyFilter: bees may attend MonkeyFilter: It is a crime of state to question Bashi's policies.
• Nature Note for Travellers to Turkmenistan Camels are grumpy. Their backs are bumpy. And all is ick If you goad one with a stick -- They defend themselves by being sick. Camels are the Mothers of Projectile Vomiting!
• Hey, there's a self-link in the FPP! WE MUST DELETE THE THREAD!
• Wot? Where? bone?, are you hallucintating? Or am I? I don't see it. Not seeing anything on the front page posted after the "fantasy football" FFP. *waves claymore gormlessly overhead*
• Come on now, people. Is this really the best of the web?
• The best of this thread? Hasn't been written yet. If you're an optimist...
• I hear Bashi's got these two really hot twin daughters...
• Seems one of Bashi's daughters is a man -- in fact, the man now in charge of some of the construction projects in Ashgabat. Life is very interesting at times.
• God permeates the whole wide world. Yet His truth is revealed to none. You better seek Him in yourself. You and He aren't apart-you're one. The other world lies beyond sight. Here on earth we must live upright. Exile is torment, pain, and blight. No one comes back once he is gone. Come, let us all be friends for once, Let us make life easy on us, Let us be lovers and loved ones, The earth shall be left to no one. To you, what Yunus says is clear, Its meaning is in your heart's ear: We should all live the good life here, Because nobody will live on. O God, if you would ever question me, This would be my outright answer to Thee: True, I sinned-brutalised my own being, But what Have I done against you, my King? Did I make myself? I'm your creation. Why drench me in sin, Benevolent One? I saw dungeons when I opened my eyes- Teeming with devils, temptation and lies. To shun death by Hunger, many a time, In prison, I had to eat dirt and grime. Did your dominion become any less? Did I usurp any of your prowess? Are you Hungry? Did I eat your ration? Did I deprive you, cause your starvation? Do you still seek revenge though you hilled me, Since I rotted, since darkest soil filled me. You built me a bridge to cross, thin as hair; Out of your traps I'm to choose my own snare. How can a man pass through a Hair-thin bridge? He falls or clings on or flies off the ridge. Your slaves build bridges for the public good, Those who pass through it head for the Godhead. I wish its firm foundation will hold sway So those who cross it know it's the true way. You set a scale to weigh deeds, for your aim Is to hurl me into Hell's crackling flame. A scale is suitable for a grocer, For a small merchant or a jeweller. Sin, though, is the vilest, filthiest vice, The profit of those unworthy of Grace. You can see everything, you know me-fine; Then, why must you weigh all these deeds of mine? No harm ever came from Yunus to you; Open, secret-all things are in your view. God Almighty, why all this talk, why must We prattle about a handful of dust? - Yunus Emre, 13th century Turkish sufi and poet, a new collection of whose works, "Divan", has just gone on sale in Ashgabat. The collection has a foreword written by Turkmenbashi.
• Travels with Jim and Geri.
• I think a certain level of obliviousness must be a pre-requisite for travelling widely. I'm not sure I thought this before reading Jim and Geri's accounts, but now it seems obvious.
• Marvels abound, flashboy, and that first link is certainly one I thank you for! The way is always unfolding.
• Well, PF, another gem -- this one semi-precious. To the innocent, the world seems innocent. Think I don't really admire innocence in human beings, at least not ones of a certain age. Some folk enjoy travel. Some folk read about a place before they go there. And some won't be pried out of an armchair with anything less than a crowbar.
• i hope they allow drinking in turkmenistan, because i'm fucking drunk!
• Wedge, the only vodka they have, the Vodka of State, is Turkmenbashi Vodka, which I presume has Bashi's picture on the label. Bashi's picture is definitely on all the currency, anyway, and just about anything that is flat and holds still. Caution to travellers: 80% or so of the population of the country is Sunni Muslim; they are not big drinkers, at least in theory. But if offered a bottle with Bashi's picture on it, I'd not say 'no' if I were you. And whateve you do, SMILE!
• Bashi plans to alake in the middle of the world's hottest desert on earth.
