I always found the best way was to really overload the panniers and keep driving them uphill all day. They're always fucked after that.
Come to think of it, I fucked like a donkey once - wearing nothing but a straw hat on the beach at Blackpool.
Failing that you could always start an illict relationship with the toolbar.
Then the donkey will know it's getting screwed!
I just fuck like a jackass.
I just fuck ass.
Once the fleshy anus muscle has been exposed close to six inches you can stop turning the board
Assgoatse!
ANIMAL ABUSE is not funny!!!!!!!!!!
This is not amusing in any way whatsoever.
How about when they punted the poodle down the stairs in C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud? C'mon now, THAT was funny...
I think it should be said that *joking* about animal abuse can be funny, if only to alleviate the horrors of reality. *Real* animal abuse is not funny.
I've joked about lots of things to take the edge off. I chuckled at this, but I didn't think it was serious.
/nods at beeswacky
Exactly what Chyren said above...
I was kind of relying on that too Chy. As a militant vegan fucker, I abuse with extreme predjucice any animal abuser I can get my hands on. Who wants to point out my moral paradox?
did you hear that they are raising kittens inside jars to keep them nice and small so that they will fit comfortably inside six inches of protruding fleshy donkey anus muscle?
Listen, sometimes you have to laugh at things, otherwise you'd cry. Laughter is a defense mechanism sometimes.
And it has to be said, Donkeys have senses of humour. I knew this donkey loved to sidle up to you when you were not paying attention while you're doing something in the yard, just come up real quiet and stand there for a while, then all of a sudden scream EEEHAAAAAAAGHUAW in your fuckin' ear. Mickey Fat, he was named. Cheeky bastard.
WHY DON'T I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND GOD YOU ASSHOLE?
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY???
Because, dear quid, you are too beautiful for mere mortal womankind. Is this not obvious?
Heh! Quid said "asshole". Get it?! Eh?!?!
I am not spending another damn minute on this goddam interblog until I get a girlfriend.
I HATE YOU BABY JESUS! AND YOU TOO ALLAH YOU PRICK! AND VISHNU YOU ARE ALSO AN ABSOLUTE BASTARD YOU FOUR ARMED FUCKING ASSHOLE! AND ALL OF YOU MAGICAL DIVINE INVISIBLE SHITHEADS!
HATE HATE HATE! GRR!
Have you thought of maybe....asking someone out?
I know I'm crazy, but that's what I thought was the usual thing.
But Abiezer might be right - maybe you are just too good-looking. Also insane, but I'm sure it would take at least a few days for a girl to figure that out.
How about a donkey-girlfriend?
I liked to come to MonkeyFilter because the fpp's used to contain information that I did not already know.
I wonder what sort of urethral infections you can catch from donkey manure?
I hear that spending time on the internet makes you naturally more attractive to women.
I thought that *I* was that cocksucker's girlfriend.
Bastard. Now I have to have sex with my dying wife.
/looks at bernockle suspiciously
And, Quid, I hope you remember NOT to bring this thread up on your first date.
As a militant vegan fucker...
You're militant about fucking vegans? I had the same thing with strippers about ten years ago.
Speaking of sex-workers, where's moneyjane lately? Did quiddy scare her off?
Quid...but i thought I was your girlfriend?
Oh boy. Can't believe no one has linked this before... You're a lucky kid, Quid... Possible problems: she lives in Alabama, is a Mac user... but she reads Budget Living! And she likes London!
Hey Beeswacky...
Does it count as abuse if the donkey asked for it?
Because we usually can manage to spare a horse trailer, and also because we have room to accomodate horses and ponies, from time to time we're called on by humans officials/local law enforcement to move/foster mistreated hooved animals.
This Tuesday we ended up with a pair of pure-bred ponies who'd been worked over by an embittered and mean-spirited bastard wielding a propane torch, among other things.
/blood still boiling
.. or if it paid for it?
oops.
