July 06, 2005

• Why am I a middle-aged bald Scot? Have at you, Sir! And everybody knows Sexyrobot is Mrs Madonna (v 1.0)
• the quidnunc kid ... The Rock WTF, Danny DeVito was busy?
• Maybe it was a typo...
• I stand by my casting decisions. Maybe you people need to get better PR agents.
• Maybe you should just get your damn mits off my Keanu, "Carrie Anne".
• i demand to be played by judy tenuta.
• That's Carrie-Anne, get it right, Scorpion King.
• Oooh, this rankles. *puts on unitard*
• *hits quidnunc with a telephone, goes off to have sex with somebody's wife*
• Boysh, boysh, pleashh schtop this nonshensh! *raises eyebrow / waggles Walther PPK sugestively*
• It's been pretty much agreed by everyone except my girlfriend that my cameo appearance (since I am apparently not making it into a serious role in this film) will be done by Jon Lovitz.
• You can be the cowardly terrorist who surrenders immediately.
• "Durka durka THIS, bitch!" *throws telephone at cowering sandspider*
• *rips off wig / jumps out of plane*
• The Rock! Sheesh... Contemptuous! And Ridley Scott directing!? How about somone who can handle all of us crazy, mis-guided drunks - John Waters perhaps?
• sugarmilktea, your part will be played by Eric Idle, who wanders into the middle of the climactic battle waving the script aloft and saying, "excuse me? Yes, this dialogue is terrible! Hello?"
• Bravo! You know me well... *Walks off, script in-hand, awaits my cue*
• Koko, I want another go on the casting couch.
• Oh, alright... *puts wig back on / lies back / thinks of Scotland*
• the quidnunc kid ... The RockBruce Willis better?
• Ouch! Left out of the script altogether! That's allright, I don't want to be in your stupid movie anyway...stupid Ridley Scott vanity project just so stupidstupidstupid mind you he did have the sense to put Signourney Weaver in those tiny white panties that were almost falling off but what are the chances of that happening again when his cinematic sensibilities are so off these days 'oh just let me hand over my title to this illegitimate son I just met and now I can die ten minutes into the movie' screwit this is just so friggin dumb I don't wanna be in such a dumb dumb dumb movie... *sulks*
• Capt. Renault ... William Shatner
• Bruce Willis. Better? posted by Koko at 04:11PM UTC Look, I'll be whoever you want, I just want another go on the couch. Rowr!
• Now, that's casting I can -- a-ppreciate. William Shatner is a -- para-gon, a -- para-digm of quality -- Canadianacting. Bra-vo, Koko. Let us move on from, the -- slightsofthepast, and in-to the bravefuture -- promised by this bold work of -- cinematicgenius. /goes off to look for girdle
• I believe kitfisto's waiting for you. *slips an extra $10M into Sean Connery's contract*
• Nobody asked, but, please reserve Richard O'Brien to play deconstructo.
• deconstructo will lead the baffling musical number dropped into reel 2.
• Pleasch be gentle with me...
• /exeunt, sharpening baton for cannibal-death dance number
• *gets drunk, punches deconstructo, goes looking for Meg Ryan*
• Pleasch be gentle with me... No, Mr Bond! I expect you to cry.
• Juscht asch well Q schlipped me the 00-scheven schecret lubricant... *flexes twice*
• Anal bum cover!!! /SNL
• And once again a perfectly good thread ends in unnatural sexual perversions committed in a faux-scottish accent. Goddam you, kitfisto. Goddam you to HELL.
• *enters with a silly walk* Excuse me, did I come at wrong moment? Tough titties! *bitchslaps kitfisto Sean*
• I didn't mean to leave you out, SideDish; you'll be the heckler who gets under Chyren's skin, but ends up saving his life when he gets caught in a bear trap. You'll end the film as best buddies, and go on to star in Guerilla Gorillas II: Electric Boogaloo, but your roles will be recast with Joe Pesci and Cyndi Lauper, and it will fail miserably at the box office. Sorry.