• "We'll make a wondrous lake a magic lake which soon will slake the thirst of citizens and denizens and make Turkmens the envy of all other nations when they see such magnificence. Lake Bashi -- ah, yes, it sounds exactly right! And everything is quite all right, though I sound like a bedlamite!"
• The bee's hymn.
• The invisible bee.
• of bees sonorous hum as we come: both the honey and the bum.
• Oops, typ...! Hmmm. This seems like the appropriate time to follow Nostril's Precept.
• (1100 comments total) greeted me at the top of the page as I waited for this to load. Monkeybashi, I remember you told me to stop opening "continuation threads" after I jumpstarted the "blogstop" game for the fifth time (the current edition is over 600 comments now), but I'm wondering if they might be needed now - as long as they're on the sidebar, these "cult threads" won't die even if you put a stake through their hearts. And I promise not to "bloody" anything myself; I've got clean band-aids on al-l-l-l over!
• Bashi's forthcoming river and soon-to-be lake are regarded as projects that could take water from the aquifer of the entire area. Neighbouring countries find this prospect even scarier in view of the erasure of what used to be the nearby Sea of Azov.
• I certainly remember that, wendell -- it's one reason, I think, this thread hasn't been restarted. A prospect which seems increasingly desirable as loading times grow longer for people.
• Ah, you forget, though - we have a goal...
• *sigh* Oh. Yes. Right, flashboy. Chins up, only six hundred umpty-ump to go, lads and lasses.
• *regrets mentioning MetaThread 9622*
• *tries to make up for it by dashing off a couple quick comments*
• Should we start lobbying David Wallechinsky now for a higher spot for Bashi in next year's Top 10 Dictators? Remember, he was one of the credited editors for "The People's Almanc" when I wrote "The Sex Life of Schopenhauer", although I never actually met or corresponded directly with him or any of his relatives. He owes me one, right?
• Wendell will get us there all by himself. It's like beeswacky staggered under the weight, almost fell; wendell nobly came in and shouldered the burden. It's almost Biblical. I really want a new thread for this, actually... just took 5 minutes to load, kept timing out or dropping the connection. Bashi broke my broadband, blast it! Hmmm... what say we stop at 1111?
• Transfer us, DO, flashboy!
• Right. Everybody STOP... ...now.
• But I want the party to keep going..
• hey...
• Dammit, guys, now we got to keep this one going until 2222...
• Okay, six-hundred-umpteen comments to beat MeFi 9622 (after which some MetaHeads are gonna have to rename their "private" blog). Eight-hundred-eighty-some until we party like it's 1999. Carry on.
• Okay, I'm up for it. First stop ... knock off 9622.
• Boy, I had every intention of saying 'Ta ta', cause I just don't have the patience to wait for this damn thread to load, but, dammit you've convinced me. I'll buckle. Here's a few words of advice to the team: Bees; from now on you should sacrifice your 'flow' and post your poetry comments by paragraph, God knows how far we would have been by now if you were doing that already. Wendell; continue on, your doing great keeping the teams' spirits up! flashboy; same as bees, split your commentary up a little bit, it will keep us all on pins and needles waiting for the next comment! PF, the_bone, Wedge, Wolof, multi-pete, path, everyone--keep up the good work! Remember; Good luck, we're all counting on you.
• *leaves useless comment*
• *contemplates peerless beauty of melon cocktail*
• *slowly drags self back to the thread of slow loadness* *sighs* *pulls self together* Right. I think what we need here is a LIMERICK COMPETITION. That should bump us up a few comments. Complete: There once was a thread about Bashi Posted by a boy who was flashi...
• Once a long thread about Bashi, osted by a boy who was flashi, was hijacked by bees, whose rhymes surplease, and brought him a mountain of cashi.
• posted
• whose rhymes did surplease,
• Once a lim'rick by peafster was deficient in both rhyme and meter. Ashamed of his spelling, he burned down his dwelling, and kicked himself hard in the keister.
• Limericks are hard. Haiku are much easier. So here's a haiku.
• I wish I had written a haiku. I wish I could comment like you. But I can't so I don't, and I didn't so I won't, and if you don't like it faik you.
• I can see my house from here!
• I can see your house too, Wolof. Please pull your blinds.
