August 24, 2005

• I was snubbed by my oldest friend, I got invited to a last minute beach picnic/reception two days after the wedding only because his mom gave him an earful about it. And I was asked to provide transportation to strangers to boot. The best, most deliciously evil yet oh-so-polite thing to do would be to send him a gift with a handwritten note to let him know how happy you are for him and his bride. Or better yet, take him out to lunch to give it to him. Then smile kindly as you watch him squirm.
• Do what Cali said, but first, decline his invitation, just as if you had received it.
• Well, I've been snubbed plenty o' times, particularly throughout my dating history, but my 'favourite' snub remains when I would have been a kid of seven or eight. Boy next door was having a birthday party, and all the nieghbourhood kids EXCEPT ME were invited. And I put in a lot of time playing with dinky cars with this moron, so I felt entitled. So, what did I do? We had a fireplace in our backyard that's right beside the fence of this doody-head's backyard. I just stood on the fireplace and watched everyone have a good time, until no-one was having a good time any more, and my job was finished. Self-righteous superiority was instilled good and strong in me that day, let me tell you. Needless to say, I was invited to all of this clown's subsequent birthday parties. During all of which I pretended to be his best friend, but ol' dumbdumb couldn't tell I was faking it THE ENTIRE TIME. Idiot. (Still bitter? Nah... why do you say that?)
• Oh -- and I'm with Cali and Skrik on the gift thing. I suggest a nice salted cod.
• Perhaps his fiancée has taken a dislike to you.
• Speaking as a person who has just sent out a bunch of wedding invitations, I would want the person to call me up and ask me. I would tell the person that we were trying to keep the numbers down and then make light of it by telling them that at least they won't have to do the hokey-pokey and buy a damn present.
• I would call you chopped liver, exactly, but I have marveled at your remarkable resemblance to diced kidneys before. Just sayin'.
• Perhaps his fiancée has taken a dislike to you. I sincerely hope this means catfight. We don't get enough of that around here.
• You didn't sleep with either of the people getting married, did you? I knew someone who had that rule for not inviting people.
• I'd pin it on simple oversight, or something equally innocuous. When I put together an invite list, I left out a heap of people and didn't realize til the end I'd forgotten to invite a couple of close friends.
• If you're really happy for him, a gift and congratulations would be appropriate. This has the side effect of initiating conversation about the wedding - if he's embarrassed about not inviting you, you might get an explanation or an apology. He might also ask you why you didn't/couldn't make it to the wedding if it was the case that your invitation got lost in the mail. Of course, you might just enjoy the sight of him squirming as Cali pointed out. Skrik's suggestion of declining the invitation would add extra claws into the mix so that would depend on how close a friend this fellow is.
• Maybe it was oversight, maybe. Whatever it is, buddy's pretty dumb for either thinking you wouldn't notice and take objection, or for not being more selective with the invites. But I'm not a charitable sort. Go with the Vengeance. Vengeance is mine, sayeth the Koko! Send a gift. Smile. Don't leave your address on the card -- that way he'll be forced to ask you for it to send out the thank you card. (He could leave it on your desk, I suppose, but we've established that this yobo is none too bright.) Make him fear the WRATHFUL SILVERBACK!
• It's situations like these that made me wish I could elope, about 1800 times a day while I was planning my wedding. People get so upset about things when you had NO IDEA THEY WOULD CARE SO MUCH. In fact, they'll tell your future mother-in-law ("Oh, it's not a big deal, and don't you dare tell her I told you this, but I haven't gotten my invitation to their wedding yet and Johnny got his yesterday so I'm sure mine will be here any day now ...") and suddenly you have 9 voicemails in a day, making sure that you got the invitations out to so-and-so, and you smack yourself upside the forehead as you picture the small stack of invitations still sitting on the file cabinet, waiting for the post office to get more of those special flower stamps for the reply card envelopes so everything will match, because, by god, those stamps on the invitations have to MATCH the reply card envelopes. Or else great-aunt Martha will notice and she'll tell your mother-in-law and suddenly it's A THING that no one stops talking about for the next decade. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother's Day Brunch, all you hear about is your cousin Suzy and how the stamps on her invitations matched, because she called ahead and made sure the post office had enough stamps. ("And did you need stamps for your birthday present this year, sweetie?") to sum up, what patita said.
• What is it with you forgiving types? VENGEANCE!!! So much more fun! Espcially in the workplace!
• Is there anyone amongst the invited group who could sidle up to Snubber, say "I didn't see Koko at the wedding, I was really surprised by that!" and see what Snubber says? I have a friend who had that happen, and that was the route he took. (In that case it turned out to be an oversight.)