• Koko, I was going to offer my services as the evil villainess in the sequel, but now that I know its Guerilla Gorillas II: Electric Boogaloo I absolutely require a place on the cast!! I would like to die in some sort of torrid scene of "unnatural sexual perversions committed in a faux-scottish accent" w/Benecio del Toro. pleeeeeezzzzzeeee!!!!
• Very well ... your part will be played by Christina Ricci when, at a second-run movie house in Verona, NJ, the third reel from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas gets accidentally spliced into Guerilla Gorillas by a pot-smoking teenager.
• You do realize the Benecio del Toro is Fes, right?
• I'll be played by Donald Thompson, Esq., otherwise known as the well-oiled judge.
• You do realize the Benecio del Toro is Fes, right? Funny, that's exactly what I was thinking.
• why yes, and have you heard Fes' faux-scottish accent???
• Not in the proper context, obviously.
• I'll be played by Donald Thompson, Esq., otherwise known as the well-oiled judge Since that judge can't act for shit, the role of rolypolyman, the diddling judge will be played by Steve Buscemi.
• I'm in the sequel, too, playing a wacky wacky bank robber/academic. I would like to be played by Angelina Jolie (who wouldn't?), but I think it's a bit more realistic for me to be played by Renee Zellweger when she's got her Brigit Jones weight on :)
• played by Steve Buscemi What? Not William H Macy? He's got such a well-oiled vibe about him.
• Right you are.
• My character has a cameo appearance in all the movies. Played by Fabio Lanzoni, of course.
• Fabio is banned from my set for what he did to the donkeys. Will you settle for Antonio Banderas?
• Bad actors don't tend to ruin movies made from novels for me. Changing the novel into a screenplay usually does that. The only movie made from a novel I read before seeing the movie I can say I fully enjoyed was Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
• ozymandias - I agree. I read The Shining before I saw the movie, and was very impressed by both versions. Unfortunately, that lead to having impossible standards for both King and Nicholson, ruining future novels and movies. But that's a rarity. Most of the time, it's like 'Man, how did you manage to screw up Harry Potter?"
• Ozymandias, altho I am generally inclined to agree with you, two other notable exceptions, IMHO, are Wuthering Heights and To Kill A Mockingbird. Fantastic books made into great movies...
• So, ozymandias, who gets your vote for your role? I think Jude Law is a good choice. I think Kevin Bacon would make a good Rorshach.
• I was discussing LOTR with some young movie industry hopefuls once when a friend asked me to be in a fake comercial they were making for some reason I never figured out, and one of them insisted that the movie versions were good because there was no way you could fit everything into three movies otherwise. I agreed partway because there was a lot of crap that needed to be cut out because, although it makes the books "epic" and I enjoy that, some of the chapters were fluff. There were parts however that I definitly missed. And there was the fact that Samwise is the real hero of the books, but in the movies that is lost. The specific scene where I realized that the movies were crap was the one where Frodo accidentally has the ring fall on his finger. In that scene in the book, Frodo puts it on on purpose. Anyway, my point to the guy was that I would have enjoyed it more if Peter Jackson would have told the studio he had to make 6 movies. I am sure that would have not been feasable, as the consumers wouldn't have flocked to it and it would have cost too much to make, but that knowledge doesn't upgrade my thoughts on LOTR from "passable and pretty" to "utter genius."
• Medusa: I haven't read those books. Reading the book, especially if I read the book first, usually ruins the movie for me. Koko: I haven't heard of that movie. I had to disect the poem in high school and it got stuck in my head. Ozymandias ended up being one of my fake names on the first message board I ever posted on and now I use it places I post that aren't made up of people I know personally. In those places, I usually just use my real name.
• Fabio is banned from my set for what he did to the donkeys. Will you settle for Antonio Banderas? Hmm... not quite the right flavor of beef for my character. How about John Barrowman?