• There once was a strange little Filter Who Monkey Kings acted off-kilter. They lined up like Turkmen, Then did the Cool Jerk, man, And sat down to eat some gefilte.
• Aaaww, thanks Path--it's nice to be missed. Yes, Bees, I loved the horse link. There's an Akel-Teke horse in Boise, and he has that fantastic gold sheen to his coat. Neat horses, way too pricy for my wallet. Was in Albuquerque for two weeks sans computer, then moving house for daughter and grandkids (wahoo, no longer living with us!!!--my house is my own again!!!) and having had time to sit down and catch up on the Bashi lately. Whew! You guys is FANTASTIC. Long may this thread live. although it's taking a hella long time to load now
• BlueHorse, how I've missed you! I'm glad you're back to keep poor silly bees on track. (Seriously, you let me know when I've gone over the top, A thing I know I do -- You never hesitate to say, Or let me know, 'bees, it;'s time to stop'.) You never praise me when I don't deserve it, you let me have it straight, You make me earn it. And I value hell out of that! One thing I wish you'd do, should you find you have time, is writing more yourself -- as you did in those lemming-thread rhymes.
• Typing now outlawed, curfew imposed.
• Why should I shut the curtain when you can see it all on the webcam anyway? /unpleasant exhibitionism
• Everybody cut and run! Turkmenbashi is more fun! If flashboy and wendell want this to go on, and on, and on, well, I'm game and not (for once) to blame! Actually, it's flashboy I look to in this regard, but it's fun to blame wendell -- he expects it! And of course it isn't hard. And as for that base man, Wolof, lonely (and no wonder!) down under in his cave of bat-dung, how can we possibly go wrong if we contineue this appalling thread or song? /please, dear monkeys, flood the Mangaement with respones!
• *sigh* = Mangagement. = respones
• *downloads thread of sick length, wonders why is comitted to this insane enterprise* *checks worksheet, reads "must demonstrate learned optimism".)* Look! A shiny thing! The arse on Wendell's trousers!
• Yes, and so bright -- certainly more so than I! = manglagement
• = manage/mangle + -ment Keeps slogging away, past Melon/Horse/Bashi's-Mother s Day
• So there
• Andf not there, too -- And Bashi makes a melon calling out of jme and you --
• We shall no doubt smile and go on smiling and cheer him through and through his caterwauling,too.
• If I underatand
• the purpose of this thread correctly
• it's now to achieve six hundred plus directly
• so we
• are free
• to slam this thread as swift as may be done
• before
• it shuts
• away
• and knocks
• us dead
• We can
• continue
• in this wretched venue
• till stars snuff out
• thread 1178 comment 1155
• It'sd enough to make everyone scream "Whoa, guys!" This ain't woikin'!!! 'Cause the majority are shirkin' and the damn thread takes so long to load nine tenths of the people who concievably be interestd would rather have their dear wee throats cut than try to download!!!
• NO FOOLIN' -- let's quit this thing. I'm going to.
• Good grief - I can't believe I never noticed this thread before! So, there's a mad dictator who wants to ban beards, you say? Of course there are illustrious precedents for antibarbative edicts - Peter the Great seriously, and the Emperor Julian satirically, spring to mind. But perhaps I'm too late.
• Now, watch this drive! /Bullwinkle
• Bees........I......I just don't know what to say.
• You've brought a tear to my eye. You deserve some kind of 'banana of honor'.
• Your commitment.....it's indubitable
• irrefutable
• dependable
• and unquestionable.
• Although.........
• I will say this;
• My stomach clenches and I feel a sense of dread seeing that there are 35+ new comments and my sense of obligation now forces me to click on the post.
• I feel like I should be getting paid to to even look at this thread...Time is money, people, time is money. Oh yeah...that's right......I'm a stay at home mom.
• If bees quits, I quit. Say it three times, McBees, and it's done.
• Well, you know, there's another 'bashi thread. Maybe our beloved Lady of the Apes could renumber it 1178B instead of 4446. Then it would be an irrefutable extension of this thread, and the number of posts would be additive. Or, someone could go claim it in the name of 1178. I thought about doing it myself, but decided that I didn't have the chops. Maybe Bees should be the conquering hero.