Bees, I've seen those cases myself, and being originally from farmy towns, have gone out with posses looking for the cunts. There's nothing one can say, at the end of the day. Can't stop 'em. Can't integrate it. Either eats you up or you try to live with it. I won't start telling the stories I've got about horses been abused, you know me, you know how I am.
/love
Good catch, Flagpole! A nice, sturdy girl for quiddy. She can calm him down...
<3s Chy, always!
And in fact I'm extra fond of all monkeys -- because monkeys amd indeed most human beings don't do these grotesque and terrible things. Makes ye appreciate the good ones the more.
Plus, monkey pussy is the best you'll EVAH have.
Except avoid marmosets.
I think the Elephants have been fucking the Donkeys for 5 years now...
Nasty bastards
I though you were supposed to woo 'em with the carrots before you hit them with the "stick".
Actually, I'm more interested in how you have sex with a chicken, as this possibility was raised in that horse thread from a week or two back.
Also, real animal abuse is definitely not funny. But fortunately here, I doubt that anyone here is actually really for animal abuse.
Next time the wife asks me to smack a cockroach, I'm gonna tell her it's abuse and refuse on moral grounds.
Send your get well cards c/o Monkeyfilter.
This is apalling and terrible. Everyone knows you should buy the donkey a drink first, maybe a little dancing...
Sadly, romance is no longer a barnyard word.
where's moneyjane lately?
I believe she's around. She alluded to some major projects she's been working on not too long ago, so odds are she's just busy.
Anyone I hear of hurt a horse, if I'm close by, I'll make that fucker pay.
One must read this article thoroughly.
Prerequisite foreplay:
First, approach the donkey and establish a good rapport. You don't exactly have to be best friends, but it helps if there's a little bit of trust.
Why do men get into bestiality, anyway? It won't be cultivated chicken but cultivated home-grown cunts next.
Well now Im home from work, I clicked this and its exactly what the title implies.
Can we maybe change the title at least so its not jumping off the front page like that?
This is sick. How do you "laugh" about this shit? What's so funny? Ha, ha, funny site about fucking donkeys. Let's blow off some of that PETA steam! Yah! You smegmatic fucks.
Actually, drjimmy11, one of my first thoughts was that a certain 'junior' monkey would have had his butt kicked for such an FPP. Shouldn't there be more consensus about suitabilty of FPP's and their language? imo.
Why do men get into bestiality, anyway?
Because sick fuckers like "Daddy" can't get a girl to throw a leg over without paying for it first?
Because sick fuckers like "Daddy" can't beat a girl senseless or treat her like shit without getting called on it?
Because sick fuckers like "Daddy" are sick fuckers?
I don't know. I like having sex as much as anyone else, but goddamn am I glad that I get turned on by your run of the mill, unmodified, stock-standard human boobies. Every time I hear about some weird new kink? Again, makes me appreciate even more that boobies do it for me. Fetish? No thanks, I'll take boobies. Animals? No, really, I'm good with these here boobies.
I laughed.
Not everything is serious, seriously.
I don't give a wall-eyed shit about your tit fetish. I still say this sick lube centered shit is trash. If I want trash, I go to the dump.
Oh, I'm so glad I'n not the only one. I stayed away from commenting on this since it appeared that some found it gratifying in some way. I only read the first couple of paragraphs of the link, because I was afraid to have to the only the one who said "this isn't appropriate," but this isn't appropriate. I still won't read the whole thing,but it does seen worse than Jerry Junior's tattoo porn link.
And, don't gimme that shit about "if you don't like it, dont' read it." Surely there are other venues for this kind of stuff. I feel strongly that a tutorial on screwing an animnal does not belong here. I don't care if it's a joke, and many of the commeters having fun with it didn't either. The smell of testerstone in the evening does not equate to a great post.
I do understand that I don't set the standards here, but posting something that will offend a bunch of members of this community strikes me as an antagonistic take on what MoFi is about. You want to take over? Do you need to be the bleeding edge on what's acceptable? The majority here seem to understand what the community is about, but this isn't it.
So, if we're supposed to put up with this crap, then what? Do the grown ups here stop using the site because a few offend us? I think the grown ups are in the majority, and if we stop coming here will this be a site that tracicle wants to host?
