August 23, 2005

Pfft... Yeah, it's on 5th and 82nd, but the windows all face North... Lenny Kravitz is in negotiations to buy the last privately-held mansion left on Millionaire's Row, for a paltry fifty mil. (There goes the nieghbourhood...) According to this, he's having problems getting rid of his current pad -- no doubt, people are scared of the Courtney Love cooties in the ventilation. But this brings to mind two questions: 1) How did Lenny Kravitz ever earn fifty million through recycling, and 2) where would you want to live for fifty mil?

I'm thinking 50 mil buys a pretty nice private island in Fiji -- something without all those pesky tourists going to the Met. Get Calatrava to design a nice beachside shack -- could work. Or maybe a nice townhouse in the 16e Arrondissement, something on Avenue Kleber perhaps, you know, something with a bit of class. 5th Avenue! I'll leave that to the double-decker bus crowd, thank you very much... So there's your budget -- fifty mil to shovel at the occupants until they agree to leave. Where would you want to live?

posted by Capt. Renault 18 years ago
  • He started the Lil' Lisa Recycling Plant and made a fortune.
  • For 50 Mil? Medieval castle in Italy with accompanying vineyard and winery would suffice, I think. With a little left over for spots in Cinqeterra, Schwartzenburg, Vancouver, plus a few thousand acres in northern Wisconsin on the lake.
  • The moon.
  • $50 million should keep me here for the rest of my life.
  • I hate Lenny Crapitz with the white hot fury of a thousand burning suns.
  • I would be Fes's neighbor in Italy. He'd make better wine than me anyway. Then I'd spend the rest on a vacation place in Hawaii.
  • >...the white hot fury of a thousand burning suns. You're not letting love rule.
  • If Rock n' Roll is dead, it's because this mother fucker killed it. I'm glad he's recycling more than just his riffs, though.
  • Mickey, you might have an idea. We could all purchase land on the Almalfi coast, gain semiautonomous independence from the Italian government, install Tracicle as president (with Bluehorse as her regent for future pregnancies). Beeswacky will be poet laureate, quidnunc will be pope (I graciously abdicate), and I will be in charge of the office of Hot, Unmarried Beautiful Babes Associated, aka HUBBA.
  • Monkey compound! Though clearly we'll need some bibles and anti-tank weapons and copies of the True Constitution.
  • Oh, sure, I buy a peaceful friggin medieval vineyard and the next thing I know, the place is filthy with itinerant monkeys, emptying my cellar, snarfling my donuts, and inviting my chambermaids to impromptu poolside assignations. Very nice.
  • MCT, ...Monkey compound...? Hell no, more like monkey country, monkey nation; I'm talking monkey motherland!!!
  • One of these 2.3 million several of these with about 200,000,000 rounds or ammo 1 million (est.) a giant one of these 1 million (est.) a crap load of these 2 million (est.) 30 Million in canned goods, generators, (gas to power them, medical supplies, etc. Finally, the remaining 10-13.7 million in party supplies for the Apocalypse Spectacular! My place, I figure 2020-ish...
  • One of these 2.3 million several of these with about 200,000,000 rounds or ammo 1 million (est.) a giant one of these 1 million (est.) a crap load of these 2 million (est.) 30 Million in canned goods, generators, (gas to power them, medical supplies, etc. Finally, the remaining 10-13.7 million in party supplies for the Apocalypse Spectacular! My place, I figure 2020-ish...
  • Fes, I don't like donuts. And as the head of HUBBA, I'm afraid that the chambermaids will need inspection.
  • Hmph. Keep it brief, then. There's a bunch of empty bottles and wet towels in the jacuzziere, and they need to be picked up before this afternoon's debauchery.
  • If squids gets to "inspect" the chambermaids, then I'm in charge of all poolboys, golf and tennis pros and lawn care specialists. You know, to keep up the aesthetics of the joint.
  • This is proof that life isn't fair. Lenny Kravitz sucks.
  • Why do people dislike Lenny Kravitz so much? Aren't there other people with less talent out there making even more money? Why does he get all of the hate?
  • >...the white hot fury of a thousand burning suns. I believe it was originally utterred by Diane Chambers on Cheers to Sam: "I hate you with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns." I used to watch way too much television.
  • yes. yes you did.
  • Mine has better rhythm. But thanks for pointing out where I picked that up, obviously locked away in the recesses of my brain, in case I used it in one of my works of fiction and got sued for plagiarism.
  • If you were ever to be sued by a fictional character, it very well may be Diane Chambers.
  • Why do people dislike Lenny Kravitz so much? As Captain Renault alludes to in his FPP, it's mostly because his musical career has consisted of recycling old crap and repackaging it with contrived hipness. Musically, he's a leech, he's added nothing original to the canon (as it were). But that's just his musical career. His other career is as a celebrity: being famous for being famous. And he's a pretty dude that always gets the hot chick. That always pisses people off.
  • I'm a pretty dude, but I only occasionally get the hot chick. What's up with that?
  • Marketing, Hawthornewingo, it's all in the marketing...
  • I can confirm that: definitely Marketing. It's why Ric Ocasek is married to Paulina Porizkova.
  • I miss Ric Ocasek.
  • Here at Wolfram And Hart, we do comprehensive marketing campaigns designed to maximize your hot chick getting potential, concentrating on such subjects as "What's my piece-of-ass target demographic?", "How Hot is Hot enough? Lowering Standards For Success" and "When does Dude-Pretty become 'teh Gaye'?" Dress, Languages, Stuffin', Finances, Hair Care - all these and other subjects are dealt with in an environment of supportive candor and mutual respect. In exchange for these and other services, however, we will require your soul as payment.
  • That last part is merely a formality.
  • MCT: Ric Ocasek is right here. Apparently he has an album coming out in September. Be sure to check out the really bad poetry section of the site!