• A shiny thing! The arse on Wendell's trousers! Yeah, it got shiny while I was riding BlueHorse so much. gonna pay for that one
• The hordes who adored Turkmenbashi
• Have never been called wishy-washy
• They go into a panic
• Get really Turk-manic
• Whenever the Bashi acts rashly.
• TURKMEN SHAVE (I can't believe it took me so long to make THAT mental connection...)
• Just as long as the number of comments in this thread stays safely ahead of the number of American military killed in Iraq. okay, that brings the whole room down
• Gimme a "T"!
• Gimme a "U"!
• Gimme a "R"!
• Gimme a "K"!
• Gimme a "M"!
• Gimme a way to make 7 more posts without having to wait five minutes for the page to reload, puh-leeze!!!
• Gimme a "E"!
• Gimme a "N"!
• Gimme a "B"! (I almost said "D" before I realized I wasn't spelling out W-E-N-D-E-L-L - as I usually do...)
• Gimme a "A"!! (or should that be an "A"...) I guess I should get a C-minus.
• Gimme a "S"!! (no, I didn't say "Ass"! but if there are any available...)
• Gimme an "I"!!! (no, not that blue one...)
• Where's the "H"!!! (I think I'll be sorry for asking...)
• Specially for not using this: "?"
• Gimme a Break! Gimme a Break! Break Me Off a Piece of That Kit-Kat Bar!!! (I know I'm gonna get visited by the ghost of Nell Carter for this...)
• Gimme a "H", four comments ago! I knew I was gonna screw up... I just knew it...
• I can't believe it took me so long to make THAT mental connection... I can't either.
• Where's the "H"!!! Yo.
• I owe the hatman an apology; me and half the asshats at MeFi... one more thing: 1200!!!
• path, it's unfortunately impossible to relabel threads. :) However, if you, in the words of the almighty Izzard, have a flag, I'd suggest sticking it into the new thread now before the English do. Or the Turkmen, to remain on topic... (Boy, this is slow. I don't know how you people put up with it. /cheek)
• It's te Special Turkembasi Realitivy Teory. As te tread extends. Te new comments take longer to appear and te little mostly unpronounced "_"s dissapear, but from wendell's perspective everyting's te same.
• "wendell's perspective"?!? If I had any perspective, would I be hanging around here?
• "wendell's perspective"?!? If I had any perspective, would I be hanging around here?
• Double Post!
• You're wrong!
• No, you're wrong!
• Dammit Wendell, here I was all impressed by your gratuitous and verbose tagline contribution (the kind so dear to my heart) and then you gotta come in with some smart remarks about your GramMa. That does it sonny, bend over and prepare to get your shiny ass kicked from here to Uzbeckistan. Bees, my love, my poet-heart, press on. This is your beautiful moment. Dance in the sunlight. My poetry is only fit to embrace small, stinky, hairy rodents. Only you can embrace the Totality that is the Bashi.
• I think the beezer might be gone like a train. I will, however, lay a gold tooth in this thread in his honour. *shaves, casts about for melons* Also, this is just fucking newsfilter and I am sooo above that. *pouts, shakes Shirley Temple curls provocatively* Well, it might provoke something. Maybe a rabid dog or a pregnut (sic) hippo.
• Hello, what is this thread about?
• Alright, folks, nothing to see here. Move along, please.
• Hello, what is this thread about? Good Lord, could someone slip me a melon daiquiri?
• .
• Wherforeart thou bees? What melons, through yonder posting break? 'tis the 'Bashi, and GramMa is mooning wendell no, no no *crumples up post*
• Bees is hanging out in the new thread, with all the cool kids.
• GramMa is mooning wendell I can't resist... Ooh! A shiny thing! That's it, I'm going to Disneyland
• I'd just like to say that Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom is on TV, and I'd forgotten how much it totally rocks.
• *wakes up* Huh? What'd I miss?
• Chilled monkey brains! /chilled_monkey_brains
• Once a day is all that I will allow myself to click on this damn post. Any other site that takes this long to load gets dumped immediately.