• Well... you said this was a pal from work... How chummy are you? Are you friends or work pals? I ask, because I was in an extremely similar situation last year at work. A person, whom I would consider a "work pal" (we've had dinner outings, movies, drinks, circle line cruises, etc. but never just two buddies hanging out, it was always a bunch of us) had a wedding which everyone in our work friend "circle" was invited to except me and one other person. I was minorly miffed, but brushed it off quite easily as we (meaning the relationship between just me and him) was never even close to tight. Basically, I get along very well with three people in the group, and should they get married, I'd expect an invite. The others, meh, I understand, even if the three I'm close to get invited and I don't. It's just that me and him never really clicked in our clique. (/groan). The other person who didn't get the invite, reacted very poorly, and kinda made an ass out of herself. I'd handle it as if it were an oversight, and if you guys are truly friends, not work pals, you owe it to the friendship to bring it up. If this person didn't invite you for a reason, then obviously (without your knowledge) your relationship has been mostly one sided on your part, and you should evaluate whether you want to continue said friendship. If you do something vengeful, and find out it was a mere oversight, then you'll end up looking 20 times the ass then if you had just brought it up. If you guys aren't very close, something like "Hey... X told me about your wedding last week... How was it?" If the person shows no remorse, and launches into a play by play, then they realy don't consider you a friend... If you are close friends, there is no shame in saying "Hey... I'm not accusing you of anything here, but I was a little upset I didn't get invited to your wedding. I hope I haven't done unwittingly to damage our friendship." Just ask the question once. Don't harp on them for an answer, because then you'll seem needy, but plainly laying out your emotions to someone you consider a friend, is, IMHO, part of the foundation of said friendship.
• Umm... after posting... don't say ""Hey... I'm not accusing you of anything here, but I was a little upset I didn't get invited to your wedding. I hope I haven't done unwittingly to damage our friendship." The person may think you have been drinking... or quite possibly a malfunctioning robot... :) (but you get the idea...)
• ... or a Nigerian 419 scammer.... Please to be to meet you Koko... wedding invites can be for to yours for account change information!!!
• If he was foolish enough to forget you, Koko my dear, then he didn't deserve you.
• Perhaps his fiancée has taken a dislike to you. I doubt it, we barely know each other, and the one time I did talk to her it was friendly. No, I never slept with either of them. And yes, this is the sort of thing that might be an oversight; buddy left all the wedding planning up to his fiancee, and probably dashed off a quick list of coworkers, forgetting me. Or scribbling NOT KOKO at the bottom. At any rate, I will have vengeance by stringing toilet paper all over his cubicle, and changing his desktop wallpaper to something really embarassing, for when he returns from his honeymoon. *thumps chest, hollers*
• And I avoided the embarassment of such misunderstandings by inviting no one to my wedding. I rule!
• Much like Bernockle, I just sent out a buttload of invitations two weeks ago and some folks weren't invited because a) they accidentally fell off somewhere in the 274 re-drafts of The Guest List, or b) it became a numbers game and I couldn't invite everyone. If it's because I forgot them, then I hope someone--them or someone else--will mention it to me. We also had a rule: if neither my fiance nor I had talked to an individual in the last year, then they were off the list. Of course, this isn't helping you much, Koko. I guess what I'm trying to say is: he either honestly forgot you or else he doesn't consider you in the same light you consider him. To make up for it, you can come to my wedding, Koko. You'll have to sit with the kitchen help, though.
• "Uh, hey, Koko, I didn't see Monkeyfilter at your wedding. I was really surprised by that! What's the story?"
• Weddings are hell. Why do we inflict this on the loving couple? The snub was either a mistake, intentional but not as a snub (limited # of guests), or a real snub. In each case the answer is forgivness.
• Forgive, but pee in the punchbowl when no one is looking.
• See, this is why I figure being married by Elvis in Vegas to be the only, only solution. 'course, the other half doesn't agree, damnit.
• the flipside of this is that I've been invited to weddings where I'd wished I'd been snubbed. Oh, and Mickey's post gave me flashbacks.
• Tell yourself you don't care, that you're bigger than caring about being snubbed, and then carry around a small burning ball of resentment in your gut that gets hotter whenever the subject of their wedding comes up, and feel guilty that you feel that burn. Occasionally, in those moments when you're fully alive and fully activated, those moments when you feel like you are finally if briefly your true best self, realize that it really doesn't matter and you really don't care. Then go back to your normal, conflicted way of being. Basically, there's no "solution." You can't make it better at this point. It's just a struggle to accept, like much of life. My two cents, anyways.