• For my part, it will be a total fluke when Matt LeBlanc happens to get caught on camera in the big "shootout at Neiman Marcus" scene.
• ozy: I was referring to the fantasy cast of the graphic novel (excellent read if you're into that sort of thing), although there is an actual movie in the works.
• How about John Barrowman? You've stumped me there, tensor. But I guess he'll be ok if he leaves the donkeys alone.
• I hated the movie version of Fear and Loathing. Much preferred the "not true to the book" Where the Buffalo Roam. The screenplay was written by HST. I hate to advocate weird chemicals, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone... but they've always worked for me.(HST)
• Jude Law? They're all supposed to be middle-aged. Too young.
• The movie of Fear and Loathing is the only one I can remember having read the book first, then sat through the movie not noticing ever tenn seconds that something was missing.
• Too young Yeah, I guess Kilmer's better.
• Law is, however, dead sexy. He may very well rank at the top of my possible team-switcher list.
• *adds "middleclasstool" to "possible homersexual" list*
• I love that I am Michael Madsen. I wasn't sure who he was, so I checked him out on Google Images. That is exactly what I would look like if I was good-looking. Great work.
• I rather like the idea of a film adaptation of the Shelley sonnet. I'm picturing a Merchant and Ivory trailer, complete wth Overly Dramatic Narrator: "In an antique land... only one Traveler dares speak the truth... about what lies in wait... in the Desert."
• Overly Dramatic Narrator? Wait -- that's me! (If anything calls for Shatner, it's Overly Dramatic Narrator...) *Clears throat, recites* In a worldwhere only -- One. Man. -- Dares to. -- Speakthetruthabout what. -- Lies in. -- Wait in the De-sert -- LINE!
• No person gains or learns a thing. So, do I get a bit part as well?
• Hmm...Susan Sarandon? With no teeth? *buys toothless Susan Sarandon a drink*
• Make sure it's not a crunchy drink... cuz, that would be a huge fox paw.
• Don't let her get too close to deconstructo, or we'll be doing the Time Warp again.
• I want to be played by the mechanical shark from Jaws.
• *accepts drink graciously* Thanks, mct. *gets plates in place* now, I can do anything. I've liked Sarandon since the Rocky Horror Show. Classy broad. I'll go with that. *tosses fox paw stole over shoulder. Chokes on mothball fumes*
• Can I be key grip? You know, as played by Courtney Love?
• Quid actually reminds me of a young Terence Stamp.
• *punches Terence Stamp, goes looking for band*
• Quid actually reminds me of a young Terence Stamp. Hey, yeah. As you probably guessed, I was trying to be as absurd as possible with my casting. I just wanted to make the MoFi movie into a testosterone-driven action flick, and I feel I accomplished that. The fact that bernockle resembles Michael Madsen was a fluke.
• My bum'sch schore...
• I believe you, Koko. I'd been meaning to get that particular thought out of my system for a while, because every time I look at the MoFi meetup photos I start hearing the soundtrack to Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
• Just what the internet needs ... a cock in a frock on a rock.
• Maybe this is why you keep hearing "Shake Your Groove Thing", Tracy. (If it's true, that is.)
• Wait, wait, wait! Is this still rehearsal?
• We're already in post production, smt. Sorry, your scene ended up on the cutting room floor. Hollywood's a bitch, baby.
• Bollocks! *runs to local SAG office to file complaint*
• I want to be Best Boy! I always wanted to be Best Boy. That sounds like such a cool job.
• Okay, but I'll be the Gripper.
• Harvey Keitel: often pantless in his films. the_bone: usually pantless in real life. The logical choice. Good call, koko!