• * runs in, hands Wolof a melon daquiri, scampers away*
• *runs in, rips flashboy's still-beating heart out of his chest, so that he can really feel like he's part of the movie* , and in the process returns the unending thread to its rightful place on the sidebar
• This thread is dead?
• new Bashi thread
• Long live the thread
• THE BORAT DOCTRINE
• *strolls in, looks about, whistles idly* *looks down* Hey, where's my still-beating heart gone?
• Mmmm...Nothing like the [taste] of [still-beating heart] in the morning! *Burp!*
• *idles in a quiet spot*
• *idolizes riot snot*
• *Aida fries a dry hot Scot*
• *idiotic violet sot*
• Wot?
• #1234
• wendell, quit playing with the phone.
• *notes flickering flame, seeks advice of petrel*
• 282-5968, beat_pest.
• 3212333...222...399...3212333322321 ("Mary had a little lamb" on a touch-tone phone) I wonder where that would call...I always hang up really fast after playing it. Hmm...
• When I called it, someone picked it up and said, "Hello, Illuminati Central Control, Sheryl speaking, how may I help you?" Thinking quickly, I asked to be put through to "someone in Cover-ups". There was some urgent whispering in the background, a brief blast of on-hold music (Vivaldi, I believe), and then someone else who told me that my phone was faulty and needed to be "corrected". They told me to stay where I was. A man in a black helicopter came round and took my phone away a short while later. Two days later, a different man came round to fit a replacement phone, and administer me a strong anaesthetic. My new phone has a more organic (some would say slimy) appearance, and no longer connects me to that number. It also doesn't dial to anywhere in the Birmingham area, but I consider that in many ways a bonus. Also, although the phone generally works fine, they still come round regularly in their helicopter or van to inject me again, which is the kind of customer-service ethos you so rarely see these days. I am unsure what to make of all this. Possibly the fact that I haven't had my injection for several days is clouding my judgement.
• Flashboy: Oh, lardy, what's happened to the boy? Are you ok? Look at me son, look at me. How many fingers am I holding up?
• Okay, now that you literally had me out of my chair laughing, hopefully, you'll have better luck with this somewhat slimy phone--I only wish I had tales like that to relate to the community. Maybe next time, i should try completing my own phone calls, so as not to put others through such a confusing, and obviously dangerous situation. Plus, it sounds really exciting! Ooo...black helicopters...ahh
• 6345789. That's my number.
• *boodaahhbeee* We're sorry . . . the thread you have posted in is not a working thread . . . please check the thread and post again.
• *grumble* freikin' posting service cutting off our service just because of a black hellicopter or two *grumble,grumble*
• One ringy dingy . . .
• Hey, look! My apartment door opens and closes all by itself! 5 extra points for knowing this reference and where I used it in a TV article on msnbc.com
• Ummm . . . I'd like to buy a vowel?
• BREAKING NEWS! Turkmen president writes pomes and reads them on TV pomes! on TV!
• The Bashi/Beeswacky Pometry Jam Smackdown is ON!!!
• Every deputy of the national parliament will have a copy of the book on their desks. The monkeys will have copies of bees' work instead. There will be dancing in downtown Asshat tonight!
• Now we have the answer to the question, "Won't anyone think of the children?" Turkmenbashi does.
• I always wanted another name for September
• Ahh. 1253. Now *this* is more like it.
• 1254...
• 1255...
• 1256...
• 1257...
• 1258!! I hereby declare that this day shall hereafter be referred to as 1258 Day. On this day, all shall partake of a moment of silence to gaze upon the wonder that is 1258. Thank you for your cooperation. Anyone found not complying with said new 1258 Day may be visited by the aforementioned black helicopters. Or maybe not. 'Just sayin'...
• Suomynona: but if we change "September", it won't rhyme with "November" any more, and that whole September Song thing will be trashed. He should have picked February. That spelling makes no sense, anyway. Plus, it's the shortest month, so we wouldn't miss it as much. Or, maybe March. Who need a month that tell you to get in line and walk somewhere?
• Path I do agree with you, but he picked September, there's not much we can do about it now. Unless you want to start a petition and send it to him registered mail?