• Well I love you, koko, so fuck 'em.
• Just get rip-roaring drunk, show up on a smoke belching harley, wearing full colours, and proceed to embarrass the hell out anyone who looks at you. Always worked for me.
• Go to the wedding, anyway,if you want to wish them well, and if you get logistics from those with invitations. (Or, have weddings become so security conscious that they check invitations at the door?) They'll be happy you came. I bet they're not such celebrities that seats in the venue are limited to the point that an extra guest or two would be a disaster.
• Jeeze, all this hubbub over a missed wedding invite. I actually have been glad when I have been missed on this sort of stuff. If I remember correctly koko, you are already hooked up, so you don't need to go to get a date (weddings are a great place to get laid). I always buy a gift that is more expensive than I should so as not to not appear stingy. Wedding food is middling at best, and unless they have an open bar, there's no good reason to go anyhow.
• I'm still mad at Pam for not inviting me to her dogs' marriage.
• Your invitation was clearly stolen by either Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn. I've never been to wedding, you know.
• That's it, my invite was stolen by Owen Wilson. I'm ok with that. No, we're not close friends, we're just work pals. So, whatever. I'll content myself with "decorating" his cubicle (seriously; another coworker and I plan to do it as a "welcome back"). Maybe I'll take him out to lunch though. That would make him feel guilty if he didn't invite me. A gift would be a pain in the ass. Thanks for all the helpful suggestions. Keep those painful anecdotes coming! Cap'n, I especially liked your story. And big smooches for Fes & quid!!
• Thanks for your comment Mickey... I passed it on to my SO :)
• Name That Itch -- We are not marrying each other, are we?
• I think so. And you were the one who didn't invite Koko.
• I honestly think the best thing to do is just let it go and not take it personally. I don't think any good can come of bringing it up now. The odds of your invitation getting lost in the mail are pretty slim, so odds are good one was never sent for whatever reason. Weddings are stressful and extremely hectic and by asking about it, you might make your work pal feel like a jackass--which would be unfortunate seeing how he just got married and all.
• Lurch up the aisle and start screeching like an angry angry howler monkey on the bad end of a 3 day drunk when they do the "does anyone object thing". That'll learn 'em.
• by god, those stamps on the invitations have to MATCH the reply card envelopes Note to self for future nuptials: make sure stamps don't match. Perhaps it will mollify me after losing the battle over how many relatives get invited. And flashboy, you're not missing anything. In my experience weddings of anyone other than very close friends are boring at best.
• You weren't invited because you smell, and once you've had three vodka shots, you do that thing with the bar stool. However, should I get wed, that's the reason you're already invited.
• I thought there already was a Mrs. Kitfisto. Or were you talking about one of your cats? *begins dialing Liverpool Humane Society*
• There is a mrs kitfisto, we just haven't done the wedding thing. We're living in sin / over the brush / co-habiting etc...
• Living together without the benefit of clergy.
• Kit, if it happens, let me know when I have to be there. I'm pretty sure you'd need me to sign a release or waiver or something.
• That is, if you don't burn in hell first for your fornication and mockery of the Holiest Institution of Marriage(tm). Especially if there's, you know, butt sex goin' on.
• sex of the butt? How dare you, Sir! mmm...now you mention it...
• How did I know my thread would end in buggery ...
• It's a natural word-association. Koko and buggery go together like ham and cheese, or peanut butter and jelly.
• Peanut butter and jelly being also condusive to buggery, obviously.
• But I won't say how.
• You don't need to. I know already, of course.
• I have a peanut butter and jelly "butty" for lunch today. Coincidence? I think not!
• Peanut butter and cheese, ham and jelly... For bonobos, it all leads to BUGGERY. I'm just sayin,' it's a slippery slope folks.
• Just what in Sam Hill is going on in this thread?!
• He. He said 'slippery slope'.
• Oh, and what's wrong with cheese and beetroot, koko? Have you no sense of adventure?
• Cheese is good. I don't like beets. They taste like dirt. Mr. Koko tried to get me to eat beets once .... once.
• Mr koko knows his stuff. You should bow to his superior knowledge in all things beet.
• Oh, stuff that beet up yer arse, beetle boy!
• You're a feisty one...
• Koko, strive perhaps to think of yourself as pate darling ;)
• MonkeyFilter [Always] forgive, but pee in the punchbowl when no one is looking. Wait, you want to spend a lovely afternoon indoors, wearing formal clothes, acting all proper instead of being outside in shorts, drinking a beer and getting some sun? I'd thank the guy.