I hate this sort of thing, and I won't stop saying that I do. It cheapens the really good stuff posted by plegmund, beeswhacky, homunuculas. quid, kitfisto, un_, abeizer coppe, languagehat, sugarmilktea, squidranch. alnedra, the_bone and on and on.
So, please, just stop this, because it think it destructive for the community, and doesn't reflect well on you.
thanks, path. Sorry to be so wretched, but i've just about had it with the boy wankywhank bullshit. How much can .....nevermind.
thanks, path. Sorry to be so wretched, but i've just about had it with the boy wankywhank bullshit. How much can .....nevermind.
another double. s conspiracy
cynnbad, as beeswacky would say, peace!
as god is my witnessess, i will sleeoo; forever.
sorry for the latest respnses; I got mixed up and thought I wsd yslomh yp tt school.
Shouldn't there be more consensus about suitabilty of FPP's and their language? imo.
I think there has been quite a consensus in the past. Regardless of any debate on the goodness or badness of the post, lots of people read this at work, so offensive language on the front page could get some in trouble. (I also syndicate Monkeyfilter on my My Yahoo, which is my homepage)
oh yeah and boobs are awesome.
>Why do men get into bestiality, anyway?
>had it with the boy wankywhank bullshit
>The smell of testerstone in the evening
From the Wikipedia article on Zoophilia:
"Anecdotally, Nancy Friday's 1973 book on female sexuality My Secret Garden comprised around 180 women's contributions; of these, some 10% volunteered a serious interest or active participation in zoophilia."
Funny, for some reason it doesn't say anything about bestiality being exclusively the province of males. Thanks, though, ladies, for the gender stereotyping, which I found more offensive than the article on donkeyfucking.
I totally agree with Stan. Donkeys don't know the difference between a pound of meat and a strap-on.
The great thing about this, is that it is so well written. Its trangressively poetic--a white trash bataille.
I rarely have the time to follow links these days, so I rely on you guys to tell me if a post is inappropriate. Even if you comment on my blog, and if I get multiple complaints (say, five or more), I'll remove it. That's how the tattoo/porn post got eeked and it seems to be the fairest way.
I'll add something to that effect to the FAQ, if you like.
No real gender bias at heart, Stan.
/well, ok, no more than men deserve generally.
I appreciate that women with their dog and pony shows have been chronicaled throughout history, .
It's the male of the species that I persistently met throughout a quarter century of dealing with offenders.
So the real issue would then be why is it such a turn on when women engage and a heinous crime when men do?
/could it have something to do with who makes and applies the laws?
>/well, ok, no more than men deserve generally.
Uh huh. Then there's always,
"No real racial bias at heart.
/well, OK, no more than blacks deserve generally."
It's always fun to recast these things and see how they play.
hear, hear. enough with you guys and your optional perversions. for some women, it's just anothor act of prostitution; which is of course, our livlihood. And a mandate for some of us. Of course, I don't deny that some women get it on with beasts for the hidey-ho of it. As do men.
Stan -- I missed someting. What do you mean?
Stan -- I missed someting. What do you mean?
Stan the Bat; um that's not much that evidence most women are down with tutorials on screwing donkeys. I didn't see a female response that said, "oh, yes, baby!" in response to this post. And, I'd bet that we all have sexual fantasies about things we'd find too uncomfortable or bored with to do in real life. But, I still think it's inappropriate to share those fantasies here when they are sort of approving of demonstrating how much power we have over animals who wouldn't be interested if people didn't force the issue.
dxlifer: I've always thought that the dog and/or pony shows were money making performances, meant to get mostly male audiences worked up. And, isn't it a bit like rape in either case? Humans are horny most of the time, but most other animals have a very different oestrous cycle.
When deer, for example, force the issue on menstruating women, we kill them - there have been a number of stories within my memory of stags injuring women because they smelled the blood which indicated the women would be sexually receptive if they were does. Those stags are dangerous, but humans are just having fun?