• I think 'bashi would be open to a frank exchange of ideas. hee hee hee! *snkk!* ah! oh ho ha ha ha ha . . eehhh . . mercy
• I'd just like to say - I accept the honor of this 1,262nd post . . . I'd like to thank . . Monkeybashi of course . . Wendell, who taught me to always know where your pants are . . . to bees for the . . *snif* for the memories . . and to petebest, 1-467, for always being me regardless of how many times I deleted myself. Thank you! Thank you all! *waves*
• *applause**applause*
• as a spankin' new mofite, I just wanted to contribute to the thread that ultimately made me decide to join. shouldn't one of our own (*cough*beeswacky*cough*Wendell*cough*flashboy*cough) write a review of the civil code?
• I'd like to give a special banana of recognition (i.e., one that I didn't put in the bad place) to our new member patita for his/her/its discovery of a Turkmenbashi contribution to the foetid jungles of Amazonia.
• Welcome, patita! You have now acquired irrevocable part-ownership of this venerable thread. Use it wisely, and don't let anyone give you any bananas that smell of the bad place!
• you can check out any time you like - but you can never pee. (never did understand that line) Oh, and 1267! the answer is "Bejing"
• I request a special banana of recognition for never having posted on this thread. It wasn't always easy, but with grit, determination, and good old american know-how, I somehow persevered and saw it through to the end. I will be signing autographs ($3 donation requested) in the Daisy_may thread.
• I put bold brackets around a non-banana since you've posted in the thread - but it kinda didn't show up right. Will there be drinks over at the Daisy_may thread? Who else is gonna be there?
• Awww. Title changed. *places flowers*
• Think the title should be The First Bashi thread -- the Second Bashi Thread is here because people complained about this thread taking so long to load.
• Ooh ooh I know - Let's call it The Beeswacky Memorial Bashi Thread Then the new one can be Bashi 2.0
• Do we have to kill Beeswacky?
• No, 'twas beauty killed this bee(st).
• The Bashi Memorial Beeswacky Thread ? hmm . . I guess that would work as well . . but I like it the other way around. Bees Riffs On the 'Bashi Dark Side of the Bashi Sgt. Bashi's Wacky Bees Club Band
• The sidebar looks... diminished.
• it got cold.
• My finger tips will give us light. Anger will keep us warm. Snotball.
• Cock punch?
• Two please.
• He'll be feelin' that in the morning.
• So which would be worse: a cock punch, or a ball-tap?
• A New Year's gift has been detected: Turkmenbashi's resurrected!
• It's back - as if Daisy_May. Happy new year, Monkeybashi!!!!!
• *eyes it* Can it be? *pokes it with a tentative forefinger* Ah! Hahahah! How drink do I bee? Thanks be to Monkeybashi and Great #Two. A piece of our history, our communal memory, is back. O frabjous day!
• *wild chortling* Wonders if Nostril's got his lucky sock back yet?
• When aster risks last in the dooryard bloomed! If ye're as drunk as the Leith police that's damn hard t' say. And I'm thinking I'm about that far gone in drink. Or dreaming. Probably a slander on the poor dear police of Leith. Po-Leithman?
• If my childhood idol Gene Autry had written poetry, unlike Bashi, he could have been called a po-Autry. *cackles like Nostril's chook* I must be laying an egg. One can do anything in dreams. Or in quant duuf (sufficient quantity) of drink. Why don't folk just say bibe instead of imbibe?
• Why don't I go to bed? It's probably the safest place for me. A wise man would do it, but I am not he. I have never been he. Feeling too hee-hee right now to be sober.
• Happy New Year Bees.
• Oh, bees, I hope you have a lovely, lovely 2005! Your an inspiration to the written word.
• Bless ye, Bees. Sleep tight.
• Muhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
• MonkeyFilter: an inspiration to the written word. Wrong thread, but that shall be my favourite.
• It lives.
• See, i told ya if we just switch 'er to unleaded we'd be back in business! *guns engine* sounds ready to roll!
• if we just switch 'er to unleaded *guns engine up hill, engine pings*
• whazzawhoozit?
• as a poet, he's doing just fine.