• Well! I'm . . I'm flattered of course, but you know that we all should embrace just who we are and not go about trying to be me just because the . . the . . I'm sorry is there something flying around you? . . . I don't . . . OHHhhh . . pate! Ha! Ha! yes of course! . . . so silly of me, do carry on.
• I think your idea of decorating his cubicle in a mildly embarrassing way then taking him out to lunch is just the way to go, koko. It shows you're still friends, you're not miffed, and it'll keep things from getting awkward. Awkward sucks at work.
• Another coworker has already placed a small inflatable man in his seat. Someone else has deflated the inflatable man. Kitfisto has suggested I use goatse for his desktop wallpaper, but I think I might get into trouble for that.
• There's only one solution to this. Bust up the marriage. Destroy their connubial bliss. Ruin their smug little union. Lay waste to their offensive excuse for a partnership!
• But they have such a nice dog. I don't want to upset the dog.
• Dog is clearly better off with you. Kidnap the dog. Frame each spouse to the other. Each spouse goes nutso on the other, marriage breaks up, you still have the dog. It gets easier once you've done it a couple of times.
• Yeah, and not only that the dog goes well with the beets.
• Eat the dog. Alive.
• Light the beets on fire. Walk up the stairs backward with a beet in each hand. when you reach the top, your co-worker gets turned into a pumpkin.
• All right Monkeys, put your Monkey brains to work on thinking up a suitably embarrassing wall paper that won't get our Kokomonkey fired. Perhaps an ad for a free Viagra trial?
• "Pumpkinhead, is that you?"
• Ah, snubbing is too good for you, you, you... beet-hater! How dare you HATE BEETS? /rages on, munching beets furiously
• Rafael Palmeiro posters.
• Stick an M-80 up the guy's butt, then when it explodes ask innocently, "Did somebody have too much Mexican food last nite?"
• I'm afraid the anonymity of the Internets encourages my inner 15-year-old sometimes.
• I'm not going to eat dog or beets. We're having hamburgers tonight. You people make me crazy! I like the Viagra ad idea GramMa.
• I bought a bunch of fresh beets today, with the green tops and everything. How the hell do you cook them?
• Hey, Koko- if I were to be so foolish as to get married ever again, *I'd* invite you, but you're on your own with plane fare. Yum, islander! You can wash and steam the greens separately like spinach or chard. The beets need a good scrub and tough top and bottom ends sliced off (careful- this will cause an almost indelible red stain on skin, counters, wood, clothes, etc.), then they can be steamed, boiled, etc. Butter is an excellent addition to greens and roots both, as is gahlic.
• Far-fetched, vague (too many relevant details unknown to me), and unlikely: he chose not to invite you because you didn't invite him to yours. For those who suggested that Ms. Koko decline the invitation - How do you decline an invitation to an event that's over (the nuptials were last weekend, she says). I also agree that they didn't deserve you. Your wedding guesthood is a valuable commodity for which you should be well-compensated.
• Thanks, fish tick. I'll give 'em a try for supper tomorrow. If there's any left over, I'll FedEx a nice beetroot butty to Koko. Might help her to get over the snubbing.
• Islander: beet recipes.
• D'oh! oooo, borscht! Sorry Koko, yer outta luck.
• I was once hurt when a bunch of people from a theatre troop I was part of (and spending too much time working for) were invited to a wedding and I was not. But having had a wedding now, with a real limit on the number we could seat, I understand it much more. My solution was to try to get word out that if anyone really wanted to come, they should say. There was one friend I'm not so close to now, but I wish I had invited as many of his other friends ended up coming, and I think he would have had fun. Also, a lot of our relatives couldn't make it, so there was lots of room after all. But don't be offended - I didn't invite anyone from my "work" (aka school). Partly that was because it was in another city, but also because we were so tight.
• If your, um, stool? yeah, stool's okay -- if your stool is red the day after you eat a bunch of beets, don't freak out and think you're bleeding internally like I did once, because I'm hugely stupid sometimes.
• Dude...if you don't eat them whole, that won't happen.
• I was hungry.
• Stop talking about beets!
• Yumster!
• Yep, islander- eat enough and they'll turn urine pink, too - really scary. Add asparagus to the meal for more post-prandial creativity.
• Can't beet 'em!! Hah? Haaah??! Ah C'maaahn! I paid $30 for this flipping dickie!
• You frap-a dickie rong time! /Krusty
• Awwww, come on Koko, give me a hug... I promise not to stain your shirt...
• /scream
• That's my next going out clothes sorted.
• What about kale and okra? I lubs me some fried okra.
• Mmmmmmmmmmm... and fried taters and fried catfish and fried hushpuppies and fried pie and a ballon angioplasty. Mmmmmmmmmmm.