Look, I hate sounding so shrill, but I wasn't the only one who found this problematical.
Darn, it did it again. Everywhere it have double postitis. Should probably adjust the meds.
And you go, path. I'm having a multitude of problems lately, so I'll sign off now. BUT NOTHING IS RELATED TO THE FUCKING OF DONKIES OR THE MARKETING THEREOF!! thanks,and good night. Pigs.
Oh, and by the way quid, my daughter has agreed that I can sell her to you to be your girlfriend.
>enough with you guys and your optional perversions.
Which guys and which perversions are you talking about? All guys? Or some particular guys you know who have nonconsensual sex with donkeys?
I probably sound more worked up about this than I am. I really just thought it was funny, or odd, or something, that a few folks were so offended by the article (which I thought was neither worth reading nor worth getting very upset about); I thought I heard a hint of a prejudicial attitude toward men in the thread, though, that was more irritating to me than anything in the article.
Some people are sick in the head about power and status and get those things mixed up with sex. Not all of the people who have those kinds of problems are men (perhaps a majority of them are). However- a vast number of men *don't* have those problems and might not like to be categorised with people who do. Again- "why do men get into bestiality?" Admittedly, I don't get out a lot, but I don't know any rapists, predators, or donkeyfuckers; am I unusual in that? If I'm not, then who are we talking about? If we're just generalizing about men, well, why is it okay to do that when to generalize about, say, an ethnic group would be immediately offensive?
Stop being so damn stupid, all of you.
Chy - a little more exposition ong that would be appreciated. I know you can do it.
I want pancakes.
I think I'm going to go see if I can injure myself while having sex with a donket according to those instructions, and then sue the author. I'm gonna be rich and famous like the McDonald's coffee lady! Wish me luck.
"a little more exposition ong that would be appreciated. I know you can do it."
ARE YOU CALLING ME PROLIX, BITCH?????!!11!! /spittle
What I mean is, you're all being very stupid arguing over footling and absurd things, and you should curtail this activity post haste.
And go get pancakes.
Rather than dividing my online time between pointless arguing and porn, I thought if I could do some pointless arguing ABOUT porn, it'd be more efficient.
Monkeyfilter: Thanks, and good night. Pigs.
What a strange thread to read.
I agree with whoever it was said that it doesn't look so good on the front page - the wording. As for the content, meh. It's completely satirical. I couldn't possibly view it any other way. That's why I can read it and laugh. All of a minute & a 1/2 of my life. No biggy. I certainly would not put it anywhere near the top of my list of favourite fpp's by any stretch of the imagination, but in terms of rhetorical shock, it was humourously outrageous. But I would care not if it was either jettisoned or had not been posted.
But as for ascribing gender stereotypes or bestial tendencies onto anyone - get a grip. Keep the rage for something that's actually serious.
>Keep the rage for something that's actually serious.
Hey, if folks are allowed to get all offended and indignant about a purely ridiculous article like that one, I, too, am entitled to my fun.
I want pancakes!
*grips knife & fork, looks about*
Stan the Bat, I admit to male-baiting.
/they tend to respond sooo well.
I do respect mens' 'otherness' although I will tweak it a bit. I'm definitely not a man hater but have spent far too much time in prisons with dealing with rapists, diddlers and sundry predators.
path is right in that women are generally involved for the cash incentives.
The men I dealt with did things more, intrinsically(?) motivated.
Now, I do have here a large pitcher of Ontario's first run, 'Fancy Light" Maple Syrup, that I picked up in the spring at a farm. Anyone?
It's completely satirical.
I guess. Bad, lame, tired "rednecks fuck animals oeee squeal like a pig I saw Delieverance in 1982 or whenever like everyone else" satire.
I'm not offended, but I really dont see any attempt at satire or humor of any kind. Just a starightfoward how-to that we're supposed to consider funny b/c hey, "rednecks are dumb and w're superior to them."
I'm definitely not a man hater but have spent far too much time in prisons with dealing with rapists, diddlers and sundry predators.