• Already referenced this on the latest of the Bashi threads [re the asterisk after Turkmenbashi the Great].
• Whoops. So the newer Bashi thread is the place to go to get my bees poetry fix, yes?
• 'Fraid so, rxr. We quit using this thread because some with slower conncetions complained about the longer loading time it took. There've been several threads, the latest one appears in the sidebar as Turkmenbashi Observed, thread 5070.
• but it's fun to have this one back. unofficial (and unreadable-by-me) website
• Hey! I thought I claimed this post in the name of the pope? What are you blighters doin' to the page I took over? Pip, pip get too high and one may slip? Some choppers with chips? some poppers with dips?
• Bloody hell! petebest is a commy pinko poster! Shenanigans on Petebest!
• В советском Туркменистана, журнальные записи написаны о ВАС!! * * * Дополнительно... Камрад Языка-шлем, почему должны вы оскорбить мощную и доброжелательную нацию Туркменистана?
• Heh, go languagehat!
• Я виноват перед вами и перед Туркменистаном. Ради бога, не сердитесь!
• Why is this all showing in italics? It's purty!
• dude. italics. woooo!!!
• Haha - language helmet! hee! Дни пчелы сверх? Поэзия в Туркменистаном будет изменена! Золотистая статуя необходима всех!
• Пчелы назад! Обезьяны празднуют, Turkmenbashi дрожат.
• true!
• MonkeyFilter: Ради бога, не сердитесь!
• Good motto -- it means 'for God's sake, don't get angry!'
• I'm confused...'course, that's all too common in my life...
• You know, bell-bottoms never went away. Not in my heart. [via]
• you are going to tear a hole in the space-time fabric of your magical bellbottoms if you keep circle-jerking like that, flashboy!! at least, that's what my mom keeps telling me. [via]
• ouch ow ow ow ow! ahhhh! ssssssssth! aaahhh!
• Turkmenbushi.
• This comment has no purpose
• Hey! This thread is dead. Muteboy, you prevert, why are you digging up the dead?
• Bah! ... no such thing as a dead thread. Threads are here to be played with, like the strings on a lute.
• the dead don't give me backchat
• I'm so glad this is still in italics.
• Does anyone remember the thread where the text went small and we all pretended we were really tiny?
• Dude, you were so high!
• I was never rebiggened after that thread.
• I thought it woz rebiggered
• That wasn't rhetorical. I was wondering if anyone actually had the link.
• MCT is such a dupe. HE'S the only one that drank that stuff
• ^do you _remember the ^time we _were all ^centipedes?
• Centipedes? I thought we were striped, not just some dumb bug.
• Dumb? *yanks Ralph's tail*
• when we were centipedes my feet got in the way and I kept tripping over pebbles and twigs that seemed the size of redwood trunks, and you kept laughing at me making grooves in the dirt with my nose
• *rears up, gives standing ovation with 49 pairs of hands*
• *tries to bow, but several dozen of his feet get in the way, and he topples over*
• ...and you kept laughing at me making grooves in the dirt with my nose A bug's gotta keep itself entertained, you know. *gawks at the many-limbed bee*
• You guys are really bugging me.
• Don't bee-rate us, beautiful BlueHorse!
• Oh bees, oh bees - come out wherever you bee! One senses an absence in the apiary.
• Oh bees, oh bees - come out wherever you bee! One senses an absence in the apiary.
• ...and a disturbance in The Force, as well.
• O should our poet silenced bee 'twould bring despair to little me A flower unpollinated, I would drop my crown and quickly die No garden could remain alive if at its heart's an empty hive At thy return I'd joyful be, o sweetly buzzing honeybee
• alas this thread's too long too full of sycophants suppressing strife reminding us of Turkmenbashi's immoderate greed and selfish life
• joy!
• Anybody have any idea as to what these Turkmenistan features are? They're near an airport. *hopes to lure hibernating bees* Cross-posted to AskMe
• Hoof prints!
• Hoof prints!
• Whoops! Did I mention hoof prints?
• GramMa gets a little excited when she thinks there might be horses around.
• Akhal-Teke hoof prints?
• Weeeehhhheeee!