• *bullet-time high-fives the_bone*
• The verdict is in!! Los Angeles Superior Court 25 August 2005 Judge Harry Winston issues verdict in favor of the plantiff, sugarmilktea, against Koko, et alli. SAG member sugarmilktea filed an amended complaint Monday, 1 August 2005 accusing Koko and the head producers of "Guerilla Gorillas: Banana Death Force One!" of unfair business practices, breach of contract and other actions for allegedly defrauding SAG members who sought work with the production. Plaintiff sugarmilktea originally filed an abbreviated version of the case on 7 July 2005 to preserve the claims in the face of certain statutes of limitation. The defendant, Koko, failed to appear before Judge Winston upon being served with notice. The plantiff has been awarded all rights to "Guerilla Gorillas: Banana Death Force One!" as result of the defendant's failure to appear. Legal proceedings are a bitch, baby.
• Sorry, I was passed out drunk in my bungalow. Did I make a movie?
• *taps fingers impatiently* greybeard
• "greybeard", eh? smt, how would you like to star in your own pirate film?
• Now, would this film be about pirates of the sea or pirates of DVDs? As long as no clowns are involved, I'm game... Arrrrrrr! *taps hook*
• I can see it now: sugarmilktea stars as greybeard, the aging salty pirate adrift at sea in a world he didn't make. The sea is actually a metaphor for modern culture; greybeard has long since hung up his hook and parrot and become a high school gym teacher, and a more scurvy gym teacher ye never did meet! Hilarity ensues when the hapless greybeard gives his students rum and attempts to "board" the girls' locker room! Also starring Alnedra as the swarthy hammer-wielding girls' gym teacher, and Chyren as the apoplectic principal.
• I've always hated gym class, but at least this role will allow me to quote Terry Pratchett: "Get some ball, you bunch of nellies!"
• That's the spirit! Of course, to accept this role, smt will have to give back the rights to "Guerilla Gorillas: Banana Death Force One!" But hey, that's Hollywood baby! *downs half a fifth of bourbon, passes out again*
• Hmm. Interesting plot. I might be willing to fogo that frivolous SAG lawsuit I filed. Nice choice in picking Alnedra, as she is the Monkey that came just before me. We're bound to work well together (as long as she doesn't whack me with the hammer too hard and *for real*). True junior high school gym story: my mother didn't have enough money to purchase all of the required elements of my gym uniform (i.e., the jockstrap had to wait until her next payday). When my gym teacher (she was a mean young biddy) did a spot "jock strap check," she made me switch into the girls uniform as punishment for not having one. *sigh*
• That's awful. I'm planning a remake of Glen or Glenda? next, if you're interested.
• Heh, a choice pick I do say! Though I would prefer to portray the fake Bela hiding behind the cape, or Criswell...
• PULL DE STRINGS!!!
• Yes! Yes! Ok, I think you are the first person I've known that has actually watched this movie (granted, I don't really *know* you). You have watched this movie, no? *suddenly feels odd*
• Yes, but I think we may be referencing both Glen or Glenda? and Ed Wood. And perhaps also Plan 9 from Outer Space. But I've seen all 3, so no matter. Remember, future events like these will affect you in the future!
• Yes, I dropped a hint to Plan 9. And like you, have seen all three (curiously enough, I have the "soundtrack" for Plan 9 on CD. Fun to listen to while driving). Aha, you have earned a golden leaf in my book of wonderment! Umm, whatever that means. Now, the important question is - in which order did you see these films? If we fall in line, I shall be doubly amazed! The ever-beautiful flowers she had planted with her own hands became nothing more than the lost roses of her cheeks...
• Lessee ... I think it was Plan 9, then Ed Wood, then Glen or Glenda? Y'see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!!
• Bingo! Now, about this film... *does a high-five* You wouldn't happen to like Marx Brothers films would ya?
• But of course! Except for the MGM ones with the long and pointless musical numbers. Blech.
• One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know. I ♥ Koko awwww... no hard feelings eh? *gives back full rights to "Guerilla Gorillas: Banana Death Force One!"*
• I'll mak-a you a star. Inna da meantime, you wanna buy a racing program? Ice cream! Getcher tutsi frutsi ice cream!
• I don't like hot ice cream! *wipes monitor with left-over napkin from lunch*