You roll around in the trash, and then walk around telling people they smell like garbage?
I admit to male-baiting. Or have I just been trolled?
I'm weighing in late here. I just got back from a job in North Carolina.
I'm glad to see that other's alarms have gone off on this.
To call something "satire" implies that there is some sort of humor to the content. I don't see much humor here beyond infantile smirking at the simply scatalogical.
I'm no prude, but this fails in so many ways. It doesn't educate us to why someone would even want to fuck a donkey and more than anything else, it's plain old not funny.
At the very least I'd say that this sort of post needs a preface to what we can expect when we click on it.
Metafilter: It Doesn't Educate Us To Why Someone Would Even Want To Fuck A Donkey.
(Sorry if I'm stealing somebody else's schtick, there...)
Sex with Cars!
I thought the original link was funny, but I also grew up around people like this. Perhaps the only thing this post needs is the "Not Safe for the Easily Offended" tag, since apparently the title of "How to fuck a donkey" was not clear enough for some people.
Whoops- I transposed my meta and my monkey. I'm gonna get lynched, aren't I. Pancakes, annybody?
Metafilter: It Doesn't Educate Us To Why Someone Would Even Want To Fuck A Donkey.
Seriously stan the bat, I have read a couple of posts like this that give you a glimpse of the brain of someone who actually thinks this way.
As a matter of fact, there was a post I read about beastiality that was far less purile, but more informative as to the psychology of someone who does this sort of stuff. It was creepy and at the same time informative. Not something that you'd want to read all the time, but I can understand why someone would post it. It was more than just scatalogical teenaged humor and I think we all learned something.
Well, I agree with you about the article- humor was about the only thing that could have saved it for me, and it wasn't funny. I don't have much curiosity about why someone would want to do that- I mean, if it's one of the reasons I can think of, they're not very good ones, and if there IS a compelling reason to fuck a donkey that just hasn't occurred to me, I'm not sure I want to know what it is...
erh, techsmith, I worked professionally in the prisons and community corrections. They are who they are. I helped them as possible, but their prognosis, by offence definition, is poor.
Nor was a generic gob of poo flung at all males so much as a beseeching querie as really, why?
I heard so many academic and personal explanations, but never failed to ponder on a more true understanding, that maybe I, as a woman, can never grasp.
All males of the species are wonderful and heroic creatures to be admired and adulated.
/I don't think that's going to work out either.
>All males of the species are wonderful and heroic creatures to be admired and adulated.
>/I don't think that's going to work out either.
Nor will it. Nor does it work out if you substitute 'females' for 'males'.
No one has claimed that women are pure and noble. When we sit around in our quilting bees we talk about things that would give you guys the shivvering fits. The difference is that we don't choose to post them here.
To 'fess up, I'm probably the only woman here who has transgressed that maxim by posting nude calendar pictures of European football (soccer) players, but it was just after GWB's last elections and we all needed whatever comfort we could find. The link to the pictures is down, but the thread comments are still available. Do I need to go find all the questionable links that guys have posted - I suspect most of you remember a lot of them.
So, yeah. I think that keeping locker room and quilting bee (heh) humor that might offend off this site would be a good thing. If I post something that offends you, let me know and I'll avoid that without trying justify my stupidity. But, the trade off is that I get to tell you that I'm offended by something you've posted. Really, that seems more honest to me than whining to tracicle on her blog and it allows others who are offended but afraid to say so the spur to say what they think.
And, Chy, I know this is causing you agita, but I feel stongly enough about it to not let it rest. Sorry.
...when we sit around in our quilting bees...(/i>)
/recoils in horror
bees: and well you should.
Say, Bees. That vest looks good on you. Is it quilted?
Don't apologise. I'm not really that agitated. In the grand scheme of things there is worse stuff going on.
<reads the comments to Path's post>
Conclusions:
1. pornograhy featuring pictures of men = good
2. pornography featuring a textual description of a hypothetical act = bad.
I think I'm beginning to see the pattern here.
The pattern is simple: Sniffacrotch.com, and your're there.
goatse!